Another selfish bastard kills himself - and his two dcs as well, to spite his wife

[Moomin]

How utterly utterly heartrending.

Of course abusive behaviour is wrong!! Who has said it isn't? I haven't!
But I think it's also wrong to accept abuse from others. Why do we bother trying to build self esteem in our children? Nurturing them towards being independent adults? Encouraging them in building healthy relationships where they see themselves as equals, not as inferior to the other person? We do all these things because,hopefully, we recognise that it is a better way to live your life. I haven't mentioned blame anywhere in my posts. I think life is far more complicated than that. Both men and women are capable of treating eachother extremely abusively. Physically and mentally.
I think there are far too many assumptions going on here. A number of people have misquoted outrageously, presumably because they have their own particular axe to grind, and it's easier to do that if you rubbish other people's views.
I also think there is an underlying assumption from some people that women's motives for behaving abusively are in some way 'not as bad' as men's. eg men tend to be quicker tempered,less able to empathise with others. Those are generalisations of course, but they are true. But women have other negative traits - they are perhaps more likely to be passive and tolerate situations they aren't comfortable with, they tend to nag more than men - ie cling to an issue and keep grinding away at it rather than let it go. The fact is, people, men and women, are capable of behaving appallingly. Thankfully, most people don't, because they choose better options.

And now I'm going, because I want to spend some time with my partner, because we enjoy each other's company. And if anyone makes a negative response to that, then it will confirm my suspicions that there are a few people on here who sadly don't want to believe that women and men can get on!!

findtheriver-i dont think you understand much about abuse.the only person who is 'allowing' the abuse to happen is the abuser.they are the one who is choosing to behave that way.yes,there are often threads on MN asking 'is this abuse?' as there is no definite line between acceptable and abusive behaviour,as everybody is different.

often,by the time the line has been well and truly crossed the victim has been rendered powerless by their abuser.how can you say somebody is allowing themselves to be abused when they have no idea they are being abused untill its too late?

'Of course, if you are just coming on this thread to rant and rave about how all men are monsters and all women are perfect then I wouldnt expect you to understand that'

i dont know where i said on this thread that men are monsters and women are perfect.i may have said something bad about the man the thread was originally about,but i feel that was justified.

'One abusive relationship is unfortunate, two is failing to take responsibilty and failing to learn from mistakes and enabling the abuser (esp when children are involved) '

why on earth should a victim take responsibiltiy for their abuse by another adult?that makes no sense.

i'm getting this creepy feeling that my xp has joined MN and learnt to spell

anyway,im off to spend time with my dh who is lovely and not atall abusive.guess it was 3rd time lucky for me

so sad about this, and now all the details are out you can see that he was a very cruel and calculating man story

not only did he kill his two children, he attempted to kill his ex wife and her other son!

just disgusting. His CV (Which can easily be found on-line) is full of 'Achievements' and boasts an IQ of 143!

truly awful man, absolutely no excuse for him, hope he rots in hell

How awful.

Women kill their children too and themselves, sadly.

on the issue of tolerance of abuse it's wrong to blame the victim because of how the psychology of that works. They feel they cannot leave or they keep going back. Obviously if we can all try to ensure our children know how to look out for potentially abusive partners, male and female, then so much the better.

Xenia, I think some poeple are just bad through and through

these kids had no chance, teaching them how to spot an abuser would be a waste of time

most abusers seem to be the parents/step parents, how do we teach kids to spot that coming?

BTW not seen you on here for a time, how are you doing?

What a complete shit.
Pre-meditated and a case of if I can't have them then no-body will.
And to all the posters who say I know someone who was never violent/abusive yet was denied access-exactly how do you know that???????
nobody repeat nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Remember Gary Glitter with all his legions of fans proclaiming his innocence!!!!!!!!

Yes, I spotted this in the news this week, very sad. No surprise then that the OP's assessment of him was correct. A pathetic, cruel, deluded, inadequate and vicious man.

HIJACK

maargoand jerry - do you want to meet at my house on 1st Marh? Spicemonster iscoming too nd some other friends in similar positions... CAT me .