Death of Emma Pattison and daughter

[MajesticWhine]

Are we allowed to talk about this now?
Last thread was deleted. But surprise surprise - now confirmed as a murder suicide

Epsom College deaths believed to be murder-suicide https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-surrey-64544884

Why do men do this?

But it's true @Lincolnremain. Women are most at risk of harm from the men they live with.

I think what annoyed me about it is that it makes it sounds as though my whole safety is in the hands of my male partner. There is no way he would harm me, there are other risks to my safety and he doesn't protect me from them. I look after myself.

Just made out women are all helpless without men I think. Perhaps I misinterpreted it

Why did you find it annoying @Lincolnremain ?

Surprised he was allowed to keep a gun on school grounds. The police contacted him a few days before to check the new address, I wonder if it was flagged up as it’s a school?

We live nearby and our headteacher has sent a message about how he was only in contact with her the week before and what a vibrant and energetic head she was. Such a terrible loss.

How can anyone get so many things wrong in one post as to claim family annihilation is nothing to do with domestic violence, misogyny or the patriarchy? That post is so staggeringly, wildly foolish that it must be deliberate. This isn't an a man in the grip of a mental health breakdown, it's an abusive man like so many abusive men driven by his own inadequacy and resentment of women. Domestic abusers are overwhelmingly men and they kill women at a rate of almost three a week in this country.

I had also picked up on reports about the house in the Pattison case. First the issue of it being sold at all, though perhaps they were looking to buy somewhere else for holidays and retirement but secondly it was reported that he was living there or visiting regularly until the sale was completed. I know this does not relate to the main issue but I find it strange that guns are allowed to be kept at home and that women accept it. Shooting game is a pretty disgusting hobby and clay pigeon shooting is just odd. The guns used in sports should be kept in a central storage facility. A gun at home would be a big red flag for me.

We used to have a shotgun at home, certainly had no issue with it...so that alone wouldn't have red flagged for me.

Well, that's the point, isn't it? - you are only safe at home because your partner is not abusive. Same way I'm safe with mine but wasn't with the bastard ex ; if DP changed his mind about this for any reason, I wouldn't be. He's not much taller than me, he weighs a couple of stone less than me, he's got a shoulder injury, but I still know that one handed, he is still faster, stronger and has more stamina that I do.

It's not that they have to protect you from the entire world, it's that they choose one way or another, whether through resisting an urge, whether it's never occurred to them, whether it's because they just haven't never felt angry at you about something, not to personally be a danger to you. Because if they want to harm you, they can.

Women aren't helpless without men. But women are on the whole reliant upon men's individual natures, temperaments, socialisation, attitudes and above all, their choices to not be at risk from them.

I still haven’t quite got over this, it has really horrified me because it is quite so close to home. I live in Surrey, know people whose kids go to Epsom, socialise with these sorts of families, it’s dreadful to think what goes on behind closed doors.

A relative of mine has a child in the same year group and school as the daughter- how does one go about explaining such a shocking event to a 7 year old? Never mind the circumstances, how can they feel knowing their friend has died so young.

she was clearly a brilliant and successful woman- Headteachers are some of the most amazing sorts of people I know. how fucking dare he take her life away from her knowing the sort of impact and future she had? how can he be so evil as to torment his daughter into that kind of fear and to then murder her at such a young age? how can he be so cowardly? awful awful man.

But as I say, from the outside they were very much like many families I know- in fact almost identical to one I know very well. It’s really scary to think what could be happening without our knowledge.

Trouble is nowadays there is a very thin line between entitled narcissistic crybaby cockroach and "grumpy fella"

I agree.

Thank you for deleting my post. Clearly having some respect for friends and family are not required, and being a male posting on Mumsnet is clearly me trolling.
As a father I will never condone what has been done, but as someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts I find it disgusting that it is clearly being blamed as a 'male' ownership problem.
Emma was an old friend of mine, and what her husband did was not acceptable. But what I find even more unacceptable is the clear rhetoric that thinks all men are a problem.
Yes there is a male centric issue in society, but we're not all as evil as this thread is suggesting, and it would be appreciated if people could allow friends and family be allowed to grieve in peace.

'Not acceptable'?

Fuck me, Stevo, you're the Master of the Massive Fucking Understatement there.

My friend met Emma at parents evening recently.Friend said she was lovely and enthusiastic.
Husband has not only murdered his poor little girl and her mother, that is beyond anyones comprehension, but has destroyed the trust of many young people who were educated at Epsom College …thank fucking god he didn’t go on a rampage and kill students as well!
Hopefully there will be an enquiry as to how this creature was allowed a gun licence living at a school!!

@StevoA

"Emma was an old friend of mine, and what her husband did was not acceptable. But what I find even more acceptable is the clear rhetoric that thinks all men are a problem."

That's interesting. That You find the "rhetoric" "even more unacceptable" than his heinous acts.

Male egos really are something aren't they.

You're right, I've not used the right words there and I apologize.
Tbh i'm struggling to comprehend the death of a friend.

I’m a bit shocked to read the BBC news story about police being called to their home because Emma had allegedly hit her husband.

Why run that story? It seems like blaming women for male violence to me. How do we know it wasn’t a malicious complaint?

Way to drag a well-loved woman’s name through the mud when she can’t defend herself, BBC.

Didn’t you say in your deleted post that you hadn’t spoken to her for 25 years?

Yet here you are making this all about you, a poor misunderstood man.

Murdering his wife and child is “not acceptable” @StevoA ? Christ on a bike

“An assault on men”? Just stop and listen to yourself.

Your racist assumption that black people are proportionally responsible for violent crime to the same extent as males are is disgusting.

But here we see in action the fact that the worst thing about male violence is that women talk about it.