MSBP: Lost Mothers 2nd thread

[GillW]

New thread beacuse Bunglie needs the existing ones to be temporarily archived (and the last one was getting so-o-o-o-o long...)

A letter it will be. I have just found out that he has found a new bedsit to move into and has bought some furniture and a new suit. So things are going well for him. I do not expect him to put pen to paper, but I think it is important that I keep the contact going. The AP's say he does not want contact with me, but that is NOT what he said. I think he must be very confused at the moment and feel as if his loyalties are divided. I do not want to add to this confusion, just let him know that I am here and I have and always will love him. You can get too 'slushy' when it comes to boys but I do not think that it has ever hurt anyone knowing the truth, that they are loved and cared about. I hope that soon he will feel able to have contact with me again. I still think the last time that Isaw him and his sister was one of the happiest days of my life. Tobe refered to as 'their mother', to have them spontaneously give me a hug and a kiss goodbye and to feel so relaxed in each others company that we could joke about silly things like 'thongs'!
I am sorry that the AP's feel threatened by the truth. I am sorry because I do not want to take anything away from them but just be permitted to get to know my children and let them get to know me. What is so awful about that? I would never critisize the AP's to the children,from their perspective 'they' are their parents, it would be wrong for me to do that. I wonder why they think that it is alright to critisize me?
I hope that when all of this finally reaches a conclusion that those involved remember that there are two young peoples lives at stake, and their future. I want what is best for them, if I thought for a moment that them growing up believing a lie, that I deliberately tried to hurt my dd, was best for them I would not tell them the truth. But it can not be, if they realise what happened was a terrible and dreadful thing, but that we can all move on and have a relationship now, maybe we can build some bridges and some of the damage of the past can be repaired. Secrets lead to mistrust and are not good for any relationship. It is normally a 'given' that parents love their children, but my children have now both been told that they were adopted because I tried to hurt my daughter. How she must feel now I can not imagine, but I also can not understand why the AP's felt it necessary to give her a letter that was based on discredited evidence. I have been honest with them. I have acknowledged them as the children's parents. Why am I now such a threat that has to be kept away?

You are right, a new thread, How about 'MSbP, Lost Mothers 3'? Or any other sugestions?

In case you are wondering I was given the information on him by a friend, who knows him. I could not bare not to have any news about him and it is good to know that he is doing alright for himself.

Oh Bunglie, I'm so sorry . I don't know what the aps have been up to but it sounds as if they feel threatened by the children having contact with you and are trying their damndest to break that link. They clearly put their own, selfish interests first, and don't care what effect that might have on your children. Such selfish people aren't fit to be parents IMO.
If they are reading this, I'd like them to think very hard about what's in the best interests of these two young people ? to know the truth, that their mother loved them but a tragic set of circumstances led to their being adopted, and, presumably, loved and cared for by their adoptive parents (even if the aps are behaving badly now, presumably they adopted your children because they thought they could offer them a loving home). If the aps love them and care about them they must know that would be the best thing for these children. The aps were misled as well originally, and I guess thought they were saving your children from awful circumstances. Now they know that wasn't true they are lashing out to protect themselves, against the best interests of your children. That is deeply selfish, and, in the long run, counterproductive. When your children eventually learn the whole story, the ap's reaction might just mean the children turn against them. If they behave constructively, and do the best for these children by helping them come to terms with the truth, then it will be the best outcome for everyone.

Bunglie, how are you doing?

Am so sorry about AP's, but keep in your heart that the truth always is found, even if it takes longer than you would wish, my love to you and yours.

PS going to start new thread

Yes, Today seems like a good day to start a new thread, I shall get to work later!

A new thread has been started, let me see if I can do a link......

The new thread is here