MSBP: Lost Mothers 2nd thread

[GillW]

New thread beacuse Bunglie needs the existing ones to be temporarily archived (and the last one was getting so-o-o-o-o long...)

Good to see you back Spudbrain .

Bunglie, l like Soapbox's suggestion but personally I'd avoid inflaming the situation by adding the bit about enough lies in their lives so far. I know it's true, but texts are not good for relaying complicated messages. And it might come across as defensive and inadvertently confirm any nonsense the aps have been spouting ? I know it's not the intention but it might be the sort of thing that someone who did have something to hide would say, IYSWIM. Plus that last bit would make it so long that it would probably arrive as two separate messages, and they won't arrive in the right order, it will all get very confused.

PS Am going to have to change my name AGAIN as one of my employees has worked it out. Doh! Thinking of Gorgonzola except that's too long... will let you know.

To answer your question Kalex, When the AF came with my dd and ds he 'took' some emails and a letter. The letter was only the copy of the letter written by my MP to the Local Authority that had my children adopted. One of the emails had dear Bunglie on it and my Bunglie email address. It was my own fault for not making it clear that these documents were not ment to be removed but just for him to read and I forgot to cross out the Bunglie and only realised afterwards that he had it and that it gave my pseudonym. I felt worried then but thought nothing of it until I got the letter. So it was my own fault but I know that someone who knows them knows it is on the 'net' somewhere but does not know where so I guess that seeing as he is retired and just got broadband that he has plenty of time to search if he should want. Sad but I mean them no malice I only wish that they could see that if they critisize me or my dd and ds I will argue back. If truth is known I guess that the AF has been a stabalizing influence in their lives and they have had oportunities that maybe I would not have been able to give them. At the same time it breaks my heart when I remember my dd saying, 'I never get any new clothes and they always come from a charity shop' so I bought them some clothes and gave them to them as a 'present' as I had just been on holiday to Turkey where they sell alot od fake designer stuff. When I gave them to my ds and dd I said I hoped I got the right sizes and the AM said, they will go to whoever in the family they fit. It was then I discovered that things I had given the children had been held back, not given or given to someone else. I do get angry at things like this but I know I should be grateful that they have been shown some stability and had a roof over their heads, but I just feel angry when I think that I have been used and then abused. I have offered them meetings thanked them for their care of the children and I have even turned a blind eye when they started taking the children to the Quaker Meeting House, against the express wishes me and my dh, but I felt for the sake of the children not to make a fuss but I think my 'goodwill' has been abused and that they have now pushed me too far by threatening me with this letter from a solicitor. I think or hope that they will soon be in for a bit of a shock and will have to reassess their position. Forgive me but I feel that they may enjoy reading about themselves here so I do not really want to give them the space, my children, and they are my children are far more important and they have their whole lives in front of them. Now I know that I am still the trustee I shall get my sons and dd's money out of trust (when she is 18) and I shall of course give it to them. They will also be told of everything else that I have receipts for and handed over to the adoptive parents like my ds has a £10 premium bond he was given as a christening present and my dd has some jewelry. They are only guardians of the childrens belongings and I would not dream of taking my childrens money and if that is their morality the sooner the children know what they have and was handed over the better. (Hope you are reading this AP's!)

For those of you who I have emailed in the past do you mind if I send a 'block' email to you as a group, save me writing it out half a dozen times, but your email might be set to put it in your Bulk or even Junk mail folder. I have some news but do not want to post it here yet and tip them off.

Sofia I am so sorry you are having a rotten time, anything I can do? make a model of your boss and stick pins in it?? Are you up to a phonecall?

bunglie, do you want to send it to me with the email addies and then I will send it on, dear heart?

Thanks Janh Wilco
I hope you have revised your CV to include' personal Assistant to Bunglie'

of course!

(hasn't got me any jobs yet though, can't think why?)

email sent Janh You can bill me at the end of the month but I expect your time sheet signed in triplicate!

Bunglie - please can you send the email to me also or let Jahn Would love to know whay news you have!
It is [email protected]

Hope it's good news Bunglie.

No idea about your ds. Perhaps it would be good to give him some time- but I'm never very good at that sort of thing. Maybe some time then a letter saying that you thought it best to do that.

Someone else will probably have better advice than me about that though.

I think that you should send him a letter as soon as possible. Just tell him that you love him and that you are really sorry that the ap's chose to give your dd the letter as you had been working very hard to try and prevent that happening. You could also remind him that if he wants to see some basic papers about the circumstances surrounding the adoption, you can send them to him as soon as he asks.

I forgot to say this before. Spudbrain, welcome back. We missed you. I just hope that you too will have a happy ending to your sad story.

Good idea Sofia, thank you. How is the boss today? I have my model makeing stuff and a jar of pins, just say the word

Spoke to Cheeseball yesterday and she says hello to everyone. She is in touch with an 'out-reach' worker from an aid agency for women but it does not look like she will be moving or anything yet. She said she feels bad about just stopping posting but like me she is frightened that her mother in law will find it. I can understand how she feels and told her that you understand and that you are all here awaiting the day that she feels able to post again.

Postsue-How are things with you, any better?

Bunglie, you sound extremely impressive when roused! I'm sorry they APs have stooped so very low and given your dd that dreadful letter. They must be very frightened of the truth, unsurprisingly. I am also very sorry your son isn't answering texts. I would probably send a letter explaining some of all this to him and telling him he can see all of the relevant papers about his adoption, but to say you never harmed him or his sister, that you always loved them both and still do. And how dare the APs tell you not to give him his money! It's simply none of their business. It's not their money and he's not their son.

Oh Bunglie, what planet are these people on?

ON a technical point, was your ds's Trust Fund a bare/Nominee Trust - basically just a savings account set up as being for (you) with regard to (your ds) - or was it a legally drafted trust?

If the latter then there are probably clauses in the trust document about what a trustee can and cannot do, and about who can benefit from the trust. I'd be very surprised if the terms allowed you to do things with the money other than pass it to your ds, and there may well have been a clause specifiying that the trust would wind up on a certain date (possibly his 18th, 21st or 25th Birthday) at which point it would pass to him.

If it was a bare trust then, I think (this isn't an area of law I know very well) that it would automatically wind up on his 18th birthday and the assets transfer to your ds. So there would be nothing (legal) the AP's could do to stop your ds having the money.

Either way were you to do what the AF seems to be suggested and use the money for yourself the Inland Revenue would be very interested, as for all the time it has existed income in a trust has been considered to be your ds's not yours, so you cannot just say now "no it's mine".

Don't worry Beety, I have got the email but lost my teeth! Could we have a toothless emoticon please!!

Hmm, mashed banana and I think this emoticon fits!!
Oooh...lots of Ben and Jerries too
Beety will reply when I have a few minutes and send you an email back so you can check that your parts are working!!

How about this for a T-Shirt

It says "I love my attitude problem"
I shall put it on just for you Beety

No, hoping SofiaAmes or someone has?

No. I haven't. I will text tomorrow to find out how she is and report back.

It has been an odd week. I came out of hospital, had a couple of days of self-pity and then the world took off again and I am back to 'doing things'.
Spudbrain has popped in and said hello, I hope she will do it more often and Ihave spoken to Cheeseball who sends her love to all.
I have been thinking about what to do aboutmy ds. I think I will give him a little break of a week or so,and then I shall write him a letter, theold fashioned way and tell him that I have and always will love him. That I wouldlove to see him , but in his own time and tell him one or two of the things that let up to his adoption, rather than wacking him with it all at once. I wondered about sending him a video, rather than a letter, so he can play it on his VCR I gave him for christmas, and I can include my holiday video in the carribean. What do you think, Video or Letter?