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MSBP: Lost Mothers 2nd thread

331 replies

GillW · 16/06/2004 16:23

New thread beacuse Bunglie needs the existing ones to be temporarily archived (and the last one was getting so-o-o-o-o long...)

OP posts:
Bunglie · 29/06/2004 11:56

Now I want you to sit down! Bunglie needs to do some works today so if you see her 'kurking' on mumsnet, please remind me I only have 5 mintutes break at a time and I MUST do some important stuff today, So I trust you to keep me on the staight and narrow
I just have a few things that are now quite urgent as I have been too complacent and need encouragement...so no lurkng for Bunglie, mind you no telling what Zeberdee could get up to,
Back later to tell you of my progress!!!

beetroot · 29/06/2004 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bunglie · 29/06/2004 17:01

Just a quick peek, needed a cup of tea from my mumsnet mug!

Anyone got a link to the Law Sociey of these people you can complain to re. useless solicitors who do nothing! I have taken on board what you sad about if I complain it is not much good as the people I complain to 'are a bit slow' but that I also need to keep them, (the solicitors) on side, hence best not to complain, just nag! Nagging has/doesn't work, all I get is voicemail! and I really do think that what they have done is wrong, not just by me but also my children. If they decided to sue or take a look at matters I am the only person with any 'positive' reports, so they have done something wrong, will not apologise and will not even accept that they should not have done it??
Apparently they should be kept unti my dd is 18 and possibly a further 6 years . They should not have kept, let alone destruyed my personal items and I am upset by their, 'this is not our problem attitude. An atomic suppository is needed. So any links to the people I can complain to ? I just feel I should not take this 'lying down'.
Back to work!
Bunglie.

Oh how do you suggest I word my letter of complaint?? any sugestions welcomed as I am running out of ideas, and it is not because I want you to do my 'work' for me. honest.

mummytosteven · 29/06/2004 21:16

Bunglie - if you look for info on the Law Society Web site - www.lawsociety.org.uk for the Consumer Complaints Service (new name for OSS - you learn something new every day!).

There is some info on it on www.lawsociety.org.uk/dcs/pdf/ccs_whoweare.pdf.

The new complaints handling procedure is meant to be quicker!

sorry I can't insert links!

SofiaAmes · 30/06/2004 00:36

Ok I have just come back from a funeral to find that I owe Bunglie $100. Now I'll have to read the whole thread to find out why. I'll respond when I'm done reading.

Bunglie · 30/06/2004 14:35

Mummytoseven thanks for that, I found the bit that I needed just by putting in Lawsociety.or.uk and then searching. I now know who what how to say it. Whew!
Now no more lurking, I have to get to the books and do some work, I have a treet, this afternoon my neighbour is taking me to the 'garden centre'! Is this an insult, I spend £100's of getting my SMALL garden, cleared, paved and all sorts and she is still not happy, but then she is very nice, (I call her Mrs Bouquet!) but she is careing and I guess she got sick of looking out over at my 'natural', garden, weeds, brambles, bindweed, you name it I had it, for so long that she is pleased I have finally got around to having it done. Can't wait to see her face when she discovers I have a solar powered water feature called 'Mount Everest' on order!!!
Now If I am going out I need to get on, so Please will you all just stop distracting me?
Sofia, still no cheque in the post! I think we need to talk, Sunday looks good!!

Bunglie · 30/06/2004 22:08

Whew! Garden centres are very exhausting, especially when someone else is pushing you!!!

Question: Do you feel that you are more aware of doctors and taking your childrn to the doctor because of the 'rogue' element like Meadows and Southall? If so Why. This is for MY curiosity, no other reason as I want to try to understand why this is affecting people who have not been accused of MSBP.

Question: Do you think I am wrong to want to put my childrens welfare first, ( I know any mother would) but what I mean is I could jump in and tell my ds the truth now, and the ap's could not stop me, but I do not think, personally that this is the righrt way to go about things. I have had offers of Interviews with TV and Newspapers, ALL of which I have turned down because I do not think that it would help the childrem. Am I being selfish or would you do the interviews etc? If so why?

These are personal questions, the answers go no further than mumsnet, as I want/need to know I am doing the correct thing. I think we all need reassurance. I realise I have not told you what I am doing but I am interested to see how actions would be percieved by the public. I have heard of people making up the fact that they are MSBP victims just to get their names in the paper!! Postsue told me that, and I am sure she would not mind me telling you (again).

Oh- I have had an email from Cheesaeball- I will tell you how she is my next posting. She needs to know that people still care about her, - I do for one, but she only manages to follow the thread once or possibly twice a week for a few minutes, so she does not know all that has been going on. I try to fill her in but she needs our support. I will tell more when I have a chance.
I Spent too much money at the garden centre, but got some great plants and stuff and really good prices, so when all is over I trust you will be coming to taste my 'smoked fish' in my tiny garden, but created with love and with the aid of the youth offenders programme!! All to my place for a celebration 'prawn on the barbie', sorry can't afford more than one, so it will be a leg for Beety and I think the eyes for GillW, the rest of you can fight over it
Is the bar open? I think I need (another) drink?

Bunglie · 30/06/2004 22:14

Sofia, I think $100 dollars is very reasonable for the number of prints?
I will try to phone tonight or tomorrow. Sorry about the funeral hope all is OK.

eddm · 30/06/2004 22:37

Hi Bunglie do tell Cheeseball we are still thinking of her and hope her situation improves. Sounds very tough .
As for your questions: yes, I am concerned in a general sense about being a parent taking a child to the doctor's but actually when I'm sitting their in my doctor's surgery I don't think about it, IYSWIM; I'm more focused on ds and his eczema or disease of the week (he's had infection after infection since starting nursery). Whenever I think about MSbP though it makes my blood run cold. Can't imagine how you or mothers like you have managed, to be honest.
Bags of respect.
Second question: if you feel that you don't want to jump in and tell your ds, then don't. Only you really know your family and your situation. You've very bravely shared some of it with us but we aren't in your position and couldn't possibly tell you what to do; we can only make suggestions when you ask for advice. But you are, of course, free to ignore us if we are talking pants!
Glad you had a nice time at the garden centre; sounds as if it might have been expensive though .

Bunglie · 04/07/2004 19:56

I have just spent a few days in bed, wallowing in a bit of self-pity, but the doctor did say it was cellulitis(sp?), what ever it is, it is quite painful but the antibiotics seem to work and are starting to take affect now.
Cheeseball is well, she has told me I can tell you that she has made contact with an 'outreach worker' from a womens aid organisation. She seems to be getting some support as far as her home situation is concerned, which is good. She often asks about the MNetters and I tell her that you lot are ALWAYS asking for news about her, because that is how much you care.

I think that the thread I started, 'Southall Guilty' should be linked to this one somehow. I do not know what to think at the moment. I put my reply on that thread but I guess that it is as equally as aplicable to this one.

"....., I turn on the computer and start to read through all of this and I am rarely, as most of you realise, 'gobsmacked' I must admit when I first posted my story and heard about Meadows being exposed I thought, 'Great' but did not expect it to change anything, or for it to have affected too many people. As things have gone on, over the last 6 months, I am in disbelief!
How could a group of doctors, who we entrust the most precious thing that we have, our children, unto them, betray us like this? Why? I really do not understand WHY? Was it self-advancement in their proffession, or was it for money, as has been sugested by one mother, when she told me how much they got for a court appearance as an 'expert'. How could they have hidden this from everyone for so long, and that includes me, as I said I thought I or at least my case was a mistake and I did not expect it to generate the support I have received.
I think I need to go and digest this some more (and then be sick ) ".

I really do not understand how this happened in the first place, then it was hidden for 15 years and now that the truth is becoming known, no one wants to know, such as the Local Authorities, and I get the feeling if they could bury it, and they are trying very hard to, that they would.

Looking back I think it was easier to cope with my feelings when I thought that I was an isolated case and it was all just a mistake. Now that I know about the 'Munch Bunch' all of the families they have destroyed. How no one in a position of power really seems to want to uncover the truth, like MP's or Social Services. It seems that which ever way you turn you are in the wrong, because once you have the MSBP label you will never be right. Anything that you do and say will always be twisted around to their advantage.

I think I need to get back to my 'bed-rest' and I need to think things through as the last few months have put such a different perspective on things and I almost feel as if I must do what is right, for my children, but I also owe it to the other parents to do what I can, which is not much. Had other parents not already 'stood up' and told their stories or I had not received your support I would have given up. I now know that I owe it to everyone to do what is right. That is the hard bit. Doing something, like writing a letter of compaint to the solicitors who destroyed my notes without getting emotional. I think It is for me a very emotional topic and one that brings out all sorts of emotions but that is NOT what I should be writing. It is hard to stick to just the plain facts when you know that they are incorrect, so how do I cope?

Sorry, this seems to have turned into one of Bunglies Lo-o-o-ng postings. I should skip this one if I were you and wait for the next one. I have sent ds 2 texts and a birthday card as it was his 19th birthday yesterday. I am sad because for 13 years I have never been able to celebrate his birthdays with him. I want my son back but now I realise I am never going to have that, I am going to, if I am lucky be able to build up a relationship with a young man, who will never know how much he and his sister are and always have been loved.
Better stop now, I need a good cry ....again!

Janh · 04/07/2004 20:10

Bunglie .

You have already made a huge difference, to a lot of people, and you will go on doing it. And your lovely children will definitely know just how much you love them.

Great news about Cheeseball! Give her our love (again!)

Bunglie · 05/07/2004 00:06

Thanks Janh, I will pass on your love to Cheeseball, I am so pleased that she now has someone to talk to and maybe that will give her the strength and courage she needs to alter the relationship she is in. It is odd, but I understand, why she thinks she deserves it, so that is why she puts up with it. I to went through a stage of having a really low opinion of myself, believing all that the Judge had said and I just though That he HAD to be right, because that justified the loss of my children.
My GP put me on anti depressants, but I still take them now, I know they are not a long term solution, but no one has ever sugested I stop taking them and to be honest I think I would be afraid to, just in case I went back to the old me with low self-esteem etc. I doubt that they do anything now and the affect has worn off but I guess it is like a placebo. If it works I am not complaining. I hope this person helps Cheeseball so that she can see that it was not her fault and no one deserves to be treated how she is being treated. I think sometimes all she wants is a hug and to know that someone cares. Do you remember when I was feeling 'low'? Well it made a big difference everyone sending me virtual hugs. So I am sending this to Cheeseball with my love.
()
I think she can log on more frequently when dp is at the pub watching football. Why go to the pub to watch it? Never mind it gives us the chance to tell her how much we care.
() ()() () () ()

eddm · 05/07/2004 00:13

Hi Bunglie, sorry to hear about cellulitis, it's horrid. Hope they gave you some decent antibiotics.
In haste but wanted to say hello and that I am thinking of you and all the other mothers.

luckymum · 05/07/2004 00:25

Me too! Hugs to you X

Bunglie · 05/07/2004 17:26

Did you see Postsue has posted on the 'Southall Guilty' thread? I think she thinks that is our current thread. but I shall send her an email. It was good to hear from her. I think that she should write to the GMC? She does not seem to have had much luk anywhere else and after all, Meadows NEVER interviewed her either! What do you think, shall I sugest it to her?

postsue · 05/07/2004 20:45

Just trying to catch up on this on too.......

Bunglie seen you posted your on medication. I have been on and off anti-depressants for a while now. i feel if i take them i am a failure but if i don't then i feel like S*,. I don't know why i feel as bad as i do but everything is an effort and my heart is just not in it at the moment. I need to locate all papers etc. But with every enquiry there is another brick wall but each is getting higher than the last. Its like climbing a well and when i'm almost at the top someone of thing comes along and stamps on my hands and i fall back to the bottom.

I tried councolling(sp?) in March but my councollor(sp? again) did an assesment and 1 session, then was promoted and cancelled appointments on the morning i was due and now has not bothered to contact me to re-arrange anything since. Feels like another kick in the teeth. Need to get back to my docs and explain but it's difficult as i am scared that someone in the profession will jump to conclusions again and i will lose everything. It's not that i don't trust my doc (she's really nice) but after what happened it is hard to seperate the irrational fears from my real ones.

Gonna carry on catching up.

Thanks all for your support

Bunglie · 06/07/2004 14:23

I can't post on this thread anymore, it seems that the AP's have found it

soapbox · 06/07/2004 14:43

OMG Bunglie - no that is terrible news

What makes you suspect that?

Bunglie · 06/07/2004 15:13

A letter from a solicitor
At least I have always had the courage to tell them things to their face, they can't even do that! Well if they want secrets, I can not post anymore or they will know every move I make, and not even you lot know what is going on.
I am sorry but I feel so upset at the moment that they said one thing to my face and another in this letter.
I am forbidden to tell the children any other reason, other than the one they have already had, as to why they were adopted. It says both children have had letter. And the only way that they can know that I spoke to my daughter alone etc is from this site. I think the know about it so it is not safe for me to post on THIS thread. But after buying a virtual mother mug I shall remain an avid mnetters.
Cheeseball, don't worry it is my own fault that they found the site, the same thing will not happen to you.
Thank you all a very sad Bunglie
No more Bunglie Postings - sorry

soapbox · 06/07/2004 15:17

Bunglie - can you contact me through CAT - I would like to keep up with your story and of course offer any help you might need from time to time. Emotional or practical!

eddm · 06/07/2004 16:18

Oh my Lord Bunglie, that's dreadful . The swines (and I've toned down my language).
Please please do get in touch via contact another talker, I would love to keep up with you.
Are you sure they can do this? Your son is an adult so they can't stop you saying whatever you want to him, surely? Maybe the solicitors are just trying it on, acting outside their actual powers in the hope that the fact that it comes from a solicitor will intimidate you into complying.
Very, very sorry.

Kaz33 · 06/07/2004 16:43

So sorry Bunglie and if AP's are reading this - how after all that has been said on this site can you doubt that Bunglie is a kind, reasonable parent who loves her children and just wants what is best for them.

eddm · 06/07/2004 16:47

Bunglie, have tried to mail you via CAT but as I suspected (from those dreadful people who sent you abusive messages), it's blocked. Please do email me via CAT.

JanZ · 06/07/2004 16:49

Bunglie,

I've not posted before, but have been reading what's been said.

There are other possible explanation for the solicitor's letter: your son could have raised the issue of the letter with the aps, as he was disturbed by what damage it may do to your sister.

The af could have told his wife that you spent time alone with your daughter. Your son might have let it slip in a general disucssion, not realising how sensitive it was. Your daughter might even have brought up the subject.

Remember that they are still both teenagers, testing the boundaries of their own lives - and may have brought up things in the heat of disucssions with the aps, without realising the repercussions on you.

And of course, you are constrained in explaining to them the issues and wider implications of what is involved.

I still think your best bet is to get alternative legal advice, look for a court injunction. After all, what it being proposed to be given (or had already been given) is libellous - and you can no prove that, as you have yourself been formally diagnosed with a rare disease that they deinied the existence of.

eddm · 06/07/2004 16:50

Hear, hear, Kaz. If the APs are reading they must know that building a relationship with their birth mother would be in the best interests of their children.