Following on from Leslie Ash, Amanda Platell's idea of the 95% marriage - what do you think?

[Tinker]

Haven't got a link but AP was all over the medai last week saying it's ok if a bloke (or woman) knocks their partner about a bit every few years or so as long as the remaining 95% of the relationship is good. This is based on her friend confiding in her. I would say her friend may not be telling her the whole truth and is looking for some support and permisssion to leave. Maybe.

Should you put up with any violence in a relationship? Discuss

No, never if someone can't respect you enough not to hit you even 1% of the time they do not deserve your love.

I'm with Twinkie. How the hell can the other 95 per cent be 'good' if five per cent is violence? And how the hell do you measure it? Does that mean that 18 days of violence a year (that's five per cent by my calculation) are justified?

IMHO whichever partner hits it should apply equally.

I don't believe violence is ever justified in ANY circumstances.

Message withdrawn

Violence has no place in a loving marriage. Ever.

Victoria Coren wrote a rejoinder to this piece (Evening Standard?)in the Observer on Sunday.

Violence = lack of respect IMO

Lack of respect = relationship not worth having

Not much of a discussion, is it?

And 95% alive, 5% beaten-to-death isn't a great marriage, is it?

Good g*d, is she mad?? How can 5% of violence be acceptable?

I agree. Violence does not belong in any loving relationship - from either party.

Ummm, actually, I will say that on very (VERY) rare occasions, DP and I have mutually hit each other in the height of a row. I certainly wouldn't defend it, and we certainly wouldn't wish to be complacent about it ('oh well, it's 95% ok' and have worked on the whole way we relate in order to avoid getting furious and frustrated. But it is true to say that neither of us feels bullied or victimised, just ashamed, childish and as if we have sunk to a playground fisticuffs level. And we are fully aware of the currency of DS witnessing such a thing (he hasn't). But (at the level it has happened - not systematic punching, more like a 3 second outburst of a cat-fight)it also doesn't feel like the worst thing that could happen between us. I would re-act much worse to betrayal, infidelity, lying...anything which made me feel less equal.
This probably sounds very shocking.

Smiley snuck in.
And we do love each other. WE really do. Certainly enough to work out ways not to get into such a state in future!

Phew, thanks Dino: I thought I would be subject to a barrage of condemnation!

Me neither.
Must get DS now...

So if someone puts his/her partner in hosptal 18 days a year that is OK? That is crazy!

has anyone on here ever read a article by amana=da platell in which they did't think "god, that was crap" at the end of it? she is SUCH a bad journalist, there is nothing to recommend her.

why on earth she should be published in any national newspaper I don't know

And I can't understand how you can say that 'slapping someone around' is OK. What do we do, say that it is OK if you beat your partner with a stick no wider than your Thumb, as in the old law? Where soes a slap end and a punch start, how often does it escalate? a hell of a lot, I'd bet!

Playing Devil's Advocate - to those in loving non-violent relationships, if you did have a row one day and your partner (or you) hit out, but that be the end full stop? I assume most would think it's time to look at themselves but what happens if you do that, everything is fine until it happens again 10 years later. It's easy to say "No Way" if it hasn't happened but would it be that black and white if it did happen, out of the blue?

I'm not defending this line just curious as to what people would do.

As an aside, Amanda Platell seems to have an extraordinarily big face.

'would that' not 'but that'