Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

I thought I was a terrible housewife but after 3 days away have realised just how much I do (and DH doesn't)

191 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:13

I had a lovely break staying with my BF and her baby and after a transport nightmare last night didn't get home until past midnight so just fell into bed.

I am horrified at the state of the place this morning, and the bright sunshine doesn't make it any better.

  • Dishes from breakfast before I left are still there with various others piled on top.

-The DC emptied their drawers all over their room which DH put into bin bags in hall rather than put back away. At least he picked them up I guess!

-No laundry has been done so there is a mountain of it. The washing I hung up to dry thursday evening is still on the racks, and the washing machine I put on spin friday morning before I left has been left with it sitting in it.

-The floors are filthy

-The windows have sticky handprints all over them

  • Every last puzzle, game, duplo bit and set of blocks seems to be strewn around the house

-And worst the toilet seat has poo on it.

There's more but I won't bore you. No doubt they had a fun weekend, they have been out to the aquarium, park and beach but simple things like this should have been done aswell? At least I should be grateful he thought to take the rubbish out.

Where do I start? I feel to angry to even bother.

OP posts:
emkana · 14/04/2008 11:14

I would be absolutely hopping mad. Disgraceful IMO. Sorry you came home to this.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:18

I suppose I should learn not to have time for myself
Or at least that I have to pay it back by sorting out the mess.

OP posts:
emkana · 14/04/2008 11:20
Sad
HeadFairy · 14/04/2008 11:21

Get a cleaner in to do a deep clean and make your dh pay

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:24

I can't stop ranting so there's more

-The velux window on the stairs was left open all night and dirty great hailstones came in, so the bottom row of books on the shelf there are sodden and perhaps ruined.

  • The clean bedlinen I left on our bed for him to change has been put on the floor and the dirty ones are still on.
  • The hob has crusted on crap. It's stainless steel so my routine is to always wipe any splashes whilst it's hot. DH knows this, it's going to be a nightmare to clean.
OP posts:
Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:25

But what's even worse is this morning the DC are wanting daddy.

I'm sure I could be just as much fun if I neglected basic things but hey ho.

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 14/04/2008 11:27

That's an absolute disgrace.

Has he done it deliberately to "punish" you for going away?

oiFoiF · 14/04/2008 11:27

I realised when I had pnuemonia a few years ago how little my dh did. He does the 'good father' routine but I was very very poorly and when I started to feel better I had a room full of washing to do, a dirty house to contend with etc

so sympathies

Egg · 14/04/2008 11:30

Yep they always want daddy cos he is the fun one who doesn't do any cleaning / tidying / nagging / telling off etc and just plays great games and takes them out. Am also peed off with my DH this morning for lack of input round house but realise from your post that mine is almost an angel.

oranges · 14/04/2008 11:33

next time you have time off, can you take the children off for the day and leave him to tidy up?

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:34

I'm sure it's a common gripe.
Like when they get in from work and get the children excited and wound up and leave you to deal with the fallout when it is bedtime and they are bouncing of that walls?

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 14/04/2008 11:34

This has really made my blood boil.

What a pathetic excuse for a man. Can he really not be bothered to tidy up after himself and his children? Is he happy to let his children live in a mess?

What sort of example is he setting your children? Treat your mother like a slave because I do?

Utter prick.

Sorry - I am really pissed off by this.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:36

He was very apologetic, he said they were so busy having fun everything just stacked up.

I find it very hard to be sympathetic.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 11:44

Call in a cleaning agency ASAP, the best and most expensive one you can find in the Yellow Pages, and get your house done out.

Give the bill to your DH and show him how much his self-indulgence has cost him.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:53

It's not billing DH though, it's billing us all and we are saving desperately for a 'real house'

I am thinking I'll just get on with it and learn to never leave them with him for more than a day.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/04/2008 11:57

Wait until he gets in tonight and hand him the mop....only do half the cleaning otherwise the kids really will belive it is your job to clean up after everyone

jura · 14/04/2008 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 12:00

I'd make a list of everything that needs doing, and do it, then next time he moans about you reading a magazine throw it back in his face.

I'm dreading a similar fate at my house this week though, go into hospital tomorrow, DC's will be with MiL so not too bad but I dread to think what mess they will all make when they get home.

WanderingTrolley · 14/04/2008 12:02

You'll get on with it, you'll get on with it......?

Are you mad?

Take the dcs out for a day of fun and make him tidy it up, the slattern.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 12:05

I think he is well out of order but I am at the number of you demanding 'dh pay' for a clean-up

household income is all shared, surely?

if I asked my dh to pay for something it would have to come out of the joint account - he has no money 'of his own' and neither do I

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 12:06

I just said the same capp.

Fact is I can't bear the mess. I've already sorted their drawers, and cleaned the loo. Next is the dishes.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 12:07

TDWP - don't even think about your savings right now.

You need to make your point very clearly.

You are headed for divorce if you don't start valuing yourself more and standing up to your DH. That would be very expensive.

VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 12:07

Same here Capp, also I know that if he did it or paid a cleaner it wouldn't be as I wanted it anyway, so I'd do it and make sure he knew just how much had had to be done.

Countingthegreyhairs · 14/04/2008 12:09

No!! No!! You are being too kind TDWP - Don't back down!

I can really sympathise because although my dh is very hands on despite working long hours - he's only hands on with things he LIKES doing such as food shopping and cooking - he's hopeless at tidying up after himself and dd if left alone.

Capitalise on your outrage and tell your dh you would like a word with him tonight. Tell him how upset you were to come home to such a mess and use the opportunity to write down a list of "rules" and tasks of things you both have to do (whether one of you is there or not) and make him stick with it.

It felt pedantic and ridiculous while we were doing it, but dh and I did this when I started back at work and it's saved us so many arguments. It's all non-negotiable now! I can just point to the list!! No nagging required!

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 12:15

I think there are two lists here

Not important:
no laundry done - you don't do it with a scrubbing board and mangle, ffs. Put it in the washer
floors not clean (really you clean you floors every day? how long have you been away? by 'filthy' do you mean encrusted with chunks of dirt, or a few bits of fluff)
handprinty windows - really who cares
toys all over house - oy vey. you have KIDS
sheets not changed - big whoop. you have nice clean sheets tonight rather than dh having them a couple of nights ago. Hardly worth getting steamed up about

not acceptable list - get him to do these things
toilet
sort out binbags of stuff
hob

tbh your house sounds like mine, on a normal day.