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Housekeeping

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Original poster

I thought I was a terrible housewife but after 3 days away have realised just how much I do (and DH doesn't)

191 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:13

I had a lovely break staying with my BF and her baby and after a transport nightmare last night didn't get home until past midnight so just fell into bed.

I am horrified at the state of the place this morning, and the bright sunshine doesn't make it any better.

  • Dishes from breakfast before I left are still there with various others piled on top.

-The DC emptied their drawers all over their room which DH put into bin bags in hall rather than put back away. At least he picked them up I guess!

-No laundry has been done so there is a mountain of it. The washing I hung up to dry thursday evening is still on the racks, and the washing machine I put on spin friday morning before I left has been left with it sitting in it.

-The floors are filthy

-The windows have sticky handprints all over them

  • Every last puzzle, game, duplo bit and set of blocks seems to be strewn around the house

-And worst the toilet seat has poo on it.

There's more but I won't bore you. No doubt they had a fun weekend, they have been out to the aquarium, park and beach but simple things like this should have been done aswell? At least I should be grateful he thought to take the rubbish out.

Where do I start? I feel to angry to even bother.

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 13:26

capp we don't have hugely high standards not at all, but I expect there not to be 4 day old dishes in the sink and poo on the loo etc.

Yes DH is a tosser as discussed at length but this is just a failure on my part for trusting him.

VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 13:29

There are times that I leave the washing in the machine for too long and have to rewash it, if it's not something he normally does it's easy enough to miss.

I think you need to pick your battles carefully with anyone and the washing/not making the bed really shouldn't be the issue here.

Things like dirty plates stacking up, shit on the toilet seat and food on the floor are not just dirty but unhygenic and that's the angle I would use rather than a 'You're useless, didn't do anything' type of angle.

NumberSix · 14/04/2008 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:32

I think this is a fine opportunity for some give and take that's all

you have found him guilty of all the things he accuses you of - a big ole mess - and instead of taking the opportunity to work out a middle ground (after all the shoe is on the other foot now) you just get angry and martyred

if I were you I would sit down and say okay, this will not do, obviously you can see how difficult it is to keep the house tidy when the kids are playing and realise why I find it difficult too

let's sit down and make a list of the jobs that need doing every day that we both agree on, and maybe split them a bit, and then no recriminations

when you come home and it is my turn to do them they will be done

when I go away and leave you with the DCs I expect the same from you

and make it a reasonable list; not 'clean windows every time child goes past'

also come up with a parenting strategy to ecnourage tidiness from your children eg only getting out two things at a time; putting things away if you want to get something else out etc

or a way that the children help with nightly tidies of play areas - my kids ahve done this since they were 2

but don't fgs just tidy up after it and then wander round bearing a screaming grudge until the day you both have a a row about it and you stab him

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:34

"Yes DH is a tosser as discussed at length but this is just a failure on my part for trusting him."

Sure, you cannot trust him to clean up after himself. Why? Because you always do it.

Just stop it.

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 13:43

I've even taken his suits to be dry cleaned this morning after he whined that he didn't get the chance at the weekend. And I plan to pick them up at 6pm.

In some ways this makes me feel more satisfied and if I have more 'leverage' over the whole mess.

Fark, this should not be in Good Housekeeping , surely!

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:44

you are not listening

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:44

TDWP - you are actually enjoying your martyrdom, aren't you?

You took his suits to the cleaners because he didn't have time? SEE A SHRINK GIRL

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:47

I think you are right Anna

you need to lift your head out of today's crisis and think longer term about you and your dh's behaviour towards each other

you don't honestly think that you ahve some kind of control over your marriage if you keep your house nice and get the dry cleaning on time?

Rubyrubyruby · 14/04/2008 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:49

Quite apart from the misery that you and your DH regularly inflict upon one another, think of your children and the absolutely appalling example of womanhood that you are giving them.

Please, please, please TDWP.

Can you not find enjoyment somewhere healthier than in domestic martyrdom?

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 13:49

Capp , no but I think I can avoid shit and abuse and shoutig and throwing crockery at the walls if i do.

I have twisted logic today. I feel I should do more with the view to peeing him off.

I know this is not healthy or happy but it is now.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:50

oh I don't have the patience for this

everything about your last post is wrong

look love it is your grave, you keep digging it if it keeps you happy

TheMadHouse · 14/04/2008 13:50

Capp - I would give up now - TDWP only listens to the advise that she wants to hear, as do most people

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:51

No, you don't want to piss your DH off. That is not the right attitude.

You want to imagine a worthwhile and enjoyable life for you, and then to live it, and expect that your DH support you in living that life.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:52

if it really is more important to 'pee him off' than to make a way forward for this marriage, then you may as well take your kids and go

you need to grow up

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:52

oh MadHouse you are right

Anna let's go and do something more worthwhile with our time

Oblomov · 14/04/2008 13:53

DWP, I didn't realise how in denial you are.

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:53

Yes I think we've made our point

ItsNotYouItsMe · 14/04/2008 13:53

This is absurd. Just hire a cleaner.

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 13:53

Capp I'm sorry there are just so many posts on here it's hard to reply individually.

What you have said makes real sense. I have actually written a list of what I have done today, and will carry on , and plan to thrust it at him when he complains.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:55

oh LISTEN TO YOURSELF

'thrust it at him when he complains'

no way of trying to sit down together and at least try to handle this like a grown up then?

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 13:55

Oh sorry crossed posts.

I'll just settle back into my embittered life as I am not worthy of help.

PuffCoddy · 14/04/2008 13:56

the suit thign is odd
how often does htat man have his suits cleaned oyu seem to do it every day.

windows lol.
i think its crap to not tidy up but i think you have VERY high standards

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:56

I didn't say that at all

but you've had all of mine that you're having

what you do with it is entirely up to you