I thought I was a terrible housewife but after 3 days away have realised just how much I do (and DH doesn't)

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

I had a lovely break staying with my BF and her baby and after a transport nightmare last night didn't get home until past midnight so just fell into bed.

I am horrified at the state of the place this morning, and the bright sunshine doesn't make it any better.

• Dishes from breakfast before I left are still there with various others piled on top.

-The DC emptied their drawers all over their room which DH put into bin bags in hall rather than put back away. At least he picked them up I guess!

-No laundry has been done so there is a mountain of it. The washing I hung up to dry thursday evening is still on the racks, and the washing machine I put on spin friday morning before I left has been left with it sitting in it.

-The floors are filthy

-The windows have sticky handprints all over them

• Every last puzzle, game, duplo bit and set of blocks seems to be strewn around the house

-And worst the toilet seat has poo on it.

There's more but I won't bore you. No doubt they had a fun weekend, they have been out to the aquarium, park and beach but simple things like this should have been done aswell? At least I should be grateful he thought to take the rubbish out.

Where do I start? I feel to angry to even bother.

If you're worried how he'll react go out somewhere to talk.
You have a nanny don't you? Would she be able to watch the DC's so you could go for lunch together or something and discuss this calmly?

orangina I really understand what you are saying. I do want to preserve and work for the 'perfect, but the perfect isn't always attainable. Especially if it means just putting up with shite to not have 'the worst'

I am talking rubbish now ,I know.

"But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger"

You are absolutely right TDWP and not talking rubbish at all. Perfect is generally not attainable (what is perfect anyway?), but you shouldn't have to put up with shite. And fear shouldn't ever play a part.

Where's Sqounk when you need her, she'd tell me I'm not talking shite, then maybe mop my brow and tell me a joke (or am I asking too much)

Sorry x posts orangina ( yes it took me ages to post)

Just thanks is all I can say.

I will work on the jokes....

Just came back to this thread to see where it went. I had assumed that on of the DCs had shit on the loo seat, not the DH. Either way it was grim of Dh to leave it for your return.

No DH didn't shit on the toilet seat, but he certainly shat on everything else.

DWP - Being a perfectionist is often about trying to exercise control over some things because you can't have lost real control. In your case to your dh, in mine it was to my mother. I used to need everything ot be abd look perfect. In our first session my therapist asked me to try to not be so perfect, so I drowve off planning all the ways I could do things over the next week to prove to her that I could actually cope with imperfection. It took me a while to realise that that wasn't the point.

Now, I'm not perfect, and I am happy being not perfect. And I truly do feel that - I'm not just saying it because I think it's what I should say.

Dittany, I don't think that DWP has had a hard time of it on this thread. We have done nothing but support her and want better for her.

Getting counselling (which I'm sure you could probably do through dh's work medical insurance, even without him knowing) was the sacriest, but most empowering thing I ever did. I am happy and confident in myslef (most of the time) so don't have to be perfect for someone else. I'm able to tell other people they are being unreasonable and not second gues whether I am actaully right or not.I'm repeating myself I know, but I'm going to carry on doing it until you listen.

So did you talk to him dwp? Did he listen?

Just whizzed through the thread.....how awful for you coming home to all that. Similar has happened to me aswell,my dh did nothing when the kids were small and still doesn't..... I have to agree with Anna though, put him straight on how out of order he was or you will just have to put up with this forever (like i do) I wasn't hard/strong enough to make dh see how unfair it was to leave our house in such a mess after my days away etc., and now he just takes the p**s to be honest!