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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

I thought I was a terrible housewife but after 3 days away have realised just how much I do (and DH doesn't)

191 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/04/2008 11:13

I had a lovely break staying with my BF and her baby and after a transport nightmare last night didn't get home until past midnight so just fell into bed.

I am horrified at the state of the place this morning, and the bright sunshine doesn't make it any better.

  • Dishes from breakfast before I left are still there with various others piled on top.

-The DC emptied their drawers all over their room which DH put into bin bags in hall rather than put back away. At least he picked them up I guess!

-No laundry has been done so there is a mountain of it. The washing I hung up to dry thursday evening is still on the racks, and the washing machine I put on spin friday morning before I left has been left with it sitting in it.

-The floors are filthy

-The windows have sticky handprints all over them

  • Every last puzzle, game, duplo bit and set of blocks seems to be strewn around the house

-And worst the toilet seat has poo on it.

There's more but I won't bore you. No doubt they had a fun weekend, they have been out to the aquarium, park and beach but simple things like this should have been done aswell? At least I should be grateful he thought to take the rubbish out.

Where do I start? I feel to angry to even bother.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 13:56

"I'll just settle back into my embittered life as I am not worthy of help."

How dare you treat posters who are trying to help you like that?

You are just a spoilt little girl.

ItsNotYouItsMe · 14/04/2008 13:57

You are worthy of help - that is a martyr-ish comment though. GEt a cleaner in. Jesus.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 13:57

oh hello cod this is going nowhere

I think me and Anna are off for a coffee and a Danish if you want to come

ItsNotYouItsMe · 14/04/2008 13:57

What help do you want?

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:00

'I haven't got the patience for this' I've given you enough' etc

I am very grateful for a place to rant and the advice I get but I don't think such comments were necessary.

I|'ll just skip off to my gingerbread house and gorge myself, spoilt woman I am.

PuffCoddy · 14/04/2008 14:00

i am having toast and honey here ofr a rahter belated lunch.

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:01

woman girl

Rubyrubyruby · 14/04/2008 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino · 14/04/2008 14:05

people have tried to help

but you have made it clear that your position does not change

You are angry and martyred. You have no intention of trying to do anything positive to change your marriage. You have no intention of respecting anyone's alternate point of view.

It is no surprise that posters who have tried to help will get annoyed by this attitude towards them.

ItsNotYouItsMe · 14/04/2008 14:05
aefondkiss · 14/04/2008 14:07

TDWP, I get like this when I go away too, it is not fair that your dh left the house in that state, he had the time when your dc were in bed to tidy up after the hectic days out, and if they were so busy being out, how did they manage to make so much mess?

your dh is out of order and I hope you get a weekend away soon to make up for the mess you came home to, but next time make it very clear that you expect the house to be tidy - you shouldn't have to spell it out to him, but you cannot let him think it is acceptable.

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:08

app you just have no idea.

I have cleaned up most of the shite now, as I can't bear to live with it.
I think leaving it for him or hiring a cleaner is an immature way to approach it.

I will be having serious words tonight (if he comes home in time) and will move from there.

Why do I get shite for asking opinions and advice when people are asking elsewhere on the boards for how to clean their skirting boards etc

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 14:13

You get shit because you are misguided and very deeply in denial about how screwed up you are.

claricebeansmum · 14/04/2008 14:13

If I leave DH in charge for a weekend all I am after is for the DC to be in one piece on my return and that they have had fun.

You had a rest from family life, DH had a rest from work and looked after the DC. He is not as skilled as you at multi tasking - cannot clean and look after DC. So what? They had fun.

Can you do his job?

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:17

Thanks Anna888.

If I didn't abhor sarcasm I'd have much more to say to that.

swiftyknickers · 14/04/2008 14:23

i think maybe some people are being a bit harsh biut i think that this lies deeper than how clean the house is. really it is a respect issue, to leave the house a utter shit tip with poo on the loois dreadful. from your other posts DWP this man clearly has no respect for you

as for you taking his suit to the dry cleaners....silly. you are trying to prove what a GREAT housewife you are and how indispesible you are.the thing is he doesnt care and wont appreciate it

Countingthegreyhairs · 14/04/2008 14:34

TDWP - don't take it to heart - I think you have a right to "rant" here (that's the beauty of mumsnet!!) but I think people are airing their views very strongly out of concern for you (hope that doesn't sound too patronising - not my intention)

... don't know your background but as the gloriously named SwiftyKnickers says, it sounds as if there are deeper issues to discuss between you and dh than simply division of cleaning tasks.

It IS about respect and setting your dc a good example.

Hope you and dh have a productive talk tonight.

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:47

You are right, whilst he was away I posted about how happy I was, then a drunken rambling post with poetry in it.
I meat it all.
Justin the cold light of day it's hard to admit.

It's terrifying, actually.

Oblomov · 14/04/2008 14:50

Everyone is entitled to a rant.
But after that, we gave a hug, listened and supported. Then gave advice.
But DWP doesn't seem to have listened or taken anything really constructive from the thread.
Surely this will just repeat, repeat, repeat, DWP, and nothing will actually really change ?
And that is NO GOOD.

claricebeansmum · 14/04/2008 14:51

What is terrifying DWP?

swiftyknickers · 14/04/2008 14:52

grey hairs that was my nickname at uni-cant think why

relationship problems are always hard to admit - i hope you can see some solutions

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 14/04/2008 14:58

If I wanted relationship advice I'd have posted there again).
This thread has swung around to it , but mainly not very helpfully.
I hope I haven't ignored anyone, if I have it wasn't intentional.

Anna8888 · 14/04/2008 15:05

You've identified your own denial.

You posted a relationship problem so you got relationship advice .

Prufrock · 14/04/2008 15:08

DWP - I do understand that this is scary. you might not like the way he treats you, but at least your familiar with it. BUt please please listen to the people here who are saying this is not normal.

I've told you about my dh and our set up before. If I went away for the weekend (which I will be doing soon actually) I wouldn't expect washing to be done tbh. I'm not sure dh knows where the washing machine is now I've created my laundry room upstairs . But I would come home to a clean kitchen with pots washed (though he probably wouldn't have mopped the whole floor he would have wiped up spills). The childrens rooms and playrooms would be tidy-ish - dh would have stuck to our agreed standards and made sure they helped tidy them before bed each night. And dh is more anal than me about loo cleanliness so would definately not have left poo on the seat.

Prufrock · 14/04/2008 15:09

Instead of talking to him about it, will you please go and get yourself some counselling? Therapy helped me so much in enabling me to actually believe in my own self worth, and you will not get your dh to value you until you do it yourself. then you can start to af=dress the issues in your relationship, becasue only then will you be able to see them as clearly as we all can as outsiders.