I thought I was a terrible housewife but after 3 days away have realised just how much I do (and DH doesn't)

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

I had a lovely break staying with my BF and her baby and after a transport nightmare last night didn't get home until past midnight so just fell into bed.

I am horrified at the state of the place this morning, and the bright sunshine doesn't make it any better.

• Dishes from breakfast before I left are still there with various others piled on top.

-The DC emptied their drawers all over their room which DH put into bin bags in hall rather than put back away. At least he picked them up I guess!

-No laundry has been done so there is a mountain of it. The washing I hung up to dry thursday evening is still on the racks, and the washing machine I put on spin friday morning before I left has been left with it sitting in it.

-The floors are filthy

-The windows have sticky handprints all over them

• Every last puzzle, game, duplo bit and set of blocks seems to be strewn around the house

-And worst the toilet seat has poo on it.

There's more but I won't bore you. No doubt they had a fun weekend, they have been out to the aquarium, park and beach but simple things like this should have been done aswell? At least I should be grateful he thought to take the rubbish out.

Where do I start? I feel to angry to even bother.

I'm with Anna on this. I'd have cleaners in, not to make a huge deal out of it but to get it done without diong it yourself

srory ds is hepling me type

cappuccino! Surely we must have agreed before about.... something!?

I'm steadily getting it done today.

Getting Cleaners in is so wrong on so many levels ( as marvelously pointed out earlier in the thread)

You are your own worst enemy, TDWP...

don't do it

are you insane?

you are enabling him to treat you like this

Must agree with Anna And Capp on this one. DVP, why do you allow this man to treat you so badly ?

It's trying to balance it though. I am very happy he had so much fun with the DC, but then I'm annoyed he couldn't keep on top of even small things (something which I've been yelled at before)

It doesn't help he had that long stretch away, absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder so maybe I am forgiving him too much?

She went away for the weekend whilst he stayed at home with the DC's, so she was off having a jolly time anyway!
Personally I would clean it up myself, just because I'd want it to be to my standards but I'd make sure everything had been written down and he would be having a right royal bollocking over it.

(and don't leap on me for being a bitch, but I wonder how well they ate and how often they got changed)

It's one thing to forgive him, quite another for you to make amends for his bad behaviour by doing all the shit work his fun weekend with the children has generated.

If you don't want to be treated like a slave, don't behave like one.

Try behaving like a goddess, TDWP.

VS I recently spent 9 days alone whilst he was off with work. And I'm not sure you've seen any of my other threads but I think for those that have it puts this into a bigger picture.

VS - TDWP's DH doesn't react to bollocking, so what good would that do?

I don't think many men grow ever more in love with screaming harridans. That's not a good long term strategy.

Next time you go away (and there must be a next time) leave a list of things you do on a daily basis.

My dh was left with a list as long as hos leg when I went away for 2 weeks last year. The house was immaculate when I got back...but has he cleaned a toilet rim since? Has he heck. We do it and we do it, and we never expect or ask. TIME TO START EXPECTING AND ASKING.

I did see the other thread TDWP.
I know about your experience and have been through an horrificly abusive relationship myself, but I don't see why anyone man or woman should have to sit at home cleaning and doing the childcare whilst the other is off having fun.

As you say they have been to the beach, the aquarium and the park so home was just used as a 'base' the last few days whch explains it not being pristine and as such the laundry and beds not being changed wouldn't bother me.

I would be pissed that there was food on the floor and toys everywhere, as IMO they're the kind of jobs you do as you go along so it is just laziness that stops those being done so I'd focus on those.

Surely things such as dirty dishes, pooey toilet seats and mouldy laundry should be done without asking? And how could e even be in the house with that all day?

We actually had long hard talks when I was about to end maternity leave about if he should be a 'househusband'
Thank god we decided against.

IME if anything 'needs to be done without asking' then its something you need to ask someone to do. its only you that does it without being told to.

Yes, those things should be done without asking. That is just basic clearing up after oneself.

My stepsons (13 and 10) are expected to tidy their bedroom and bathroom when they leave (and they do). I expect (or ask the cleaner) to hoover and dust once a week or so, and send the window cleaner in there.

Pooey toilet seats and dirty dishes yes.
Of course.
Personally I wouldn't have gone away leaving dishes from breakfast in the sink anyway.
Mouldy laundry how long were you away?

VS so those nights recently where I have been stewing and he hasn't made it home to see the DC as he was out in the pub count for shit?
oh, wait, you are right. I didn't deserve my first weekend without children since they were born to spend time with my closest oldest friend and her baby.

At what point did I say you didn't deserve to go away?
Of course you do, everyone deserves me time.

Mouldy smelling yes. I put it in on friday morning and I only opened it today.

I'm leaving this thread alone now. It's stressing me out more.

hang on

hang on

this is the man who ripped your magazine up and threw your coffee in the sink because you hadn't tidied the house for when he got in

AND YOU ARE CLEANING UP AFTER HIM?

you are utterly ridiculously cluelessly barmy

it seems to me that you are both people with hugely high standards who, instead of coming together to work out how to achieve it them as a team, use either aggression (ripping, shouting) or passive-aggression (boiling inside while tidying) to take it out on one another

it can't go on

well it can but it will be shit

I am a bit at the "that's men for you" comments.

DH looks after DD on Tuesdays, when I do on call at work. TBH the place is tidies when I get home than I manage to keep it, and he also find time to take DD swimming.

the housework/organisation gene are the Y chromosome are not mutually exclusive.

tidier even