Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

@Solo pleased to see you, hang in there. I’m still trying to get the energy together to tackle my hoarding parent’s house and feel almost selfishly focused on my own recently which I have to forgive myself for. I’ve only really been bullying their recycling out of their house. In case no one has said it to you - thank you all your efforts 💐

@Elleherd time deficit paybacks… that sums an issue up really well - interestingly it was more their Dad than me who brought things into our house. I was a sucker for sets and collections though - so he started things that I continued (and neither of us got rid of anything… which led us to where we are now).

@CherryMargo I do my dishes every day and was almost tearful when my husband used all the pans cooking the necessary variety of things for fuss bags so I had to stack some to do the next day due to space. It’s a small thing that helps start every day well.

Also completely identify with the struggle to finally part with absolutely threadbare things. Why is this so hard?!

It’s so nice to read updates - all round for those who are struggling.

The return to school date is now so near and once again I have unrealistic expectations of how much I’ll get done once school starts.

When school actually starts back I immediately feel as though I’m stuck on a treadmill that’s going just a bit too fast for me to manage and it gets harder and harder. After a few weeks I think, if I can keep on til half term I’ll be able to get on top of things when I’m not rushing to do school runs…

Enough moaning.

In positives, my kitchen is a comparative delight as I’m really trying to maintain the clearer counters and do wiping/sweeping etc every day. There is still a corner/wall that is extremely cluttered but definite progress. Everywhere else : complete carnage.

And now I have covid after DS got sick on our trip . With DH illness ruining our our Finland trip in the beginning of the holidays this summer has truly been s…

@Miaowse well done on the kitchen maintenance and solidarity on the back to school optimism. All progress is progress and 9.30-2.30 is not a long time.

@Nordicmom get well soon and rest as much as you can 💐

I’ve had a challenging Summer for work reasons and it has been s… with no end in sight to workload overload.

I need a new start from September because I haven’t been outside in the sun much and I feel like I’ve atrophied into a chair shaped blob. But I’ve managed to squeeze in tiny baby steps of house progress and seen lovely family members.

Thank you @FiniteSagacity ! You’re quite right, not long at all and I WFH mostly in school hours too so it’s always a squeeze to get everything done. My brain doesn’t factor that in so I expect way too much then feel terrible when I fail to make progress, a very common scenario!

The work overload sounds stressful - fantastic you have made baby steps of house progress in spite of work overwhelm How lovely to see family too!

Get well soon wishes to Nordicmom

for everyone struggling - every little thing is worth doing even if it feels like it isn’t making a difference.

I think I have broken the back of 'the pile'. In one way it has gone (kind of) and furniture moved around so it can not resettle.

All the craft stuff is sorted, attic or thrown. So now I have a craft cupboard just for me. Now when I have time to do something, I know where everything is.

Now I only have a dozen boxes left. Half with paperwork which will be relatively easy to sort and the rest with memorabilia stuff which will be harder to deal with. Plus one bookcase which is falling down. I have never got 'the pile' so low...ever!

We even had enough space to fit in a desk and chair for my new work from home job!

I haven't had much time to sort, as I am working 40 hours a week but I am aiming to deal with the bookcase this weekend if I can.

Sending positive vibes to everyone on the group.

Aw, thanks Cherry I missed you all too.
Finite it's hard, isn't it? My mum has thanked me, but of course, she's not seen everything I've done since mid-July, so I accept your thanks.

The scary bit is that I have her packed conservatory and 3 bedrooms to sort out. I am not looking forward to that as all I get from mum is "I want to sell, I need a bungalow". Well yes! But your house has to be sorted first. If I don't do it first, it'll be a nightmare when (if) it is sold and everything has the be done then. I'm just not prepared to do it at the 11th hour.

Why can't we (I) open all the posts on one long page now? I always did that before. Does anyone know, please?

Keep on keeping on everyone.

Get well soon Nordic. A pity your holiday was spoiled by illness when you were so looking forward to it.

Congratulations on your progress with 'the pile' Babies.

I used to have a corner like that in my kitchen Miaowse but I kept at it and now it's totally decluttered. It took years because every time I took junk out of there I ended up putting something else in its place. Yours will be finished too some day.

FiniteSagacity I feel the same about not getting enough daylight.

I hope your health flare up dies down soon Elleherd.

Good to see you again Solo.

I don't post much here but I always read along. I can't believe how many of you are also dealing with hoarding parents/relative's homes, as if your own isn't enough to have going on. Sending strength to you all.

I'm making progress with clothes. I put a dress on today, realised it was bobbly and decided to get rid after I'd worn it today. It came from a drawer which I know I supposedly culled all the worn out things from several months ago. I'm another who uses things until they're threadbare then wonders if it's threadbare enough to get rid of. So getting rid of something at the 'too bobbly' stage is a big deal for me.

CherryMargo Please bring your high September hopes to the thread. We need high hopes!

FiniteSagacity I wonder if the fact things get threadbare is because we have felt able to depend on them in the first place, and getting rid of what we find dependable… Just thoughts.
Well done on baby steps of house progress and getting some social life.
A September shove forward sounds good.

miaowse You’ve also just described the back to uni treadmill experience perfectly!
“Comparative delight” & “definite progress” sounds good, (ignore the carnage, one day it too will get done)
every little thing is worth doing even if it feels like it isn’t making a difference. Yes.

Nordicmom sorry to hear that, that’s rotten timing. Hope you get through it ok and get well soon.

BabiesEverywhere You sound like you’re really cracking it!
“I Now when I have time to do something, I know where everything is.” “I have never got 'the pile' so low...ever!” really encouraging!

BlueSummerBaby It does run in families, even if it presents differently, and there's that point where they and we hit certain ages and stages and it all comes home to roost. Really hard to know how much is nature, and how much nurture. (or lack of it!) Looks worriedly at two of the Dc's particularly.
Congratulations on retiring the too bobbly attire!

Solo I hear the voice of experience behind “I'm just not prepared to do it at the 11th hour.” Stay with that for your and your Dd's sanity!
No one to blame but myself for it all being 11th hour here, but it’s so stressful and a stupid way to try and work, because other fires that need fighting, always choose that moment to flare up and take hold.

Blind asking the blind here; are you using a mobile? Either way, try going to your profile, and on the left hand menu is 'talk settings'. On there it asks how many posts you want to see at a time. I have mine set at 25 and that gives me a roll down screen of posts. Also I have an add blocker which makes a huge difference to how I view things.

Last three days have been pretty poor going and I haven’t got anything near as much done as needed at aunts, and mainly just basic maintenance at ours.
But I did manage to attack the table paper stack during phone calls and chucked a whole thick file of paperwork away as a token to not forgetting my own problems.

I’m barely eating and very broken sleep, both affecting energy levels, so trying to find solutions. Quite a bit of time gone to hospital appointments and talking to officialdom.
I seem to have reached a point at aunts where it’s all slow sorting and cleaning, and not finding that much I can reasonably chuck without her permission.

But I did manage to cobble together extra extension pipes to the one on the hoover and clean the large area of flaking paint and plaster at its source, instead of repeatedly clearing the fine powder that kept coming down on everything I was doing and making everything look worse.

Half of Friday was spent trying to hold SS off from visiting on Monday as currently it won’t pass, and the Visiting DWP Officer who doesn’t understand that they’re not the most important appointment in all this, and need to hold off a couple more days please.

This weekend I have to massively catch myself up, as next week is going to be the crunch point where things are either good enough to get aunt home, or I’ll be hit financially for messing up the timings.

Annoyingly the launderette chose this weekend to be on short hours, so that has to get prioritized rather than fitted in, and one of the projects I was doing some work for have chosen this weekend to demand I come and clear out my part of the workspace we were using.

I forgot that a lot of the world sees August as holiday and September as need to have done everything!

Hey ho, off to try again.

BlueSummerBaby thank you very much for that lovely encouraging comment about the kitchen, I can’t tell you how much I hope that’s true. I tackled two kitchen junk drawers yesterday but I’m just very aware of all the previous times I’ve got to a similar stage and it seems I can never maintain it.

Miaowse each time we get somewhere and it doesn't stay that way we learn more about why, and get closer to what we want.

Laundry got done despite minimal opening, but messed up time wise. Workspace tidied up, but not cleared out as closing. [Blush]

Got plastic bottles out of aunts along with two bags of glass ones. Plucked up courage to attack three 6ft metal arches flaking paint and rust everywhere, covered with a dead 7ft high burr covered triffid in her ‘conservatory/kitchen’ that burrs keep getting caught in her long-haired cats fur. A neighbor's been helping care for them but draws the line at getting ripped to pieces de tangling the burrs, so another thing that was causing constant additional work.
Have disassembled the arches knowing she’s deeply attached to them, but they have to be re-painted to be indoors, and combined with dead triffid (and it’s friends) add to the sense of neglect as well as ‘critters’ living there.

Today became ‘reassess situation’ day. I just can’t do enough in time and it’s going to cost me.
So I’ve had to agree the best "cut your losses Mum" approach is to keep on the storage unit for another month. Pack lots of aunts stuff into boxes until enough is gone to get repairs done and create an acceptable place for her to return to.
Boxes will sit in her place while I focus on getting everything that’s staying sorted, and repair people in, and Ds will try to find time to move them.

Am going to hold officialdom off as long as I can but if not possible and they’re coming anyway, then we’ll have to work overnight to remove the boxes in one hit.

Once aunt is back in, I’ll have to bring them back a few at a time and hopefully she’ll agree with letting go of some of what I’ve earmarked. If not then we’ll have to pack it in round her and hope it doesn't cause issues.
Not the best solution, but hopefully workable and at least Ds is on side rather than angry at me trying to push too hard over the storage unit. (it’s still going though!)
About to go see her and explain everything, with fingers crossed.

Miaowse the best thing I ever did was to get rid of the junk cupboard. It's a false economy throwing things in there, can never find anything, buy duplicates because forgotten what you have, wasted storage space. It took an entire day! Just for that one small space. But I cleared it. Some went back in as I decided that would be their home. If it helps, it now contains:

• electronic things. Spare phone chargers and earphones etc. I checked they all belonged to things I still had. I had things in there for electronic gadgets I'd tossed out years ago.
• toy pony accessories eg combs and hair bobbles etc
• tools. Hammer, nails, screwdriver etc
• lights. So candles, lightbulbs, torches and batteries (checked they still work)

Everything else was rehomed to a more suitable place, if I couldn't find it a home it was because it really was junk that could be binned. Now if I don't put things away in their home immediately it goes on the coffee table and is very visibly there, so it gets rehomed by the end of the day. I will never have a junk cupboard again

Elleherd how do you feel about it all? I would definitely go the route of keeping the storage for another month if it were me. You are having all these different stresses/pressures coming from different directions, but you’re still powering through, getting stuff sorted

Now the decision has been made about the storage, has it lifted a bit of that pressure? Fingers crossed it’s possible to delay the home visit. Was your aunt happy with the plan once you spoke to her? I hope she appreciates your help and everything you’re doing for her

BlueSummerBaby they didn’t start out as junk drawers but they were stuffed full with bits and bobs that I needed to keep but wasn’t sure what to do with (lots stayed in there so long they lost their usefulness, e.g. receipt for furniture bought 5+ years ago, guarantee/return period long since past!). Now the drawers look beautifully tidy, but the challenge will be maintaining! Funny you should mention lightbulbs as I’m thinking of moving spare lightbulbs to one of these drawers, but I’m wary of cramming too much in.

Your drawers sound wonderfully organised. Ours now hold - spare hair ties, card readers and bank stationery, excess staples (so many!!), plus other miscellaneous items I can’t think of at the minute. But they are all things that if I was looking for them, this drawer is where I’d check first.

Miaowse It’s not exactly lifted the pressure, but removed some pressure caused by indecision and trying to outrun everything at the same time, and changed it to pressure to find the money for it, and make the plan work, outrunning fewer things.

What ever happens is going to hit me financially. But theoretically this is the least expensive option as long as I can get enough done in time. If I can’t I’ve added to the financial problems, and confrontation with officialdom which I’m finding horribly stressful. I fear it, but apparently not enough to prevent myself causing it in the first place!
I think aunt is appreciative, she definitely was, but currently all that shows is mounting fear that she’s going to lose her home, pets and independence. And she’s grieving for her dogs and an independent life.

(Her elderly dogs deteriorated suddenly while she was in hospital, and I had no choice but to do the right thing for them. Initially it was the oldest one, then the other more unexpectedly. )

She was initially pretty unhappy about the triffid and arches, as apparently, she was going to spray-paint the dead triffid with the burrs in gold for Christmas!
But she hadn’t realized the cats were distressed or hurting me when being de-burred.
(they let her do it apparently!) She’s doesn’t want cats or me suffering, and agrees arches are in desperate need of attention and repainting if she’s to keep them going. Explained the rest and reiterated the promise to not chuck unless out of date food or absolute clear rubbish.
.
Where she is, is ok-ish but far from lovely, and they don’t like her being up and about as much as possible trying to not further lose mobility.
She is worried about what I’m doing, but more afraid of the alternative when pressed.

Yesterday: too much lost to dealing with finances and authorities. But got lots of big strong stacking boxes, took over to aunts, and packed the first one. I struggle a bit with the maths but think each one amounts to about three cubic feet of stuff, or cleared space if it’s packed.

I’m trying to visualize the dense areas in her home as ‘If I can remove 3 cubic feet from there, and there and there, what does that do for the situation and how will it look?' for the fastest results.

At home: chucked out a large half burned candle, a ‘useful’ container, and sorted the equivalent of another file of paperwork and receipts into recycling, and some that has to be shredded.
Couple of clothing items and unneeded gift set into charity box.

Sorting tonight's food for all, then off to aunts.

Yesterday didn’t go as planned. Rain dropped down heavily here overwhelming the drain, and flooding my kitchen, and by the time I sorted worst of that out, left much later.
Arrived at aunts to be hit with a very strong smell of damp cellar and got caught up investigating that.
The downpour has permeated her damaged wall, which I assume is what’s causing the sudden smell. No idea what to do about that tbh.

Was just about to get down to packing when it started bucketing down again, and I came back, and caught it before it re flooded.

Got the kitchen lino up today to try and let it and the floor try and dry out.

But in the process of clearing everything up, the good news is two carrier bags of general clutter got identified and evicted.
This morning I turfed out another carrier bag from the living room, as well as a carrier bag of paperwork, and have a big bag of shredded paper as well, all
while on the phone or waiting for call backs.
So between yesterday and today while I've lost a day at aunts, I've at least got equivalent of another sack of stuff out of here.

About to go to aunts and do all i can double speed but without hurting myself...

Oh my goodness Elleherd what stressful experiences, will keep fingers crossed for you that there are no more rainstorms.

It seems like there is one thing after another, you are doing so well to keep up the momentum in the face of everything.

Good luck and hope today is both uneventful and productive.

Miaowse thank you, it is just one thing after another here. Some is our fault, others just seems to be life. Hopefully work done on the drains will protect mine at least from more flooding, as sudden downpours seem to be ongoing here.
I am having to force myself daily to keep up any momentum tbh, but being accountable here does weirdly help.

Adding "uneventful and productive day" to 'please hold off until next week prayers.'

Yesterday: Aunts flat still smelling really damp. Took apart some of the damaged corner, but still working to clear to actual corner. Got the curtains down with a pole and grabber and into the bath.

Took them down after realizing there's mold all over the linings. Not sure they're salvageable, water was a very muddy deep brown initially, but we'll see. (off course I had to have chucked out my good spare curtains in the big de clutter.)

Found a fair amount of damp mold on all the wood and window frames, behind them and very thick spiders webs, as well as slight damp on the edge of the carpet, but I think condensation's caused it and it isn't the main issue.

Sorted all of that, and left curtains soaking overnight. Got the two large packed boxes to storage, creating much needed space for packing up more. I've wrecked half of what I'd previously created, in the process of trying to find the source of the smell.

Got home knackered, ignored our still wet kitchen, and tackled a small drawer instead. Result is an old Christmas tablecloth, a small box, and some paper and receipts gone, and a packet of new unused Christmas tea towels into the charity box.

Getting so much better at ignoring things sat in recycling or rubbish at least.

About to head off to aunts.

With luck the curtains will look/smell much better after a long soak. I hate it when you’ve got rid of something you then have a use for, so unhelpful as it reinforces that “just in case” worry that a such a barrier to decluttering. You are doing such a fantastic job, so hope you’re not too disheartened by this setback.

I had a really unproductive day yesterday from a house standpoint, but I’m reading another book I’ll be happy to let go of once finished. Slowly, slowly whittling down my shelves book by book.

The kitchen is being maintained more or less but yesterday we needed to move lots of stuff to get to the understairs cupboard (meter readings) and some of the stuff ended up in the kitchen so it does feel a bit like one step forward then one or two steps back.

How is everyone else? Those with school age children, are you coping with the new term routines?

I’ve just been sent the link to this thread. I’m struggling with the house. Thanks

Hi Loginmystery welcome to the thread. We're a pretty diverse bunch on here, but we all have struggles with our homes, and balancing it with families, work, study etc, and lots of us have some issues with chucking stuff out, so it's judgement free round here while we try to keep each other going.

Having some kind of accountability, or even just kind souls listening, can make quite a difference, but for many of us, motivation actually follows action, as odd as that sounds. Even posting about it, can get people started.

Miaowse Agree with the annoyance of potential reinforcement of the ‘just in case’ keeping.
But I reminded myself that it isn’t actually my job to be able to supply aunt with new curtains etc at the drop of a hat. This is actually a new mindset for me, as such things always have been my role.

Got them to the launderette and washed and dried them, and they've come surprisingly well. But getting them back up is going to be a marathon, and this level of work is a bit more than what I was intending.

De-cluttering books by reading them sounds eminently sensible. Wishing you the time and energy, to get the meter cupboard stuff moving. I’ve learnt that things put down somewhere temporarily, start calling out other things to join them.

I can’t believe I’ve made it to the weekend. Carrying on on quietly praying while going into attack mode at aunts this evening and tomorrow, as I doubt authorities will hold off any further.

Most of yesterday's efforts at aunts went to cleaning, with two boxes half packed up.
Everything just seems to take so much longer than I envision.

Also thoroughly cleaned out my Karcher in case it was adding to the smell, but don't think it was. It feels like the smell isn't as bad now though, so really don't know what's going on.

Got home too tired to do any more than sort through paperwork for disposal or shredding, but made myself do it, just so that we don’t stand still here. Approx. one carrier bag out.

Kitchen floor's still too damp to put the lino back down but did manage to chuck out a few bits from the kitchen, that should have gone long ago.

Welcome loginmystery this is a very supportive, non-judgemental thread with wise posters to offer encouragement. Is everything too overwhelming and you don’t know where to start?

Elleherd so true about the small piles turning into large piles. Hopefully I can tackle it before it gets much worse.

Just bagged up some clothes for dropping off at the charity shop this afternoon. Placemarking after Elleherd sent me here. Thanks, @Elleherd .

Thank you. Yes absolutely overwhelmed