Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

I refuse to despair, but yesterday I considered it!

I’d planned so thoroughly around foreseeing issues so they could be worked around, I missed the ones under my nose!
Struggling to get the needed help to clear vehicle. Ds seems allergic to it, so went with partly cleared but no arguments at least.
When we got to the unit, we both started feeling unwell shortly after starting work. Went downstairs, both fine, back up, swiftly deteriorated.
Realised the air from the first floor upwards is really stale as well as very warm. To add to it Chrons wise, I simply won’t be able to eat at all until we’re finished for the day. Not quite sure how to manage that as I feel I need energy and something in my stomach to work, but the end results are untenable.

Left going up to the top floor until later, and when the lift doors opened were hit by extreme heat. (Is this is the coming off plane in hot country experience?) It’s a barely insulated metal roof and two of the walls! Ds recons it’s in the 40’s up there. It’s certainly extremely hot.

Decided to do nothing up there until we were in much lighter clothes and plenty of water to tip over our heads. It’s hard to breathe.

Actual haul was five black sacks and a lamp, and we got it to dump. Today was scheduled as potentially an off day as no help and lots of appointments.

Well done @Elleherd 5 bags on a day off, that's amazing!
I had to read twice, I thought you had a lift in your house, but the heat there sounds unbearable. I don't have Crohn's but other issues, if you can't eat due to lack of facilities I totally get that, it's such a pain.

I've filled a bag for one of those doorstep charity collections, DP thinks they're all scams but is just glad I have a bag to chuck out so is saying this one might be legit!

I'm trying to get satisfaction from things being reused but am so fussy about the charity shops I donate to, I totally over think and try to alternate where I go. I hate if they seem like 'ungrateful' or maybe just not happy to get stuff - it's all washed, some is ironed, it's genuinely not crappy worn out clothes, they are just put in textile bin. I have to resist the urge to cut them into cleaning cloths. I hate chucking things that could be useful, but that's how I ended up in the current mess.

Anyway I'm aiming to have 3 bags filled tomorrow as I have a free day and help. Writing this is my action to bring motivation.

Elleherd thank you, always such kindness! The fixed version was much better. I don’t know why, but to me it feels like misleading people if I don’t caveat any positives with an acknowledgement that everything else is still dreadful so it makes me uncomfortable to leave that out.

The conditions at the storage place sound very challenging, especially in this heat. Can you tolerate a sugary/isotonic drink? I think today is another scorcher so take care. And I agree with zebrashoes - 5 binbags is incredible!

Such an interesting set of posts about the differences and similarities between people who struggle with stuff. I feel I have made a huge amount of progress in changing my mindset for some things - I donated the bulk of my only child’s babywear, lots of old cards, old uni notes, receipts/ tickets/mementoes etc. Things I’d been hanging on to and consciously decided to keep many many times in previous decluttering attempts have now gone. But it took 20+ years of reading decluttering books/blogs/threads and watching minimalist/decluttering YouTube videos to finally get to that point.

There are things I regret getting rid of - mostly clothes! But for the most part I don’t miss the things at all. I have notebooks (bullet journal type thing) and I found a log of stuff I discarded from when I was trying to do a challenge about 6 years ago and I genuinely had forgotten lots of the things listed ever existed.

i now struggle most with the miscellaneous stuff and papers and things that I might need and the random bit of plastic as it obviously goes with something, the boxes of random crap that have sat untouched for years but I don’t have the confidence to throw out without sorting. The piles of jumbled clutter that I know will involve so many decisions I just can’t face. The too many of x when there is no obvious route out except the bin.

I am fairly good at not acquiring new stuff (but sadly that’s not true of everyone in the household and my child gets given so much stuff by relatives). I have a few blind spots - every year I buy a few family games as in my fantasy life we would play board games together. I occasionally buy craft/art/knitting supplies as I would like to be more creative. I buy lots of notebooks and stationery and lots of cleaning supplies. Both are trying to address my issues with organisation and disastrous home. Every so often I buy make up - again that’s just not me, so it is a fantasy life purchase.

I think clutterbug is good on these types or purchases; having this stuff around makes you feel so bad about yourself.

Good luck with the 3 bags zebrashoes and well done on filling one already. I know what you mean about the dodgy doorstep collections but at least it gets the stuff out of your house!

I see your DH reticence about the charity bags zebra but when I need to get rid I always think my purpose was to get rid, not to donate to the charity, so does it matter who has the stuff? Even if it's a scammer, if they want the stuff and will use it I'm fine with that. I can donate money to a charity if I want to donate.

Have you tried "Dextro" tablets elleherd? They're essentially sugar pills, sold in pharmacies in various flavours (they're all nice), about 50 calories in each. No need to drink anything to swallow them if that's a problem, they melt in your mouth. The storage unit sounds like hell. Fingers crossed working there doesn't make you ill.

Miaowse I too am finding it easier as I keep going with the declutter. I totally relate to buying for a fantasy life. I'm trying to swap buying something for doing something. With the "too many" I've committed to using them up even though it takes ages. There's something satisfying about being able to recycle an empty bottle as the stash diminishes, at least.

@Elleherd I wish you luck and strength with the storage unit ! I personally never went to the one we had for 2 1/2 y during our two moves and selling / buying houses. DH dealt with it and I dealt with what went in / came out . I can imagine it could be really horrible in there in the heat , our house top floor is bad enough . Luckily no one has their room up there unlike in our last houses . Here our bedrooms are in the first floor and just a guest bedroom , a guest bath ( where we dry our laundry ) and the attic room plus the boiler etc cupboard are up in the top floor . I instigated the emptying of our storage locker earlier this y I think it was and we gave it up so don’t have one again which was our goal all along . I looked through everything and decluttered roughly 75% at least which I’m proud of ( especially since there were all the baby and kids clothes , kids school work etc I have an emotional attachment to and I was finally able to look through and let go of most off but it was very exhausting psychologically)and repacked the rest in labelled boxes neatly for our attic room which is quite big though . Still have 4 boxes to go through that we had to just move to the attic as is in the end from the dining room they were in so I’ll have to do them when kids are back at school . 2 are kids memory boxes and I think I’ll just transfer contents to new clean labelled boxes , and two are school ones that I’ll be able to weed the most of the contents off I know from experience.I’ve done most of the attic, it’s all been looked through decluttered and organised in clean new boxes with labels .I’ve gotten rid of huge amounts in the past years so don’t mind keeping these since we have space and I’m not trying to get rid of everything, I just wanted it to be looked through and organised and out of the way . there’s maybe 1/5 of it still to do which I’ll have to attack once these more urgent jobs are done and kids back at school and weather cooler too so this coming fall / winter . Atm the the temporary earlier holding area for storage locker boxes while I sorted through them the dining room ,that still lacks a table but has chairs and a large cabinet ,has a brand new elliptical machine we’ll have to sell since turns out I can’t use it and others won’t ,and another smaller new cabinet I don’t want to keep . It also now has the contents of a large storage cupboard in the garage that was full of utility stuff and one box of dog stuff I think I already sorted . Also a box of motorcycle gear DH already looked through but having sold his bike today ,which is a huge plus (also got a nice amount for it ) , he can now hopefully get rid of the box contents too . I’ll need to also look through the utility stuff from the under sink utility room cupboard and then organise it all and put them back in good order but I’m still trying to figure out what that order is . I have declutteted the contents of that garage cupboard so it should just be looking through one more big storage box from utility and the organising in boxes / wire baskets etc containers . I managed to last weekend go though the under stairs cupboard again only a few items decluttered since I’d done it recently but i removed a box of motorcycle gear and added two more storage boxes for sports stuff , labelled everything and added a double height shoe rack so it’s now much better and more likely to stay in order . Had to nag at DH for weeks to get him to help doing this with DS . Same with the motorcycle selling which he finally got around to and I’m so happy it’s done since now big empty space in the garage , one step closer to freeing the space for DH to build his car later this year , a large unused thing out or here and big chunk of money in ! Next I’ll have to get him to figure out selling the elliptical ( at least it folds hopefully that’ll help with getting rid of it ) and the cabinet I decided I don’t like the look of in my dining room . We also have several smaller items to sell in two boxes in the attic and I haven’t ever listed anything so will need DH to do it for me or to show me how but they’re not urgent there’s many more other things to do first . We had a leak in the downstairs loo ceiling whic was fixed today but they’ll have to come to fix the ceiling they cut a big hole in next week and that takes two visits just as we’re attempting to travel after our last trip to see my family earlier this summer got cancelled due to DH covid so I’m praying nothing else will happen now . Then our garden landscaping got stalled with the heat and the drought and DH needs sheds to be built in the garden to empty the garage of bikes and gardening equipment by November for his car build . They will do foundations for our sheds etc and we cant do one without the other so we’re slightly worried about time now . The developers of our house also need to come for a several days painting session over all the cracks that appear in new houses . That’s now scheduled for oct so we’ll have a month to sort stuff out after school starts but I don’t quite understand how it’ll be done when there’s cracks all over and then it’ll be smelly while we live here and we’ll have to move stuff out of the way too . This was meant to be during the summer initially and I was going to send the kids to MIL so grrrrr. We need to make a list of cracks when we get back from our trip to get a clear idea .
we’re due back only a few days before school starts so I’m trying to think if I’ve got everything ready for new term . I attempted to do things earlier in the beginning of holidays ,even before them but there’s always something like we got a mouthguard to make and clubs to sign up to when that opens ( one to chase as well that’s never gotten back to me ) and both kids still had some work to do as well also we haven’t been doing enough practise with DD for DD 11 + I don’t think although DH is more relaxed about it and just thinks she’ll do well . I think more practise is always useful . I have an endless list of endless tasks in my head and on paper and my own health issues are on the back burner permanently. I have a possible new problem I’m trying to manage but need tests and maybe new medication and then there’s a bunch of old problems I need investigated further and I feel like I don’t have time or energy ever . I’ve spent too much time at doctors and hospitals in the last 15 y . Feel like screaming or just hiding often . I’m trying to count my blessings and think about how much we’ve managed to get done and remember to enjoy time with the kids who grow up fast DS so leaving for uni next year I’m really sad about that already . Now that my aircon is back in order I’ll have to attack the suitcases again and just think I’ll be gratefully in a week if I get more things packed earlier and not left until last minute .

Oh yes and I’m hoping the 2 big boxes to charity shop will be dropped off this weekend after it was closed last but not holding my breath in this heat so maybe next fri before our trip when he’s working from home or after the trip but I’d be so glad if DH could do it then thats all current charity stuff out of the house .

Zebrashoes Unfortunately I have many, many, things, but not a lift.

Not lack of facilities, but extreme pain, followed by lots no one wants details of.

Recognizing others need what your holding onto ‘just in case’ can be a useful strategy.
If the shop seem ‘ungrateful’ or ‘not happy’ remember that person isn’t the charity, they’re a volunteer, and potentially not with the best social skills. (Apologies to all-rounder volunteers everywhere!)

If there's just been a major influx of long skirts for instance, and you’re the next through the door, the sight of even more, may be betrayed in their attitude.
If it helps to know, even the ‘scam’ bags end up with recipients gaining clothing they need at prices they can manage, I’ve been in one of the ‘scam bag’ sorting centers.
I hate chucking things that could be useful, but that's how I ended up in the current mess. You and me and many others. Worth dwelling on.

Miaowse totally get it about possibilities of misleading people– I suffer it too- hence the pot giving the kettle a gentle shine on it’s way past.

I wonder if it’s to do with upbringing. I’ve recently been wondering about my need to be truthful especially about my faults, while in r/l hiding my issues for self-protection.
Also how lying was such a bad and shameful thing as a child, punishable with physical pain, yet actually how we were expected to live lying about everything all day every day to protect parent from discovery over all sorts of things.

Changing mindsets is huge, and it is rough that it’s taken so many of us far too many years of trial and error to get ourselves anywhere near where we need to be. Yes to others bringing in stuff.

I’ve managed to stop buying cleaning supplies after realizing I have enough for a very long time to come, even though I do use quite a bit. (will be rebelling against childhood to the bitter end.)

The stuff that's your current struggle, is the stuff I’m no where near yet, but suspect I will have the biggest issues with too.

Thank you for survival ideas. Will have a look for isotonic drink and Dextro tablets – BlueSummerBaby.

Glad to hear you saying you finding it gets easier the longer you do it. The buying for the life we don’t have is an interesting one. In some areas I’m also trying to change my life a little closer to the one I was buying for.

Nordicmom Gosh, that sounds really busy and fairly fruitful. You’re kind of living my fantasy, (brand new more than big enough home, etc) but I can also hear that it brings with it it’s own problems.
Congratulations on the ‘roughly 75% de cluttering’ of the storage unit contents, especially against the pull of emotional attachment.

So much of all of this stuff is psychologically very exhausting.

Update: Yesterdays haul was:

Two large sacks assorted

Cooker

large wheeled table

four random shelves

small tabletop

one bag of phones and associated chargers wiring etc

12 x 12 coir mat

Ironing board

Large picture frame

Satellite dish

Satellite boxes

Bag of tv remotes

One bag of sheets blankets etc

Two large pairs of curtains

Tv

Office chair

small sack rubbish

It’s a good haul in many ways, but I also do actually have to caveat it before people excitedly think I’m half done, with; unfortunately it is a very small proportion of the total and was the easiest ‘first sweep stuff.’ It is still a good start though.

Quite a bit of it is very usable which is part of the issues I have, knowing there are people out there who need things. However, I’m at a point where I don’t have the time and ability to match people to stuff, so I have to just be brutal.

(Did put the one item out hoping others might find it- but will take to dump if not)

Didn't go near top floor. Way too hot further down to find out!

Thank you for the welcomes.

I had the urge to get rid of baby stuff, I just wanted it out of the house immediately. I filled 7 bin bags with baby clothes but then I chickened out of taking them to the charity bins. They're still sitting about my house :(
DH did take some stuff to the recycling centre/dump yesterday though and I didn't care. It was dozens of cardboard boxes, soiled cat bed, smashed plant pots, a rusty garden chair and other random bits of junk from the garden. I suppose those weren't exactly sentimental items.

@Miaowse I could have written boxes of random crap that have sat untouched for years but I don’t have the confidence to throw out without sorting. The piles of jumbled clutter that I know will involve so many decisions I just can’t face. The too many of x when there is no obvious route out except the bin that is literally my house and I’m just chopping away at it.

I have house guests again next weekend and it is helping to make me accountable. It reminds me I used to have FIL as a regular guest although he can’t visit now. It helped a lot having a regular person to stay, both as motivation and because he was amazing with the children.

So I’m working on the room of doom (and trying not to look at every other room in my house),

Love seeing everyone’s updates but like another poster, find it hard to scroll back without losing what I’ve typed so please know I’ve read them all and find solidarity and inspiration from you all.

MarthaMayWhovier
It’s a good starting point. Doesn’t matter if the stuff Dh took out wasn’t sentimental, it went out and is all good practice! The other stuff is now bagged ready to go. Remind yourself that and don’t beat yourself about when and how, loads of us here have done all sorts of odd little dances with stuff. It goes with the territory.
This might not work for you but If Dh is on side I’d ask him if he can please just remove it and don’t talk to you about it.

FiniteSagacity and lovely new posters I think we established some time back it’s fine not to respond to any specific posts, as for all sorts of reasons it can cause issues, but thank you it’s nice to think some of my drivel may just help someone other than me.

Apologies for listing items, it’s part of the exercises from the CBT book so I’m afraid you lovely lot get them.
Update: Made it into the top floor unit for long enough to realize it’s denser than I thought and may need to rethink how to make this all work. I’d like to say we can just easily chuck out enough but not so sure in the time scale. It is so hot up there that I’m just pouring sweat within minutes and can’t top up fluids without issue.
This mornings gone getting me to a point where I can work.
Have invested in Berroca tablets and Pro plus and am just being really careful.
yesterday’s haul:
two microwaves
tent
Large ride on toy
Dolls pram
Moses basket
2 shelves
Router and associated tec
I sack

Nice unexpected one was a passing family saw the dolls pram being loaded and wanted it, making their little girl very happy.

@Elleherd and others too , excellent progress ! You’re getting loads done !!!
althought I’ve been feeling sick and useless in the heat and mainly doing just daily cleaning , laundry , appointments and taking kids to activities, having builders around etc we’ve been getting a bunch of stuff out of the house and garage recently so happy about that . With selling the motorbike or Friday and yesterday DH taking the two big boxes ( all we had left atm ) to charity shop and a full carload to dump we’ve removed a lot from here in a few days ! Garage is looking so much better . DH has been organising into his cupboards and shelves and put new hooks above the garage big door for roof racks etc long things so they’re not on top of a cupboard anymore which looks much better . If only we got our sheds done and the bikes and mowers etc stored there then all is left is smaller things which are manageable and we have cupboard and drawer space for them in the nice matching units we got last year . I’m intending to do a suitcase for our trip next and this week will go doing other stuff im
sure but I’ve got to force myself to figure out how to best organise the utility room cleaning stuff in there under the sink and the back stock into the garage . Ive got more boxes and my wire baskets for more shallow top shelves I’ll just have to do it one day .
DH got rid of nearly all of his remaining motorcycle gear just kept summer and winter waterproofs they were new and expensive, a helmet and gloves . 20 more items decluttered and he found our old cars roof rack which went too . Don’t know why he’d kept it ?!!!! .

Oh and DH also took the rest of the food bank items there today and DD organised the living room bookcases so her books are in one and DS and DH in the other somehow they’ve been mixed up a bit . Now there’s even room in the few shelves of books and nothing is double stacked . We do each have books on the go in our bedrooms too though but so much less hanging around than we used to . We’ve taken hundreds to charity in the past few years I’m sure and I don’t miss them at all .

Well done Nordicmom it sounds like you're not only getting stuff out but also achieving order. Not sure exactly where you are but hopefully the heat is about to break. It is stupidly exhausting trying to work in it.

Yesterday ended up with rather more planing than working, but it was needed as we've five days left that Ds can help move things or get things to the dump and not getting there fast enough. Lots of large stuff (and boxes) upstairs that I just can't move alone, and too much to sort through in the time.

It did result in Ds agreeing to theoretically let a large piece of furniture go left to us by aunt, that he'd been trying to convince me we need to keep. Will involve hiring a large van to coincide with being allowed into dump. (they don't like vans)

Gone: two Tv's
two video recorders
child's large ride on tractor
dress
shelf
garden table

Things went slightly awry yesterday. Got some more organization of stuff done and a small amount of stuff loaded up to go, but turned up at the tip to find we/they got vehicle registration wrong way round, so not allowed in and have to re book.
Timing's irritating as I have to be at hospital, so it's all probably going to have to wait till tomorrow.

So actually out was couple of cardboard boxes and one small bag of rubbish.
Waiting in vehicle for disposal:
Large cooking pot
two large fabric boxes
six lattice wood shelves
wood pallet
fiber pallet
rug
computer printer
shelving support struts

I keep starting posts and then get interrupted so will keep this one short.

How was yesterday Elleherd? Tuesday sounded rather frustrating with that tip mix up and appointment, but it was an impressive haul ready to go out

Was the hospital ok? These things always eat up more time than you think, don’t they. I’m rooting for you and hope today is a good day

Now the weather is cooler/wetter I have a big backlog of clean wet towels taking up all my airer space. I might chance them on the line and keep my fingers crossed it doesn’t rain.

Hi Miaowse,
hope you get your towels dry today.
Hospital was boring and irritating, whilst not wishing to sound ungrateful.

Top floor unit remains very hot but is slowly cooling down.(your towels would love it!)
Amount of stuff that is actually others turns out to be a bit more than assumed, but it's good to be able to prove that.

It's been really hard work dealing with everyone. I've told them I simply can't afford to keep the extra unit for a further month, yet everyone's taking the view that I will somehow have to, rather than I will somehow have to clear it.

They want me to reinstate the contract so 'you can do things slower.' Thing is doing things slower also means getting very little help, and having to put huge amounts into getting others to do anything, each time.
I realize failure could be on the cards, but feel it's a bit early in the process to be assuming it.
Ds now saying he doesn't want to take lots to the dump in one day etc, in case it's considered 'too much' which I suspect is triggered by the new public bin rules, but...

Managed to get another dump slot this morning, so the stuff stuck in vehicle is now gone, alongside a bed, a fold out bed, and two single mattresses.
Am about to head off to the storage unit trying to be sanguine...

(Please excuse my whinging, it really is the only place I can!)

@Elleherd you are doing amazing , just keep on going with the momentum and don’t give into the others trying to slow you down !!!!

Your friends and relatives sound unhelpful Elleherd sorry you're dealing with that. You'd think your nearest and dearest would be pleased with a hoarder trying to sort their life out and taking action, not be trying to get out of helping when asked. It's unkind of them. If you're going to run out of time to clear the storage unit is it possible to focus on clearing your own stuff and leave theirs? I don't know what the storage units do with abandoned stuff but if it doesn't have a negative impact on you such as a fine or whatever in your name then I'd do that.

TBF to everyone, I think they are theoretically glad I'm trying to sort things out, they just want it to quietly happen.
Also don't want to face the reality that it's not only me, and how long it all takes, or that I'm no longer able to do a lot that they take for granted, and they're getting to see me unwell and in pain and not liking that..

They're also having difficulty with me wanting to get rid of things left to us, preferring that I get rid of other things so we can hang on to them, (but not in the house!) but long term we can't keep any of it and that's being forced to the surface.

Everyone's having to face up to things they don't wish to, and it's the person who's supposed to be the problem causing it.

Nordicmom Thanks, I am going to try and keep pushing on.
BlueSummerBaby Storage units generally run on similar contracts and just carry on billing you for as long as there's stuff left. If you fail to pay they eventually accept breach of contract and clear it, then take you to court for the unpaid bill as well as charging for disposing of the remnants and a 'fine' for breach of contract.

Yesterday's out list: futon base and futon, shelves, couple of boxes, roller blind storage, and small bits of wood. Going to the dump this morning.

It sounds very difficult. I’m sorry - but not surprised! - you’re running up against resistance from your helpers. While taking more time so you don’t have to rush into decisions sounds like a good idea, if you’re anything like me once the immediate pressure is gone nothing much will happen so I think you are doing the right thing in pushing on.

I expect they want you to get rid of things in theory, except XYZ that they value, but if that is the case they should take on the burden of storing/maintaining etc. easy to say, not so easy to arrange in real life…

I have stuff at my parents house I visit so infrequently and for such short periods that sorting stuff is very low on the list of things to do with the time (both for my parents & me) but I probably ought to make it a priority. I have said they can dump/give away various big items in the garage but it’s not fair to expect them to manage that with no help from me. They need help with dealing with their own stuff too…

Just popping back in. That does sound really difficult elle 💐

I haven’t managed any decluttering lately TBH except now while packing for our first holiday in a few years. I have gathered a few of Cagletini’s puzzles and games that are nearing their end - tatty etc so wouldn’t be selling or donating - and putting the pieces into freezer bags. So we can take them on holiday without taking the bulky boxes, she can be entertained while there, and we can get rid of them before coming home thus saving room in the suitcase. Also have gathered various half used activity books with the same idea! I may do that with a few picture books for bedtime and even a few items of clothing.

Other than that the house is still a bit of a mess.

I finally took the 7 bin bags of baby clothes to the charity bins today.