Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

BlueSummerBaby Nothing like growing up in poverty to give you that get while you can mentality. Food and hygiene are my huge ones there, and understanding was helpful but added to a sense of shame for me, and I suspect others may suffer it too.

…I'm a only a low level organized hoarder… Recognizing it early may be protective.

Had I been able to see it, I could have said that myself some years back. By the time I could see clearly, I was an extreme level organized hoarder.
Disability, health, & age, murmur to me how easily it could all fall to chaos.

So many different and possible components to why we hoard, what underlies it, and what triggers us losing control. Some have one, two, three factors, others multiples, and some all of them! I think it’s why it’s been seen as so hard or impossible to treat.
Few start out with full blown visible problems, though most can later pinpoint symptoms from before any notable issues. (ie being a rescuer, taking extra free food for later, guilt at not saving etc)

I have a tendency i take responsibility for things I'm not responsible for and have been working to let go of that. Everything from others problems to their emotional state and single handily trying to save the planet Painfully familiar!
I suspect what was done to me, and what wasn’t done for me, lies behind a lot of it, including the ‘save the planet’ as a fellow living thing.
But I also think growing up amongst long abandoned war damage, and broken living trees that had survived and witnessed all that, being slowly poisoned, a polluted waterway where no fish could survive, and animal cruelty, had it’s effects.

I do wonder if I took the ‘no one’s responsible for you, no one’s going to save you’, and translated into if I’m un-salvageable my only purpose is I must save everything/one else. The extremeness of my childhood makes it easier for me to see the possible connections but have heard many others with subtler confusing dysfunctional family dynamics, echoing similar.
I believe there’s other routes to the same place too, and am really interested in what others think about these things? (Dm’s welcome if interested, but worried about putting things out there.)

Selling I've found causes as many problems as it solves. It can be a useful side hustle but I feel it's something for when your life is fairly sorted out already.
This is spot on IMO! I used to sell things I’d made, supplemented by ‘bargain buys.’ But, on tables direct to people who could see what they were buying. I generally did well financially, and the children enjoyed driving, different places, free tasters, picnics and other stall holders children as instant playmates. Internet selling’s so different.

Currently I’m leaving serious resaleable’s to decide what to do, near the end, (alongside cherished stuff) as by then I may well have less work and income.
Interesting to note you saying selling can become obsessive. De-cluttering currently feels that way, but hoping it’s because I’m trying to do two places at the same time with my nose on the grindstone over time, money and authorities..
*Selling is also time you're not spending cleaning, decluttering or organising your home.” Yes, indeed.

Update: Yesterday I made it to the corner at Aunts. Definitely where the smell is coming from (though it seems to have subsided a lot ) Water’s penetrated the corner and a bit of the floor, and the carpet’s rotted round those edges. Lots of black mold, now cleaned up. Have to ask aunt to let me cut away rotten carpet.

Am hoping it was more water coming in and evaporating, that triggered the smell.

Have realized a couch/bed will have to be moved and all that’s under it, to get at more of the affected wall and carpet. Really didn’t need this with the knowledge officialdom has to hit any moment, but repair quotes are urgently needed.

At home, went through an old swimming bag, chucking most of it and the bag, and shredded a handful of paper just to keep my hand in with our issues.
Looked at slowly drying out kitchen today, and realized how much won't be happening to us, thanks to swift action, in comparison to what’s going on at aunts.
So, deep breathe and back over there.

Oh goodness @Elleherd hope it can be sorted fairly easily and cheaply 🤞

Today I had a bad pain day. Not helped by the screeching and wailing of the small child determined to ruin the tidy bedroom I've worked so hard to achieve.

After a slow morning, dropping off my parcels this morning, we had nap time (where I also napped) and then messy play & a trip to the park this afternoon. Handed her over to her dad about 5pm and just went through all our paperwork and condensed into categorised folders.

Now eating a pizza and going through tommorows to do list. Steroid injections tommorow up the hospital, so I'll be out of action most of the weekend as your advised to rest 🙃

Happy Friday!

I do wonder if I took the ‘no one’s responsible for you, no one’s going to save you’, and translated into if I’m un-salvageable my only purpose is I must save everything/one else.

Ditto. But I translated it into I don't want anyone to suffer like I did. I tried to fix everything, believing if there's a problem it meant nobody so far had been able to fix it. In reality, often nobody had tried, including the person themselves. Had no concept of people who enjoy moaning or wants to get others to do things for them because it's easier. The planet is a harder one because so many are selfish and don't care about it, I do my best but I'm conflicted and to take care of myself and not hoard I've had to be a bit more ruthless about doing right by me.

I agree seeing the tendencies early has helped me. I saw those hoarding programs on TV as a child. Saw my mum's crammed spaces. I voluntarily had regular decluttering sessions even as a child and sometimes later regretted what I disposed of. As an adult I saw my under sink cupboard filled with an excess of cleaning products despite not having much money. I knew I was a shopaholic for a long time despite not having much stuff.

Reading about hoarding and others thoughts on it has helped fill in the gaps in my understanding and also helped with deciding when to let go of things.

I shopped a lot during the pandemic. Now, I'm looking around deciding what needs to go so I have more room.

I'm focusing on not letting it get worse and making small improvements where I can. It is my aim that one day in the future when I die, someone won't have a huge job clearing out my things. As I get older I want to gradually own less.

Also want to focus on enjoying what I have. We don't always need something newer or better, it's society which rewards us for that. Eg you buy the latest technical gadget and you're rewarded with positive attention by others, same with buying a new (to you) home/car, the latest fashions, or anything really. So much of society and social interaction is based around consuming.

Hopefully you're getting to the bottom of the problem with your aunt's house Elleherd. Such a mammoth job.

NelliePig Happy Friday to you too!
Aunt's kind of has to be fixable cheaply. No money here and conversation needed.
I've had to avoid visiting to avoid those wanting to discus when she's leaving.

Sorry you’re suffering, & L/o just doesn’t understand the point of the program!

Well done condensing your paperwork. I hope today's injections give you good results swift as possible, and reduce the pain.

BlueSummerBaby ·
Ditto. But I translated it into I don't want anyone to suffer like I did. That’s very understandable. I’m afraid I saw humans suffering as our own fault, as opposed to animals, nature and things, so it came rather later for me. I feel I can reasonably put that down to an odd upbringing rather than anything worse about myself.

I’m a firm advocate for saving the planet, but believe when it comes to de-hoarding it’s actually important to use a free pass over getting out of the situation, where needed.

Really interesting hearing you grew up seeing hoarding on tv! It wasn’t spoken about when I was young, though I knew our situation needed to be kept secret. The subject was completely taboo. Compulsive shopping ideas didn't exist afaik.
It will be interesting to see if better awareness of it helps people sooner.

Very interesting thoughts about how much socializing and social activity centers around consuming. Something I'm aware of, but haven't put enough thought to.

Reading about hoarding and others thoughts on it has helped fill in the gaps in my understanding and also helped with deciding when to let go of things.

It is really useful, and I’m so grateful for this thread and other's existence.
I’ll be honest and say I didn’t intend to get pulled into this level of work at aunt’s house and should have known better. I can only hope that the fact we seem to be getting longer than expected is some sort of good karma going on.

Yesterday: dragged out around half of stuff under aunt’s bed/couch affair, and cleared and cleaned it after losing a lot of time realizing I couldn’t figure out how to fold it up from a bed to a couch, and that I can’t possibly move it. It’s way too heavy.

At home: got a small carrier bag of unneeded stuff out, and a big bag of paperwork. Also got most of the current lurking stack of paperwork from my desk, de-enveloped, and into a alphabetized file. Just a small stack left to do.

Barely believe I’ve got to this Friday without all hell from authorities letting loose!

Today’s going to be pulling out the rest of the stuff from under bed/couch.
Cleaning, clearing, and packing up as much as possible, and bribing Ds to come over and help tomorrow, and hoping with the bank holiday, I might just get enough done. Work and study commitments all majorly increase next week and onward.

I’ve just done 22 minutes in my kitchen and can barely see a difference. About half the time was taken up folding dry laundry and hanging wet laundry so I had a full airer at the start and a full airer at the end but at least it is full with different stuff. Very little visible difference though.

I’m not sure what to do next so I’m on the sofa on my phone…

Elleherd good luck powering through as much as you can before Tuesday. Do you think the pointing has gone in the wall or a leaky gutter or something? We had terrible rain here - hope it’s not as wet where you are.

Nothing out of the ordinary planned for the weekend, I have been given the day off on Monday & the school is closed.

I also find it very helpful and illuminating reading about others’ experiences/history/ logjam areas/successes.

Miaowse I always find doing the dishes makes a big difference. If you collect up all the scattered ones from around the house it improves the look and smell of all rooms (especially if you throw open the windows to air them all as you go round), you can dry up after each load and get it put away. Fresh bedding, if the current lot has been on there longer than a week, is the best way to get bedrooms smelling nice. Fresh bath towels while you're at it. I'd do all that laundry too, if you've a good drying day, a tumble dryer or lots of curtain poles to hang it on afterwards (assuming your home doesn't have enough space for several large clothes airers).

I'm finding I'm getting better at getting my "decluttering eye" in. I've gone from thinking there's nothing left to declutter except books once read or clothes once worn out, to noticing little this and that which I don't need. I'm managing to get rid of several things a week which is good going when I thought I was done!

Thank you BlueSummerBaby I have mostly been very good at keeping on top of my dishes recently (lucky to have a dishwasher), but sheets is a good idea. It’s been very wet so I have a laundry backlog to deal with.

I’m nearly finished my latest book which will also be going in the charity box but I need to make more headway than that. Perhaps I’ll go through some paperwork later.

Well today my dad and partner took to the dump - a sideboard, 2 chests of drawers, a bedside cabinet, a tall thin storage unit, 10 black bags and several boxes etc.
Phew. It feels so good to get rid of that, also stored a spare couch and TV unit (that I can't quite part with yet) into the shed.

Still in bed as yesterday I had both knees drained and steroids injected. Ouch! I had unmedicated child birth, but id rather do 8 hours of that again than have a repeat of that again. I can however walk without pain now so I guess that's quite nice.

Next week's to do list is - spare bedroom, hallway, living room and dining room. Not sure which rooms I'll manage to sort out, but if I start in the spare room that's officially the entire upstairs finished when that's sorted 👍

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. Any super fantastic storage tips for an understairs cupboard?

Xx

Miaowse
…Very little visible difference though.The difference may not be instantly visible, but the progress is still there.
Yes, horribly wet here last week. It felt like the whole months rainfall in a week.
I’m pretty sure it’s the pointing that’s gone on part of the outside wall, and it shouldn’t be her problem, but I would expect the person whose problem it is would want to see the damage inside before they agree to fix, at which point it is her problem IYSWIM, as this was clearly a smaller damage problem that wasn’t attended to, that’s created bigger internal damage, and she’s been keeping quiet about the whole situation.

BlueSummerBaby I love the …getting better at getting my "decluttering eye" in…

NelliePig Well done you! That’s an awful lot out and a lot of progress!
I’m sorry the thing that removes the pain is so horribly unreasonably painful!
I apologize in advance for my not having a good start to the weekend post, after your lovely cheery message, and look forward to reading about all your progress going forward.

Apologies for ‘drama-ing’ here, but literally nowhere else to try and resolve myself.

Today's been a complete write off with probable ongoing consequences.

I bribed Ds and we put an ‘all hands to the pump’ shout out to any available family. Big, big mistake. Ex came to help Ds. I was touched. I've looked after his and some of his family’s needs, for two decades because they were my Dc’s loved ones no matter what had happened. He and Ds have ASD. Him deeply, and the slightest perceived criticism can’t be tolerated and is never forgotten, but context is.

Surrounded by aunt’s issues, it turned out to be me who having tried to just accept all sorts of criticisms and judgements that was stopping work starting, just couldn’t take being criticized for finally properly developing a MH condition in response to a huge series of truly awful things he did.

I'm not blaming him, I’m saying you don’t get to tell me I’m a dysfunctional failure who deserves to feel bad about what I became, when you and your actions, is what created the biggest part of the enormous void I’ve been trying to fill ever since.

All the background of what I grew up in, and repeated losses and deaths isn’t what tipped me into my excessive gathering and hoarding, though it did create a perfect seeding ground, and something else could have been the final straw. But it wasn’t.

He quietly did some dreadful and heart-breaking things quite a few times, that challenged my stability, but I loved him deeply, and there was no malice, just a deep self-centeredness from an otherwise good and decent person, apparently confused about how he was getting things wrong, and wanted to change it. He supported me through external trials, and sadness's, and we got ever closer and happier.

The hoarding started over a decade later, He unexpectedly did something so apparently out of character, that no one could accept it, or what was happening, and for 18 months I lived in fear for him, D's was bewildered, and almost every part of my world collapsed. With hindsight it was something awful that happened to me and one of my DD's combined with his ASD interpretation that shattered his world and resurfaced later.

I’ve been trying to put the pieces back together for all (separately) ever since.

Six years later before ASD diagnoses arrived, and some understanding of things.

The surviving bits of my stupid heart are broken all over again, and part of it’s from seeing a man I don’t want to love, but have never stopped loving, deeply wounded by the truths he's chosen to forget, and so deserved to hear, piled back at his door. Especially his utter failure to ever take responsibility for his shortcomings while ensuring everyone else knows his judgement on theirs. It's too much.

I didn’t do it in front of Ds, but he’s got the gist of what happened, and while deeply loving him too, is ecstatic, which isn’t comfortable and bothers me...

So today, I've successfully decluttered a large amount of tissues! Perhaps I've de cluttered one of the elephants in the room, more likely the civility that lots was sacrificed for so Ds and Dad could rebuild relationships. That's solid at least.

Tonight, I may declutter some alcohol, because the stupid tears keep returning. Tomorrow I'll start over and remember here requesting help is rarely without cost.

Elleherd your poor thing. Your DC sounds older now more self sufficient. Can you take a clean break from your ex? If a person is no good for us t can be necessary for our sanity to stay away from them. This isn't necessarily because they're a bad person just that they're not good for you to be around.

I don't understand why you are bothered that your son was happy you finally stood up to his dad? He's witnessed the shit that's gone down, he most probably knows you didn't deserve it.

As for your ex, sounds like projection to me. You come across as a very tolerant person. Yet he couldn't manage to have a relationship with you. Which points towards him being the extremely dysfunctional failure. He feels those feelings but can't own them for himself, can't face it, so he puts them onto you. It's not personal. It's a manifestation of his dysfunctionality.

If you stopped giving energy to people like this you'd have more left for looking after yourself and forming relationships with people who aren't harmful to have around you. 💐

Nellie the couch won't last outside. These things go mouldy quickly from absorbing moisture in the air so I'd get rid now before it becomes an unpleasant task. Unless perhaps you live outside the UK somewhere hot and dry.

BlueSummerBaby
I'm afraid all of us here are dysfunctional in different ways. A leaky ship of fools.

I know a clean break would be sensible, but any is unlikely. We haven't been in a relationship in twenty years, yet too much is still intertwined, as well as a lot of Ds's work is alongside and somewhat dependent on him. I don't want to say too much, but he's dysfunctional to the point where he nearly died of failure to seek basic medical help last year. It isn't just me he can't own emotions or common sense over, it's many parts of his life that then impacts on us.

Bothered about Ds' reaction because it doesn't bode well for anyone tbh, though he's entitled to it. He's not reacting about me deserving it or not, my feelings don't come into it really. It's about his feelings over his dad acting as the judge and jury on everyone whilst being far from perfect. He projects an image of a man who says little, while he thinks deeply and makes balanced judgements. Most people see him that way and encourage that self-perception and thus self-deception.
His reality is very different and confuses him. He doesn't understand others at all, even those he loves. D's both sees it and has many similarities but has been brought up more self-aware rather than criticized, well apart from by his Dad!

Too old, disabled & odd, to seek new relationships with two legged creatures, tbh.

NelliePig I agree with BlueSummerBaby that the couch is unlikely to fare well in a shed, especially in the coming season if you're in the Uk. If your shed is more ‘heated garden office’ than ‘basic shed’ you'd get away with it, but if not, then you need to double treble wrap it in heavy polythene preferably while warm, and ensure there's no trapped moisture, before putting it there.
What do you want to keep in your cupboard, and will it be purely for storage?

Alcohol got decluttered, alongside more tissues. To worn out to do any more here.

Went to aunts and Ex turned up to help Ds, both picked away at me almost every time I spoke tbh. Not very pleasant but to be expected following my outburst. Convinced Ds to build a working wheelchair platform and ramp, which his dad helped him with. Thankfully they both had lots of things elsewhere they needed to do, and I got on with a closer look at what I’ve been stupidly mistaking for a ‘little damp’ and blown plaster that I might be able to quickly and cheaply sand, re-paper, seal and paint over as a temporary repair to get aunt home. Cut big story short, everything comes away all the way back to the brickwork if you put your fingers on it. It’s beyond shot. The only good news is while it’s damp, it isn’t in any way wet and has clearly been drying out.

Also found the source of the smell. It’s the damp cement that has turned to powder, between the brickwork and the plaster. At close quarters it smells as the flat did, but when you put it into water the smell is instantly magnified!

Can see the issue outside, and apart from the height of it, it’s the easy bit to fix tbh.

I’ve left a large specialist lamp that gives off a lot of heat pointed at a test area and will see tomorrow if it’s done anything useful or if I’m on a complete hiding to nothing here.

If you ever find yourself looking at someone else's mouldy curtains and thinking maybe that's what's causing a smell of damp, and you should take them down and wash them, my advice is leave them closed and unwashed and back away slowly.

Elleherd I think I can understand why you have ambivalent feeling about your DS’ response. I guess if you have been trying to shield him from the fallout of relationship breakdown (and whatever traumatic events that led to this) in order to preserve the relationship between son and father then it might be a shock to realise that there is still a lot of resentment on your son’s part in spite of your efforts to keep things civil and/or that he actually realised the impact on you and is very angry about it on some level. Perhaps projecting here as there are some similar dynamics in my wider family and a lot of unresolved anger about things that went on.

I am so sorry you just have stress after stress piled on you. It seems very unfair that your act of kindness to your aunt has turned into such a mammoth task (and is affecting you being able to deal with your own stuff AND incurring financial penalties).

I’m just again going to say how much I admire you for keeping going in the face of all this stress (I know you probably feel you have no choice but it’s still something to be proud of).

And excellent detective work getting to the source of the smell. I was wondering if damp insulation or carpets could be the culprit.

Nellie I agree with the others that the sofa will probably go mouldy in the shed. Though I wonder if you are subconsciously letting the environment make the decision for you (I suspect I do this too!). If it goes mouldy it will be obvious that it should be dumped whereas choosing to get rid of it while it is perfectly ok is much trickier and harder to justify to yourself.

Miaowse Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. You’re right about the resentment, though it isn’t a shock, it’s been openly held, mistranslated by his father, and something I’ve tried to help him balance out as best he could over time, but... He also has complicated anger over his beliefs of how he perceived me as a child and coming to terms with the adult realization that I really do have, as I’ve always said, crumbling feet of clay, but ASD and change...

He did remind me yesterday that I got him interrogating Larkin's poem about ‘Your Mum and Dad’ as part of English literacy and he appreciated it.

I do feel I just have to keep going and just keep praying tbh. Some of it isn’t very fair, but it’s my mistake over the time schedule, underlying a lot of issues.

That’s a really interesting idea there about unsuitable environments acting as a sub conscious method of detaching from items…

Aunts is a horrible mess. Only had a couple of available hours between work yesterday and the lamp which was working well, blew the bulb yesterday (not replaceable) so new plan needed.

So much material has come away that tbh I’m rather scared, but I guess it’s a case of holding my nerve and just praying over enough time and authorities.

I haven’t been packing stuff up while tackling the wall and am totally behind on all fronts but have to go to work today so not much I can do till later.

Haven’t been able to anything de-cluttering wise at ours but the kitchen floor finally dried out enough from the floods that Ds and I got the lino back down.

A strange kind of progress, but this morning I cancelled doing something major without what I need to do it well, and still totally assumed and expected of me, regardless of what difficulties I’m facing or that it would cause me.
I’ve emailed and told them sorry, I won’t be there. (huge for me) So with the situation at aunts clamoring at me to learn, I’m claiming a first step towards de-cluttering being over responsible.

That sounds like a very positive change - probably out of your comfort zone? - well done & hopefully the next time will be easier Elleherd

Zero progress today and this cold damp weather is completely buggering up my laundry routine

I’m still surrounded by all the boxes waiting to go to the charity shop, but I can’t seem to take the final step of loading into the car & dropping them off

My slow declutter of the bookshelves continues and nearly all the books are going into the box after a re-read rather than back on the shelves (but that’s not really progress if the boxes stay in my house).

@BlueSummerBaby I think it's a risk I'm going to have to take 🙈 I've double bagged it in 2 sofa storage bags and if it's dies it dies. I just can't dump it currently whilst it's still usable!

@Elleherd understairs cupboard thinking arts and crafts bits for toddler, large toys that don't get user very often, maybe the tool bag as I find myself DIYing fairly frequently given we live in a house built early 1900s!

Not done much de cluttering this week as I got distracted and decided to sand and stain the hallway floor, which then meant painting the skirting, which then looked whiter than the stair rail, so done the stair rail and then all of the upstairs skirting and door frames too. It escalated fast! However, it needed doing so least its done and fresh.

@Elleherd sorry your having such a difficult time 💐

My daughter is off for a day out with the in laws today and I'm bracing myself to start the living room declutter, which also involves moving things into the playroom/dining room and setting up storage in there for the toys. Wish me luck, it feels a bit overwhelming with 2 such big rooms that kind of involve being done together. I will soldier on however and probably book the dump for this afternoon too!

Happy Friday everyone!

Miaowse as so often, you have correctly guessed. So far out of my comfort zone it's another continent! I followed it up by turning up briefly as a visitor to drop something that could be used by another, instead of silently dying inside at what I'd done and hiding. Not sure I recognize myself!

Might sound odd, but is it possible that taking a box rather than being efficient by taking the lot, which may involve ‘delaying as there’s another book to go in it soon’ might help?
I found myself (well, still do) doing all sorts of odd little dances to break resistance and habits.

Nellie Good to hear you’ve double bagged the sofa.
Depending on the depth of the cupboard under the stairs, large toys such as ride on’s, prams etc, take up a lot of floor space, but can sit well on wall brackets or what we call ‘sky hooks’ here.

It escalated fast made me burst out laughing! It’s a beautiful turn of phrase for the situation and one I recognise too well. Nice to have it done though, well done!

Hope yesterday’s sorting out went well for you?

Update's nearly all aunts home, as between it and work, no energy gone on here.

However, one exception, someone finally asked for the tv’s I gave up on and threw out in the big clear out. (had held them nearly three years for them!) So today I’m delivering them the one that escaped the cull!

Aunts is slowly drying out with a different kind of lamps, but really won’t thank me when the electricity bill comes in! It’s going to be bad, but everything I’m doing is a gamble right now, so decided we deal with that when it comes. I feel it’s the lesser of evils and something has to give over all this as just when I thought I’d got to the bottom of it all, I took the blown plaster down to discover that what I had thought was straw in the plaster is actually a network of major dry rot tendrils behind it, and it was that getting wet that caused the stench.

Talking to the tenant who’s helping with the cats, the building owner has previously tried to blame tenants or raise rents to deal with it, and people affected either move out or pay him or professionals lots of money to get the bit affecting them fixed. Aunt doesn’t have any money, so up to yesterday I thought we’d probably come to the end of the road, but when the dreaded calls still didn’t come yesterday, I decided it was a sign and womaned up.

I’ve started hacking it all back for Monday when I have masonry biocide arriving.
Plan's to treat it, dry out the results of treating, and start rebuilding cement and plaster asap, around work hours. If I can just get it to the point where it’s just ‘a bit of decorating’ needs finishing, and enough's gone before it’s inspected…

Oh goodness, what a stress, “it escalated fast” as Nellie so neatly put it seems extremely apt for your experience at your aunt’s Elleherd. It sounds like a big job - do you think it’s just one wall/room? Lots of good luck wishes for getting it sorted out and hope not too horrifically expensive. Are there guides online for dealing with it? No chance insurance would cover it? Guessing that would be the landlord who would have to claim and probably easier to pass it into the tenant