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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Please help me. My house is disgusting

205 replies

MuckyMare · 13/06/2018 23:06

I'd post pics but I'm too embarrassed and scared DM will steal.

I have MH issues and I get so overwhelmed. I'm always so tired. I grew up in filth and now I'm doing the same. I have too much stuff. Bin bags of dirty washing

My kitchen is foul. My bathroom too.

I'm so ashamed.
No get it done when I'm on a high in my bipolar cycle then I can't keep up with it and it gets gross again. Then I spiral because it stresses me out so much.

How do people manage to have nice clean houses

I'm such a failure

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
madmomma · 14/06/2018 09:02

Hi OP, do you have anything to listen to podcasts on? I have had mh issues in the past and struggled to do any housework beyond the very bare minimum. I found listening to something engrossing really helped, because it got me out of my ruminating and I could just work on autopilot while distracted by the podcast. I listened to 'a slob comes clean', which I found soothing and helpful, but you could listen to whatever you're interested in. Music never worked as well. It was like my mind needed something to chew on before it would let my body get on with anything. Good luck and you mustn't be hard on yourself. You're not lazy or failing, you're unwell.

MelissaElderflower · 14/06/2018 09:04

Hi, Do you know www.flylady.net/ This website is very good and motivating.
Also decluttering and good storage is a key( for me).

SendYouUpinFlames · 14/06/2018 09:06

Where are you OP?

I clean a few days a week, I would happily come and do a big deep spring clean for free. Flowers

I know how hard it can get with MH problems. And there is ways to tackle it.

The first step is to get everything done, then keep on top of it.

If you're close. PM me and I'd be happy to help.

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
MuckyMare · 14/06/2018 09:56

That's really kind but I couldn't possibly accept Blush

OP posts:
SendYouUpinFlames · 14/06/2018 10:29

The offers there if you need it! Feel free to PM me. Everyone needs a little help. Hope you get everything sorted Flowers

Melliegrantfirstlady · 14/06/2018 10:35

In your shoes I would start by throwing everything out that you don’t need.

Bag it all up. Then ring the council to collect it.

Prusik · 14/06/2018 11:40

Just by posting this thread you're doing great op. Don't look at the big jobs. It'll demoralise you.

I'm not in exactly the same situation as you but really struggle to get stuff done at the moment for various reasons. This week I've picked one thing a day to clean on top.of dailies. My dailies are empty and stack dishwasher, wash one load of washing, put one load of dry laundry away. It seems to be working as it's manageable. Yesterday I wiped the shower screen, the day before I wiped the inside of the windows. Even if you just put one extra thing in the bin per day you will be making progress

Prusik · 14/06/2018 11:41

One other idea. I've picked one area in the house that will always look perfect. I've chosen the windowsill in the kitchen. The second I notice it has a crumb, splash of water, speck of dust, I wipe it. It feels good to have one perfect thing in my house. I purposely picked something manageable

lostinsunshine · 14/06/2018 11:45

Focus on where you eat/prepare food and where you go to the bathroom including washing yourself.
Take it slowly and don't beat yourself up.

Knittedfairies · 14/06/2018 11:45

Try to stop looking at the bigger picture OP and focus on one thing at a time - just clearing the draining board and putting everything on it away makes a difference. Good luck!

StormTreader · 14/06/2018 11:55

Im similar OP - depression and hoarding go hand-in-hand for me.
I always start with the easy stuff, the genuine no brainer - pick up any rubbish, into a carrier bag/bin bag.
Once I've done that I've usually noticed the dirty plates around the place "well, I can collect those up and put them in the kitchen by the sink at least".
That might lead onto noticing theres a lot of stray books around that can be collected....

You may be different, but for me the key is working down in levels. If I try and "sort the kitchen" then its overwhelming and vague and impossible, but collecting all the dishes up is smaller and a more concrete task.

Mycheckshirt · 14/06/2018 11:58

I'm glad it helps to know you're not alone, believe me when I say your house can't possibly be any worse than mine so hopefully we can spur each other on along the way Smile Your plan for today sounds good, just remember every little helps and try to focus on individual jobs/areas so you don't get overwhelmed and give up. I only have one small job planned for today (the upstairs loo) because I'm out this afternoon but I'll be around later if you want a chat or to brag about how much you've done Grin

lifechangesforever · 14/06/2018 12:02

Could you write a list for each room of all the tasks that need doing and put the list in each of the rooms, each day, tick off one item from each room's list and continue like that? If you're having a particularly bad day then only choose the small tasks but if you're feeling better then tackle a bigger job.

I'm not sure if that helps with your anxiety or not, but it helps with mine but obviously not everyone is the same.

LIZS · 14/06/2018 12:02

Focus on key areas - hygiene first so toilets , basins, kitchen sink, food prep areas, fridge, cooker. If needs be fill sinks with water and add bleach or disinfectant, likewise toilets and drains. Hoover carpets and sweep floors, one room at a time. Do 10 minute bursts then reward with tea or tv. Do you have any family or friends who would let you use their wm ?

user1494670108 · 14/06/2018 12:08

For me what helps is lists, even trivial things as I get a sense of achievement from ticking them off even if I've only just written them in.
Another thing is to put aside Mumsnet and give myself "an hour" to go and be busy. Sometimes it turns into longer but a concerted effort can achieve a lot.

walthamwanderer · 14/06/2018 12:12

I'd also be very happy to help. I've had experience of similar situations with family members and sometimes a little moral support is a great help. If you're happy to say what area you are in op we could see if it is doable? Or feel free to PM me

TheGoodEnoughWife · 14/06/2018 12:30

Pleased to see the support shown here. I agree with others that you are not alone, you are not lazy and things can improve.

Little bits, i know it may feel all far too big for little things to make a difference but it really can. I have been there. As have others.
One thing that helped me was to put a wash on but only a half load. So tempting to put a full load of washing in when you are able but then the thought of a washing machine full of wet washing was really hard to deal with. Little bits.

Same with bed, folk will say it doesn't take long to change whole bed but sometimes that feels far too much. Change your pillowcases. Just those. Then when you go to bed later you will have somewhere lovely to rest your head. Then sheet tomorrow, duvet cover day after. In three days you will have a lovely bed. You may find once you do a bit you do the rest but take that pressure off.

I would help you. If you are close by. Non judgemental in any way. I think in these situations there are people who are not coping and there are people that are. If the people that are can help the ones who are not the world becomes a slightly better place.

NorbertTheDragon · 14/06/2018 12:35

My house is the same. Sad It's just so overwhelming. Everyday I think I'll start sorting it and everyday I just give up as I don't know where to start. Happy yo be a buddy too OP and get shit sorted.

I've made lists! But then I lose the lists in the mess. 🙄

I also need to do my son's PIP forms which is taking over my brain space. I should do them first and then I can concentrate on the house. My kids are all old enough to help (they do help with day to day stuff, they are good, it's just the other stuff that's built up.)

Mycheckshirt · 14/06/2018 13:21

Norbert, yes to doing PIP first, if you're anything like me knowing it needs doing will be adding massively to the 'there's too much, there's no point even trying' feeling and stopping you doing anything. I find thinking about how much needs doing completely paralysing so admin tasks like forms just add to that and mean I get nothing done.

It occurred to me the other day just how much time I spend thinking about the state of the place, wondering where to start and feeling guilty for not starting. I waste hours on negative thoughts which do nothing except make me even less able to do anything. What a colossal waste of time and energy BlushSad The irony is if I know if I spent equivalent time cleaning my house would be lovely, so why can't I just do that? I am trying though, it's just so hard to break the cycle.

StormTreader · 14/06/2018 14:29

Forms really benefit from my "start with the easy wins" approach - fill in his name, your address etc. Questions you dont know the answer to right now? Skip em. Theres no rule that you must fill it in in order or in one go.

If you can bring down an overwhelming form of "many pages and loads of questions" to "ok, these are the 6 things I dont know right away - how do I get started with finding the first one of those 6?" it wont seem so impossible.

Original poster
MuckyMare · 14/06/2018 15:03

I'm in Manchester but I'm so embarrassed I couldn't let anyone in. In really appreciate the offers.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuckyMare · 14/06/2018 15:09

Am putting bedding in the wash now and some pjs so I can get into a clean bed later

OP posts:
UnderTheOakTree · 14/06/2018 15:27

MuckyMare, nothing beats fresh bedding! Enjoy - you deserve it!

This feeling of deserving is maybe one that you could reinforce to yourself? I often get overwhelmed with so much to do at home but somehow feeling that I don't even deserve to give myself the time or benefit of tidying up Confused.

I'm working on it though - so am happy to offer a handhold to everyone else with housework-overwhelm (as much for my benefit as everyone else's! Wink)

I'm sure we can slowly but surely get the mess tidied! (The ones in our homes and our heads...)

lostinsunshine · 14/06/2018 15:46

The power of a fresh clean bed and fresh pjs. I may be a rubbish house cleaner myself but I insist my dd has a fresh clean bed every Sunday night for the start of the week. If I can't achieve anything else (you should see what I can't achieve), I aim for that.
Have an idea of something like that as your goal.

KeithLeMonde · 14/06/2018 15:56

Flowers to OP and anyone else struggling. The Unfcuk Your Habitat site is a bit tough love for those of us who don't have health problems, so skip over those bits and read the Life Happens section, which is really good on how to cope if you're really feeling overwhelmed: www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/category/life-happens/

One idea which has worked for me in the past is setting a timer. I look at the mess and think "I just can't" but if I set a timer and think "I will do as much as I can for 10 minutes and then I will sit down and rest", then I can actually make a start. Even if it's 10 minutes a day, it's a little step forwards - some dishes washed, some washing hung up. If you can manage another 10 minutes later, then great, if not, then you have still achieved something.

OP, hope you enjoy your lovely clean bed tonight :)