Please help me. My house is disgusting

[MuckyMare]

I'd post pics but I'm too embarrassed and scared DM will steal.

I have MH issues and I get so overwhelmed. I'm always so tired. I grew up in filth and now I'm doing the same. I have too much stuff. Bin bags of dirty washing

My kitchen is foul. My bathroom too.

I'm so ashamed.
No get it done when I'm on a high in my bipolar cycle then I can't keep up with it and it gets gross again. Then I spiral because it stresses me out so much.

How do people manage to have nice clean houses

I'm such a failure

Ok, you have identified some priority jobs. Tomorrow, when you wake up, take the bedsheets off as soon as you get out of bed, before you go in any other room.

Tell your children to do the same (if age appropriate).

Put them in the wash before you have your first drink of the day. If you do it straight away it’s done. Do you have spare sets? Put them on after you’ve dressed and the beds are clean before you’ve even had time to think about it.

Bleach down the toilet and spray around the sink&bath. Clean your toilet and rinse off the spray in the bath and sink. It may not be the deepest clean but it’s going to feel a lot fresher.

Try and get things done earlier in the day. Try and understand that it’s ok to feel like you do, but it’s also ok to try and help yourself to live in a comfortable and clean house. You deserve that.

Finally, be ruthless with things, throw away things because the fewer items you own, the more you will value them and the easier they are to clean.

I'm going to get things done tomorrow

I have spare bedding sets but they're all in big zipped bags and I don't know what's clean and dirty. I tend to just put things out of sight so I will was a few

Get up early, start with the bedding - strip the beds, first wash, then straight on the line and onto the next load. Meanwhile clear a space to sort the folded washing, so you can put it straight away. You'd be surprised how quickly the bags will go down. And you'll feel so much better in freshly laundered sheets. Just try to tackle one job/area a day for now - anything else is a bonus.

The secret to getting a clean bed, I have discovered, is to strip it immediately when you get up and get it into the machine. Otherwise it never quite gets done, and you are tired at the end of the day and just want to go to sleep and say you will do it tomorrow instead but that never happens

Can I just say I really appreciate the kind responses I've had. I was a bit scared to post as I often feel like I'm just a tramp and I should just not be so lazy but it does run deeper than that. I'm really going to try hard over the next few days

Op I’ve been there. I know exactly what you’re taking about. I’m actually “well” now and my home feels like it’s taking care of itself. Is not, I’m doing it but I can’t pinpoint right now how I got here. I’ll go and have a wee think and come back if I think of anything that might help you.

I do know that letting go of the negative talk and guilt helped massively. Take care of yourself.

x-post on bedding

On the big bags of clothes.... Do you definitely need everything in them? As in, how long have you managed without them, and how has that been? If you dont' need them, throw them

I would normally advocate taking stuff to a charity shop but if you feel that when you sort things into "keep", "bin", "charity shop" piles the latter will jsut end up sitting around because it's too much to get to the charity shop, then just put it straight into the bin to get it out of the house

One small step at a time.
Make a list of days you will attempt to do certain things. Don’t expect miracles.
Remember SOME cleaning jobs must be done everyday, like washing up, you should not leave it. But other tasks can be made weekly or monthly.
Always do your daily list, usually it’ll be wash up, sweep, vacuum and take rubbish out. Stick to it, but things on the monthly or weekly list can just be added here or there.
Pick a particular day of the week just for doing household chores and reward yourself with a big bubble bath and a bar of chocolate when you’re done.
Prioritise xx

Hi, find out if there is a Homestart scheme in your area.(google)
Homestart has volunteers that can help with exactly this sort of problem. The volunteer can visit you for a couple of hours a week and work WITH you to clear/tidy/clean a room., and help ou to keep it this way.
(They do many other things too but this sounds like what you amy be needing help with atm)
Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed, Homestart workers are trained to be non judgemental.
Some schemes are for families with pre school children/ some work with families of older children.
Good luck!

Would it help to develop a system?

When you're up, label things you can't deal with right now as clean me. in those moments, sort laundry by colour. Invest in a tumble drier, if you can, so you can mindlessly wash then mindlessly dry, before it gets smelly.

Similar with other cleaning and self care situations.

Hey! You are definitely not a failure, don't be so hard on yourself. May I suggest: 1) collecting up every piece of rubbish in a big rubbish bag and putting it out the house, then 2) collecting up every single piece of dirty laundry (including your bedding) and putting it in your car, then 3) spraying bleach on your sinks and toilets and leaving it to soak in, then 4) drive your car to a launderette - the kind that has the huge commercial washers and dryers. Wash and dry everything there, and here is the key... fold everything there too. Don't go home until it's all dry, clean, and folded. It might mean you spend the whole day at the launderette but its so worth it. Take a book on tape or music to listen to. Go home, make your bed with the clean sheets, take a shower, then fall into bed. This is my system when I get overwhelmed, I hope it helps you. Have a good night, and just be happy that the thing you are most worried about at the moment (the mess) is fixable. You'll get there!

Sounds like we're in similar situations OP, I have MH problems too and have been barely managing to do the absolute basics for a long time now, the build up is pretty bad.

First thing I've had to do is consciously control my thinking, so everytime I catch myself thinking 'there's no point even starting' I push that thought away and replace it with 'doing a little bit is always better than nothing'. It's a new approach for me, I'm two weeks in and it's working, some days are better than others admittedly but there is progress.

My issues are clutter (no one throws anything away in this house) and (what should be) routine cleaning jobs which just get left and left until they feel too hard to even attempt. So I'm tackling the 'left' jobs one by one, persuading myself to 'just have a little go at it' instead of letting the state of it overwhelm me and it's working, the jobs are getting done. On days when I don't feel up to doing anything that big I'm starting to sort out clutter, sorting through just one of the bags of crap or clearing one small surface or shelf, it all makes a difference.

It's going to be a long process but I know it will be worth it, no one has been inside my house in 2 years now and I could cry when I see other people's lovely homes. Don't know if it would help to have a 'buddy' but I'd be more than happy to share tips, handholding and ideas for motivating us both if you fancy it?

When I read threads like this and all the help and support Mumsnetters offer it gives me a little spark of something inside. I’m quite misanthropic and then I see people trying to help others who are struggling and it’s lovely.

I’d echo what others have said, OP. A little each day. Seriously don’t worry that every single room is immaculate all at the same time. It doesn’t matter. Just a little bit each day and it all adds up.

Been there done it got the stained t-shirt!

What shocks people is I have OCD - but sometimes I become SO anxious and ill I become avoidant.

Even just now I'm managing to 'do stuff' only once or twice a week.

It is embarrassing but it doesn't have to become permanent.

Do you have a cpn? If you do, and I think you should, you should be covered a team within the Cmht that includes a social worker.

Now people panic at this point but there's no need. Mental Health social workers specialise in this type of thing.

They may also (unfortunately postcode lottery) have within their job access to specialist cleaners who come in, do a deep clean up give you a starting point and then over time they come in regularly, but gradually do less each time.

Or they may know of volunteer support services that can help.

Lack of motivation with chores, hoarding etc are VERY common. There is help out there, sometimes it can be hard to access.

But if you speak to your cpn, or even your GP you could come closer to accessing such help.

But please don't feel ashamed of being ill. You can't help it. If you were physically restricted you wouldn't feel this way and probably would think to access support. It's no different with mh.

Sorry you're in such a bad place, OP

There's a great website called unfuck your habitat, I would highly recommend it.

There are lots of groups on Facebook dedicated to decluttering, one is called 'declutter uk' and it is a really nice supportive community. A lot of the members have experienced difficulties with their mental health.

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com

Finally, have approached adult social care? Some people have care packages which include an hour or two of cleaning each week. You might not have to pay, or only pay a contribution, depending on your financial situation. Worth asking maybe?

Strip your bed and get the bedding in the washing machine now. Don't think about anything else, don't worry about making the beds back up or anything. Just wash. One step at a time.
How lovely a nice clean bed will be, what a treat. You deserve something nice x

I don't have a car and I can't afford the laundrette.
This is what I mean, I feel like a failure. I'm an adult who has no means of being self productive because I've always been ill. If I had a car and money I would have done that.

MYCHECKSHIRT That would be great. Really. I need some focus and although I'm sorry you are going through similar it's a strange comfort to know I'm not the only one dealing with this

I'm in a similar boat Mare. I've been struggling with depressive episodes and my house is revolting. I'm ashamed of how we live. DH does more than his fair share but I've no motivation.

To the outside world, I look like I'm functioning. I've completed uni and have had good grades, worked right through and I've got a job lined up to start next month.

I've no advice, just support and understanding .

I'm going to follow your thread and take the tips on board too.

I have the joy of being bipolar and unfuck your habitat completely sorted me out when everything went to shit.
I declutter the whole house over 6 months. got the kids to do bits and bobs. Small but often worked for me. Don't say you're going to declutter a room. Just that you're going to tackle a drawer in a room.

Mucky I dint have a MH issue but I have ME which means I’ve had no energy at all for any cleaning for years.
Bar the very very basic stuff, I have struggled to do much more.

So this is what I’ve done

• a really big clear up. Not all in one go, but shelf by shelf, top of table by top of table. A little bit whenever I had the energy to do it. Having less things to tidy up means that there has been less tidtying up to do. I’ve thrown/given to charity of a lot of things. The rule was ‘if it hasn’t been used in the last 6 months~year then I don’t need it.

• given up in trying to do everything but concentrated on the important bits only

• involved the dcs. Not as asking them to do everything but as in asking them to do something. So they are responsible of cleaning the bedrooms, putting stuff in the wash etc... tidy their stuff downstairs, deal with the dishwasher. Once a week, they do some cooking etc... a lot of stuff that is actually normal for children to do but are often not done by them iyswim.

• involved H too. I think this is essential. He needs to be happy to do his bit too because if you are trying to go one way (eg decluttering) butbthe is going the other (hoarding stuff) you will never get to the bottom of it and will end up exhausted/feeling like you can't do it.

Xpost with boom.
And It seems I’ve reinvented the wheel!
But it worked for me.

My partner doesn't hoard things. It's mostly kids stuff. It's a very small house that doesn't help. She's taken the kids to school this morning and I'm going to try and do some stuff. When she gets back she'll help.

I do my house in sections. So the visitor zone is priority, living room, hall, bathroom and I split rooms into quarters too so I'm never tackling the whole lot. I ask myself in the morning what I CAN do, forget what I can't and set a time to do it. Usually 11am every morning. My house is tidy and clean now but it used to be awful when I had pnd. You can get there

Excellent! It’s great that you have her support.