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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Original poster

I hate home Ed ☹️

134 replies

Rachaelc1981 · 12/12/2023 15:13

As the title suggests…… I hate home schooling. I have 2 sons being home schooled. We took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic. Eldest is 12 and other is 8. They just won’t do it. They are both so far behind. I sit with them every day encouraging, helping, supporting and providing everything they need. They won’t concentrate, they will write 2-3 words and then sit and talk about sodding YouTube etc then continue with 2 more words and so on. They both need to go back to school but I don’t know how I’m going to get them back with them being so far behind. I even do school work at weekends and during holidays if they haven’t done enough that week. My 8 year old has many issues (tics and still has accidents) so I’m worried he will get bullied. My eldest is extremely immature for his age, again worried he will get bullied. I’m not looking to be judged or even needing a reply, I’m just venting off as I feel there is no way out of this situation ☹️

OP posts:
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 13/12/2023 13:05

FFS @Rachaelc1981 you need to get a grip and quickly.

You are failing your children.

You took them out for a quite frankly unbelievable reason am I to assume you the children and your husband never leave the house to not get Covid to not pass to uncle??? 4 years down the line???

You think they may have additional need but have done nothing to support them getting help or you helping them. Still in nappies at 8 without investigating additional needs/medical issues is neglect.

Your lack of parenting is neglect.

Your lack of doing anything to educate them properly is neglect.

You are pulling home Ed into disrepute and frankly it's disrespectful to those that home Ed properly not just with 'some books from home bargains' and YouTube.

The fact you then expect an over worked and over stretched teachers to catch your kids up when you've been too lazy is preposterous.

Get a grip.

Get help. Now.

Someone needs to advocate for your kids.

ReadyForPumpkins · 13/12/2023 13:13

I agree with @Fiddlerdragon. I was sympathetic at first, imagining the children were ND and struggled at mainstream school. And that being the reason they were home ed. But the more the OP posted, the more I understood it's not the case.

I'm not sure if the OP children are actually ND. It could be symptons of lack of social development and interactions.

Fiddlerdragon · 13/12/2023 13:35

ReadyForPumpkins · 13/12/2023 13:13

I agree with @Fiddlerdragon. I was sympathetic at first, imagining the children were ND and struggled at mainstream school. And that being the reason they were home ed. But the more the OP posted, the more I understood it's not the case.

I'm not sure if the OP children are actually ND. It could be symptons of lack of social development and interactions.

I was meant to point that out in my thread but I forgot. The op may be clinging on to the ND excuse for her children behaving abnormally due to an abnormal upbringing.

Op what’s stopping you from picking up the phone today? There’s still a couple weeks left of this year, you’d be amazed at how quickly things can move. I moved house during Covid away from my son’s nursery and daughter’s primary school. I was sitting on the bus 3 hours a day doing 3 school runs (my son was in half days). It was literally this time at Xmas I decided to move him to a nursery down the road so he could continue on to the primary much closer to home, but resigned myself to the fact I’d still have to complete bus runs for my daughters remaining years in primary (halfway through yr5 so reluctant to move her). She came with me to view the nursery/primary and loved it so much she told the teacher she wished she could go to school there. The teacher replied that there was a space in year 5, and 2 weeks later both my children started a new school.
Just imagine starting the new year with your children back in school, socialising, learning, having fun. Getting the help and support they need. And you having all that pressure taken off you

Thesearmsofmine · 13/12/2023 13:58

My goodness OP. Firstly it’s a good thing that you had admitted that home educating isn’t working for your children, it must be hard to admit.

You have the power to change things and the sooner you do this the better. So research local schools, find out where has a good support system in place for pupils where your dc can get help they might need in catching up. Ask local parents(Facebook groups are good for this) which schools they recommend in your areaZ Speak to the LEA (do you have contact with them?) and see if you can get places. Advise them that your children aren’t receiving a suitable education so they get things moving before Christmas for a new year start.

The alternative would be to completely change things up and starting providing a good home education for them but I suspect if you feel out of your depth you might struggle with this. Do you dc get to meet up with peers etc?

I am a huge advocate of home ed(I home ed my own similar aged dc) but sometimes it just isn’t the right option for parent or child.

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 17:08

@Rachaelc1981 reading through your other posts, you are obviously having to cope with far too much if what you have said is true.

Managing your own 3 children and 'home schooling' 2 ; your husband's 3 children, one of whom is an adult but lives with you and disrespects you; a marriage which sounds like it is creaking under the strain, and a distinct lack of general support, it's a wonder you haven't just walked away.

If all that is indeed the case then you need some real life help, and fast.
Do you have any family that can give you some support and practical help? Some counselling for you would be a good idea. You probably are depressed as a pp suggested, which is understandable.
There are organisations out there that can help you and your children but you will have to make some sort of move to start. Maybe make an appointment with your GP as a first step.

Your children's education is very important, obviously, but your ability to cope with everything has been put under too much pressure. You need to find someone to help you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/12/2023 17:18

Search online for your local authority's Fair Access Protocol. Children who need to stop Elective Home Education are eligible and the aim is to get them back into school as quickly as possible (20 days to offer of a place).

Some areas coordinate all applications via the LA, some don't, but all have the duty to find them a school place and the sooner you notify them, the sooner they need to have found one. Some may try to encourage a return to the previous school, but the law says they have to find a place, not necessarily one that is the preference of the parents.

It's very common for people to move house and start at new schools at the end of term, which means that spaces may open up in January where they haven't before - so apply to all schools, complete supplementary forms as necessary and also contact the LA. Their designated EHE officer will also be able to assist.

Realistically, although there may be a place somewhere, it is unlikely that the DC would be able to start before Christmas but may have already allocated existing places to children to start the first day back - but additional ones opening up (as they can't take anyone off the register unless a new school confirms they have arrived safely in their new school) should happen from around the 14th January onwards, so they could be in school for the end of the month, all being well.

ADHDspoonie · 13/12/2023 17:58

Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:40

Thank you for your reply. We are not in the position to afford a tutor unfortunately

Show quote history

You may find this group helpful.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/the2poundtuitionhubhomeed

It sounds like the formal arpproach isn't working for your kids. What kind of things do they like to watch on youtube? It sounds like they're visual learners. They like gaming, what kind of games? They don't seem to like writing, do they like typing? My DC doesn't like writing because they find it painful, so typing is encouraged instead. What kind of discussions do you have with them about their passions?

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See posts, photos and more on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/the2poundtuitionhubhomeed

Ladyj84 · 13/12/2023 18:05

Sorry you can't really blame the kids when you've brought them up to know devices you tube etc are fine. I home educate 4 and no problems they learnt very young that devices are the treat and the rest is learning

PinkFrogss · 13/12/2023 18:25

Sorry OP, but I agree with the others, you need to buck up a bit for the sake of your children.

You took them out of school because of your husbands uncle, lockdown was over a long time ago now.

You're delaying putting them back in school as they’re behind from home educating - you’re just widening the gap the longer you leave it.

You're delaying getting medical advice as the waiting lists are long - that’s just guaranteeing a longer wait.

I’d suggest putting them back into school, getting a job during school hours, pay for tutoring to help them catch up, and save for private assessments while they’re on the waiting lists.

Thesearmsofmine · 13/12/2023 18:33

OP you have posted in the last month both about putting your eldest back in school(and said he wants to go) and also about your other sons tics and taking him to the doctor but it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t done either. Your children can’t do these things themselves, they need their parents to take action for them. It isn’t fair on them.

TheGrimm · 13/12/2023 18:54

Have you ever worked?

Has your husband ever worked?

How do you support yourselves financially?

educatingrati · 13/12/2023 20:03

Why wait until after Christmas to contact your LEA? It will be hanging over you like the sword of Damocles. Tomorrow go on line and find out who the home educator officer is in your area (your local council website will have an education section, and info on home ed.) and give them a ring. They will have lots of experience of this and will be able to talk various options over with you. You do need to just bite the bullet, stop procrastinating and do it. Honestly it will be fine and you and your family can enjoy Christmas and the new year looking forward to a fresh start.

PurpleBugz · 13/12/2023 22:05

Don't wait till after Christmas. The gap is widening.

I willingly home educated one of mine who just loved learning it was easy.

I unwilling home educated the other one as he has high additional needs and no school was able to keep him safe let alone provide an education. Currently fighting LA for a school place for him. He's like your boys- he HATES learning just wants to play in his iPad. So I banned iPad till he did the work. He trashed the house in autistic meltdown a few times. I had some bruises. Was a bad couple weeks. I settled on half an hour of iPad that then times out and needs me to put the password in to get more time and he knows he needs to do learning to get me to do that. Often he doesn't do learning he plays with his toys but I can work with that I join in we chat and learning happens through discussions etc. But it's very very hard work home educating a child who very extremely does not want to learn. I swear it's more than ten times the effort to get half hour out of him that it is to get a full day from my daughter. To be blunt you don't sound like you are doing enough to address it and you need to get your kids into school again. There is long waits but school can start the ball rolling for support/diagnosis if you are indeed dealing with SEND.

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:04

User13579367337 · 13/12/2023 11:39

This. I know the op wants people to be easy on her, but making excuses is how she’s got here with two seriously behind and delayed children. They won’t learn as ‘they prefer YouTube’ etc. Pissing about on the internet shouldn’t be an option during learning hours. ‘I think they’re autistic but have never taken them to the doctors as appointments are hard to get, and the diagnosis takes ages’. I’m not sure where to even start with that one. The children need to be seen. Take them. The quicker you take them the quicker you get the ball rolling. What is she waiting for. And the ‘they’re too far behind to start school now, I’ll keep them home longer to catch up’. When the only reason they’re ridiculously behind is because of her poor quality or non existent teaching. They’ll get FURTHER behind the longer she leaves it. The clear reason why she won’t take them is because she’s bloody embarrassed at how badly she’s done with them and she’s scared she’s going to get judged. And I completely disagree with people telling her she’s fine, she just needs to change her methods, or she just has to wait months for the right school. The op is doing literally nothing. Even now instead of being proactive and starting to seriously enquire IMMEDIATELY so they can start a place next term (easily doable), it’s ’oh, I’ll start making a few phone calls after Xmas’ 🙄🙄 these kids seriously need someone to start advocating for them

Edited
Show quote history

God I wish we were all just as perfect as you are

OP posts:
SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 23:08

OK so what's the plan? Can you talk to the LA tomorrow and see what the next stage is and if you can find somewhere for January?

SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 23:09

Schools can refer for autism assessments so that can be something to discuss if you think it's a possibility. But they won't be able to do this until they've settled in. There's support available. Just have bullet points of what you want to say ready and share all this with the school.

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:20

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 13/12/2023 13:05

FFS @Rachaelc1981 you need to get a grip and quickly.

You are failing your children.

You took them out for a quite frankly unbelievable reason am I to assume you the children and your husband never leave the house to not get Covid to not pass to uncle??? 4 years down the line???

You think they may have additional need but have done nothing to support them getting help or you helping them. Still in nappies at 8 without investigating additional needs/medical issues is neglect.

Your lack of parenting is neglect.

Your lack of doing anything to educate them properly is neglect.

You are pulling home Ed into disrepute and frankly it's disrespectful to those that home Ed properly not just with 'some books from home bargains' and YouTube.

The fact you then expect an over worked and over stretched teachers to catch your kids up when you've been too lazy is preposterous.

Get a grip.

Get help. Now.

Someone needs to advocate for your kids.

How dare you say I neglect my children and I’m lazy. I’m anything but.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:25

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 17:08

@Rachaelc1981 reading through your other posts, you are obviously having to cope with far too much if what you have said is true.

Managing your own 3 children and 'home schooling' 2 ; your husband's 3 children, one of whom is an adult but lives with you and disrespects you; a marriage which sounds like it is creaking under the strain, and a distinct lack of general support, it's a wonder you haven't just walked away.

If all that is indeed the case then you need some real life help, and fast.
Do you have any family that can give you some support and practical help? Some counselling for you would be a good idea. You probably are depressed as a pp suggested, which is understandable.
There are organisations out there that can help you and your children but you will have to make some sort of move to start. Maybe make an appointment with your GP as a first step.

Your children's education is very important, obviously, but your ability to cope with everything has been put under too much pressure. You need to find someone to help you.

everything in all my posts are completely 100% true. I have no reason to lie. I’ll admit, I can’t cope with my life (and not just home Ed before people say) I literally do everything for everyone in my family (there is me, husband stepdaughter, step son, 12,8 and 2.5 year old) my life is horrendous. I have no time to myself, no time with husband Christ I don’t even have a chance to shower coz everyone else is using it. Not right people judging on here when they don’t know the full story

OP posts:
SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 23:27

Getting them into school will at least give you some breathing space.

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/12/2023 23:28

Sounds like an intervention from social services wouldn't go amiss here

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:30

SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 23:27

Getting them into school will at least give you some breathing space.

That’s very true

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:32

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/12/2023 23:28

Sounds like an intervention from social services wouldn't go amiss here

Really? Who are you to judge me and my children. Not surprised you said something like that with your user name. Says it all really. God I wish I was as perfect as you are obviously

OP posts:
SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 23:32

I believe you can self refer to "Early Help" in most areas. This is quite different from "social services" as people imagine from the stereotyped (as is SS tbh) but could be an avenue of support with all this. Might be worth a Google?

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/12/2023 23:51

No one is judging but you don't like it when you're having the harsh reality put in front of you.

I think some actual professional intervention and support would help here. It's not all about you

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/12/2023 23:54

And no one is perfect, I'm certainly not by any stretch.

But moaning on Mumsnet won't change anything for your kids. Action is required