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Home ed

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Original poster

I hate home Ed ☹️

134 replies

Rachaelc1981 · 12/12/2023 15:13

As the title suggests…… I hate home schooling. I have 2 sons being home schooled. We took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic. Eldest is 12 and other is 8. They just won’t do it. They are both so far behind. I sit with them every day encouraging, helping, supporting and providing everything they need. They won’t concentrate, they will write 2-3 words and then sit and talk about sodding YouTube etc then continue with 2 more words and so on. They both need to go back to school but I don’t know how I’m going to get them back with them being so far behind. I even do school work at weekends and during holidays if they haven’t done enough that week. My 8 year old has many issues (tics and still has accidents) so I’m worried he will get bullied. My eldest is extremely immature for his age, again worried he will get bullied. I’m not looking to be judged or even needing a reply, I’m just venting off as I feel there is no way out of this situation ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:42

barkingmel · 13/12/2023 10:14

Could they go back to school maybe in the year below what they would usually be? Might help them learn at a more appropriate level and also fit in a bit better if they are more immature like your elder one is, for example.

I’ve enquired about this but they don’t do this anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:48

MamaMissions · 13/12/2023 10:26

@Rachaelc1981
You mentioned that you couldn't tell if your youngest was okay at school or not because you removed him at the beginning. Can I ask why you decided to home school both children?
It's worth enquiring about schools from now (if your wanting to send them back) as at the ball will already rolling once the Christmas period is over

we took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic as my husband is a carer for his uncle who is vulnerable so we took the precaution of removing the children from school

OP posts:
minuette1 · 13/12/2023 10:54

Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:48

we took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic as my husband is a carer for his uncle who is vulnerable so we took the precaution of removing the children from school

Show quote history

That doesn’t sound like a sustainable situation. Seems like you put your husband’s uncle before the needs of your children and this could potentially have ramifications for them for their whole lives. The pandemic has been over for a while now and it doesn’t sound like you are equipped to HE - I think in fact from what you have described you have been completely irresponsible and are failing your poor children. Sorry to be harsh but you need to take action now before it’s too late. Agree with the previous posters - get their school places sorted now don’t wait until after Christmas.

ReadyForPumpkins · 13/12/2023 10:57

There's still a week of school in most of the country. Ring the LEA before christmas. If there's a school space now, it will be there, and it won't change first week of school. The difference is your 12yo can start after christmas at the school.

ReadyForPumpkins · 13/12/2023 10:58

Be prepared though that 12 yo is Year 7 or 8 which are high birth years. You might need to travel further for school then if your 8yo wants to go back to school.

HairdryerMary · 13/12/2023 11:09

I don't agree with the 'don't do any formal learning and the kids will catch up' brigade. Mine wouldn't. She has an undiagnosed suspected learning disability. We could play in the woods four hours but she wouldn't learn times tables that way, or improve her written grammer or learn Spanish. So much of the curriculum is stuff that is just learnt. So with home Ed you sort of have to decide whether you're going to try to mirror school and get them to GCSE level at an age appropriate time or say to hell with formal schooling and not bother with exams. Or you can try to get them to take GCSE's at different times not all at once but this can be expensive and difficult to organise.

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 11:21

Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:48

we took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic as my husband is a carer for his uncle who is vulnerable so we took the precaution of removing the children from school

Show quote history

OP that's a good example of why Home Education needs much tighter regulation. It's almost unbelievable that you would do that.
Your children should always be your priority.

barkingmel · 13/12/2023 11:27

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 11:21

OP that's a good example of why Home Education needs much tighter regulation. It's almost unbelievable that you would do that.
Your children should always be your priority.

Show quote history

I feel this is unnecessarily judgemental. Maybe the uncle could have died if exposed to Covid.

WonderLife · 13/12/2023 11:36

HairdryerMary · 13/12/2023 11:09

I don't agree with the 'don't do any formal learning and the kids will catch up' brigade. Mine wouldn't. She has an undiagnosed suspected learning disability. We could play in the woods four hours but she wouldn't learn times tables that way, or improve her written grammer or learn Spanish. So much of the curriculum is stuff that is just learnt. So with home Ed you sort of have to decide whether you're going to try to mirror school and get them to GCSE level at an age appropriate time or say to hell with formal schooling and not bother with exams. Or you can try to get them to take GCSE's at different times not all at once but this can be expensive and difficult to organise.

I don't think this is true at all - plenty of families don't follow the national curriculum and then start GCSE courses sometime after age 12.

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 11:38

barkingmel · 13/12/2023 11:27

I feel this is unnecessarily judgemental. Maybe the uncle could have died if exposed to Covid.

Show quote history

OP's children are still out of school, not thriving and she's risking their future here.
If that's judgemental, so be it. It's a preposterous reason nearly 4 years on.

Toomuchleopard · 13/12/2023 11:39

Completely agree. Unbelievable sacrifice the children have made.

User13579367337 · 13/12/2023 11:39

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 11:21

OP that's a good example of why Home Education needs much tighter regulation. It's almost unbelievable that you would do that.
Your children should always be your priority.

Show quote history

This. I know the op wants people to be easy on her, but making excuses is how she’s got here with two seriously behind and delayed children. They won’t learn as ‘they prefer YouTube’ etc. Pissing about on the internet shouldn’t be an option during learning hours. ‘I think they’re autistic but have never taken them to the doctors as appointments are hard to get, and the diagnosis takes ages’. I’m not sure where to even start with that one. The children need to be seen. Take them. The quicker you take them the quicker you get the ball rolling. What is she waiting for. And the ‘they’re too far behind to start school now, I’ll keep them home longer to catch up’. When the only reason they’re ridiculously behind is because of her poor quality or non existent teaching. They’ll get FURTHER behind the longer she leaves it. The clear reason why she won’t take them is because she’s bloody embarrassed at how badly she’s done with them and she’s scared she’s going to get judged. And I completely disagree with people telling her she’s fine, she just needs to change her methods, or she just has to wait months for the right school. The op is doing literally nothing. Even now instead of being proactive and starting to seriously enquire IMMEDIATELY so they can start a place next term (easily doable), it’s ’oh, I’ll start making a few phone calls after Xmas’ 🙄🙄 these kids seriously need someone to start advocating for them

Saytheyhear · 13/12/2023 11:46

Isn't that more online schooling and bringing the classrooms into the home?
Could you not look at local forest schools or zoos that run home-ed sessions?
What about home-ed groups, surely they haven't sat at home all day for 3 years? Have they made any friends locally?

twistyizzy · 13/12/2023 11:47

@User13579367337 agree. This isn't a situation whereby homeschooling has been decided on for the well being of the DC with a well thought out and executed curriculum offering breadth and depth of learning opportunities. The reluctance/laissez faire attitude to seek advice on suspected autism is the most shocking thing about the post.
OP you need to phone the LA today, not wait until after Xmas. Get your kids a decent education and back to socialising with other kids before it's too late. Plus limit gaming and screen time now otherwise you are going to face a massive battle getting them to go to school.

yousexybugger · 13/12/2023 11:51

ProfessorInkling · 13/12/2023 10:35

Can’t you do trips and make friends while home edding? There’s so much more to life than Oak Academy. Find your community, give them kids to play with, get out of the house and experience life a bit.

She's had 3 years and not done this or persevered with it. Perhaps HS is a good match for some families but this doesn't sound like one of them. Get in touch with the LA today plus the Dr re autism diagnosis if that's what you suspect. Push for your children's best interests.

IHaveAskedYouThriceNow · 13/12/2023 11:56

I don't agree with the 'don't do any formal learning and the kids will catch up' brigade.

I think you’re misunderstanding what has been said.
Trying to recreate school in the home tends not to work.
Tapping into a child’s interests and exploring from there can cover many subjects and can more effectively help a child learn.
It’s not about having fun and ignoring the fact that children need to learn and progress.

Minglingpringle · 13/12/2023 12:02

Do you think you could be depressed? You seem to be letting this situation happen to you and to feel unable to take positive steps to change things.

“After Christmas” is classic prevarication and this whole situation has been going on much longer than necessary. Even the original reasoning sounds dubious. If you feel unable to make changes (whatever the actual best solution is), is there someone else you could involve to help you take action?

User13579367337 · 13/12/2023 12:11

IHaveAskedYouThriceNow · 13/12/2023 11:56

I don't agree with the 'don't do any formal learning and the kids will catch up' brigade.

I think you’re misunderstanding what has been said.
Trying to recreate school in the home tends not to work.
Tapping into a child’s interests and exploring from there can cover many subjects and can more effectively help a child learn.
It’s not about having fun and ignoring the fact that children need to learn and progress.

I think you’re misunderstanding what she’s saying tbh. No ones disagreeing that home schooling can be wonderful. The point is is that the op has been homeschooling these kids for 3 years and has massively ballsed it up, there’s no catching up for her now no matter what method she uses. She obviously hasn’t got the discipline and drive to teach these children. If they’re got any hope at all left they need to go back into a proper educational setting

notmorezoom · 13/12/2023 12:13

Rachaelc1981 · 12/12/2023 21:44

Thank you for your reply. I’m going to contact a few schools after Christmas. It’s time now

Show quote history

So call today. Why wait til after Christmas?

SwordToFlamethrower · 13/12/2023 12:24

Taking away the games and YouTube would definitely help, for a start.

Ninastibbefan · 13/12/2023 12:25

It’s a shame that this thread started off supportive & helpful but has become a bit of a pile on.
I think it’s easy to say that OP shouldn’t have made that decision during Covid it was such a weird time & there was a lot we didn’t know. We were all operating in the dark. Only they know the situation. Plus loads of children have struggled with getting back to school since Covid. We don’t know how easy it would have been for OP’s DC at school even if they had gone back.

minuette1 · 13/12/2023 12:42

Ninastibbefan · 13/12/2023 12:25

It’s a shame that this thread started off supportive & helpful but has become a bit of a pile on.
I think it’s easy to say that OP shouldn’t have made that decision during Covid it was such a weird time & there was a lot we didn’t know. We were all operating in the dark. Only they know the situation. Plus loads of children have struggled with getting back to school since Covid. We don’t know how easy it would have been for OP’s DC at school even if they had gone back.

We don’t know how easy it would have been for OP’s DC at school even if they had gone back.

That's not a reason to endorse the OP's shocking neglect of her children's education. You could equally say the opposite - they may well have settled in quickly and thrived. I don't think this thread is a pile-on, but the more the OP posts, the more outlandish this situation seems. HE is great for some families, but it needs to be well thought out with long-term planning, it shouldn't be used as an excuse to pull children out of school and then let them refuse to take part in any education. The pandemic was in 2020/21, we are now nearly in 2024, so these children have missed out on so much.

bluelavender · 13/12/2023 12:47

@Rachaelc1981 it's great that you recognise this isn't working for any of you. Making the change might feel scary and impossible; but it's really just a set of small steps

Make the calls to local schools/ the LA, arrange a visit and bring a list of all your concerns.

The schools should be able to put a plan in place for your children that recognisees their needs; including your concerns re continence.

Best of luck- you can do this

HJ40 · 13/12/2023 12:48

OP, there is A LOT of procrastination in your language. Haven't gone to the doctor yet, waits are so long, will phone after Christmas.

You might be scared of facing up to the changes which need to happen, but you've done a brave thing posting on here. Stay strong and make the phone calls NOW.

Fiddlerdragon · 13/12/2023 12:57

Ninastibbefan · 13/12/2023 12:25

It’s a shame that this thread started off supportive & helpful but has become a bit of a pile on.
I think it’s easy to say that OP shouldn’t have made that decision during Covid it was such a weird time & there was a lot we didn’t know. We were all operating in the dark. Only they know the situation. Plus loads of children have struggled with getting back to school since Covid. We don’t know how easy it would have been for OP’s DC at school even if they had gone back.

Let’s face facts. Denying your children an education and healthcare is pure and simple neglect, if not abuse. And it’s been going on for years. People were more supportive than the op deserved in the beginning, but she did get a lot of support. But each update has become more and more disturbing. They’re not learning at all, they spend far too much time on the internet. Her youngest at 8 years old is still needing nappies. The op thinks they’re showing signs of ND but she’s completely failed and is continuing to fail to get them any help. I’m wondering if they even have much exposure to the outside world at all. This is sounding extremely disturbing to me. If this was written in a slightly different way, or written by someone who was concerned for the op’s children, people on here would 100% be advising them to call social services, if not the police for an immediate welfare check. Two children taken out of education, not involved with any programs or services, being denied healthcare, one still soiling themselves YEARS after they should have been taught to use the toilet, with the op’s attitude being ‘oh I’ll do it later’ towards pretty much everything is ringing some fucking serous alarm bells