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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Original poster

I hate home Ed ☹️

134 replies

Rachaelc1981 · 12/12/2023 15:13

As the title suggests…… I hate home schooling. I have 2 sons being home schooled. We took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic. Eldest is 12 and other is 8. They just won’t do it. They are both so far behind. I sit with them every day encouraging, helping, supporting and providing everything they need. They won’t concentrate, they will write 2-3 words and then sit and talk about sodding YouTube etc then continue with 2 more words and so on. They both need to go back to school but I don’t know how I’m going to get them back with them being so far behind. I even do school work at weekends and during holidays if they haven’t done enough that week. My 8 year old has many issues (tics and still has accidents) so I’m worried he will get bullied. My eldest is extremely immature for his age, again worried he will get bullied. I’m not looking to be judged or even needing a reply, I’m just venting off as I feel there is no way out of this situation ☹️

OP posts:
titchy · 12/12/2023 22:11

Phone your local authority TOMORROW. Stop pissing about with 'after Christmas'. And remove the devices if all they do is YouTube.

Russoooooo · 12/12/2023 22:19

I’m a fan of Home Ed, but it’s clearly not working for you, so don’t wait until after Christmas. Call tomorrow. Best case scenario: it’s three phone calls (primary school, secondary school and LA) and could all be sorted by lunchtime.

In reality, it’ll probably be a bit more complicated than that, but you might as well get the ball rolling.

maybe ask if your eldest could start in Y7 instead of Y8? That would give him more time to catch up, academically and socially.

good luck!

craigth162 · 12/12/2023 22:26

What was your original reason for home schooling?

ticktickticktickBOOM · 12/12/2023 22:35

They would probably look at their ipads and youtube less if you just turned off the internet for a few hours?

Saracen · 12/12/2023 23:21

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 21:55

That’s not correct. As the OP elected to home school her children, she has absolved the LA from any responsibility to find them places.

Show quote history

Er...no, it doesn't work that way! The LA is obliged to find a school place for any child in their area who doesn't already have a place, if the parent wants them to go to school. That includes children who have moved into the area, children whose parents have removed them from a private school, children who have been excluded, and previously home educated children. If all locals schools are full, the LA must invoke the Fair Access Protocol to sort something out.

Were you imagining that home education was a commitment for the entirety of the child's school years? 😂 That's no more true than saying that once a child has started school, they have to stay there. Of course parents are allowed to change their mind or have a change of circumstances!

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 09:42

PTSDBarbiegirl · 12/12/2023 21:43

Speak to the school, they will be assessed and needs will be met via Differentiation. Teachers are used to dealing with things like tics and or toilet issues. Sounds like you've accepted they need the structure. Phone your Ed department and get them in somewhere.

Thank you for your reply and words of advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 09:48

craigth162 · 12/12/2023 22:26

What was your original reason for home schooling?

we decided to take them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic

OP posts:
SausageCasseroles · 13/12/2023 09:50

Absolutely ring the LA and start the ball rolling now. Find out which schools have space and if they'd be a good fit and if you can practically get them there.

They could be in in January.

Stop worrying about "catching them up" school will take them where they ard at and this will just add to their fears of being behind. I'd totally go the other way and downplay the stress and say how much easier it will be with school and a structure and making friends so they feel positive about going.

Definitely arrange visits with the kids so they can see the school etc.

titchy · 13/12/2023 09:59

we decided to take them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic

But why?

pinkdelight · 13/12/2023 10:04

We haven’t taken them to doctors as of yet plus the waiting time is so long.

I don't get this logic - surely if the waiting time is long, you get them on the list asap then they'll be seen sooner. If you leave it, it will never happen.

Same with getting them back in school. Sort it out now. There's no sense in waiting when this isn't working for you and the DC. Waiting will again only exacerbate the problems.

Macaroni46 · 13/12/2023 10:05

Could you afford to employ a tutor as a bridging solution?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/12/2023 10:12

Why haven't you requested referrals for assessments yet? Why would you take them out of school at the start of the pandemic and then never return them? What's going on from your perspective as parents that's impacted your decision making here?

barkingmel · 13/12/2023 10:14

Could they go back to school maybe in the year below what they would usually be? Might help them learn at a more appropriate level and also fit in a bit better if they are more immature like your elder one is, for example.

Lifeinlists · 13/12/2023 10:15

we decided to take them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic

That's not a reason, it's just a statement* *of fact.

You're seriously failing your children if you're not accessing appropriate assessments/ help with their possible developmental issues and they're not getting a reasonable education.

Get them back into school. Schools can manage whatever stage they're at. Some 15 year olds have a reading age of 7 so they're quite used to variations in ability. Work with the schools.

Get it sorted this week. They'll be running rings round you soon.

Sturnidae · 13/12/2023 10:17

As others have said, there are options that are between full on HE and a mainstream school. Are you in touch with local home educators? Are you on the national FB groups? These are probably a better place to help you work out how to move forward than Mumsnet.

Just like mainstream doesn't work for everybody, home ed doesn't either. Your first step would probably be starting the process to seeking diagnosis' as required and looking into an EHCP which will enable you to seek an appropriate placement for both children. Does your county have a support service for those with SEN? My county does and you can call them to find out about all sorts, including about alternative provision that is available locally. I'd say speak to somebody about AP availability before speaking to the LA, as the LA will often push people to go back into mainstream and not really want to discuss alternatives, whereas being aware of any AP settings before speaking with them will put you in a better position to ask how to access one of those settings, as the LA can fund them.

If your kids have additional needs, putting them back into the closest schools may well be a disaster, I wouldn't apply until you know what they are able to provide for your kids needs. In my county we have numerous mainstream schools who are better equipped to manage those who need additional support, some have 'hubs' within the school so they children have a place to go when overwhelmed, or they have classes within the hub but on a mainstream base school, even without a formal diagnosis, but they aren't always necessarily the most local option. So, if you're going back to mainstream, it may be worth investigating if something like this exists before applying. And ask on local FB groups about schools and how they support kids in the area, I've met so many kids who've had to come out due to lack of appropriate support and are unable to access school again, but a school who do it right are worth their weight in gold and parents will happily share stories of both if people ask for recommendations!

If you want to continue home educating them you need to find something that works for you, doing school at home doesn't work for many of us for various reasons, there is a vast range of HE styles, and a huge spectrum between parents being in charge of a school at home experience and completely child led experience.

Luddite26 · 13/12/2023 10:20

When GS left school for home ed I was told to complain to the governors otherwise if he was to return to school he would have to go to the school he left
I thought that can't be the case if you move out of the area.

Personally I feel you are being unnecessary waiting till after Xmas because you could have it in place to go back in January at the start of the new term

WaitingForMojo · 13/12/2023 10:20

Trying to recreate school at home is boring and soul destroying. No wonder you hate it! Something has to change, either with your style of home Ed, or sending them to school.

There must be a reason you decided to home Ed.

WaitingForMojo · 13/12/2023 10:21

You’re going to get advice here (turn the internet off!) that’s not suitable for your children.

Have a look at PDA Pandas and low demand parenting, see if that might work better. What do they want to be doing? You can set boundaries etc without being draconian, too.

MamaMissions · 13/12/2023 10:26

@Rachaelc1981
You mentioned that you couldn't tell if your youngest was okay at school or not because you removed him at the beginning. Can I ask why you decided to home school both children?
It's worth enquiring about schools from now (if your wanting to send them back) as at the ball will already rolling once the Christmas period is over

WonderLife · 13/12/2023 10:30

I really wouldn't rush into a panic and just send them to any school with spaces as other posters are suggesting.

Take your time, do some research, get the ball rolling with assessments.

State schools are at breaking point at the moment, there's a teacher shortage, many classes are being taught by TAs or classes are merged so 60 children are just supervised in the school hall, behaviour is wild, schools are responding with draconian discipline policies, school refusal is on the rise, there's huge problems with children's mental health, not enough funding and children with SEN are left to flounder. Some schools are using Oak Academy videos themselves where they can't find teachers.

Find the best school you can for your children, especially as they may have SEN.

FrownedUpon · 13/12/2023 10:34

It’s not as unusual as you might think. When I was a teacher, we often had pupils coming in after being home schooled, often massively behind where they should be. They’ll catch up & probably thrive. Get them back into school ASAP.

ProfessorInkling · 13/12/2023 10:35

Can’t you do trips and make friends while home edding? There’s so much more to life than Oak Academy. Find your community, give them kids to play with, get out of the house and experience life a bit.

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 10:40

Macaroni46 · 13/12/2023 10:05

Could you afford to employ a tutor as a bridging solution?

Thank you for your reply. We are not in the position to afford a tutor unfortunately

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 13/12/2023 10:40

I’m sorry but you’re failing your DC if you suspect SEN, but aren’t seeking support/diagnosis for them. Your oldest is 12! It isn’t fair on them if they aren’t accessing any form of learning.