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Home ed

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Original poster

I hate home Ed ☹️

134 replies

Rachaelc1981 · 12/12/2023 15:13

As the title suggests…… I hate home schooling. I have 2 sons being home schooled. We took them out of school at the beginning of the pandemic. Eldest is 12 and other is 8. They just won’t do it. They are both so far behind. I sit with them every day encouraging, helping, supporting and providing everything they need. They won’t concentrate, they will write 2-3 words and then sit and talk about sodding YouTube etc then continue with 2 more words and so on. They both need to go back to school but I don’t know how I’m going to get them back with them being so far behind. I even do school work at weekends and during holidays if they haven’t done enough that week. My 8 year old has many issues (tics and still has accidents) so I’m worried he will get bullied. My eldest is extremely immature for his age, again worried he will get bullied. I’m not looking to be judged or even needing a reply, I’m just venting off as I feel there is no way out of this situation ☹️

OP posts:
LongLostTeacher · 14/12/2023 00:12

In every class in the country there are a range of abilities. Your children may well be “behind”, but there are children who have only ever been school educated and they are behind too. Don’t wait to try to catch your children up at home if you are miserable and all they can think about is YouTube and iPads.

I home Ed and love it, but you can’t be wedded to home Ed as a concept if it’s not working for you. I think school will be better for you and your children. Just get them back in.

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 14/12/2023 01:27

LongLostTeacher · 14/12/2023 00:12

In every class in the country there are a range of abilities. Your children may well be “behind”, but there are children who have only ever been school educated and they are behind too. Don’t wait to try to catch your children up at home if you are miserable and all they can think about is YouTube and iPads.

I home Ed and love it, but you can’t be wedded to home Ed as a concept if it’s not working for you. I think school will be better for you and your children. Just get them back in.

Thank you for your reply and your words of advice

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 14/12/2023 02:41

I feel for you OP. You sound completely overwhelmed and worn out.
I don't think anyone needs to tell you that you need to make changes, the question is how to go about it. It sounds to me as if you have so much going on, and so many people needing something from you that you have kind of become paralysed and don't know where to begin to address the issues.
There is no shame in needing help to deal with problems. I think it might be worth making an appointment with your GP first. For yourself. As the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup.
There's a lot to unpick with the possible medical issues and additional needs for your children, schooling, and it sounds like there are other family issues getting on top of you too. You're looking after a lot of people but it doesn't sound like anyone is looking after you. Talk to your GP about how you're feeling and hopefully s/he can signpost you to other services to help you make a plan to improve things. You won't get everything sorted overnight but your children are still young and I'm sure they can get back on track with their education with the right help. Take things one step at a time and you'll get there. But you shouldn't have to do it all alone so please get some help and support.

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 07:16

@IHaveAskedYouThriceNow ok so how? How are these home educated children who haven't followed the curriculum able to suddenly pass French GCSEs or know trigonometry or know the structure of an atom? Because these things are not intuitive and so they must be learnt through study. Whether you use them in adult life is neither here nor there, they are integral for passing GCSE's in those subjects. I think those with very young children who have just started their home Ed journey are a bit naive about how much going to the shops with mum, watching a bit of the Octonaughts or playing ten minutes duolingo is educational. It's not enough to pass formal qualifications. If that's not something that you care about then I think it's fine, go ahead and unschool. After all well-being and mental health are equally important in my eyes. But don't pretend that kids can play about in the woods, going to forest school to whittle wood for years with no adherence to the curriculum and then turn around and pass ten GCSEs. The Op's children don't sound like they will be able to do that, and my children wouldn't either.

TheGrimm · 14/12/2023 07:30

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Araminta1003 · 14/12/2023 07:38

Is the 12 year old Year 7 or Year 8? Either way he needs to go back to school asap as those are important transition years. If your DS did the Year 6 Sats papers, where would he be? Have you attempted to work through some with him?

Is the 8 year old in Year 3 or 4?

The schools might benchmark them when they go back so I would have a look into the kind of tests they may give them so they go in a little prepared. So read up on the required curriculum etc. You want them to go back in as confident as possible. It should be quite easy figuring out where exactly the Year 3/4 is behind, for example, the bits of Maths he has not covered. Does he know his timetables, for example. Could he practise on an app?

It sounds like you have tried your best and they are just not fully motivated at home. If you work with the schools etc, hopefully it will get sorted. I hope there are schools close by that can accommodate your DC. I think the 12 year old is still a high birth year.

Good luck.

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:16

@TheGrimm this is in no way related to the OP. Why does it matter? You can be on benefits due to circumstance and be a good role model. No child ever grows up not aspiring to work or better themselves. If anything I see the opposite amongst my friends. A lot of friends who grew up with very career orientated, full time working mothers want to scale back when they have children and 'be there more'. I mean I think they're mad and putting themselves in a very vulnerable position but their parents being at work a lot has obviously has a long term effect on them. I also have friends who's parents have never worked due to addiction or ill mental or physical health. They have no desire to recreate that lifestyle and have very good work ethic.

HJ40 · 14/12/2023 08:17

OP, you're understandably getting upset, but in the main, you are reacting to the most inflammatory posts.

Could you please answer the most basic question of why you are delaying calling the doctor and the council?

Araminta1003 · 14/12/2023 08:17

Please rest assured you haven’t left it too late!

There are refugee children in my DC’s London schools who have not had any proper education for years and who have learnt the language and are learning and improving immensely. It is about how much each child improves themselves. Many jobs are accessible later on as long as you pass GCSE Maths and English so that needs to be the focus foremost. You can help them with that by identifying their gaps in those subjects first. Can the older one read fluently, understand a variety of texts, write simple sentences etc Can he write a story with a clear beginning, middle and end etc. Try and understand the basics he needs to be able to do and work from there. If you can get hold of some GCSE foundation papers it should give you a clear idea.

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 14/12/2023 08:20

MrsAvocet · 14/12/2023 02:41

I feel for you OP. You sound completely overwhelmed and worn out.
I don't think anyone needs to tell you that you need to make changes, the question is how to go about it. It sounds to me as if you have so much going on, and so many people needing something from you that you have kind of become paralysed and don't know where to begin to address the issues.
There is no shame in needing help to deal with problems. I think it might be worth making an appointment with your GP first. For yourself. As the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup.
There's a lot to unpick with the possible medical issues and additional needs for your children, schooling, and it sounds like there are other family issues getting on top of you too. You're looking after a lot of people but it doesn't sound like anyone is looking after you. Talk to your GP about how you're feeling and hopefully s/he can signpost you to other services to help you make a plan to improve things. You won't get everything sorted overnight but your children are still young and I'm sure they can get back on track with their education with the right help. Take things one step at a time and you'll get there. But you shouldn't have to do it all alone so please get some help and support.

Thank you for your reply and your word of advice

OP posts:
HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:24

@Rachaelc1981 you can do this OP. It's never too late, as others have said. I actually agree with you to not rock the boat so close to Christmas with school. Call now and arrange a few visits for the new year and then relax. Speak to your gp about your concerns about the boys and write a list of things which you aren't sure about. I would say that it might be worth speaking to a special educational support group about your concerns. The SEN topic on here is much less judgemental

Original poster
Rachaelc1981 · 14/12/2023 08:25

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I have worked since the age of 16 until I had my eldest, my husband works and has always worked his whole life and my 2 adult step children contribute to the money situation. So my children know exactly what is needed in life to work their way up to where they what to be. My step daughter is a manager and step son is on his way to being a manager so my kids see their brother and sister working hard and supporting their family

OP posts:
User13579367337 · 14/12/2023 08:45

Rachaelc1981 · 13/12/2023 23:04

God I wish we were all just as perfect as you are

Show quote history

I never said I was perfect. I do take my children to school and the doctors though, unlike you. If you think giving your children a basic education and medical attention is someone showing off and acting ‘perfect’ then I’d strongly advise you to refer yourself to social services, because you are not even providing the bare minimum for these children. Have you sought a school place or doctors appointment yet?

Ihatethenewlook · 14/12/2023 08:56

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:24

@Rachaelc1981 you can do this OP. It's never too late, as others have said. I actually agree with you to not rock the boat so close to Christmas with school. Call now and arrange a few visits for the new year and then relax. Speak to your gp about your concerns about the boys and write a list of things which you aren't sure about. I would say that it might be worth speaking to a special educational support group about your concerns. The SEN topic on here is much less judgemental

If you take the time to read the ops posting history, you’ll see she posted months ago about the children’s lack of education, how one of them is asking to go to school and she needs to get them enrolled. Now the years nearly over, she’s done absolutely nothing about it and is posting the same thing all over again. The last thing she needs is people telling her it’s ok, she may as well wait until next year now. She will procrastinate forever and continue to write self pitying posts on mn so people can tell her what she’s doing is ok. And there’s no indication these children have sen outside of their lack of structure/boundaries/education. They’ve not seen a teacher or doctor in years.

yousexybugger · 14/12/2023 09:18

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:24

@Rachaelc1981 you can do this OP. It's never too late, as others have said. I actually agree with you to not rock the boat so close to Christmas with school. Call now and arrange a few visits for the new year and then relax. Speak to your gp about your concerns about the boys and write a list of things which you aren't sure about. I would say that it might be worth speaking to a special educational support group about your concerns. The SEN topic on here is much less judgemental

Sorry but on what basis are you encouraging her to keep her children out of school? She isn't even addressing the 8 year old's incontinence. The OP's relaxation is not the main point at hand.

TheGrimm · 14/12/2023 09:19

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:16

@TheGrimm this is in no way related to the OP. Why does it matter? You can be on benefits due to circumstance and be a good role model. No child ever grows up not aspiring to work or better themselves. If anything I see the opposite amongst my friends. A lot of friends who grew up with very career orientated, full time working mothers want to scale back when they have children and 'be there more'. I mean I think they're mad and putting themselves in a very vulnerable position but their parents being at work a lot has obviously has a long term effect on them. I also have friends who's parents have never worked due to addiction or ill mental or physical health. They have no desire to recreate that lifestyle and have very good work ethic.

I agree some parents on benefits can also be good role models however, from what OP has portrayed in her posts this does not reflect her or her husband’s circumstances.

OP if your husband gets carers allowance how much can he work because you are restricted to the amount you can earn and claim carers allowance.

You give so many excuses how do you expect your children to get jobs when as you say they have no work ethic when it comes to their education?

Do you claim any benefits OP you dodged that question again!

OP why did you give up work when you had your eldest? You’ve had no job for over 12 years and you took on the responsibility of homeschooling and now you’ve failed at this you want the state school system to fix it.

Rocknrolla21 · 14/12/2023 09:22

HairdryerMary · 14/12/2023 08:24

@Rachaelc1981 you can do this OP. It's never too late, as others have said. I actually agree with you to not rock the boat so close to Christmas with school. Call now and arrange a few visits for the new year and then relax. Speak to your gp about your concerns about the boys and write a list of things which you aren't sure about. I would say that it might be worth speaking to a special educational support group about your concerns. The SEN topic on here is much less judgemental

What do you mean by ‘rocking the boat’?? How is phoning a school and booking a doctors appointment rocking the boat? She can phone a school to find one with spaces, view it and meet the teachers and enroll them to start next year without them even knowing. It would be the perfect time to start, at the beginning of term in the new year. She may still have some time but it’s certainly not on her side, for the older one especially. One of my boys is in his gcse year and the school has sent everyone attendance statistics. For every 7 days a child misses school, they’ll average 1 grade down in their results. These children have missed 4 years of schooling. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that every single day will make a difference to these children at this point. They’ve got so much to catch up on

sashh · 14/12/2023 09:39

OP are you trying to recreate school at home? Home ed is just that, not home school (OK it can be but doesn't have to be).

Harness what they are interested in, if it is phones, ipad, youtube then start there. Organise a trip to a museum or park or even a town centre and set them a task of making a film about it.

That means doing research, writing a script and editing it.

Home ed can also include what Americans call 'chores' ie washing, ironing, cooking.

Relax, give them a break (more importantly give yourself one too) over Xmas and look in to schools then.

FlowerBarrow · 14/12/2023 09:49

@Rachaelc1981 my advice is that if you were an elective home educator, ie doing it by choice, you would usually have sacked off the school at home approach by now. This very rarely works at home. That whole “home schooling” thing that parents (and kids) hated during the pandemic, looks nothing like typical elective home education.

So why not take your Christmas holidays from the end of this week and use the extra free time to research you school options but also to research and get more understanding of how your children could receive an education at home that suits them and you. Honestly kids can’t learn when they are t happy and my guess is you just haven’t found what works for them (school may also not work for them).

Thesearmsofmine · 14/12/2023 10:08

Honestly this post is depressing to read. There are always certain people who push home ed at all costs even when it isn’t working and it reflects so poorly on the community.

It’s been coming up to four years that these children have been at home, OP has posted several times that she doesn’t like it, that one of her children has asked to return to school, that her children may have SEN(if not then there is clearly something else at play for an 8 year old to be in nappies still) but the OP hasn’t done anything about it.
Yes there are different ways to home ed which for some can be successful but the OP has had almost four years to research different options and try them out. This isn’t someone new to home education who is finding their feet.

it’s ok to admit that home education isn’t the right choice for your family, what isn’t ok is to plough on regardless at the detriment to your children.

HJ40 · 14/12/2023 11:33

Whatever opinions on anything else, I think it's a much, @yousexybugger , to call the 8yo incontinent because they wear nappies at night.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/12/2023 11:52

HJ40 · 14/12/2023 11:33

Whatever opinions on anything else, I think it's a much, @yousexybugger , to call the 8yo incontinent because they wear nappies at night.

In the OP she says that he still has accidents(and it looks like she has posted about this before) so I don’t think that poster is wrong. What is wrong is that the OP hasn’t sought medical help for her dc in the form of help with toileting issues or advice on his tics of any other issues he may have.

SausageCasseroles · 14/12/2023 12:06

Op have you called the local authority today? How has it gone?

If not what do you need to make that call? Perhaps we can help?

Lifeinlists · 14/12/2023 12:10

The OP is overwhelmed by her life, it seems to me. No one seems to give a damn about her, she's just a facilitator. Those 5 children have a father. What part does he play in their lives and where is the teamwork? You said you felt excluded by his adult daughter monopolising him. That's not healthy.

Advice about Home Ed v not Home Ed is almost beside the point if you read her posting history.
Yes, getting 2 back into school would free up some time and help them but there are bigger problems brewing.

@Rachaelc1981 Social services are there to help, not judge you, and will also signpost you to other services which could support you. You're going to end up either having a breakdown or just walking away at the rate you're going. Neither of those is ideal really?
Go and see a GP and make a bit of a fuss if necessary.

minuette1 · 14/12/2023 12:17

Rachaelc1981 · 14/12/2023 08:25

I have worked since the age of 16 until I had my eldest, my husband works and has always worked his whole life and my 2 adult step children contribute to the money situation. So my children know exactly what is needed in life to work their way up to where they what to be. My step daughter is a manager and step son is on his way to being a manager so my kids see their brother and sister working hard and supporting their family

Show quote history

Were your step-children denied an education though, or did they go to school?
Hope you had some luck calling schools today.
I agree with a previous poster - you do sound overwhelmed with life, but you could solve that so easily by getting your 8 & 12 year olds back into full-time school.
I assume your husband must solely work from home if you are still actively shielding his uncle so he will be around to help with school runs etc.