Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

Well was he supportive in your opinion? Also why do they have to sit together if you are there?

If he wasn’t supportive of her coming out that is a pretty big deal and I can’t see how you can play happy families with such an elephant in the room. But you’re typing as if you weren’t there with the ‘he said/she said’. What actually went on?

What do your DH and dd think?

You sit in the middle seat. Job done.

How old is the child? I would be leaving her at home with such an awful attitude.

Out of interest, is your daughter LGB or one of the TQ+++? And how old?

If it's just the flight that's the issue can you not sit between them? What's the plan for once you're there? They can do their own things but you'll end up caught in the middle if both want you to come with them.

Why is she the one with the bad attitude?

She’s gay with a homophobic father - you can hardly blame her.

Why is it your job to resolve this? Let them sort it out. Pack your own stuff, take good earplugs and an eye mask and if there are spare seats ask the cabin crew to relocate you far far away.

Are either of you being supportive towards your daughter? Your DH isn't making your daughter's life any easier by the sounds of it? Are you?

The holiday is the least of your issues. Your DD and your DH appear to have fundementally different values and you seem weirdly relaxed about that. I have no idea wo is in the right or the wrong here as you've given so few details, but I think you are going to need to get to the bottom of that before anything can be resolved.

Your dh needs to grow up and be an adult and deal with it appropriately. Issues can be put aside to enjoy the holiday surely.

Are you serious, she's gay her father is homophobic. What's she done wrong?

You’re weirdly lacking in information on whether your DH is in fact homophobic and responded negatively to her coming out.

As far as the flight goes, can you not sit in between them?
Do you have other children going on this holiday or just the three of you?
Is it just a small deposit you’d lose or the whole amount seeing as it’s so close?
If I couldn’t get the money back I think I’d still be going. DD can join if she wants, as can DH if he can get past his homophobic views.

Take DD and leave the husband at home.

My guess is that the child has come out as trans/non-binary and his father is critical of gender ideology.

I agree take DD and leave the husband at home. But there's a big elephant in the room about what you're not saying - is he being a dick, because it certainly sounds like it? In which case you've got bigger problems than your holiday.

Lots of people presuming the child has come out as gay? OP hasn’t said that. The DD may have announce a new identity

What did she 'come out' as?

Is she a child or an adult?
If she’s a child….how is she getting time off school?
I didn’t know TUI did Australian holidays.

Nowhere near enough information here - is her dad being a bigot or is she making a mountain out of a molehill? Or are they both in need of giving their heads a wobble?

You haven't engaged with the other thread you started, which is pretty rude.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/lgbt_children/5544034-how-can-i-support-my-aroace-child-amid-family-tension

i think it depends on whether he is indeed anti-whatever your daughter is or whether this is a misunderstanding or clumsy use of language. The first cannot be solved by a trip to the zoo.