URGENT Help me help DS TODAY please?

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Ds has a choice of Uni via Clearing.

He'd have to choose TODAY.

choice: ABERTAY(computing & cyber) or NAPIER (cyber & forensics)?

Factors to consider:

He has ASD. He is very Dyslexic. He has a heart condition. He'll need support.
He has a previous Disabled student assessment (ASD etc not heart condition)
Both Uni's say they will 'set things up asap (but it's quite late in the day)'

NAPIER Pro/cons:

Cons:

He'd have to go into Y2 Napier (entry via HNC) NOT confident about this at all.
He did a term there (before ill) & found it big, disorganised, SEN support slow
Room distant from Uni (1m is a struggle atm, no good bus), & a 'party place'. Small room on top floor (lifts available) all that is left at this stage.

Pluses: he likes Edinburgh, familiar, mix of students & clubs. A 'friend' is going.
Good canteen on site & easy food shops nearby (v nervous about feeding self)
Good Cardiac care in Edinburgh (saw a Consultant there privately already)

ABERTAY Pros/Cons:

Really good well organised course. Loads of info online. Students 'led through'
Fantastic tutor there, very accessible. Leads the clubs too. Met Ds - they liked.

Big comfy accessible room, ground floor, around corner from Uni: less walking.
Nice small city (feels less 'at home' than Ed though). Mostly Tech students.
Uni 'known for good SEN support'. Good ASD support in Dundee itself.

Minuses: further from home (2.5hrs vs 1 hr re support trips & home visits)
No Canteen - ds is really worried about feeding himself 3 times a day (& needs to eat regular & healthy re heart issues)
No current health connections (but Big City hospital around corner from Uni)

He is keen to go try. He's leaving a rotten situation here so I am keen for him too

He wants my advice. I am struggling to advise him properly due to my anxiety.
(feels SO important I'm scared to advise 'wrong')

Please help me think through what to prioritise ?

You have written a good list of pros / cons there. Why not put them into a chart, then go through with your YP and score it somehow. What is most important to them? Hopefully adding some pseudo rationale to it might make one option clearer.

@GuestWW thank you. I've tried. YP freezes up. (me too)
Was hoping someone could help advise.

From your list I would go Napier. BUT clearing is still open. Maybe there is a better option.

Sounds like Abertay would work best, he’s tried Napier and it didn’t work out. If SEN support at Abertay is good then perhaps they can assist with the meals issue, or you can set something up to help - deliveroo or similar if needs be. And a stash of bread/toaster/pot noodles/porridge for breakfast.

I would go Napier with that list. Good luck.

Did you say Edinburgh was only 1 hour away? For me, that would be the clincher… far away enough for them to feel like they have ‘moved away’ but close enough that you can pop over to take them out for lunch, or scoop them up for support if necessary… I think a 2.5hour journey is not really ‘scooping’ or lunch distance… this is something we are contemplating for an ND dc who will be going to uni in the future..

I also think the idea of a chart (as per pp) is a good one… and once you have done that (due diligence) if both options still seem to come out the same, then flip a coin… sometimes this is the only way to elicit if there is a subconscious preference. If you find out there is a subconscious preference after flipping the coin (ie pang of disappointment at first reaction) then go for the one there is a subconscious preference for :)

For me the ASD support is way more important than anything else. He can learn to feed himself, you can help him by providing batch cooked frozen stuff and basic cooking skills with an air fryer. He won’t starve. 2 1/2 hours isn’t the end of the world. You can always meet him halfway if he just needs some mum time.

If ASD support is excellent on the course, he’s more likely to enjoy it and do well. My daughter is also having an Edinburgh/ Dundee discussion, albeit not for this year. All the research we’ve done is putting Dundee at the top of her lists so far with her disability.

If he has tried Napier and didn’t like it, I would not contemplate sending him there again. he will have memories that get in the way with what is happening for him now. Teach him to cook / write him meal planners. He’ll manage.

Would a gap year be an idea to allow him some time to get confident with life skills and managing his conditions? He could get some work experience too which might help with his anxiety.

That you are both so worried about this doesn’t bode well, to me. It’s not a race - if he needs more time to be “ready”, that’s fine, isn’t it?

I'd say Abertay - sounds much better in terms of course and support. Food sounds the biggest issue, but it's conquerable.

Thank you. Doesn't want another 'gap' year after being ill for last 2 years.
(covid Term one, ill over winter, heart failure last summer, POTS since)
nothing for him around here & losing confidence fast. It feels like 'his year'.

If the good, small Y1 entry course was at Napier it'd be a no brainer.

I'd say Abertay:
His general living conditions are more positive, big room, less walking, no overwhelm of traveling on awkward bus routine, quieter nightlife etc.
SEN support is a huge factor here and one your son may not consider prioritising (apologies for the assumption if it's wrong)
He will be able to feed himself, he just needs help preparing and accessing food. A routine is key, and a weekly shop for essentials like cereal, a toaster, microwave etc. he will manage he just needs help feeling confident in doing so and a plan set up together to know what he needs. It is a challenge that can be managed. You can help him with regular messages, online food orders etc.
Rubbish SEN support, a busy party environment, stress traveling daily with walking, and a previous bad experience doesn't make Napier sound a great option for him.

It is further from home but not unmanageably so and I'd say give him more independence but at a manageable rate.

How often / easily could you get up to Abertay if needed?

I have a similar DS and he can do basic cooking but not sure whether they would be allowed things like toaster, sandwich toaster or there are them. He would eat something like cereal, milk then things like cheese toasties / hot dogs and then fruit for snacks. Mine would need someone to get the food in and probably a weekly check. Think about day to day with the food at Abertay, is there anyway to find a solution? If not would say its ruled out. It might be you could get things in like deliveries each week.

How reliable is the friend? A good reliable friend could make quite a difference but one who might change friends may make things worse. Its hard to say, you've written much more positively about Abertay.

A vote for Abertay from me (and spend the next fortnight getting him up to speed on cooking a basic set of dishes). Could you also help get him comfortable with Dundee (uni probably run an early orientation as well). My nieces did this elsewhere and it made a big difference.

Based on your list and that he didn’t like Napier before I’d say Abertay.

ASD support will make a massive difference to his experience.

Thank you.
His friend is nice but a BIG party person so I doubt Ds will see much of him
(won't be partying on betablockers and with PoTs!) so I'm discounting that really.

I don't drive so it's public transport (times inc).
I can defo get there 2x a week to start with, with a cool bag of frozen homemade batch meals. I will do a laundry swop too. Exhausting but I can do this until he tells me to bugger off because 'I'm fine now Mum thanks' :)

Other thing which just occurs to me (doh!)

if accom at Napier didn't work out he could, just - commute by train so wouldn't have to stop his degree. He'd hate it but i guess it's technically possible.

Abertay he couldn't

Is there another option? I have a son who sounds similar, and honestly neither of these options sound optimal. Any chance he could stay at home and commute somewhere? (Even if just for first year?) Or are there other options nearby?

@Lemoncroissant Napier is nearest. Few other options locally.
I don't think he'd get his head around considering others this year now.

Move in slots for both are this weekend
ASD 'early induction' slot is this Sun at Abertay.
Napier didn't have one (that we could find last time & Freshers was a rammy)

Napier sounds awful for him, in my opinion only! Day to day living sounds difficult at Napier. Abertay all the way. I feel from your writing the lean is towards Abertay. Good luck to him!

I’d say abertay. I’m a lecturer at a Scottish uni and in my experience, students can struggle
with direct entry to 2nd year. The cohort has already bedded down and have friendship groups. As much as we try to help direct entry students, they can sometimes be lost as all of the basic ‘here’s how to do uni level work’ has already been done in first year and they’re expected to hit the ground running.

Head says Abertay but heart says Napier.

Napier would be my choice therefore.

@Ineedcoffeenow thank you. Yes, his experience before was that his HNC had in no way prepared him for Y2 of Napier. Plus he is quite anxious anway.
Abertay seems to have an 'Abertay way' set of modules that tell you just what to expect / what to do. Much clearer & more reassuring. Plus they insist Y1 too.

I'm thinking that the COURSE is the foundation of everything?
So, if the course is right (accessible, year 1, nice & clear) then everything else should follow?
He likes Edinburgh city but if he crashes off course then he won't be a student there (again, though last time NOT his fault he was really ill) anyway?