URGENT Help me help DS TODAY please?

[siliconcover]

Ds has a choice of Uni via Clearing.

He'd have to choose TODAY.

choice: ABERTAY(computing & cyber) or NAPIER (cyber & forensics)?

Factors to consider:

He has ASD. He is very Dyslexic. He has a heart condition. He'll need support.
He has a previous Disabled student assessment (ASD etc not heart condition)
Both Uni's say they will 'set things up asap (but it's quite late in the day)'

NAPIER Pro/cons:

Cons:

He'd have to go into Y2 Napier (entry via HNC) NOT confident about this at all.
He did a term there (before ill) & found it big, disorganised, SEN support slow
Room distant from Uni (1m is a struggle atm, no good bus), & a 'party place'. Small room on top floor (lifts available) all that is left at this stage.

Pluses: he likes Edinburgh, familiar, mix of students & clubs. A 'friend' is going.
Good canteen on site & easy food shops nearby (v nervous about feeding self)
Good Cardiac care in Edinburgh (saw a Consultant there privately already)

ABERTAY Pros/Cons:

Really good well organised course. Loads of info online. Students 'led through'
Fantastic tutor there, very accessible. Leads the clubs too. Met Ds - they liked.

Big comfy accessible room, ground floor, around corner from Uni: less walking.
Nice small city (feels less 'at home' than Ed though). Mostly Tech students.
Uni 'known for good SEN support'. Good ASD support in Dundee itself.

Minuses: further from home (2.5hrs vs 1 hr re support trips & home visits)
No Canteen - ds is really worried about feeding himself 3 times a day (& needs to eat regular & healthy re heart issues)
No current health connections (but Big City hospital around corner from Uni)

He is keen to go try. He's leaving a rotten situation here so I am keen for him too

He wants my advice. I am struggling to advise him properly due to my anxiety.
(feels SO important I'm scared to advise 'wrong')

Please help me think through what to prioritise ?

You're both doing brilliantly.

If and when those future bumps in the road come just remember this past week and know you can do it again. All the best x

@siliconcover You are awesome. Your tenacity, bravery, and sheer forceful love for your son has brought tears to my eyes a few times in the last couple of days.

What a brilliant mum you are, from a fellow ASD mum, it moved me to tears too hearing your last couple of updates. I really hope your DS can find his way. Just hearing the level of scaffolding you have had to put in place really resonates so I hope you can have some recharge time too somehow.

I have just seen this thread and just want to say how wonderful you are OP, your son is very lucky to have such a supportive mother.
I wish you both well

So glad it's working out for you all.

Well done! You and he have made huge progress in just a few days. Fingers crossed he finds his way forwards now, but he knows where to turn for support if needs be.

I’ve only just seen this thread. I’m so glad he chose Abertay as soon as I read your original list I thought it sounded so much better for him. My eldest daughter went to Swansea Uni and it was a much better experience for her, still a city but small and friendly. Her other option was Birmingham and I think she’d have sunk there it was all too big and overwhelming. She ended up doing two degrees at Swansea and had a fabulous time. I wish your son all the best and will be keeping my fingers crossed for him. You sound like a fantastic mum.

How is dc doing now? I've been thinking about him and reading some of the other threads about anxious Freshers. A tough time for them all

@siliconcover as a fellow mum of an ASD YP, I want to say that you’re brilliant and I’m so in awe of how you’ve supported your DS while managing your own worries for him. My daughter is only in y11 (and doesn’t have the heart issues which add complications for your son) and I’m already concerned about how she’ll cope so thank you for a glimpse about how it can all work.

So glad it seems to be working out. You have done an amazing job supporting n him.

I bloody love you for this OP.
I hope it’s all going well. I can take time but he’ll get there in the end.

@Reportingfromwherevernot only that (said the Cat in the Hat) ... I'm on way to see Ds & I just got off my small local train where I sat behind an MP and a local Council bigwig who were opining, loudly, to each other. 5mins before the train pulled in I put on my very best : 'I'm so impressed by you' face & asked if I could ask a quick question. They both preened somewhat & said yes.

I first asked the politician if he had any concerns that so much of the UKs sensitive data gets processed via the USA (esp in current circs.) He asked if I worked in the sector & I said No, but my Ds studies Cyber at Abertay. He said that was a very pertinent Qu, ('more postgraduate rather than 1st year Qu') & said he'd pass it on'. I'm quite sure he was just flannelling to get rid of me (I'd somewhat blocked the carriage exit ;) but it's something to tell Ds which might cheer him up (as he's really struggling atm)

I also briefly commented to the Councillor that, whilst I appreciated ever more support was required from the same size pot each year, he might inform parents and schools that 1:1 provision for disabled kids TA hours were being cut before the first day of school to avoid unnecessary stress (it has been a scandal in local papers) I mentioned the importance of disability support in rural areas as I leaned on my crutches & looked at his assistance dog. I didn't mention that I'd just sat & heard him chuckling about how they 'spun it quite well really'. He, & the MP, knew I'd heard.

Bet they regretted saying 'Yes' to a Qu from a safely nondescript 'Mum' ! Hear me roar 😁

More important than me showing off about speaking up to middle aged men, is that Ds is not doing well. I'm going to a meeting at a Dundee charity that helps ASD adults later. We have a DSA application in & a meeting Student Support on Fri. They've already referred him to student MH services for anxiety.

He had a lot of chest pain last weekend so we went to the local hospital. They checked him out - nothing major but they showed us the chronic changes on his ecg tracing which show his heart tissue has thickened & is 'having to work harder'. (news to us, previous Cardiologist says he is 100% recovered) I think his main health issue is POTS but he certainly needs more NHS input.

I will encourage him to change GP to Dundee. His Father (the less said about the better) is encouraging him to come home (& keep current Cardiologist about whom we have a formal complaint in). For so many reasons, & as Ds is trying So Damn Hard, I pray he can stay.

I’m sorry he’s not going so well with his health. It does sound like a GP local to uni might be a good idea.

How is he finding the course? Has settling in gotten any easier?

@SimoneHerehe's not got to many yet. He's been tacchycardic just moving around (a result of POTs) which is causing him too much anxiety to concentrate. I'll see how he is soon though. If I stay the weekend he might be able to to the Library & make some progress. He needs treatment for POTS (not avail at home) and anxiety. Qu is whether I can get this arranged PDQ in Dundee & whether he can catch up academically after.

Oh bless him, after all the bravery to get there and get settled. I hope he gets the help he needs so he can stay but it sounds very hard

Oh dear, sorry his health is not great.

I have been wondering about you and your DS, and hope he is getting on OK.