URGENT Help me help DS TODAY please?

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Ds has a choice of Uni via Clearing.

He'd have to choose TODAY.

choice: ABERTAY(computing & cyber) or NAPIER (cyber & forensics)?

Factors to consider:

He has ASD. He is very Dyslexic. He has a heart condition. He'll need support.
He has a previous Disabled student assessment (ASD etc not heart condition)
Both Uni's say they will 'set things up asap (but it's quite late in the day)'

NAPIER Pro/cons:

Cons:

He'd have to go into Y2 Napier (entry via HNC) NOT confident about this at all.
He did a term there (before ill) & found it big, disorganised, SEN support slow
Room distant from Uni (1m is a struggle atm, no good bus), & a 'party place'. Small room on top floor (lifts available) all that is left at this stage.

Pluses: he likes Edinburgh, familiar, mix of students & clubs. A 'friend' is going.
Good canteen on site & easy food shops nearby (v nervous about feeding self)
Good Cardiac care in Edinburgh (saw a Consultant there privately already)

ABERTAY Pros/Cons:

Really good well organised course. Loads of info online. Students 'led through'
Fantastic tutor there, very accessible. Leads the clubs too. Met Ds - they liked.

Big comfy accessible room, ground floor, around corner from Uni: less walking.
Nice small city (feels less 'at home' than Ed though). Mostly Tech students.
Uni 'known for good SEN support'. Good ASD support in Dundee itself.

Minuses: further from home (2.5hrs vs 1 hr re support trips & home visits)
No Canteen - ds is really worried about feeding himself 3 times a day (& needs to eat regular & healthy re heart issues)
No current health connections (but Big City hospital around corner from Uni)

He is keen to go try. He's leaving a rotten situation here so I am keen for him too

He wants my advice. I am struggling to advise him properly due to my anxiety.
(feels SO important I'm scared to advise 'wrong')

Please help me think through what to prioritise ?

I would normally agree with this but this is a ND young man with health issues. One step at a time… He has plenty of time to learn to cook over the next 3 years! Get him settled and happy before worrying about teaching him to cook. That could be something to work on over Christmas for next term.

Abertay - Dundee is a very liveable city.

Abertay 100%

He already knows he finds Napier difficult, and he is not academically prepared for second year.

Abertay course is better - content and structure, support is better, he is entering at the appropriate level academically. Hopefully his health will be fine but if not, Ninewells hospital is excellent and very close-by.

You can help him with cooking, finding the nearby cafes and shops (Dundee is easy to navigate and there are lots of places to eat nearby). It is further from home but not too far for him to get back or for you to come and visit (with food as needed!).

Sounds like a good option for him - good luck!

POTS is hardcore. My sister was diagnosed over 20 years ago and has been part of lots of studies. When she was first diagnosed she was working 12 hour shifts as a police civvie and managed to continue for another 18 years through careful management. She didn’t like beta blockers and manages it now with diet and exercise. Your son really need to look at what he can do to stay healthy and enjoy his university experience.

Well, he got a bit anxious this afternoon. I realise we need to call Abertay in the morning before applying via Clearing so I'm hoping he feels able to do that then. Thank you all x

I hope he managed to call Abertay today.

I hope he managed to sort it.

It must be so hard for him having had the setback of being so poorly. I have chronic illness and ND, I know from your list I would absolutely choose Abertay if I were in that situation but like your son, very early on in feeling anxious my brain seems to freeze and it's all very much "I don't know".

Good luck to you and your son.

🧠 Academic & Support Needs
✅ Abertay

• Course structure: Very well-organized, with strong student guidance — ideal for someone who benefits from clear scaffolding.
• Tutor connection: Already met and liked the tutor — that’s gold. A trusted point of contact can make all the difference.
• SEN & ASD support: Known for strong disability services, including tailored support for ASD and dyslexia.
• Smaller campus: Easier to navigate, less overwhelming.

⚠️ Napier

• Year 2 entry: Big leap academically, especially if confidence is low. Could feel rushed or unsupported.
• Past experience: Already found it disorganised and slow to respond — that’s a red flag.
• Support team: They do offer good services, including autism transition programmes and assistive tech, but implementation speed matters — and he’s already had a taste of the pace.

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🏠 Accommodation & Accessibility
✅ Abertay

• Ground floor room, near campus: Huge win for mobility and fatigue.
• Quieter environment: Less party culture, more tech-focused peers - potentially more aligned with his interests and sensory needs.

⚠️ Napier

• Top floor room, distant from campus: Even with lifts, that’s a daily challenge.
• Party-heavy location: Could be overstimulating or isolating if he’s not into that scene.

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🍽️ Food & Health
✅ Napier

• On-site canteen & nearby shops: Crucial for someone anxious about food prep and needing regular meals.
• Established cardiac care: Already has a consultant there - continuity matters.

⚠️ Abertay

• No canteen: This is a genuine concern. If food prep is a major anxiety, this could impact wellbeing.
• Hospital nearby: Good backup, but no current connections.

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🧭 Emotional & Social Factors

• Napier: Familiar city, friend nearby, more social clubs - emotionally comforting.
• Abertay: Less familiar, but tutor-led clubs and smaller community might feel safer and more inclusive.

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🧩 Summary: What Tips the Balance?
If academic confidence, structured support, and accessibility are the top priorities - Abertay looks like the better fit. It’s more nurturing, less overwhelming, and already has a trusted tutor connection.
If food anxiety, cardiac care, and emotional familiarity are the biggest concerns - Napier has the edge, but comes with significant logistical and academic risks.

💡 Possible Workarounds
If Abertay feels right but food is the sticking point:

• Could he apply for Disability Living Allowance or DSA to fund a meal delivery service or support worker?
• Is there a nearby student café or supermarket with ready meals?
• Could you help set up a meal plan or prep routine before term starts?

@LayeredlikeanOnion why would you feed it into ChatGPT?

Not only had the thread already moved on, but what is the value/benefit in it for this scenario?

This. Exactly what I was thinking, and now don't have to type it out!

Abertay must surely have some kind of student cafe or canteen on the campus. I can't believe a university would exist that doesn't have any on-site catering for lunchtimes. If has cereal/fruit/yoghurt etc for breakfast and takes himself to a student caff for a toastie or a jacket potato etc for lunch, dinner can be something simple but nutritious like a stir fry (can cheat and but bags of pre-chopped veg) with noodles and sauce, or a pasta with stir-in sauce and a salad. Do you work, or is there any way you could stay in the vicinity for the first few days and discreetly go with him to shop, cafe, laundry room etc until you are confident he has a little routine set up?

I think some people are now completely incapable of having their own opinions thanks to AI.

Looks like there is an on campus cafe at Abertay that serves soup, sandwiches, salads and cakes.

www.abertay.ac.uk/about/the-university/facilities/annies-cafe/

The dundee uni library isn't super far and has a cafe for a change of scene. They share facilities with abertay.
Personally I would also go to Dr Noodle or Mas.

there’s a pandemic of promptitutes

Just to give it clarity. Don't be 'One of Those' 😆

edit: never mind - I was derailing

Mas is so good. My DS lives in Wetherspoons though!

It doesn’t give clarity - it’s utterly inauthentic.

I’ve given up with hoping that people will flag at the start of messages that they’ve just posted what AI says because it’s at epidemic levels now.

I add a comment to my work ones that say “Generated with Actual Intelligence” just to be clear.

I'd love to be as condescending clever as you xx

I bet you are one of those women that bully other women in the office., mmm?

Abertay sounds best from your list to me. The only downside is food.
I would try to put in place a meal plan; what about something like a meal delivery service for the first couple of months and gradually get him used to doing more himself.
There are a few health focused one that probably are good for his condition. I keep getting adverts for simmer(?).
Or 'healthier' ready meals/ convenance foods and you could arrange deliveries? Batch cook for him?

not at all. I treat all second-hand thinking with the disdain it deserved, regardless of sex.

Hi, I am late to the chat, but glad you chose Abertay. I know someone who went there last year after not coping in a previous uni and they are very happy there. The uni is very supportive the halls are nice. Fabulous coffee shop. The CS department has a great reputation. My son is actually going to Dundee uni next week to do CS. He also was offered Y2 at Napier which we thought was a bad idea. Anyway I am thinking from what you've written you may live near me. If you PM me, if you live close enough I'd be happy to drive you over on weekends when I visit my son. I plan to visit frequently to keep him from coming home!

Is there an option to get him so local help a couple of times a week (if he wants it). When I did my post-grad nursing degree I had a part time job as an assistant for a first year student who had ASD and some other health issues. His parents had similar concerns to you and lived too far away to pop down regularly so I was paid to go round twice a week for a few hours and do some basic cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and help with anything he was struggling with (usually emails or letters that he found confusing or stressful). He also had my number for any real emergencies outside of that time (he only used it once when he got locked out of his flat and panicked).
It worked well for both of us and might make things easier for you if he goes Abertay.

Is there anyway you could discuss a yr 1 entry at napier given sen and health issues as a reasonable accommodation. It would be an easier intro. Also. Forensics is great for neurodiverse people. It's a broad spectrum of learning rather than a deep dive. It's like Internet surfing for academia