Disappointed he didn't get a first.

[UserM6]

I know a 2:1 is fine but I'm sad he didn't come out with more from his time.
He didn't join any societies. Doesn't drink so never really went to the SU and largely stayed in in studying
He says he made friends on his course but no one he's talked about/been to visit/ go on holiday with etc.
Stayed in crap accommodation in his first year 2 and 3rd year lived with the one mate from bloody school. Had a girlfriend throughout (his first ) who he spent his weekends with. She's graduating in 2 years and going abroad next year

He doesn't even want a job in his degree but doesn't know what else to do.

I've stayed positive for him but it seems like a largely wasted time. I feel bad for thinking like this but he's my one and only 🙁.

My child missed out on a 1st by one mark.
We didn’t dwell on it . It hasn’t made any difference at all - they in the same role as many people who did get a 1st.

This.

My son only got a 2.2 , I was a bit disappointed but he’s done ok job wise , has a girlfriend , he can stand on his own two feet and I believe uni taught him to do that . He is healthy and happy and keeps his nose clean . What more do I want ?

who is talking about drama and debauchery?

Why the constant need for hyperbole on this forum? No one is saying he should have got drunk constantly. You don't understand what the OP is saying, clearly.

A 2.1 is fab. Well done to your son.

It's never easier to make friends than when you are at Uni. It doesn't mean you will stay lonely forever, but if you already struggle then, it's unlikely you will find it extremely easy after. It doesn't mean you won't have friends, just that you missed out on Uni and the opportunities brought by having big groups of friends.

When you read the many threads about posters so lonely, who have no friends, don't go anywhere and are very upset about it. It's sad.

I hope you manage to work on yourself.

My DS has just found out he's got a 2.2, by a teeny tiny margin.
He became disabled in his first year at uni, becoming a wheelchair user out of nowhere.
He had a suicide attempt midway through his second year.
He had to take a year out because he couldn't find a field placement due to his disability.
He struggled massively with a medication change at the time when he was working on his dissertation.

He nevertheless got his degree. I am bursting with pride.
You should too.

OP you sound like my parents! They don't understand that I'm perfectly happy with the friends/relationship/life I have (DH and I have been together since we were 19, I only had a very brief relationship (if you can even call it that!) before him). I hated the drinking/forced socialising of uni. To my parents they've always been disappointed I didn't do anything fabulous and exciting or achieve something amazing in my field of study - but I'm satisfied with my life. I have two close friends, one I've known since I was 12, and the other I met at work as a teenager, a truly loving DH, 2 children, I am healthy and don't drink as it makes me anxious, a lovely relaxing happy home life and plenty of time to do wild and exciting things with my life should I be called to do so (somehow I doubt it, but you never know!). Drives me bonkers!

Your son sounds amazing. You SHOULD be proud of him

Throughout life, many people will be interested in what subject his degree was and where he took it. Nobody will ever, ever ask what grade he got.

For what it’s worth, although I think you’ll still feel ‘disappointed’ (at what sounds like a wonderful young man), I married my first and only, have two kids, been married 14 years and together 17. We’re happy, and no one was worried. My mum commented once she was pleased I wasn’t changing boyfriends like pairs of pants.
To each their own though, I suppose. I would focus on the positives, not clout for getting a first.

This. I went to uni, socialised, drank a lot etc etc (all the things it seems OP wanted her son to do). I got a 2.1 but I look back at that time and I hate it, would never go back. Funnily enough the only part of the whole experience I'm proud of...is my 2.1 ...

Same with our eldest. Missed out on 1% but his grade was irrelevant as the graduate job he got required a 2:1 so perfect for him. He’s got one more lot of exams to become chartered in his career all before he is 24.

OP, be proud and be happy. I know I am.

ds is the first generation in our family to go to uni.

Some years back I was on a course with 120 students of whom 1 got a 1st. Of the remainder there were more 2iis than 2is plus even some 3rds, the horror. Was it a waste for 119 students to get a degree? I'm sure the vast majority went on to achieve great things. Don't be disappointed in your son. Celebrate his achievements. He will soon become aware of your feelings towards him. Imagine the extra years of happiness for him of meeting the right person at a young age if she does turn out to be the one. Some have to wait many years or never meet anyone.

I got a 2:1 and hold a double C Suite title. It depends on the degree itself and the ability of the individual to chase what they want. A first doesn’t dictate your future at all. My suggestion is to start working asap. In their chosen industry, internships or even bar work. The social aspect is almost as important as the learning. Well done to them for finishing uni!

I assumed from your title that it was your child who was disappointed. A 2:1 is great! You should be proud of him, he stuck at it and got a very good grade.
I do think degrees are sometimes wasted on the young, who often just pick a subject to study because uni is what’s expected of them rather than because they are passionate about it. Spending a bit of time working and learning about the world can really help you figure out what you want to do. He’s young, he can go and try different things and figure out what he wants. And if he wants, one day he could do a masters or whatever he needs to further his chosen career.

So what?! He got what he went there for! Just because it doesn’t fit your idea of what the experience “should be”, it doesn’t give you the right to invalidate his hard work and life choices.

It’s my 24th wedding anniversary today. I stayed at home for uni, married my first boyfriend a month after my finals and got a 2:2. I’m pretty sure my parents are proud of me. Everyone is different and marriage is always a huge leap of faith. I’d be very proud of him if he was my boy.

Why didn't you get a 1.1?

Why are you disappointed in him not attaining a standard you couldn't achieve yourself?

Unbelievable. As his mum, you are supposed to be him num error one cheerleader.

My DS had a similar experience to yours at university. The same grade. He’s a similar sort and still has his old friendship group from primary school.

A few weeks after finishing university, DH (his DF) had a huge and life changing brain injury. He needs a lot of care.

DS now at 26 still works part time and lives at home to help. He’s a carer. Of course I’m sad that he’s not been able to spread his wings in the way he might have done if circumstances were different, but I’m humbled by his caring nature and sense of love and kindness. And, at present, he’s content with his choices.

OP - meant kindly, put aside your perception of what you think your DS should have felt or experienced and live in the moment. He’s happy, healthy and has achieved well. He’s stayed true to himself and not tried to fit in. What a fabulous young man he is!

I think I sort of get what you mean OP. You feel he sacrificed the university experience (the fun, socialising, meeting new people stuff) to focus on his studies and if he'd got a 1st maybe it would have been worth it?

But maybe he didn't want to do all the socialising stuff and doesn't see he was sacrificing anything. Not everyone can get a 1st, even if they slog their guts out.

He’s not you.

Is he happy with what he has achieved? Is he happy? Isn’t that what matters?

If he went from being very involved in a hobby, with a wide circle of friends, you might be justified in feeling he could have done more, that he somehow limited himself.

Be thankful for a healthy happy son!!! He finished uni with a 2.1 that in itself is an achievement. Shame on you!!!!!

Congratulations to your DS too!!! Amazing 👏🏻👏🏻

I’m pretty horrified OP.

So you have been proud of me? A first from Cambridge, PhD also from Cambridge, competing sport at a national level, in lots of clubs and drinking and partying heavily. For 6 years. Or more. Married an abuser. Oh and o masked it all at university and cut myself badly. I did start to go off the rails very badly because it was all about my parents and what they wanted or thought I should do. Me I wanted to work abroad for an animal conservation charity - couldn’t have ever told anyone though.

He is loyal and stable with old friends from school, a girlfriend and worked hard. Perhaps he didn’t do too many clubs as he didn’t need to, he had a girlfriend. She might go abroad and he might go with her. He could travel, get a job, recharge but above all love him for who he is and what he has achieved.

don’t live your life and wants and needs through your son. Otherwise you might find he goes to work abroad with the girlfriend and doesn’t come back.