Disappointed he didn't get a first.

[UserM6]

I know a 2:1 is fine but I'm sad he didn't come out with more from his time.
He didn't join any societies. Doesn't drink so never really went to the SU and largely stayed in in studying
He says he made friends on his course but no one he's talked about/been to visit/ go on holiday with etc.
Stayed in crap accommodation in his first year 2 and 3rd year lived with the one mate from bloody school. Had a girlfriend throughout (his first ) who he spent his weekends with. She's graduating in 2 years and going abroad next year

He doesn't even want a job in his degree but doesn't know what else to do.

I've stayed positive for him but it seems like a largely wasted time. I feel bad for thinking like this but he's my one and only 🙁.

what are his future plans?

We used to think we'd won University Challenge if we got a Desmond in my day.
It's a shame he couldn't have destroyed more brain cells Chugging a yard of Ale on an hourly basis with a fishbowl full of shots as an aperitif down the old Student Unions Bar.
Sounds like the notches on the old bed post are rather disappointing as well. Sticking with the one bird...I bet he even failed to catch the clap.
Poor Show ..far too nerdy and a bit of a lightweight.

I think there’s a massive misconception that everyone has an amazing time at uni. I didn’t at all. I didn’t enjoy clubbing much, I wasn’t a big drinker (so in the late 90s I was weird!) and I struggled to find a solid group of friends. I am still in touch with school friends, I have many friends I have gathered along the last 30 years but uni I just didn’t click with anyone.

I didn’t see getting a 2:1 as a let down even though I did work very hard. I wasn’t really first material and I only missed it by a few percent but honestly I wasn’t gutted at all. I was just ready to leave and move on with my life. I really think you need to just support your son into getting a job and starting his adult life. He’ll honestly be fine even with a little heartbreak along the way or even if his first job ends up being rubbish.this is just part of life. It can’t all be plain sailing and honestly disappointments along the way do build character. Makes the successes even sweeter.

A 2.1 is amazing. Well done to him. I would imagine he's more disappointed with the lack of support from his parent, particualrly as he's your 'one and only'..He isn't you , and his socials and living arrangments were his choice, that made him feel comfortable. Not all students, party make new friends or go travelling. The greatest gift is a child and your making it sound like he's not good enough, shame on you.

Please tell me you're not serious. I'm glad you're not my mum. I got a 2.2 and still had a good career. Poor kid.

I know what mine would be.

• get a restraining order
• change my name
• move to another country

Bit OTT.

I am so "disappointed" that you're "disappointed". I've never used the "d" word either to or about my 2 children, no matter what. A 2.1 is something to shout from the rooftops about, and will open a load of doors for him. My son got a 2.2, went on to get a Masters, and is now a senior social worker doing invaluable work with disadvantaged adults in a deprived area of London. I couldn't be prouder of him, and he knows it. As to the social bit, he did hit it hard and he knows that too. And he has now met a wonderful girl who is now his wonderful wife!

And - when I got my 2.1 years ago, part time study and I was told that was the reason I didn't get a 1st, the first thing my mum said was, oh what a shame it wasn't a First. She did apologise later, but .....

It could be worse, when I was failing things my mum came out with "you've probably reached your level"...

Did get a 1st in the end somewhere (literally made no difference, the men with connections got jobs, even when they were on for a 3rd) but you don't forget what your DM says, it stays with you.

The fact that your son made it through university and will graduate with a decent degree is something to be celebrated. You also need to consider that university life is a little different from previous years, the cost of living has had an impact and attitudes towards drinking and the party lifestyle have changed a lot. DCs 2nd and 3rd years were certainly more subdued, more low key socialising with housemates and gym and fitness rather than pubs and clubs.

I'm so sorry she said that to you, she sounds horribly jealous, I think you sound pretty bloody amazing tbh.

Thanks, appreciated, love her dearly but she's defo said worse in her time. 🙄😎

A 2:1 isn’t amazing. It’s what the majority get! Nothing wrong with that at all. Has he got a job? That’s the hurdle. He will need to think about applications and interviews.

A 2:1 may not be "amazing", but he should certainly be proud of it. It's highly unlikely he'll struggle to get a job due getting a 2:1 given, as you say, the majority of people who go to university get a 2:1 and I'd hazard a guess they aren't all unemployed.

Wow.

Leaving aside your wild attitude, it does sound like he had a great time – on his terms, not yours. And has set himself up for success in a way lots of graduates don’t: it’s bloody hard to land your first job after uni and navigate your twenties. Harder still if uni was a non-stop rager and the best years of your life, then you’re confronted by reality. Whereas your son clearly has a work ethic through studying, loyalty to long-term friends, a relationship, stays true to his own values, is fairly sensible so will keep moving rather than partying away a chunk of time.

Plus he’s not going to be disappointed that life won’t ever live up to the highs of three years of student partying because he never had that. He sounds like he’s done well. But what a pity for him that you don’t think so.

@Elevenor I’m sure most get jobs but over praising is to be avoided because nearly all grads have a first or 2:1. Depending on the subject, grads find getting a job reasonably straightforward or struggle! The grad market isn’t that bouyant. I know quite a few who haven’t found a job easily. Taken a year. So if he doesn’t yet have a job, I’d get on with applying.

I do agree grads need to spend time preparing for entering the workforce by building solid CVs, interview prep etc. But he won't struggle to get a job specifically because he doesn't have a first.

I'd like to think decent parents would praise their child when they finish their degree. It's not overpraising to say "I'm proud of your achievement" instead of "I'm disappointed you only got a 2:1 and didn't have as many friends as I thought you would".

@Elevenor Oh yes! Of course say well done etc. A first isn’t considered to be that wonderful from some universities either. A 2:1 from others means a lot more in reality! It’s just saying a 2:1 is “amazing”. It’s very good and something to be proud of but in the overall world of work, not amazing! DDs have 2:1s. I’d work on the cv though. People with firsts need that too. They are not necessarily first in the queue for jobs either. There’s more required than a first for most jobs.

Can I clear up the claim by @Elevenor and others that I have actually said I am disappointed to my son.
I haven't.

These are my own worries.

He doesn't like his degree subject but more than that, doesn't like the main employers in his degree.

I think interviews are going to be difficult given his limited level of life experiences.He'll be up against people who have had part/full time jobs. People who have social interests or sport they can talk about or even just having enough experience to find a scenario that matches whatever skill the interviewer wants. I think it's fairly well understood that introverts don't fare as well in these situations.

It is his degree. It's a good classification.

It is his life.

You have no idea how much damage you are doing to him and to your relationship with this attitude. And just because you have not said it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.

@UserM6I assume he is motivated to get some work? It might be worth seeing if he can get advice from the uninersity careers service. I think you have no alternative but to have a chat about work intentions fairly soon. Let the dust settle but I’m rather with you on this. I think some of the replies here are dodging what you have actually said and attacked you. There are people who have succeeded with a third but very few people actually get them and if you are confident and have done lots of work, you have something to fall back on. I can see your DS doesn’t. So I’d try and talk about his future plans with him or there might be a considerable period of mooching. There are smaller employers and start looking at those even if it’s not grad level work. I hear you about interviews but this is where he has to accept some advice and make the best of who he is.

People do make wrong subject choices and it takes a lot to admit it and change courses. It seems DS could not talk to anyone and discuss moving to a different course. I actually think some counseling might help. Working out how to act on your very obvious concerns is an important skill in advocating for yourself. Firstly though, try and have a chat.

Meant to add: good luck

I have an introvert at uni. Yes they don't go out all the time, or have joined loads of clubs. But they are really enjoying their time. Not everyone's idea of an amazing time is going out loads.

I left my first degree with a 2:1 and no idea where to go with it. I ended up working in a pub for a bit. I soon found my path and have a good career now.

@TrixieFatell Since when is a 2:1 a third?! There’s a world of difference these days. Just looking at the numbers of grads and paucity of grad opportunities tells you the op should be worried.

As for going out - that’s irrelevant. It doesn’t go on your cv for most jobs. Work and leadership positions would. Sitting in a room doesn’t. It’s a case of building a cv and finding a niche for him but he’s not going to find it easy with a third. A 2:1 really isn’t comparable in 2025.

Where have I said it was a third? I don't understand what you are saying. Her son got a 2:1.

I don't get the other part of your reply either. I was replying to the ops concerns her son wouldn't have enjoyed his time there because he wasn't going out etc or knows what to do now he has finished.