Disappointed he didn't get a first.

[UserM6]

I know a 2:1 is fine but I'm sad he didn't come out with more from his time.
He didn't join any societies. Doesn't drink so never really went to the SU and largely stayed in in studying
He says he made friends on his course but no one he's talked about/been to visit/ go on holiday with etc.
Stayed in crap accommodation in his first year 2 and 3rd year lived with the one mate from bloody school. Had a girlfriend throughout (his first ) who he spent his weekends with. She's graduating in 2 years and going abroad next year

He doesn't even want a job in his degree but doesn't know what else to do.

I've stayed positive for him but it seems like a largely wasted time. I feel bad for thinking like this but he's my one and only 🙁.

You are absolutely ridiculous. I feel sorry for your son.

@Nextdoormat

That’s really unpleasant and uncalled for.

He isn’t you what makes you happy
may not make him happy.

@BankHolidayMonday
It's still a degree, he is still very young. No one has to settle until at least mid 30s, especially for a boy.
What kind of sexist crap is this?

OP, what is funny is that the same posters who laugh at you for regretting that your son didn't make the most of his time at uni

will be the same posters laughing and mocking someone for having a so-called "midlife crisis" and making up for things they missed out in their youth.

It's MN, people just want to have a go.

I think there's a difference between being disappointed in him and being disappointed for him - and I think the OP means the latter.

I'll be honest, I'd have been gutted not to get a first.

But the reality is no one has ever really cared what I got and I don't think the first got me anywhere a 2:1 wouldn't.

If he's feeling disappointed then you need to provide the reassurance that this will soon fade into the distance and it's having the qualification that counts.

I also made lots of friends at uni but then we all moved away and other than the odd message, don't see each other.

His friendships are more likely to last the distance.

I didn't attend my graduation because of the stupid outlay you were expected to spend. Massive debt for a degree and then you were supposed to rent a stupid cap and gown, etc etc etc

I wanted to make one out of a bin bag but unless you used their linked provider of gown rentals, you couldn't go. Shite

“I just want him to be happy”

Always looking for something better is not how to teach your child to be happy.

Sorry to break it to you, but as a woman you haven't got all your adult life to have children.

And I say that as a so-called "older mother" - but menopause IS a thing you know.

… mine skipped going away for uni and stayed at home doing an online degree, skipping the socialising and learn how to house share with others altogether.

It could be much worse.

Wasn't remotely concerned about it. I went because I just needed a degree to do my job.
I also fancied 3 years of having fun and not doing too much.
He way more thought and effort into his course than me.

But these are the things that YOU consider must be in place in order to be ‘happy’. Does he share the same priorities?

@UserM6 I have spent 64 years trying to please my mother. I have yet to do so.

My epitaph will say

"She tried to please her mother".

Mother wonders why we aren't close.

I wasn't pretty enough, clever enough, wasn't a party girl, my DH (in her eyes) is a boring bastard, my dd didn't have a pony, I am too lazy, not a good enough house keeper.

I don't love her any more, but I do my duty and nod and smile. I doubt I'll cry when she dies. She's 89.

Perhaps have a long hard think about what you want for you and your son.

A 2:1 is a fantastic achievement and what most people aspire to.

Very few people come out with firsts.

Wow, some harsh responses to you here OP!

You’re only human and entitled to your own feelings, despite being a parent - it’s how you treat your son that matters, I’d say.

I had a brilliant time at uni, drank too much, stayed up all night writing essays, made a great group of friends, and got a first. I would be a little bit sad if my child didn’t seem to have much fun or achieve their academic goals, whatever that looked like for them - obviously the boozing and going out isn’t for everyone (and probably wasn’t the best idea in hindsight, but it was a laugh at the time!). But apparently that would make me a woeful parent 😂

You should be ashamed of yourself. He's come out with a very creditable 2:1, and is well adjusted enough to have a girlfriend. So he wasn't a party animal but he sounds like he's done alright.

Are you projecting somewhat?

For the sake of your future relationship with him, don't tell him any of this and do try and stop patronising him by default.

🙄

2.1 is a great achievement and now the pressure is off he can now go out and party , travel and have loads of experiences .

No. Many students at university now don't go out drinking and partying. Some do of course, but it's not the huge focus it was in the 90s/00s. And many people never go crazy with the partying, they just get on with their lives and grow up without much drama or debauchery.

WTF!!!

Poor kid.

My sibling got a first in their masters, a 2:1 in degree. My other sibling got a 2:1 in degree, I got a 1st in degree. Guess who's most successful? The one who didn't get a first.

You want him to be happy in a way that you think he should be happy, rather than making his choices and being happy that way.

A 2.1 is great and I hope he is proud of his achievement, as you should be. Realistically, a year from now nobody will ask (or care) what grade he got in his degree.

Thank you. I will actually get the book for him.