Disappointed he didn't get a first.

[UserM6]

I know a 2:1 is fine but I'm sad he didn't come out with more from his time.
He didn't join any societies. Doesn't drink so never really went to the SU and largely stayed in in studying
He says he made friends on his course but no one he's talked about/been to visit/ go on holiday with etc.
Stayed in crap accommodation in his first year 2 and 3rd year lived with the one mate from bloody school. Had a girlfriend throughout (his first ) who he spent his weekends with. She's graduating in 2 years and going abroad next year

He doesn't even want a job in his degree but doesn't know what else to do.

I've stayed positive for him but it seems like a largely wasted time. I feel bad for thinking like this but he's my one and only 🙁.

A degree mostly shows employers that you were committed to something and followed through with it. The actual subject doesn’t matter too much unless it’s something specific like medicine, engineering, teaching, or law.

Honestly, I don’t know many people who ended up working in the field they studied. None of my friends did, and they studied things like Computer Science and Mathematics.

I don’t have official stats, but a quick Google search says only around 45% of graduates work in jobs directly related to their degree.

Not drinking is totally fine, and you don’t have to go to the student union to enjoy uni. He had a girlfriend and was enjoying his time studying and hanging out with her, that sounds like a good experience. He was probably having a better time than a lot of people who were just partying for the sake of it.

It's also possible to get onto a masters with a 2:1 or a 2:2 at some unis. I got two post grads without having an honours degree. I actually have the outside chance of getting a first on this degree but if I don't get it I'll still be happy.

This is just snobbery in my view and putting people down for not being the best of the best

One of my friends got a 1st while the rest of our friend group got 2:1’s. Career-wise though, others have done far better than her, there’s a lot more to career development than your degree.

Your DS sounds fine tbh. He’s clearly not an extrovert, many ppl aren’t. He’s got a good friend and is in a happy relationship-what’s wrong with that?

I get what you are saying OP, but we are all different. I juggled lots while doing my degree, jobs and volunteering etc and I didn't get a 2:1! but I don't regret it. Maybe for your son, getting that 2:1 was everything to him and not making friends or joining societies etc was what he was prepared to do. Or maybe he was scared to branch out from the comfort of his best friend and girlfriend he already had. Doesn't matter though, it is done now and he will be fine! Its a cliche but he needs to 'find himself', you can't do that for him.

There's more than one way to be happy OP. You can be quiet, introverted, have one or two friends and be very happy. Celebrate his degree and be there to support his next steps. What else can you do, anyway, except be there for him? Fwiw I think he's done brilliantly.

It's natural to want the best for him.

DD got a 2.1 in a niche subject. She wanted a first. She did a four year course, had to come home during first year during covid, didn't cope well with restrictions in second year (they were harsher where she was) and came back home for second year and able to continue with her lockdown job which was 39 hours a week. Third year was abroad, so when she went back in Year 4, she had limited friends and ended up being with a bunch who wouldn't have the heating on.

However, as a parent we gave her the best possible chance, but I was disappointed for her for her uni experience. She found it hard to get a job and through persistence with a local employer (went back to them a month later, even though she'd been given a 'no', convinced someone to discuss with her and they said she spoke really well so took it into an immediate interview, and started a job with them in autumn). She's still there, happy, has moved in with a lovely chap - they're thinking about moving away though as where they're thinking of will have greater opportunities for them). Basically, it all worked out well in the end. She's very lucky that if she goes, doesn't work out, her employer will take her back! What more could I want for her.

That is the point.
Had he got the First People would care. They would continue to care. That is part of the reason why he is disappointed.
A friend of mine was like this he was so cut up about it. His College was expecting him to get First they had plans to employ him. All withdrawn.
No I don't get it either but that is the way it can be.

Only 30% get a first.

@Meetmeundertheclock I agree that it can open doors at the start of your career, but after a few years, it’s how you perform in your job that’s more important.

What a shame that your friend wasn’t given a chance to prove himself, his college was short-sighted.

It's not meant to be easy to get a first.

A 2:1 is a very good result.

Give the poor boy a break. You are not living his life for him. Thus far he has been very successful and, as parents, we must appreciate that once our children are of age their life is their own. He will be absolutely fine if you just let him be. Please don't show your disappointment. He has worked many hours to achieve what he has and needs your praise and encouragement for future support. When I was young one of my parents was like this and fifty years on it still leaves a sour taste.

Sometimes an OK experience is enough. I think I got a Desmond (2:2) 30 + years ago. It's never mattered.

What does matter is the enthusiasm to move forward. I did a post grad, hadca child, could've done a Masters but chose not to, got some professional qualifications too.
Had some nice jobs had some horrid ones. If your son can keep moving forward and enjoy life Now, he's doing an amazing thing.

It's actually much harder to make friends at uni these days I've heard. Back in the day everyone would head to to the bar and chat. These days everything is planned on phones, people go out less in general, and if you don't happen to be in the WhatsApp group or whatever then you miss out.

Is he unhappy?

i cannot find words for how I feel about your post. Well, I can… but I won’t use then. I will say, I find it truly disgusting

What a terrible, selfish post, you need to manage “your disappointment”. Sadly, I know mothers living without their sons, who would be delighted to swap for this non-problem.

@JenG256 Quite. IME, only recent graduates list their degree classification, because it’s irrelevant to most employers after a few years. They’re more interested in your workplace performance, post-grad qualifications, etc.

My thoughts exactly.

Congratulations to your son OP, you should feel very proud of him!

I didn't have a great time at uni. I "only" got a 2:1. A 2:1 is a fantastic accolade and at the end of the day, not everyone has a brilliant university experience that is all sunshine and roses. Not everyone makes friends for life or loves their course or goes on lads holidays. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. I have found friends, a career I love, socialise but it was all on my own time. I never even went to me graduation but my parents were so disappointed. You might be more happy for him than he is but it's his life, his choices; just because he went to uni and studied a certain subject he doesn't owe you or anyone to know do that subject for the rest of his life. Everything is an experience and you would do well to be supportive of him, his achievement and his next steps, whatever they may be.

A 2.1 is brilliant. It's not easy to gain a degree. It takes years of hard work and dedication. That alone will make him more attractive to employers. It doesn't usually matter on the field, employers just like to see that you've shown commitment.

I have a 2.1 and I'm a consultant for FinTech. 😂 Buy that chap a drink.. Or atleast a takeaway. He's done you proud.

I'm a university lecturer. A 2:1 is excellent. It's also true that for many the university experience is a world away from the one we remember in the 80s/90s. Having a g/f with whom he spent each weekend will have affected his interactions with others, but if he's happy I don't see the problem??

It was awful- my mother is a unique character to put it mildly….
In recent years I have taught myself to “let go” of this and the very many things that went with it. It’s all parked in my head somewhere with a tin lid pushed firmly closed on it all.
I do speak to her-though I manage contact very tightly-it’s my only coping method & also maintains contact with my Dad who is a far more kind & functional character….

OP my DF had an amazing time at university and yet ended up with a 3rd because he spent too much time in the pub but his degree got him a leg in the door as a statistician. He ended up a stockbroker analyst with a salary of £140,000 and a bonus on top of 150% per annum. DF retired at 42. Your sons degree is foot in the door it doesn’t determine where he’ll end up. He may not have had the experience you expected but if he enjoyed it that’s what matters. Few people now are in the same career for 45 years but getting that foot in the door will make it easier when he decides what he wants.

OP my son was supposedly earmarked for a first after getting a scholarship to a top public school. His A level year was the Covid year. It was a litany of disasters - ended up being deferred for his first year so went through clearing to do something he actually hated. Then had a Moderna vaccine and became very ill with a heart condition. Four hospital stays in 2020. Failed his resits (was hospitalised around that time and over the first set of exams). Left uni, heavily medicated, pretty much lost the will to live. Felt better after a year and restarted at a different uni. Hospitalised with a recurrence of the heart condition in November 2024. Currently struggling on and happily things started to look up from yesterday.

I may have expected a first once upon a time but at this stage in the game I will be massively relieved if he ends up with a degree at all and hugely proud of the way he has handled problems that no young adult should expect.

You don't know how lucky you are.

i kind of get where you are coming from but don't think i would have put it as you have done. As with A-levels etc. there has been significant grade inflation since I was at university and a lot more people attending university now so the % and total number of people graduating with a first or 2:1 is much higher than it used to be. i think the % of people who get 1sts these days is equivalent to the % of people who got firsts or 2:1s back when i was at uni in the early 90s. i think at some unis the % getting a first or 2:1 is around 90%. I suspect the grade inflation is in large part due to the increase in fees, with unis under pressure to ensure that as many students as possible feel they have got value for their money. i think they will end up creating an extra grade category eventually, maybe split 1st class into 1:1 and 1:2 as with second class

A 2:1 is still a good grade and most grad schemes on paper accept a first or 2:1 but the reality is that in the current difficult grad job market a lot of people with 2:1s may get screened out at an earlyish stage unless their CV is really strong in other ways,, e.g. good work experience, extra-curric etc. So using the years at uni to build skills and connections is worthwhile.

I think my DC 2 is likely to get a 2:1 and has no idea what she ultimately wants to do so i am a little worried about how difficult it will be for her to find her initial grad job given competitiveness but i could never be disappointed in her and i am sure she will work it out in her own time as she has a lot to offer ultimately.

Getting a first is bloody hard. A 2:1 is a very good degree. He'll find his way. Not everyone in life is a supernova - doesn't mean he wasted his time or isn't a valuable, wonderful person.