Talking down Oxbridge after getting rejected

[Dddsfea]

Does anyone know anyone else that does this? I know a parent who tries to talk down Oxford and Cambridge after her DC didn't get in.

Saying the students there aren't that better than anyone else and that they only worked hard in 6th form. And that they study less at university compared to those at other unis.

@RatedDoingMagic. That’s way out of date! In 2023 over 23,000 applied for 3219 places. So nearer 1/7. Certainly not 33% success rate.

Let's be honest, it's what you do after University that counts.

I've got the most talented and diverse bunch of family.

Very successful group.

Not one Oxbridge degree between the lot of us.

@Dddsfea I think you may feel insecure about your situation. Fabulous if your child has an offer, but the real success is getting on in life and just loving people isn't it?

Family or connections. That's the badger.

I didn't say anything about applicants. That statistic has nothing to do with what I said. You seem to think that 100% of applica ts are from people who are of the required standard. That is not the case.

Strange thread almost gloaty thread. Are they really that great? Or is it just the prestige? Oxbridge are not the be all and end all and, historically speaking, have produced some monumental twats. I know they have been working towards changing this but I do think some of the twattyness remains.

I don't think I ever talked them up in the first place though 😆

It's a really horrible thing, isn't it?

I hate the way people feel like they have to constantly big up their child's achievements and school, as if we just MUST look down on them. Of course, we don't. Surely it's normal to want everyone's kids to be happy and thriving, wherever they go to school? Apparently not!

I often feel like I'm expected to play down DS's achievements at school. Even the slightest positive is seen as bragging.

At the end of the day it's not our problem but it really is pathetic and it really pisses me off sometimes.

My goodness

That makes me laugh.

If your children are really exceptional, why would it piss you off?

@RatedDoingMagic. I don’t think anything of the kind but their schools do. They write a reference.

The 'raging inferno of jealousy'.

That's some hyperbole.

Good luck with that.

&

'Lack of humility'.

LOLZ.

Just ignore it. Nod and smile…

Nah, only ever met one woman like that about oxbridge- she went as a mature student and was full of it.

As for ppl who's dogs are rescue dogs. Bloody good on them !

So she’s not correct then, because she said they all do it, and with the goal of making other people feel inferior.

The hottest of all hot takes from my friend - she is glad her ds didn’t get in because they are all tutored through their A-levels and her ds would have had to spend his time helping them keep up instead of doing his own work. Her ds is a very clever man 4A* - but the other applicants did better in Cambridge’s maths exam in the day and will all have been very clever too. There are many negatives to Oxbridge - the intensity, the hard work, the short terms etc, but the other students not being very bright so you have to help them isn’t one of them.

According to my son in the London student scene there is a fair amount of snobbery around which London university they are at.

It's not unique to Oxbridge.

@NormaMajors1992coat. We don’t all think quite so black and white! If people never mention it, I don’t know. But far too many do! You also hear it in radio interviews: dropped in somewhere.

@KidsDoBetter I agree with your wider point too. Some “virtue” just must be signalled! Just so we know we are lesser beings.

As with all other universities, all sorts of different kinds of people go to Oxford and Cambridge and they end up in all sorts of different walks of life. If you are meeting a lot of Oxford and Cambridge graduates who appear to feel the need to “virtue signal” to you, or make you feel “not good enough,” it says more about the work and social circles in which you have chosen to mix than it does about the universities anyone went to. I therefore strongly suspect that you’re all much of a muchness in terms of personality type, and the only reason you don’t tell them which university, if any, you went to, is because you don’t think it will give you any advantage, not because you don’t think it’s seemly to mention it if it will actually give you an advantage, or doesn’t have the desired effect on the audience. There are plenty of other ways to “virtue signal,” or make your competitor feel “not good enough,” and taking away the cachet of a university does not change the behaviour, it just means that type of person will find another way to try to make others feel “not good enough.”

There's all sorts of snobbery around unis, both the usual snobbery and inverse snobbery too. You see the latter a lot with RG unis and Oxbridge.

Why would it not piss me off that so called 'friends' want my child to fail to make themselves feel better? They literally point out things he can't do. Who does that? People who are salty about him getting into grammar, that's who!

I'm there cheering their kids on when they achieve things but they absolutely will not do the same.

I think it's reasonable to find this behaviour hurtful and more than a bit pathetic.

@Walkaround. I’m nearly 70 and most people my age are past caring! What advantage can they possibly have over me?! My social circles are the U3A if that makes any difference and holidays for, frankly, better off people. I’m not bothered in many ways and they are a big yawn. Anyone who thinks people are defined by a university are shallow and looking for praise. It’s bizarre when we are all fairly similar people in all sorts of other ways. My DH doesn’t crap on about how much money he’s made! Seriously, who cares? It’s interesting that I’m the one at fault by not being good enough to mention my university. That’s the issue isn’t it and why people want Oxbridge. Ultra one upmanship and still needing to talk about it at 70!

Oh, @TizerorFizz. You can’t help revealing yourself with your husband who has made so much money, which of course you don’t talk about (except here, of course, which clearly counts to you really, as you claimed a score of 2-0 against another poster who mentioned their two Oxford degrees); or with your age to demonstrate that you no longer feel the need to show them your superiority, because you deem yourself already to have proved it 🤣.

I think someone might need to introduce you to the concept of reading comprehension.

I remember reams of threads debating the pros and cons of selective education and constantly being told "it's not about success or failure, it's about the system choosing the right school for the child."

It doesn't feel on here that "passing" to go the grammar or "passing" to go to the secondary modern is at all the same thing.

So really you’re just the same as these people who apparently start running down Oxbridge? 😂

@Walkaround. My point is I don’t have to counter the “I went to Oxbridge” statement. I can stay silent and do. I’m talking candidly here and I don’t want to bring anyone down. There are numerous ways to measure success and happiness is one and for others it’s money. Take out of life what you wish but don’t bang on about it to people you meet. I’m delighted if dc get to Oxbridge but by the time you are 70 it’s old news.