Talking down Oxbridge after getting rejected

[Dddsfea]

Does anyone know anyone else that does this? I know a parent who tries to talk down Oxford and Cambridge after her DC didn't get in.

Saying the students there aren't that better than anyone else and that they only worked hard in 6th form. And that they study less at university compared to those at other unis.

Syndrome?! and. Apologies.

I think the trick is to recognise the pros and cons of every option. DD was rejected by Oxford after interview but she got over it quickly because while she probably would have firmed Oxford, there were other unis on her list that were ‘better’ in one way or another (in her eyes). She was also very much of the ‘give it a go and let the universe decide’ persuasion and was glad not to have to make the decision. I think it’s much harder when DC are hyper focused on Oxbridge and encouraged by family and school to think they’ve got a good chance, when nobody does really.

We always talked about how she couldn’t really lose with her choices - Oxford could be great, but if not then there might be this amazing city, or this more flexible course, or this year abroad, or this super-inspiring department, or this lovely campus. She’s happy elsewhere now in a setting and on a course that she preferred in a lot of ways.

I think it's a classic case of sour grapes for those who feel the need to do it. It's a shame. I think genuinely being not too bothered is better, there are usually excellent options for those who don't get an O or C offer elsewhere.

Yes, it’s a sort of protective response at least as old as Aesop, but probably not the one most likely to foster resilience and contentment.

I graduated from Camb 10 years ago.

I now can say there was nothing special about a lot of the people except that they were rich and well connected. Extreme elitism was rife and I felt quite awkward at times. However, my college family was nice and I did well out of it. There was a saying “you go for a first or a husband”

I do think that students at other universities are just as, if not more, smart. Especially in niche fields or certain specialisms. All the Russell Groups have highly intelligent pupils. It’s not that deep and people need to get over the name dropping.

I'm in my thirties and my sister and three close friends went to Oxbridge. I felt like a failure compared to them for years! 15ish years on, all four earn less than 40k annually. I'm not wildly successful but have had a lot more career progression than they have, in similar fields. It's really not the be all and end all.

It goes on the other way round too. When ds went to the Oxford open day, there was one professor there who was openly completing scathing about any other university, which I don't think is entirely justified and was certainly not very pleasant to listen to. Ds studied a STEM subject and the facilities and laboratories at Oxford were the least impressive of every university he visited.

He was rejected at the interview, which caused some disappointment but was probably fair enough. He went on to another, highly prestigious university which was absolutely full of 'Oxbridge rejects' and later admitted that was rigorous enough for him and he would not have enjoyed the intensity of the Oxford course (nor the inflexibility of it: the Oxford professor was also scathing of the idea of choosing your own modules.)

I don't doubt that Oxbridge carries a certain kudos and well done to all who went there, but it isn't for everyone and it is only reasonable that parents help their children to see that.

I don’t like the whole culture that surrounds it. The feeling that it gives students that they are somehow better than others. I went to a friend’s wedding once ,who had been to Oxford, and her friends were not nice . And countless times I got asked what college I’d been to. It just seems very exclusive.

Perhaps I’ll have the chance to be proved wrong! I’m obviously supporting her completely in her application efforts.

I also didn’t put her in for any selective schools, when she may have got in. Not that it’s done her any harm academically. I wanted her to come out of school fully rounded and she has.

Attacking the institution as such would be sour grapes. If the weren't happy with the interview and other touch points that's fair enough to air.

I'd say there are plenty of people on here who do that on Oxbridge threads. Say how they didn't want it, and their dc was so happy elsewhere, and Oxbridge is full of stereotypes etc.
You can pretty much guarantee that if their dc had got in, then they'd be singing it from the housetop. Any that read this will be quoting me to say of course that isn't the case, and they always thought it was wrong... Me thinks you doth protest too much.

There used to be a journalist on whichever paper my parents got, who did an annual article approximately titled something like "more and more students rejecting Oxbridge".
You see their dc had applied for Oxbridge, so therefore they knew everything about it and everyone else who may or may not have applied. In the course of the article they normally admitted that their dc had gone through the interview and received a rejection from Oxbridge... but they had every intention of rejecting it anyway honest-gov remarks; combined with how devastating the rejection letter (not email back then) was. I suspected if the dc took after the parent with the lack of self-awareness, that was probably the thing that held them back.

I do think anyone inclined to "take down" Oxbridge after rejection is likely to do the same to other places. It's not unique and it's not particularly interesting.

I find it shitty and cuntish when people speak down about things/ places/ people after something like a rejection etc - fine to say their loss, good to make a joke about what they're missing. But being proper cunty like this person you mention, makes me feel I'd dislike her if I met her.

Everyone at every uni (OK, pretty much everyone, you get where I'm going) is working hard. Some might have to work harder than others because we all have different levels of ability in all areas.

Her kid is going to thrive somewhere else. And that's to be celebrated. Which can be done without bringing down others who managed to get in.

😂

Not heard that one yet but I'm sure it's coming!

As these two universities only take around 1/6 of those who apply and 1/10 on some courses there are some very good students elsewhere! They don’t always choose “the best” because the “best” is subjective at interview and contextually so many applicants are rejected who are the best at their school and are pretty damn good! It’s marginal in many cases.

Also I’m sick of hearing about rich people at these universities. They were not remotely a majority 10 years ago or even 20 years ago. Any student can find people like them and not spend much time with people they despise. Or, they could grow up and stop worrying what others are like.

Somehow I managed to get both….;)

I was at Cambridge. There were some elite drinking societies and social groups but the overwhelming majority of people I met were normal, other than the fact they were seriously hard working and committed to their subjects. I always felt that levels of work and dedication during exam term revealed how people had managed to get to Cambridge.

And the workload comment is rubbish. We had an essay a week, every week (on top of multiple other smaller tasks): equivalent at other unis was an essay a term (which was commonly 3-4wks longer than a Cambridge term).

I applied to Oxford and got rejected after the interview. My sister went there. We both had brilliant times at uni, but she had to work ten times harder. In that respect I’m glad I didn’t go, and it’s definitely true that there’s more time and opportunity for non-course related things outside of Oxbridge. But the kudos and potential networks you can create there are the other side of that coin. There are pluses and minuses, so if you want to stress one side of things dependent on whether you got in or not, go for it.

It’s also true to say that nothing guarantees success or failure.

@applerose01. Where do Oxbridge rejects go who only do one essay a term? Law at Durham? Is that an easy pass? Or PPE at Warwick? Of course people work bloody hard elsewhere eg at LSE or Imperial. Don’t be so elitist!

Exactly. If Oxbridge is so rubbish why did the DC go to the bother of the early application and all the rest of it?

eta just to add, my DC are not at Oxbridge 😅

One thing you will always know is that someone went to Oxford or Cambridge . Usually dropped into a conversation very early. They make the rest of us feel not good enough deliberately.

Wow, you think Oxford and Cambridge are full of absolute arseholes who deliberately try to make people feel inferior? (Whether you feel good enough or not is up to you btw.)

Doesn't everyone do this. Ie my friend didn't get a job, oh well it doesn't sound good enough for you anyway - something better will come along.

I think they're dropping it in as a networking tactic. It goes I went to Oxford, oh so did I. Which college etc..

Or a sense of pride. It's difficult to get in - might as well mention it.

Just to say I went to a Russell group uni it was a lot more than an essay a term, though not every week. I think about 5 a term.

Volume & Frequency of Essays

• Oxford: ~2 essays per week (≈ 16-24 per term).
• Other UK Universities: 10-15 essays per semester (~1-2 per week at most).