Devastated DD - awful reference

[AnonymousStudentParent]

My undergraduate DD recently asked her Personal Tutor, by email, whether he could be her referee for a summer school (prestigious, with a generous scholarship scheme). She attached a link to the website of the summer school and underscored the information relating to the reference. She didn't hear back from her Personal Tutor immediately but after about 3 weeks he emailed briefly saying he'd already submitted the reference (she had anticipated him getting back to her for clarification on a couple of things she had done that she had mentioned in the email that he didn't know about). Yesterday she had a quick beginning of term meeting with him when he outlined to her the devastating terms of the reference, basically saying she was too young and under qualified for the summer school but a nice hardworking person if they wanted to take a chance on her.

My DD is neither too young nor under qualified for the summer school - quite the contrary, she's very amply qualified (though mostly outside the scope of her degree). It's in an area she is extremely knowledgeable about and she has properly researched the summer school. She spent several days in the Christmas holidays writing the extensive application.

She was too flabbergasted to react (and her time with the PT was up) on the spot. Needless to say, this isn't good for her self-confidence. Any advice to how she goes back to the PT and asks him whether he can spend a few minutes looking at the website and her application and rethink his hasty judgement? The deadline for submission of the application isn't for another couple of weeks.

If he's submitted it, I'm not sure he could change it?

Is there an age restriction for the summer school?

If that's his opinion I'm not sure what you can do. It would have been better if he'd discussed it with her first.

Is the Summer School at the same institution she is currently studying at?

She needs to arrange a meeting to speak to him and argue her case. And to take evidence to support her application (if appropriate).

Are you sure it's an undergraduate summer school? Many European ones are only really open to grad students and early career scientists, even if the website says otherwise. The tutor may not have realised that it was an undergrad school, or have known something about it that your DD didn't

That's her plan and she has ample evidence to support her application - it required a detailed CV, PS, relevant transcripts (including from other institutions than her university) and written work. Plus LinkedIn profiles of attendees from previous years who were no older or more experienced than she at the time of attendance.

She doesn't want to make her PT defensive however. He clearly dashed off the reference without paying attention. He has form - she says that he forgets everything about her between meetings.

It's most definitely open to undergraduates and graduates.

she's very amply qualified (though mostly outside the scope of her degree).

How was the tutor supposed to know this - he can only speak to his opinion of her within the context he has had contact with her.

This is a life lesson - rejection leads to resilience and determination

No, a different institution but most definitely networked with the institution she is currently at - it's a small field.

She reminded him of certain things she had done before coming to university (that would have supported her admission) and another summer school she did in 2024 in the initial email. He didn't need of course to mention that in the email but the nature of the summer school to which she is applying is that its expectation is that applicants will have done a lot of other extra curricular stuff.

I completely disagree with your last point: this isn't about justified rejection but about a PT being slapdash.

She should have discussed this with him face-to-face rather than writing an email and "anticipating" (assuming) that he would come back to her for more detail, rather than just doing what she had asked. This is 100% on your daughter.

It is up to the referee what they include in the reference, it is their opinion and like the majority would, he has completed it as per his opinion. Why did she send them his details if he had not replied to her following her initial e mail to him?

Her opportunities for discussing things face to face are rather limited (10' slot per term) and she felt it was only polite to give him advance warning by writing to him at the beginning of the Christmas holidays rather than waiting until 2 weeks before the deadline, especially since he has form for postponing scheduled appointments at the last minute.

She hasn't submitted the application yet so she hasn't given his details.

The personal tutor doesn’t sound like they know her very well. They can’t write about what she did before Uni because he doesn’t know that for sure, all he can write about is what he’s seen of her

Your OP said he had submitted the reference so how did that come about?

Sounds so tough for your DD. My view is the PT should have been straight with your DD in advance that he didn't feel he could write a supportive reference and explained why to your DD.

Hindsight is wonderful and I think it is reasonable for your DD to have thought her PT would write a supportive reference. I'm assuming her academic work has been of a good standard.

The big and rather harsh learning lesson is always try and ring someone up or go and see them about a reference and if you don't get a positive agreement then assume your potential referee has qualms or is too busy.

It may be too late for this application but a further one to one with the PT to go through his concerns and address them and seek the PT's feedback seems a way forward as she may require further references.

Where's he submitted the reference to, if she hasn't submitted the application yet?

I agree entirely. However, he shouldn't insinuate that she is unsuitable before (a) reading the information on the summer school properly (b) reminding himself of a few key details (that he consistently forgets about her)

To the email given on the website of the summer school.

Does she have anyone else she can ask, someone she see more regularly in smaller seminars etc?

if he is slapdash and consistently forgets her he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask.

Then at least she should have said "Can we discuss this when we next meet."

I know you feel protective and defensive of her but she's an adult now, not your little girl, and the best thing she can do is reflect on what she should have done differently and learn from it.

It may be that the Tutor genuinely believes that your DD is not appropriate for the position BUT I know that mistakes can be made.
Not at Uni but at 6th form college DD's tutor was supposed to write a reference for her for Uni and luckily sent her a draft that was riddled with errors and in some cases referred to a different child. The Tutor refused to change it but luckily we were able to speak to Someon higher up who sorted it out.
Can your DD email very clearly but diplomatically where she thinks the reference should say something different?
Hopefully its not too late to resubmit if The Tutor agrees

@Juja I agree that it is generally better to go to see someone for a reference. Unfortunately the opportunities to see this particular person are thin - he often does the 10' per term slot on Zoom a couple of weeks. Hence trying to avoid a last minute rush.

Well, she could ask another member of academic staff who teaches her, knows her better and thinks well of her work? I’ve often written references for students when I wasn’t their PT because they felt I knew them better and had more to say about them. Then on her application she can ask that they consider reference X rather than Y. It’s better than nothing.

Ex lecturer here. IMO it’s unprofessional, his reference is a ‘she doesn’t have the experience but you could take a punt and she might be good’. If I thought this was the best reference I could give, I would let the person I was being a referee know this in advance so they could find someone that knew their skill set better or would give a more positive overview. Big hugs to your daughter. I had a lecturer like this during my undergrad. His career never progressed and mine has flown.

Yes @Hoppinggreen I do believe, as does my DD, that a genuine mistake has been made here. She does actually like her PT and thinks they have a good relationship although she has been a little taken aback about how little he remembers about her. She didn't do her 3-18 education in English, she did extremely well in her first year and he had completely forgotten at the beginning of second year that she had completed her first year of HE in a language in which she had not been schooled. I get it, people are busy etc and mistakes get made.