Devastated DD - awful reference

[AnonymousStudentParent]

My undergraduate DD recently asked her Personal Tutor, by email, whether he could be her referee for a summer school (prestigious, with a generous scholarship scheme). She attached a link to the website of the summer school and underscored the information relating to the reference. She didn't hear back from her Personal Tutor immediately but after about 3 weeks he emailed briefly saying he'd already submitted the reference (she had anticipated him getting back to her for clarification on a couple of things she had done that she had mentioned in the email that he didn't know about). Yesterday she had a quick beginning of term meeting with him when he outlined to her the devastating terms of the reference, basically saying she was too young and under qualified for the summer school but a nice hardworking person if they wanted to take a chance on her.

My DD is neither too young nor under qualified for the summer school - quite the contrary, she's very amply qualified (though mostly outside the scope of her degree). It's in an area she is extremely knowledgeable about and she has properly researched the summer school. She spent several days in the Christmas holidays writing the extensive application.

She was too flabbergasted to react (and her time with the PT was up) on the spot. Needless to say, this isn't good for her self-confidence. Any advice to how she goes back to the PT and asks him whether he can spend a few minutes looking at the website and her application and rethink his hasty judgement? The deadline for submission of the application isn't for another couple of weeks.

he outlined to her the devastating terms of the reference
I understand her disappointment but the reference is underwhelming rather than devastating. If she has n’t submitted her application then it is a bit odd that the PT could submit the reference, usually this is done via an emailed link. As said above, she could potentially name another referee linked to her undergraduate course but, importantly, should not forget to thank her PT for the effort of writing the reference even if she doesn’t agree with it.
I would also say that generally an indifferent reference should not cancel out a stand-out application unless this PT is well known and respected by the summer school committee. Also agree with PP that supplying a draft letter of recommendation is the most effective way to proceed with academic reference requests, both for the applicant and the referee.

I remember being in university and approached my personal tutor in the second or third year to discuss something. In fact I think they had written on my essay ‘come and see me about XYZ.’ I approached my personal tutor after a lecture and asked if they had 5 mins? He dismissed me with his hand and said ‘this is something you really need to talk to your personal tutor about. I said ‘you are my personal tutor’. He rolled his eyes and said ‘ok quickly though!’

She should write a bullet point email of the achievements, really easy to read and copy and paste bits from, and exactly why in three short sentences she thinks she should be considered. Also what she wants him to write in the reference. And request an urgent meeting with him to discuss and also put that if he is unwilling to mert and discuss then she would like a written document as to exactly what he feels she needs to do or have experience in for him to approve it. If nothing else she will have a clear understanding of what is missing from her experience so she can work in that OR it will highlight that he has not considered all her experience and she can come back and evidence that OR it will highlight that he just has no clue and in which case she should take that higher.

100% on your daughter.
"we think he should have read, we anticipated that he would"
Nope, not on him.
If this was THAT important to her then its on her to make it happen.
She sounds like she thinks she was entitled to it, and he has a cheek giving his opinion. Thats an outrageous attitude, so it doesnt sound like she deserves the opportunity.
Having put 3 thru college, I know how these things work. Those who take the time to engage with the professor, and those who assume the professor will just hand them what they want, end up in 2 very different places.

My DD's Personal Tutor doesn't teach her. She goes to all her lectures/seminars and hands in all her work on time - no issues there.

Honestly he sounds a bit rubbish. Is there anyone else she could ask for a reference instead?

The institution she's at definitely doesn't allow undergraduates to draft their own references.

That's why most companies will only give a reference saying 'XX worked with us from date ... to date ..." making them useless.

Personally, I get annoyed if people give me a guidance to what they want a reference to say. If you want me to give a reference, accept that it will be my opinion of you - good, bad or neutral.

I suspect forwarding the link meant he skim read it, misunderstood that the course was suitable for undergraduates and hence the reference.

Perhaps she should have emailed to ask for the reference by saying

'I really want to do this summer school because:.....'
and listed the relevant reasons/facts @AnonymousStudentParent says
That would then mean PT has scope in the email to lift and tailor what DD said in writing to turn it into the reference to the summer school. Making PT's job easier at the same time (no need to read in depth the link, and all the key factors are listed ready to cherry pick the points into the reference.)

I disagree - when you ask for a reference, and someone says yes, you expect it to be about YOU and not some generic reference that clearly isn't about you at all. If they don't want to write a reference, fine, but it's not OK to write a factually WRONG reference.

It's also absolutely fine to do this over email. Most academics don't want face-to-face time with ex-students anyway.

OP - I think I'd go to the head of department if there's no way of rectifying this.

If he’s ‘submitted’ the reference via the ‘email on the website’, this may leave room for her to formally submit her application via the assigned portal / method. With a reference from someone else. So yes they receive 2 letters of reference separately but they’ll have all the information they need to make a decision. The first guy won’t retract or change his email.

She did do that! Her email reminded her PT of the summer school she did in 2024 and what she'd learned and that this was is the next step, building on that.

I am not sure I follow entirely. So in the meeting he openly confessed to writing her a bad reference? Why would he do that? And what mistake is he supposed to have made? Sounds very deliberate on his part.

I work at a university and it’s part of my job to write references for students. I would never do something like this that would deliberately ruin someone’s chances of getting onto a course or getting a job. If I don’t think I have anything good to say I just write a generic one confirming dates of study and results.

If I were your DD I’d complain to the head of the department.

DD and I have checked back over the guidelines and in fact DD did follow all of them in her initial reference request - her institution specifies that they must be made by email, at least 5 weeks ahead of deadline.

Can she ask someone else for a reference?

@Wisbech I prefer to see a draft, it is a rapid way of assimilating what the candidate thinks is relevant and it shows they have made the extra effort to supply it. Obviously the letter will be heavily edited by me according to my judgement.
@AnonymousStudentParent, that policy does n’t prevent her providing a paragraph of the relevant information that can be assimilated into a reference.

100% on the tutor to paraphrase an earlier comment. In a work situation he could be sued for this. Just because he's a "teacher" doesn't mean he's above the law, or entitled to act like an arsehole (on MN you only have to say that your child is a girl and young, and at odds with a man in a vague position of power, for you to be 110% in the wrong regardless).

Trouble is, the remedy for this is a hard road - would he withdraw and resubmit the reference, or can she get a different referee? He should have just said sorry I can't do this, 30 second email reply. Not take the time and trouble to abuse his position and her trust.

Can she withdraw the application and resubmit with a reference from someone else? Tbh, I’d probably go over his head and complain to the dept head. He should not have written a reference at all if he felt he could not support her application - and he should have told her so. Unprofessional and unethical in my opinion.

Yes it does. I just went back over the institutions guidelines and they are extremely clear and DD did (as is her usual style) follow them to the letter!

she had anticipated him getting back to her for clarification on a couple of things she had done that she had mentioned in the email that he didn't know about

If I take the minimum of 2 hours it takes to look up the student on our system, read through their profile, read their application material, write, check, and submit a reference, I need all the information presented to me in an easy to get the gist format. I wouldn't have the time to get back to a student. I have already responsibility for over 20 tutees, plus graduates who've been my tutees -at certain times of the year, I'm writing up to 5 references a week. It's over a day's worth of work. Writing references isn't included in my workload, and students need to give me ample notice and make it as easy as possible for me. If there is extra-curricular activity and activity before a student even came to university, I need that clearly spelled out in the student's application.

It may also be that the tutor knows about the profile of those accepted to the summer school.

I would always recommended getting a reference from a person who can vouch for your competencies, skills etc. I would have never asked my tutors for references because they barely knew me. Is there a chance your daughter can ask a reference from someone at uni that knows here better e.g. one of her lecturers and ask for her tutors reference to be withdrawn?

I think that she's going to talk to her PT, armed with all her supporting evidence. She genuinely believes that he was slapdash (as I've said earlier, he has form this) and she doesn't really have anyone else to ask as this is in a specific area and he is the most relevant academic (probably why she was assigned to him in the first place).

In which case either her précis on her relevant qualifications in her email to her PT was not sufficiently clear to inform him or the information given did not change his opinion.

I think your DD has been treated badly here. I would have expected the exchange to be -

DD: please would you be a referee for my application to this summer school, here are the details for context.
PT: sure, send me your CV and application form when ready and I’ll get it done then, please make sure to give me at least x days ahead of the deadline. OR sorry I don’t know your work well enough, have you considered asking x or y?

What you would not expect is for the PT to dash off a reference and send it to the summer school ahead of any actual application by the student.

I would definitely recommend your DD asks the head of dept for a meeting and complains. I bet there’s a good chance this PT has form for being lazy / uninterested etc and the HoD will be well aware of this.

Surely the daughter should be on here arguing her case, not her mother!

Perhaps the tutor is correct- Perhaps she lacks confidence.