My son failed his university degree

[SHMumindespair]

I feel at a loss. Could I have done more? I was supposed and looking forward to a university graduation when my son sends a message that he will.jot tet a degree. He filed too many times. 4vyears. £70000 debt and no degree. Future ruined. I am.just at a loss and just crying, feeling a mix of anger, disappointment, responsibility.... I could go on but feel like a failure myself as a mother.

Eastbourne???

My partner ‘failed’ his degree 20 years ago - got a third. He’s now in a very senior and well paying role. He got a full time role in Council doing a junior job and spent a few years getting his head right. He thinks his poor Degree was a result of depression and mental health issues he had as a young man that he masked with drinking and partying. And he was hiding academic failure from his quite cold parents.
Eventually he used his first year as foundation level entry to another degree - a total different subject - and completed it part time. He thinks in hindsight failing his degree was a positive as he gained insight into what he actually wanted to do, matured and gained impetus to studying towards a well paid job.
It’s easy to say - know it must be tough - but don’t catastrophise. Your son needs unconditional love and care, and you need to be gentle with yourself.

Yep, Sadly.. £9750 a year loan for tuition fees, x 4 years = £40,000
Living expenses loan is another £9750 (means tested on parental income), so could be up £80,000 for a 4 year degree.

I do hope the OP comes back.

My kids have a total of 7 years at uni, doing science degrees (including a Masters) and we were always very aware of their grades. We were very hands-on supporting them to find accommodation, talking about their studying etc.

I'm just surprised that this has come as a surprise and can only assume the son kept the situation under wraps.

The OP's post doesn't tell us much at all.

What kind of degree? Is there an option to resit part of it?
Can he start again and retake it?
What are his options for employment having failed and how much of the course did he actually attend?

@SHMumindespair The debt is a nuisance, but it's definitely not your fault.

You cannot physically force him to do the work if he wasn't in the mood for doing it.

He probably didn't dare tell you for whatever reason that he wasn't attending lectures or doing the studying...Maybe he was 'partying' too much, or maybe he was depressed and hating the course?

His wellbeing is the most important thing.

Please don't be too judgemental with either him or you.

It's definitely not the end.

Can I ask what the degree was in?

What does OP mean by failing University? Technically it is difficult to actually fail; 2:2- 3rd class still count as passes. Even if it's difficult to actually move on with those grades.
Also, as previously mentioned by other posters, maybe try to show unconditional love and understanding!

Oh come on- no student has living expenses of £20K a year. Unless they are living in the lap of luxury. Also, many students work part time over the year to help pay their living costs.

Quite honestly a lot of school leavers are just not ready for a degree, they have already done a lot of studying and are not in the right space for more - they need to live life first.
I was the same and did my degree at 45 and had an extremely well paid career thereafter.

It's not far in excess. For 2024, tuition fees £9k per year x 4 = £36k
If parent is on low income and he gets full maintenance loan for London area - £13k per year x 4 = £52k
£36k + £52k = £88k
Don't ask me how I know 😯

It’s not £20k it’s £10k a year

£9750 x 4 tuition
£10k x 4 living costs

£80k give or take

You're disappointed but his future is definitely not ruined.

But many students WORK and clear some debt or don't spend it all.
Also, most degrees are 3 years, not 4.
A 4 year degree would be a Masters or year in industry/ work experience with payment.

I don't know any students who never worked during their degrees.
Term time is 30 weeks.
That leaves 22 weeks to work.
Mine worked in supermarkets and pubs/cafes.

They did very demanding science degrees at Russell unis, no time off during the day, lab work running into the evenings and weekends, and didn't work in term time but they worked all of every holiday.

If he has passed his first year, he will have gained a qualification (certificate in higher education) and if he passed his second year, he will have an even higher qualification (diploma in higher education). Both great for the CV. If he has passed some final year modules he will have credits at that level too. What does his results transcript say? What are his next steps? Has he been offered the opportunity to retake over the summer or can he come back next year to retake modules? I would be very surprised if this was not the case.

a 4 year degree could be a degree with a foundation year, or a languages or geography degree with a year studying abroad

What did he study op?

@SHMumindespair

You are not a failure and neither is he.

Things will work out.

Can you start making arrangements to collect him with his belongings, so that he can come home to be with you while you talk about the way forward now?

Which subject is his degree in?

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter one bit. That debt will be made back in tiny increments and will not leave him starving/homeless

Your only priority at this stage is to support him and look after his mental health. Your son is potentially very vulnerable right now.

Future definitely isn't ruined! Will the university let him repeat his final year? Does he want to?
An alternative could be to finish his degree with the open university. DH did this because he completed half a masters course at uni but then decided the course wasn't for him and also got a job offer he really wanted to accept so he left uni. A few years later he transferred his credits to OU and took some more modules with them, they are really flexible so you can do one module at a time at the same time as working, then got enough credits to get an open MSc.

Also, do students really voluntarily pay back some student loan debt while still doing their degree?? I've never heard of this. Of course many work, to top up what their parents are able to give them, but then they wouldn't have such a large student loan in the first place.
Ironically, it's the lower income background students who leave with the biggest debt :(

Anyway, sorry to derail your thread OP. Give your son a hug when you get to see him, as a PP said.

It's not 20k a year expenses.

It is 9250 for the Tuition fees straight to the university.

And the rest being the means tested loan for living expenses. (Accomodation costs are sky high so not at all in the lap of luxury)

Yes that is typical per annum and it really is that expensive.

The factor in this case is also that it was 4 years.

It’s not the end of the world. But I would try to see how he can move the credits / qualification he has gained to an online course so he can have a degree.

Ours worked too @Idealidealist

The cost of living crisis has been brutal on students just as it has been on normal families.

It's certainly not living the high life.

This seems so unfair. If a student manages to get to the end of a course it would be fairer to allow them to repeat the final year albeit taking conduct into account before deciding.

Please don't worry OP. If your son can't repeat the year I would encourage him to make this experience count and go all out to succeed in the world of work.