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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

My son failed his university degree

283 replies

SHMumindespair · 14/07/2024 09:14

I feel at a loss. Could I have done more? I was supposed and looking forward to a university graduation when my son sends a message that he will.jot tet a degree. He filed too many times. 4vyears. £70000 debt and no degree. Future ruined. I am.just at a loss and just crying, feeling a mix of anger, disappointment, responsibility.... I could go on but feel like a failure myself as a mother.

OP posts:
AnonKat · 14/07/2024 09:15

Just some hope! I failed my degree. But I have a very well paid job that I love and am currently finishing a degree with the OU in my thirties. It's not the end of the world I promise. And he certainly isn't the only one to have failed.

ApplesonTuesdays · 14/07/2024 09:17

Aw, I don't think you could have done anything. He's a grown man and he will get over this. It doesn't sound like uni was his path. Don't worry, life is too short to worry about it anymore. Let him get a job and settle for a bit. The student loan will only need to be paid if he's a higher earner and then 70k won't be so massive.

OddBoots · 14/07/2024 09:18

It is upsetting for him and for you but he is a long way from being the only one in this situation and there is no need to panic.

Is he able to use the credit for a different qualification such as a foundation degree?

PermanentTemporary · 14/07/2024 09:19

His future is not ruined. You're not a failure as a mother. He's not a failure either.

He's also an adult who has made some really, really bad decisions and needs to face up to those. What's happening at the moment? Has he come home and faced you yet?

I think I would send a message saying something like 'I'm very sorry to hear that. Are you OK? Where are you? It would be good to talk, I'll call' and then keep trying to call him and actually speak. I'd want to ask him how he was doing and to ask him whether he has had any thoughts yet on next steps. I would want to hear that he is angry with himself but that he's gone out and got a full time job - frankly any job at the moment.

Mindymomo · 14/07/2024 09:19

Depends on whether he really tried and failed or didn’t try at all. It’s not the be all having a degree and it will be down to him to pay off his fees.

ContentSolitudinarian · 14/07/2024 09:21

I take it he has been excluded from his course/university? Depending on his situation, he may have options.

Peclet · 14/07/2024 09:23

Well he knows he’s messed up so you telling him that won’t be very useful.

Support him and find out what went wrong?

£7k of debt isn’t great but he can work and pay it off. It’s going to be ok.

TheShiningCarpet · 14/07/2024 09:24

Peclet · 14/07/2024 09:23

Well he knows he’s messed up so you telling him that won’t be very useful.

Support him and find out what went wrong?

£7k of debt isn’t great but he can work and pay it off. It’s going to be ok.

£70,000!!!

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 14/07/2024 09:24

DA dropped out after repeating his second year. Also with student debt.

He’s earning well above the average for his age and doing brilliantly.

If your son has other qualities, missing the degree won’t hold him back. He needs to get a job- any job- and work his way up.

2Hot2Handle · 14/07/2024 09:25

If you didn’t know your son’s true situation when it came to how his degree course was going, you couldn’t have done anything differently. This isn’t on you.

I understand how upset you must feel. It’s not just about the failed degree, it’s about your son not telling you what was going on, until it’s too late.

If I were you, I would let your son do the talking, if you haven’t got all the details, yet. Explain to you what happened. Ask him what his plan is when it comes to next steps. Let his response and attitude towards his situation, guide your reaction.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/07/2024 09:27

That’s so upsetting for you.
But presumably he knows why he failed ( not enough work? Something else preventing him ?)and faced it honestly, you’ll see it’s not your responsibility, He’s an adult.
Im guessing from your tone that you knew he’d had to retake more than once, I’m sure you will have tried to support him. In the end, something was stopping him him from giving it his all. You can only try to help him work out what that is, and move forward to go a different route.
The 70k loan is a big burden , but he won’t have to pay it back until he starts earning. Do you feel this is of his own making?

FusilliGeri · 14/07/2024 09:27

It's not great but his future isn't ruined. And it's not your fault! You weren't doing the degree.

I think it's ok to feel angry and disappointed but you shouldn't feel responsible.

I suppose what he should do know is find out if anything that he has done can be used for any future job.

Edingril · 14/07/2024 09:27

His future is not ruined, being dramatic won't help him if he is old enough to fail he is old enough to sort his future out for himself

AppleCream · 14/07/2024 09:30

Oh no OP. So sorry to hear this. He must be very upset too, he probably knew it was coming but has maybe been burying his head in the sand. Hope it all works out ok for you both.

Wimpod · 14/07/2024 09:30

Whereabouts is he studying?

Is it a 4 year degree in Scotland? If he passed enough to get into 4th year, if have thought he would almost certainly be able to graduate with an "Ordinary" degree instead of Honours.

Not what you it he would have hoped for, but better to see what the options are. Also as PP mentioned there may be other things he can do with the credits he has earned, e.g. OU.

My parents had no idea how much I was struggling, so I'm sure they were equally puzzled when I told them I wouldn't be going on to do honours in 4th year. 🙈

Tgjjl · 14/07/2024 09:31

His future is not ruined at all.

Get him home, comfort him and sort him out.

You will be able to figure out a way forwards.

Many people fail or drop out of their degrees.

Lovelyview · 14/07/2024 09:31

I'm doing a degree at the moment and had the option of leaving with a diploma of higher education after the equivalent of second year. I'm not sure if that's universal but it's worth finding out. It's his problem not yours. Hopefully he will have gained other experiences while at Uni. Did he have a part-time job? I'd be concerned about his mental health and try to be supportive and encourage him to come up with a plan. It really isn't the end of the world.

Arlott · 14/07/2024 09:31

Have I missed something, where does she say Scotland?

op I’m very sorry. I’m a lecturer and this year we had 5 or 6 students fail completely at the end. It’s upsetting for everyone. I wouldn’t catastrophise too much but support him and talk to him for the moment

Underlig · 14/07/2024 09:32

will he get another qualification such as a diploma? I know someone who failed a degree recently and was awarded a diploma instead. He failed the dissertation/project part, but passed all the exams. Doing really well, working in a field related to his degree - computer science.

Pigeonqueen · 14/07/2024 09:32

Tgjjl · 14/07/2024 09:31

His future is not ruined at all.

Get him home, comfort him and sort him out.

You will be able to figure out a way forwards.

Many people fail or drop out of their degrees.

This.

And please stop making it about you. It’s not your failure. It’s not a reflection of your parenting.

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2024 09:32

i am sorry
but it is surely not your responsibility.
he must have known the score before now?

Numnumbirdy · 14/07/2024 09:33

Has he engaged with the uni/ student advice / student union or filed for any exceptional circumstances? He may be able to resit / resubmit some elements if there is sufficient evidence he was disadvantaged in any way. DD scraped through year 1 after filing for exceptional circumstances (Covid and death of a grandparent) and in year three diagnosed with ADHD. It would be worth looking at options and as someone else suggested whether any of the credits he has gathered can be used towards another qualification (now or in the future). Good luck.

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2024 09:33

Pigeonqueen · 14/07/2024 09:32

This.

And please stop making it about you. It’s not your failure. It’s not a reflection of your parenting.

Show quote history

exactly

ageratum1 · 14/07/2024 09:34

He's a grown man, not your responsibility

Persipan · 14/07/2024 09:36

If having a degree is important to him then if all else fails he'll be able to transfer credit into the OU and do 120 credits at level 3 to get one. I wouldn't necessarily advise doing that immediately, but the option is there on the shelf for the future.