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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

My son failed his university degree

283 replies

SHMumindespair · 14/07/2024 09:14

I feel at a loss. Could I have done more? I was supposed and looking forward to a university graduation when my son sends a message that he will.jot tet a degree. He filed too many times. 4vyears. £70000 debt and no degree. Future ruined. I am.just at a loss and just crying, feeling a mix of anger, disappointment, responsibility.... I could go on but feel like a failure myself as a mother.

OP posts:
umar123 · 17/07/2024 18:22

KingDeDeDe24 · 14/07/2024 11:26

My partner ‘failed’ his degree 20 years ago - got a third. He’s now in a very senior and well paying role. He got a full time role in Council doing a junior job and spent a few years getting his head right. He thinks his poor Degree was a result of depression and mental health issues he had as a young man that he masked with drinking and partying. And he was hiding academic failure from his quite cold parents.
Eventually he used his first year as foundation level entry to another degree - a total different subject - and completed it part time. He thinks in hindsight failing his degree was a positive as he gained insight into what he actually wanted to do, matured and gained impetus to studying towards a well paid job.
It’s easy to say - know it must be tough - but don’t catastrophise. Your son needs unconditional love and care, and you need to be gentle with yourself.

Third is still a pass. Not a fail

KingDeDeDe24 · 17/07/2024 20:58

Pedantic much? I said ‘failed’ - using inverted commas to denote that he was perceived as having failed as a third is generally not consider sufficient for entering professions etc.

focacciamuffin · 17/07/2024 21:05

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2024 15:35

Unfortunately lots of employers who take lots of grads want a 2:1. That’s the current currency because very few get a 2:2.

I have had students come to me in tears because they have been awarded a 2:2 and their job offers are based on an expected 2:1. My advice has been to ring the employer and explain what has happened. As far as I can recall, every single one of them has been told that the offer still stands, even with a 2:2.

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2024 21:17

@focacciamuffin Thats good advice but not all employers will be so generous. Lots won’t look at a 2:2 if dc apply for jobs as grads. Even a maths grad we know from Cambridge with a 2:2 seriously struggled for a year to get a job and a third or fail is even more problematic. Years ago the mere fact you had been to uni said something about you. Now it’s doesn’t in many cases.

Makethisrainstop · 17/07/2024 21:33

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2024 21:17

@focacciamuffin Thats good advice but not all employers will be so generous. Lots won’t look at a 2:2 if dc apply for jobs as grads. Even a maths grad we know from Cambridge with a 2:2 seriously struggled for a year to get a job and a third or fail is even more problematic. Years ago the mere fact you had been to uni said something about you. Now it’s doesn’t in many cases.

Years ago only the brightest of the bright went . I can remember a lad in the late 1960s got in to Uni and people were in awe as we lived in a low income area . Back then it was mainly the middle class and above that went . I would say it was also a golden ticket to a good job immediately after graduation.

Makethisrainstop · 17/07/2024 21:35

Today I think it's who you know when it comes to getting a good job and not what you know . That s probably why students with a 2.2 and below get opportunities.

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2024 23:16

@Makethisrainstop I think if you read the helicoptering of very invested MN parents, you might think that. I can honestly say I don’t believe the vast majority are actively getting dc jobs via connections. My DD1 has a very good job and it was 100.% down to her. We knew nothing about how she should access her career at all. My DH and me have had completely different careers.

I think what most people do is try and offer good guidance to the best of their knowledge and ability. My advice wax limited to checking grammar and spelling on a single application form.

I do believe there are professions such as vets and doctors that breed vets and doctors. It’s a way of life and dc pick up lots of tips! However many DC do something very different and don’t follow family members and don’t know anyone who gives them a job. I would say some industries like fashion and journalism it helps to be someone with connections. In other jobs, there’s not much mileage in that because there’s stiff competition.

I don’t think the 2:2 and below grads get amazing opportunities via who they know. In my DDs career, virtually no chance according to the stats. The grad with the 2:2 in maths from Cambridge did get a job that required maths. You aren’t suddenly poor at maths with a 2:2. It was just a case of a lot of rejections until the right opportunity came along, for both employer and grad. This person knew no one. It was a case of krep
trying.,

parkrun500club · 18/07/2024 16:47

I think knowing people can help get work experience etc which can help get internships and in turn graduate level jobs.

Even things like school work experience can rely on parents finding it for their kids (yes I know the kids are meant to find it but most 15 year olds aren't going to wander up and down their local high streets asking for work experience - some might).

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 15:18

I'm sorry to hear this. We are in the same situation with my son not allowed to progress to 3rd year as he failed two of 8 modules. Overall fine but those two were just below the minimum level😢. No appeal allowed and he is feeling incredibly low. This is the one child who always sailed through everything. GCSEs all at 7-9. 3A levels at A* but he couldn't admit he was struggling with some of the content this year as he was embarrassed and now it's too late. I don't understand why he can't just take those 2 modules again next year. Even worse - hearing this mid September when you've already forked out for a term's rent is inexcusable really.

TheSquareMile · 15/09/2024 15:22

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 15:18

I'm sorry to hear this. We are in the same situation with my son not allowed to progress to 3rd year as he failed two of 8 modules. Overall fine but those two were just below the minimum level😢. No appeal allowed and he is feeling incredibly low. This is the one child who always sailed through everything. GCSEs all at 7-9. 3A levels at A* but he couldn't admit he was struggling with some of the content this year as he was embarrassed and now it's too late. I don't understand why he can't just take those 2 modules again next year. Even worse - hearing this mid September when you've already forked out for a term's rent is inexcusable really.

@geenideewaarom

That must have been a terrible disappointment for all of you.

Which subject was he reading?

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 16:09

Engineering

HucklefinBerry · 15/09/2024 16:48

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 15:18

I'm sorry to hear this. We are in the same situation with my son not allowed to progress to 3rd year as he failed two of 8 modules. Overall fine but those two were just below the minimum level😢. No appeal allowed and he is feeling incredibly low. This is the one child who always sailed through everything. GCSEs all at 7-9. 3A levels at A* but he couldn't admit he was struggling with some of the content this year as he was embarrassed and now it's too late. I don't understand why he can't just take those 2 modules again next year. Even worse - hearing this mid September when you've already forked out for a term's rent is inexcusable really.

The system in the country is ridiculous. Many many other countries just make you take extra credit over summer or do an extra semester. Here you just get thrown out. It's criminal. It's a hang over from pre-fee days and needs to change.

There are many reasons people fail and frankly what does it matter if it takes 3 or 5 years to complete. Its unbelievable that universities can do this

HucklefinBerry · 15/09/2024 16:50

Makethisrainstop · 17/07/2024 21:35

Today I think it's who you know when it comes to getting a good job and not what you know . That s probably why students with a 2.2 and below get opportunities.

You know in many countries (Australia and NZ for example) pass grade is not really relevant in most jobs. It's just not asked about. No one cares. It's crazy how fixated people are here.

EasternStandard · 15/09/2024 16:51

HucklefinBerry · 15/09/2024 16:50

You know in many countries (Australia and NZ for example) pass grade is not really relevant in most jobs. It's just not asked about. No one cares. It's crazy how fixated people are here.

Show quote history

I'm not sure that's true for all jobs in Aus. I did economics / arts and many friends went to what is the big 4 or consulting and the grades were asked about and mattered

Although I'll add as a route to some of those jobs it might be easier for an Aussie to say get in there and then do some kind of swap

TizerorFizz · 15/09/2024 22:09

Only around 17% of grads get a 2:2 now. Just 30 years ago it was double this percentage. No doubt 50 years ago it was much higher than 35%. Few firsts were awarded and far fewer 2:1. So at 17% (and much lower on some courses) are these students the best of the cohort? Probably not so they get filtered out first.

Investinmyself · 15/09/2024 22:18

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 16:09

Engineering

Can he authorise you to speak to university so you can explore all options like retaking year 2 or moving to a different course.

Farting · 15/09/2024 23:06

Peclet · 14/07/2024 09:23

Well he knows he’s messed up so you telling him that won’t be very useful.

Support him and find out what went wrong?

£7k of debt isn’t great but he can work and pay it off. It’s going to be ok.

£70k of debt. It’s life changing.

He needs to get his shit together and get out there and get a job doing something he’s more suited to than studying.

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 23:28

@Investinmyself he doesn't need me to speak to them. At the moment he is quite understandably gutted but he's very sensible so we have given him time to think about options. He wants to try and persuade them to let him retake the 2 failed modules this year and work alongside this. He doesn't want the pressure of going back to full time study as he is worried he would fail again and so sensibly wants to take a year out (apart from modules) before continuing. As parents we completely support him. I work in a school and regularly see the damage that (too much) pressure does to people. We're incredibly lucky that he has never had an issue before and will now support him to make the right decision for him. Over the course of a lifetime this will just be a minor blip.

geenideewaarom · 15/09/2024 23:30

@Investinmyself I'm sorry, I forgot to say that this was 100% the right course for him. He loved most of it, it's what he wants to do for a career so we'll support him in finding ways to get there.

kiwiane · 16/09/2024 00:37

You need to get over your devastation and support him emotionally - his degree debt won’t be payable until he’s earning more.
There will be a point in the future when this matters much less than now and you’ll be able to see that it led to a different path for him.
The points already earned may be able to be used towards an
OU degree - he could work and take a part time course in something he’s really interested in later on. I know of someone who got back into education this way and eventually achieved a PhD.

geenideewaarom · 16/09/2024 08:10

@TheSquareMile thank you for those. We are investigating apprenticeships in his area of engineering or at least looking at the option of a job to get some experience. I really appreciate the thought.

TheSquareMile · 16/09/2024 08:51

geenideewaarom · 16/09/2024 08:10

@TheSquareMile thank you for those. We are investigating apprenticeships in his area of engineering or at least looking at the option of a job to get some experience. I really appreciate the thought.

Which area of Engineering is his specialist field, @geenideewaarom ?

geenideewaarom · 16/09/2024 11:29

@TheSquareMile Nuclear

TheSquareMile · 16/09/2024 12:28

geenideewaarom · 16/09/2024 11:29

@TheSquareMile Nuclear

@geenideewaarom

In that case, another option with the Royal Navy would be this one, given the fact that he would already have an enhanced knowledge of Nuclear Engineering:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/accelerated-apprentice-scheme-submariner

I've suggested this and the other ones because the Royal Navy offers opportunities to complete a degree while in service, which might be what he is looking for - academic achievement while working (and being paid) outside of an academic environment.

Another opportunity could be this, but he would have to wait until applications open again:

https://www.nnl.co.uk/careers/early-careers/apprenticeships/

When will he know whether the University will let him retake the failed modules?

Apprenticeships - National Nuclear Laboratory

Immerse yourself in the nuclear industry with hands-on experience, while learning from leading experts. We offer apprenticeships in a range of areas, from science and engineering to project management and business administration.

https://www.nnl.co.uk/careers/early-careers/apprenticeships