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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Open days - do parents go?

140 replies

alnitak · 18/04/2024 13:49

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 18/04/2024 13:52

No.

Some open days have sessions for parents on finance etc.

My kids wanted me to drive them there and then sod off until pick up time.

Lots without Parents lots with,

senua · 18/04/2024 13:54

University wasn't such a hard sell in the 80s.
I know Universities are fed up with so many parents visiting these days but I think an 'extra pair of eyes' is useful, so DC can bounce ideas off or compare notes with somebody else.
It's an expensive decision, they need to try to get it right.

Changes17 · 18/04/2024 14:00

I’m planning to go if he’d have to stay over or if we are coinciding it with a family visit since he’s too young to stay in a hotel on his own. That includes the first one. I’m just going out of nosiness though, not to the subject talks so much.

Then DS will go to others alone.

NoNotHimTheOtherOne · 18/04/2024 14:10

Can you offer to go to different sessions from him? You could be asking about disability support, finance, etc., while he's at the subject-specific sessions.

But no, he wouldn't be the only one there without a parent if you don't go. I'd say most come with parents, even if it's only because they're dependent on them for transport, but there will be a fair few there with friends or on their own. What might surprise you is how many parents will be there without their children, either because the children can't be bothered or because there are two open days on the same date and they have to each attend different ones.

Original poster
alnitak · 18/04/2024 14:18

Thanks all, that's really helpful. I would definitely stay out of his way if I did go. I can see why he wants to be independent, and if he continues to insist I will let him get on with it.

OP posts:
titchy · 18/04/2024 14:21

In my experience from both attending with my own dcs and where I work, the majority have parents with them.

Penguinsa · 18/04/2024 14:29

My DD went on her own, well with friends rather than parents, who split between which courses they were interested in. She preferred to do that but did say some of the talks there were some parents dominating the q and as.

Investinmyself · 18/04/2024 14:30

Yes I’ve done at least half a dozen with dc this last year and vast majority had at least one parent with.
It’s pretty full on day and to get most out of it you need to be on the ball and moving around. Definitely needed a good plan of attack. For some sample lectures it was kids only due to room size.
She did a couple with school so went around with friends.
Some talks are aimed at parents - the student finance and accommodation costs, it’s often us paying after all.

I found it a nice process spending time on our little trips and good opportunities to talk. Afterwards I’ve been able to talk about options as I was there.

Allschoolsareartschools · 18/04/2024 14:31

Every open day I've been to, potential students have had a parent with them. If dd had wanted me to stay away I would have but she was very keen for me to go. I don't think I saw anyone without parents unless they were mature students.
The day usually includes a tour of accommodation as well as a course overview. Seeing as we were paying for a massive chunk of it, I wanted to be sure it was the right decision for her.
I'd definitely go in your case OP as there is often a chance to talk to the uni about support etc.

ElaineMBenes · 18/04/2024 14:33

Most young people bring parents ...we expect it in fact, and make sure we have specific session aimed at parents.

Newgirls · 18/04/2024 14:34

I’d take the lead from him.

once he’s decided where he wants to go he can follow up on sen or anything else.

its a great sign he wants to go himself isn’t it? I reckon they are more likely to chat to other students if parents aren’t nearby

I went to one and not the others and at that one I stayed out of the way and went for coffee, paid for lunch but they went to the talks themselves.

CMOTDibbler · 18/04/2024 14:38

Some open days ds and I went round together, some he just dumped me and went off with friends (and I got quality time with a book and coffee) and some we went round some bits together
All sorts of combinations tbh

Investinmyself · 18/04/2024 14:40

We also needed to suss out disability support and I found it helpful to speak to them as the parent. I politely asked at desk on an accommodation tour if we could view a disabled room too and they were so happy to oblige, she wouldn’t have asked.
UCL had more unaccompanied kids groups who went to school together but Kings London most were accompanied by a parent.
Only place I felt parents were a hindrance was Durham, the mums there were extremely pushy and monopolising questions but it may have been subject related.

Investinmyself · 18/04/2024 14:41

A compromise might be I’ll come now to open and you go to offer day alone. More unaccompanied at offer holder days but still lots with parents.

crumblingschools · 18/04/2024 14:45

I would say he would be in the minority if going on his own. DH went with DS last year and at his first one I messaged them to make sure he wasn’t the only one with a parent there! Most young people had at least one parent with them. DH went to a separate talk at one point when DS went off to a student session. It’s quite good to look round the town/city the university is in to get a feel for that.

DH loved the road trips with DS last year (I stayed home with the dog!) looking round universities

mondaytosunday · 18/04/2024 16:20

Most kids seem to have a parent/parents and in some cases siblings and the family dog! But there are also kids on their own or with a friend or two.
I went with mine but didn't go to subject talks bar one (she went to two that day and told me she was the only one without a parent at the first). I also had a coffee while she went on a couple tours as figured she'd talk more without me. So basically I was just a companion/taxi/wallet.

Cx5 · 18/04/2024 16:31

Both my husband and I have attended all the open days and the offer holder days will our boys (apart from Oxbridge as they were a separate trip) they wanted us to go and most students have parents with them. I think it's useful for them to have a extra option on the place and to ask questions they might not think of.

Original poster
alnitak · 18/04/2024 17:22

Thanks, I am leaning towards going now, I'll have another chat with him

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 18/04/2024 17:28

I would go and stay in a Premier Inn and make a weekend out of it exploring the local area.

Going to uni now is very different to the 80s due to the financial input parents have through topping up loans, acting as guarantor on student digs etc there is a bigger financial weight and responsibility if the uni is the wrong one and the student gives up part way through leaving you saddled with student rent to pay for X months.

sleekcat · 18/04/2024 17:31

When I went with my son most students had a parent with them. He went to one on his own but that was only because I couldn’t go and that was the offer holder day, it was a late addition to his application and he didn’t go to the main open day. They were all quite long days for us with travelling etc. He’s independent but I don’t think he would have enjoyed being there alone.

TerfTalking · 18/04/2024 17:31

We did, to both DCs choices so we saw about six or seven in total. They wanted us there and we did the driving and provided lunch/dinner in a uni city restaurant.

for us it was time to spend together and share opinions, but ultimately both DC made their own final choices.

CadyEastman · 18/04/2024 20:36

We went to most of them, apart from
one where neither of us could get out of work and he took his sibling.

From our experience he will be in a minority if he doesn't have a Parent with him.

Skiphopbump · 18/04/2024 20:42

I was really surprised at how many parents were there when I went to a couple with DD.

Dacadactyl · 18/04/2024 20:45

We intend to go with DD.

At the bloody price of it I need to see what's what.

Comefromaway · 18/04/2024 20:48

I’d say approx 80% had a parent with them apart from a few on weekdays where a college took students en masse. My daughter will be a mature student and she even asked me to go with her.