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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Open days - do parents go?

140 replies

alnitak · 18/04/2024 13:49

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

OP posts:
MavisPennies · 22/04/2024 12:27

I work on open day stalls, I'd say 75% have parents with them at our place (Imperial)

Okayornot · 22/04/2024 12:30

Is she going to be so independent that she wont be asking you for a financial contribution?*

I doubt it, but it is still her decision. My parents helped me out when I was at Uni and weren't involved in my decision about where to go either.

Eze · 22/04/2024 12:33

My DS completed one of the Universities access courses which had a conference as part of the course. He insisted I went with him until all the kids were taken into the first talk.

I left after that and he completed the day and got the bus home himself.

You know your son. It’s hard making these decisions. Whatever you both decide go over a plan of where he’s going and how he’s getting home so he’s comfortable with the day. Then keep in touch if you’re not there so he knows he has support if he needs it.

InAMillion · 22/04/2024 13:01

MavisPennies · 22/04/2024 12:27

I work on open day stalls, I'd say 75% have parents with them at our place (Imperial)

Which Halls do you think are the most fun for Home students ? Acton ?

InAMillion · 22/04/2024 13:03

MavisPennies · 22/04/2024 12:27

I work on open day stalls, I'd say 75% have parents with them at our place (Imperial)

It's really hard to find out much info re student life at Imperial for home students

DS has firmed it for maths but we just don't know how student life is there.

You get the impression it's cold, toxic and impersonal but surely not that bad

InAMillion · 22/04/2024 13:04

@MavisPennies

Elebag · 22/04/2024 13:09

I'm going. I think DS is going to a couple of lectures, I was going to have a mooch around when he's in them.

ilisten2theradio · 22/04/2024 13:16

I went so some of the visits with my ND dc. I found that as they are not good at initiating conversation we got more out of the tours with me asking questions.
As others have said there are some talks aimed at parents too so in those cases you are herded off separately. In one case I sat and read a book whilst they attended subject specific talks. I was also able to ask about pastoral support with them there and with their permission to initiate the conversation. This would definitely not have happened had I not attended.
We live in London so did not go to the London based ones and they definitely did not get as much info on those days
Also we found that what looked good on paper could be different in reality so regardless of whether you go or not definitely recommend your DC goes.

Btwmum23 · 22/04/2024 14:01

I went to uni beginning of 2000 and no one was in the open days with their parents. I am sure there were neurodivergent kids too. My kids are small but it is shocking thinking we have generations of kids that are so dependent on parents. But I see them coming through work and it should not be surprise me. They are so fragile and needy. We really should be thinking what we are doing to these kids and if really handholding them is the best for them.

crumblingschools · 22/04/2024 14:12

@Btwmum23 university open days are set up for parents attending. One session DH went to whilst DS was in a subject lecture was a session about pastoral support and what the university had available for students’ mental health. There have been quite a few publicised student suicides at university. I for one am glad that more support is being put in place, especially with mental health issues rising in young people, snd it is good for parents to be aware.

Also I bet more young people with diagnosed SEND attend universities, so again helpful if parents attend.

Dh enjoyed his road trips with DS during open day season, but university choice course choice etc was all down to DS, and DH was very much led by DS when they attended open days. I used to get a video call with a tour round the outside of the uni by DH whilst DS was doing a student tour.

Btwmum23 · 22/04/2024 14:18

crumblingschools · 22/04/2024 14:12

@Btwmum23 university open days are set up for parents attending. One session DH went to whilst DS was in a subject lecture was a session about pastoral support and what the university had available for students’ mental health. There have been quite a few publicised student suicides at university. I for one am glad that more support is being put in place, especially with mental health issues rising in young people, snd it is good for parents to be aware.

Also I bet more young people with diagnosed SEND attend universities, so again helpful if parents attend.

Dh enjoyed his road trips with DS during open day season, but university choice course choice etc was all down to DS, and DH was very much led by DS when they attended open days. I used to get a video call with a tour round the outside of the uni by DH whilst DS was doing a student tour.

I understand and it makes sense that if they are set up like that parents go and I would go too and I will probably do if it’s the same in 10 years.
mine was a general reflection on why even universities feel these young adults cannot take such a decision alone, it is very disturbing to me that we have such fragile and dependent generations. It does seem to extend after uni, as I see graduates coming to work having their packed lunch prepared by their mum and still being psichologically much dependent from their parents (other that financially which I understand given the cost of living and rent). I think it is a sad state of affair.

listsandbudgets · 22/04/2024 14:46

I didn't go to open days - DD mainly did those with friends.

However, I have been to offer holder days as I think it gets more focussed at that stage

BusyMummy001 · 22/04/2024 15:33

alnitak · 18/04/2024 13:49

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

Just a note - there is a FB page called WIWIKAU [ie What I Wish I Knew About Univeristy… before we applied] and I think, and another one for ND people. It’s populated by parents and also people applying, and often tutors, application administrators etc will comment on a post. People ask about accommodation in various university towns and specifically about courses.

Really useful as it’s current applicants/families, so worth posting there esp with respect to the specific uni your DD is applying to.

PloddingAlong21 · 22/04/2024 15:36

I graduated 15 years ago so a little while ago and took my parents to all my open days. I wanted them there. All my friends folks went with them too.

It had nothing to do with being incapable on my own. My parents have always been interested in my education so it was a natural ask. They care, I cared that they care. I appreciated their input, but was never pressured into taking their opinions over my own. It was nice, I enjoyed it and am pleased I could share that with them. They’ve always been proud of me and I was the first in the family to go.

BurbageBrook · 22/04/2024 15:37

I would say about 80% of students at my uni bring their parents, so he won't stand out if he doesn't, but parents usually do go.

HauntedBungalow · 22/04/2024 15:49

My kids are small but it is shocking thinking we have generations of kids that are so dependent on parents>

Yeah, all 18 year olds should be sufficiently independent that they can pull £50k out their back pocket and merrily skip off to get their degree, after which they should immediately be able to find a further £30k all by themselves and put down a deposit on a house.

Absolutely shocking that so many of them seem to be incapable of doing this.

Elebag · 22/04/2024 15:58

As sensible as my 17yr old is, I still want to keep an eye on a choice that will cost him around £60k.

meltoadhall · 22/04/2024 16:06

We went with all our girls to their various open days, all of the universities were a good distance away (had to stay over for a couple of them) they wouldn’t have been able to go without us taking them. We went to the various seminars and events and we discussed the pros and cons together. Although we are a close family, they made their own choices where they went

beanii · 22/04/2024 17:23

My advice would be - does he REALLY need a degree.

So many youngsters end up in debt thinking they 'have' to go when realistically they'd be better getting into the world of work 🤷‍♀️

stichguru · 22/04/2024 17:42

When I went in 1999-2000, I took my parents as did most other people. I'd say go then spilt up from him if he wants you to. You can always go off to different things, there might be some parent specific things too. Also, unlike school, you can go to uni aged 18-100, so if there are things he wants to do alone, you can do other talks/tours. You could just be a mature student, so you won't stick out like you would if you were at a school open day.

doneandone · 22/04/2024 17:46

Either myself or dh went with dd to look around all unis she was interested in last year. The majority of students at all of them were accompanied by a parent/carer.

Investinmyself · 22/04/2024 17:54

It’s my DD’s decision but we as parents are financing a big chunk so yes I went.
Much better to have conversation re is London viable before applying than after.
I took the photos of accommodation prices for example, she didn’t think to.
If I was spending £60,000 on something I’d want to run it past someone. It’s been good to talk about pros and cons.
You don’t need to go in every session with them, some had parents sessions re finance etc.
Plus logistics of getting to open days. Need an overnight stay for many can’t book in a premier inn under 18.
Twice we were horribly delayed on train - once put in a taxi back in early hours. If she had needed accommodation late on due to train cancellation she would have struggled age 17.

Open days - do parents go?
Open days - do parents go?
Open days - do parents go?
Investinmyself · 22/04/2024 18:03

My DD did go to three Universities as a trip on a coach with school last year.This is how I recall it being done in early 90s, every Weds sixth form put on a coach to a different uni for a few weeks.

Pomegranatecarnage · 22/04/2024 18:07

When I went in the late 80’s my parents didn’t even think of coming, I travelled up by train and can’t remember many parents at all. Last year I went to 3 with my DD and there were at least one parent with most kids. The one time I didn’t go she went off with a boy and missed the talk-after a five hour drive and me paying for a hotel!

Allyliz · 22/04/2024 18:39

I went with my daughter, I would say most students had their parents with them