Open days - do parents go?

[alnitak]

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

Hi, I have 4 sen kids (because both myself and my DH are blatantly spectrum too). For my eldest I insisted on going to all that I could (having 4 is difficult). Like yourself I focused on asking the questions she wouldn't. Naturally she chose the uni that I hadn't visited. 😆She's now doing an MSc at the same uni and being ASD I am finding it difficult to council her to change Unis because she feels that's enough. My second has high anxiety. I went with her and rather than fight her I'd learnt from the first to take a step back and only really make my presence known to the SEN team. She's taking her finals in the next few weeks. My third and fourth are still in mainstream.

From my experience (of only 2 at uni) I would stay that the most important thing you can do is be aware that as they start their first year every cell in their body is going to scream that they hate it. The first year for both my older two were hellish. I don't think my son will get to uni, he's far more of a hands on apprentice type personality but I will be fully ready for my youngest who has not been diagnosed with anything more than dyslexia (which, I've learnt is now considered as being on the spectrum). Being ready means having a quick person to take over looking after younger kids and being ready to go to them.

I've found being able to go to them and stay in a hotel at their university makes them feel safer because you're there but you've not actually let them come home and it works wonders. They're able to work through the enormous range of emotions whilst knowing that you're there and it's safe.

If you need anything more please PM me.

We went to our children's open days.
Only because it was easier to drive to them .

We left the organisation of the day to our children.
We would go to the various coffee bars/cafes that were open on the day.
As it turned out, both of our children wanted us to attend the various talks and lectures but not always. It depends.

One session actively involved parents in order that they could understand uni life. ( Eye opening!)
Some lectures were really interesting.

We gave our children free rein. They dictated what they wanted us to do.
We just liked the day out!

No. Children go to open days all by themselves. It helps them bond and develop as a young adult.

Be very, very reassured there will be someone on site who is specifically allocated to be his "playground pal".

He will be looked after - both as a teenager and as someone with autism.

If this is the right place for him - let him go - all by himself and feel part of the community there.

I used to teach at University and yes the vast majority of parents go to open days, unless it is for a mature student. It would have been very unusual for an 18-year-old not to have their parents with them. They would also ask questions around the presentations, sometimes we would offer taster days these would normally be students only.

I went with my child and left after ten minutes.
I deli I got in way.

I’ve recently done several open days with my DDs. I’d say the vast majority (around 90% or so) had parents with them. Maybe go together then separate during the day to look at different things? As DD2 has been mulling through her options it has been really useful to pool our memories of the day. When it came to offer holder days I stepped back, which felt about right.

It’s useful to have parents there as a second pair of ears and eyes to take it all in. You don’t need to give your opinion or comment but you’ll be a useful sounding board after the visit if you’ve been there.

I went with my daughter to visit Bristol uni a few weeks ago. We made it into a whole day out, travelled by coach ( trains were on strike- but the coach journey was great), got a lovely lunch, visited the museum and had a tour of the uni. It was lovely to spend time together. Maybe you could put that sort of spin on it for your son

To be fair it was a while ago, i read the other posts and yes it does seem that things are different now so probably best to ignore me. Seems like the extortionate costs now mean that parents want to know what they are forking out for which makea a lot of sense.

Our experience was that, as most students go with a parent or two, there isn't really an opportunity for making friends in the day, where people are milling around and going to various talks and lectures right around the whole university.

The best thing dd did, in terms of independence and finding out more about university life and the courses, was a 4 night taster week in the school holidays, between y12 and 13. I dropped her off and picked her up, as did every other parent it seemed. But then they were on their own, living in student accommodation, attending lectures, doing mini group assignments, etc,

Dh and I also went to university in 1989.
Parents went to open days then ime.

By sister went around 1997/8. Again, parents often drove students to open days back then too, in our experience.

My kids are small but it is shocking thinking we have generations of kids that are so dependent on parents

Well, if they are going to university, then yes - they will be dependent on parents. How else can they even afford to go and be there for 3 years? I only know of one of DD's friends who was fully independent throughout university - and that's because she had a large inheritance with sort of it to be used to pay for university years.

So yes, most young adults going to university are going to be dependent on their parents until they are 21/22, at least.

We are on universal credit and can't afford to support our dc at university. My ds is in his 3rd of 4 years (MEng) and he works during the term time and vacations and obviously has a full maintenance loan. Our elder 2dds also had no financial support from us whilst at university but they both went to Cambridge which doesn't allow students to work during termtime. They graduated 9 or 10 years ago. At the time they had maintenance grants and also a sizeable bursary from Cambridge.

I've been on a tour of UAL London College of Communication and half the young people had an older adult with them.

We live in South London so it wasn't far to go.

DD wants to look at Leeds Arts but we can't make an Open Day so instead I'm taking the train up with her one weekend so she can see the campus and get a feel for the city, but I'm likely to be sat in a coffee shop somewhere whilst she goes off to explore! 😂

(She's one of the oldest in her year group and will be 19 when she starts uni)

There's murmuring about Glasgow too but we'll see. Again, can't make the open day, but go for a weekend to check it all out.

@Manthide If they get lots of financial help from uni and full maintenance at Cambridge they were better off than many. It’s worth being on UC for them to get £thousands of extra money.A family member did exactly the same. Many parents in full time work struggle to make the payments to DC. Many RG unis have bursaries for students from UC families too. These dc are often not the worse off.