Open days - do parents go?

[alnitak]

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

I started uni in 2016. I had at least one if not both parents with me for open days. It was useful as they'd spot different things to me, and we could compare etc. They had different questions to me, and I liked that they could see where I'd be moving to or where my lectures etc would be

Universities are a business and some really go all out with the hard sell and things wheeled out just for open day. Some used what I’d class as sharp practices - big slide accommodation from only £200 a week…when asked it is only for care leavers and about 10 rooms rest of halls started £280 mark.
Obviously older and wiser you are much more aware of the hard sell. At 17 not so much.

Who's pulling £50k out of their back pocket? All domestic students can get a loan for their fees and at least half of their living expenses.

@TheSmallAssassin based on their parents’ income, so not truly independent

It’s been a while. Due to family dynamics (parents not supporting higher education due to religious beliefs etc.) I went to university tours by myself. However it wasn’t the norm. For some extra money at uni, I took people on tours around the university. It was always parents with the prospective students. They tended to ask different more practical questions etc.

The only people I know that didn’t have parents for open days were foreign students whose parents were abroad.
If your son doesn’t want you there, fine. However there’s nothing wrong with you walking around to check it out too without your son.

Personally there’s a lot parents can advice on and having you there could be really helpful.

I mean
What kid thinks about where the local Aldi is 😁

Agree.
Then there’s the ones that show you the rooms for disabled students, ie the big rooms when no one in the group is actually disabled. Hello, what about the ‘can’t swing a cat’ standard rooms that they’ll obviously be getting!
This happened 3 times on trips I was on ( 3 kids, louds of unis 🤪). I always asked to see a standard room, my sons wouldn’t have as they didn’t even recognise the large rooms were not for them.

At some universities the accommodation costs more than the minimum maintenance loan.

Yes, you don’t have to pull £50k out of your pocket but it is foolish to think all the costs can be covered by the loans available.

This is another reason why university is not actually within reach of anyone who wants to go, you’ve still got to have some money for it to be an option.

Min loan is only £4767 it’s not half of living costs in many cities. Accommodation costs have increased massively, some cities are high prices but no London weighting on loan Bristol, Brighton etc. Shortage of accommodation and 52 week contracts yr 2 and 3.
Realistically parents can be subbing £20,000 over 3 years at certain Universities.

You’re asking Mumsnet. Of COURSE most parents will say they’ll be taking their kids.

@Tiredalwaystired most parents do go though. It is a thing now.

When I went to university in the mid 80s it was very rare to see a parent at an open day but now they are specially catered for! It's just a completely different ball game nowadays. We went to all the open days with my 2 older dd - from Edinburgh to Exeter - but they both ended up going to our local university Cambridge! It was strange when ds was applying as due to covid there were no in person open days.
I think your ds would be in the minority if he went alone

We took our children to Open Days.

Reason being that we drove there instead of using public transport which, in some cases, was tricky.
We arrived and our children could do what they wanted and and most unis had tea/coffee places for parents to sit in while children went off.

I’ve just been with my ND son to three applicant days. We didn’t do the open days as he only decided last minute on going to uni. It never occurred to me not to go as I went with my NT daughter to both open days and applicant days… and we had a ball.

I appreciated being able to ask about their SEN provisions as there’s no way my son would have asked. This actually helped with his decision as some are better than others. I would say 95% of parents are there on applicant day with ever so slightly fewer on open day. I would advise you to go.

I went to uni in the mid Noughties and while it wasn’t common for parents to attend Open Days when I was looking, it wasn’t unusual either - although this may have been the unis I was looking around. My parents attended one out of four Open Days I went to (it was the university I was most torn about applying to so wanted the extra input). However, these days, from what I’ve gathered from the teens I work with (not in schools so I don’t have any direct connection with uni applications), parents attending Open Days is almost a given and many unis put on sessions specifically aimed at the parents.
I’d let your DS lead on this. Yes, it’s a big decision and your concerns over his SEN needs are a big contributor, but he has to make this decision for himself. Perhaps a compromise would be the suggestion that you go with him so you know what he’s talking about if he needs to discuss decisions later, but you try and stay out of his way as much as possible (different groups and/or sessions if you can do that).

I was one of the helps during my university's open day and eveyone I talked to had their parents with them. So I see no problem with that.

FWIW I took both my children to their open days (a couple of years apart) as it was the only way to get them there quickly (and reasonably cheaply). They were both quite happy for me to trail along, and most of those attending had one or more parent with them.

I'd be encouraging him to go by himself at least to start with - he will gain a lot from finding out what he finds difficult about the day which might help him work out what sort of support he'll find useful as a student. He may eg. discover the value of a notetaker if he can't remember chunks of the info given.

You can always go with him for a second visit / ask questions by email etc.

I’ve been to a few with my DCs and I ask the practical questions (accommodation, food, transport) and they ask the academic/course/student life questions. Seems to work.

DD went on her own, but said she was very much in the minority. However if he wants to then I'd let him.

Also in the sector. Loads do, some whole families. For those who are saying no!

Whole families are a total nuisance. It’s not a day out for 10 year olds and grandparents. I’ve seen that though. Also parents asking all the questions and taking up the places in the subject talks. Plus clogging up the queues for food and loos. My DDs both had friends who went without parents. They just went with mates. Boarding school dc do this. One parent is great, more is overload.

My DC is in Y12 and also autistic - we have been to a number of Open Days already whilst they try to work out what kind of uni will be right for them. There have been loads of parents with their children - more that way than without them IMO

I’ve been to around 5 open days with DD. In my experience very few potential students didn’t have one or both of their parents with them. Those that didn’t looked a bit awkward esp during offer holder days. What are DD’s objections to you being there? You could always sit apart from each other during sessions to give him the chance to mingle in if that is a concern. At the end of the day he is likely 17/18 and making big decisions which will likely shape his future. You will be able to have a more informed discussion with him to help him choose and be able to pick up on certain subtleties between unis if you attend. I would also say that visiting the nearest town/ city is a good idea to determine if your DS wants “to get lost in the city”, or would rather a smaller uni where everyone knows everyone else.

Oh dear, I never went with mine either, it didn't occur to me to go. I don't think many parents did 30 years ago though.