Open days - do parents go?

[alnitak]

I went to university in the late 80s and my parents were pretty uninvolved in my decision making

My DS is adamant that he doesn't want either of us to go to open days with him, but he is autistic and I am a bit concerned that he will be overwhelmed by it all if they are packed, or miss the things that he really wanted to see. Plus I want to sound out the SEN support.

I know those are quite specific concerns, but more broadly, if he did go on his own, would he be the only one there with out a parent?

I went with my son, also neurodivergent. Vast majority had parents with them so actually there isn't scope to meet other pupils and really what would be the point anyway? That's offer day territory. There is a ton to get through and you need a plan of attack, much easier to do together. We split up at times eg at Durham I went to the SEN department while he toured the library etc

My DC went with a couple of friends and stayed in an air b and b I’d booked for them. They stayed a couple of nights and looked round the various departments and bits that interested them - and went out in the evenings naturally - to sample the night life !. All these DC are in upper sixth at school (all 18) but full boarders so extremely independent. Because I wasn’t needed, I didn’t go and I was definitely NOT invited !! They managed all the public transport to get there (multiple trains, taxis etc)
If I had been needed, then I’d have gone.
Only you know if your DC needs an adult at any stages of the visit and it sounds like your instincts say yes, so go.

Our experience from when dd went, 4 years ago, was that the majority of students had one or two parents with them.
Most universities seem to offer talks aimed at parents plus others aimed at students only and some at parent and student.

To be fair it's not new ime.
When me, dh, my siblings, bil and friends went to university parents went to open days too. This was late 90s to late 20s. In addition there were student only trips often run by schools. But certainly parents went to open days even 20-30 years ago.

I think it must date to loans/fees coming in. There were never any parents at open days in the late 80s and we all got the train to university with massive suitcases, not even on wheels in those days. But that is 35 years ago 😮

I feel a bit stricken as it never occurred to me that I should go with them!!!!

I remember someone being quite rude to me when they saw my dad dropping me off at a university open day many years ago, as you wouldn’t normally be seen dead with your parents at things like that. But we had come up to that area of the country the day before for a family funeral.

Nowadays, totally acceptable and in fact usual for parents to attend. There are usually sessions just for parents. But need to take into account the fact that many parents will be helping finance their DC time at university. There are also talks about pastoral support, which again with rise in MH issues in young people is important.

Unis are businesses so some go all out with food trucks.
A tip I saw was to start with a local one just to suss things out. We definitely got more slick as the visits went on.
Do check if there’s any payment towards travel costs. Queens Belfast pay £100 to anyone GB.
Aswell as signing up for open day some had an extra tier where they emailed dc and they were supposed to sign up for accommodation or subject talks. Nearly murdered my dc when on the train to London she piped up the subject talk was full as she hasn’t checked her email. We did get in.

My DD wants to go to a uni in London and I live here so she can just go to the open day on her own. But she also quite likes a couple up North, so I said, ok, I'll take you on the train, organise accommodation etc but you can go in by yourself, I'll find something to entertain me whilst you're gone.

I did go with her on a "tour" of a London College but I did get the impression my attendance was superfluous.

I went to 2 open days. 1 with my mum, 1 without. There is no right answer, whatever suits you.

Went with our DD mainly because wanted to see the accommodation. She wanted us to attend the sample lectures with her as well.

My DD has no additional needs but she was very overwhelmed by the open days, mainly because it felt like such a huge decision. This meant that she was pretty foul to us on the days (how she copes when things are too much) but later we were able to discuss and compare together.

i would say for the 4 we went to the vast majority had parents with them.

Either. It can be useful to have been to potential insurance choices, as you will have seen DCs reactions first hand and be able to help them with potentially difficult choices down the line. It also provides scope to split up, with you attending finance, study abroad (on the assumption that it does not immediately appeal to DC) etc or perhaps see different accommodation .

Yes we did, both with dc1 and dc2.

Im not sure why we shouldn’t have tbh. And each time, most prospective students were there with a parent too.

It didn’t mean that dc didn’t chose whatever they thought was best.
It means we had a common experience to discuss choices.

Eg The presentation at X university was great. The labs at Y university didn’t look geared towards chosen course but towards that course etc….

Also please think about your child and their own temperament.
dc1 could have gone to all open days in his own, discuss it with us etc… (and in some ways did as it was Covid restriction time for him so most if not all of it was online).
dc2 needed much more guidance. He needed us to be there to ask questions (eg about student finances, options for the course degree vs masters, cost, accomodation etc…)

DC had 3 open days where staying over was necessary.

The first one, I wasn’t planning to stay but we used the bag drop and I had a coffee whist he was at first talk. He then asked if I wanted to join him for the rest of the day. About 80% seemed to have a parent with them.

The second one, I only joined him for 1 talk and went to a parents talk. More of 50/50 with parents ratio.

The third one a campus uni. The DH went with him, they mostly hung around together.

DC attended 2 other open days - one online and the other he went to on his own by train.

Offer holder days - 2 so far, both not needing overnight stays. The first was at 5:30am start at the railway station. I basically just went for the journey and was a tourist for the day. The second he went on his own, slightly less early start.

I went to one with a group of school friends, three alone (including one at the other end of the country) and two with my parents. It was fine either way.

I went to all visits with DS and DH also came to a couple.

We went to some things together but he also went & explored other things by himself.

The majority of other prospective students had at least one parent with them at all the places we visited.

DS found it useful as we could offer a perspective on some things. One visit needed an overnight stay for us(in university accommodation) and as we were the only people staying and attending the evening reception it was good that all of us were there!

I didn't go to any open days with my son (he's now in his first year at UOB). I'm ashamed to say it didn't occur to me as my parents never came to any open days with me (early 90s) and they were more protective than average parents!

Having said that he never suggested it and would likely have been mortified if I'd have suggested it. He has ASD and ADHD but is very gregarious. He was fine though we paid for travel costs. The only hiccup was when he visited Queens in Belfast which was an evening open day and required an overnight stay. He tried to book a youth hostel and a hotel but neither would allow under 18s. Luckily found a B&B who could accommodate him. He did say the majority of people had one or both parents with them but he certainly wasn't the only "lone wolf" either.

Since then have spoken to a few friends and my sister (her eldest is going this Sept) and they all drove/accompanied their YPs on every open day. I feel a bit bad but I would never have been able to get the time off work to go to all of them anyway. And son is loving UOB so he's made the right choice for himself.

Edited for typo.

My mum came with me to all of mine (apart from one we went to as a school department). It was good to have a second pair of eyes and ears.

My mum came with me to all of mine (apart from one we went to as a school department). It was good to have a second pair of eyes and ears.

I think parents go these days as it's a massive financial decision that they need to be involved with, compared to the 80s. I went to a few with my DD and she went to see one with friends but very few had no parents with them.

Even visiting universities is expensive if they are far away. Overnight stop, food, petrol x 5 or 6. Makes me a bit cross when the current narrative is 'university is for everyone' .... it really isn't!

I only went to one of the many my Dc attended, which was Cambridge because I wanted a better understanding of the admissions process, college system etc. And even then Dc went to the faculty alone while I went shopping 😂

We did. Our son wanted us there with him as he hadn't a clue about anything and wasn't confident enough at 16/17 to go on his own. I'd say most other potential students had at least one parent with them.

It's a shame really that things are like that now. I think the students would mingle more if they were on their own, but tend to stick with a parent if accompanied.

I really preferred the Unis where they set up separate talks/tours for parents and students separately, that seems to be becoming more common these days and it's a good thing to be able to split up for some things and get back together for others.

The vast majority of prospective students have parents with them.
Parents may be nearby having a cup of coffee while students attend sample lectures etc. But they are there doing the driving, checking the schedule, acting as a sounding board. It’s a huge decision, snd everyone takes it very seriously from what I can see.

I didnt tell my parents about the open days so they never came. I don't remember seeing any parents tbh. The thing is, university is very much an on your own thing, so it will probably be a good test for him to go on his own and see how he feels about navigating it as an individiual with autism. He may decide its fantastic or he may decide its not the right place for him. I would let him go on his own as he will very much be on his own at university, noone will be telling him where to go or what to do, it will be up to him to turn up to lectures, make friends and turn in assignments. So this would be a good test for him to get a sense of how that would be.

@Mimimimi1234 when did you go to university? The ones without parents stand out now