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Higher education

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Original poster

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

220 replies

CornflakeMum · 14/07/2022 20:27

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit Hmm as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

OP posts:
Kite22 · 17/07/2022 17:37

2pinkginsplease · 17/07/2022 11:03

I have a small circle of friends and family on Facebook and I love to see and hear all about theirs and their childrens achievements.

I’ve just posted about ds passing his driving test, my attitude is , if you don’t like it then remove yourself from my friend list.and go and be miserable by yourself,

Same.

I love to hear about friends' dc that perhaps we were close too when they were toddlers, or at Primary school. I might not 'bump in to' them any more as some have moved away or we just don't attend the same things anymore, but that doesn't mean I am not interested in hearing their news. I think FB is great for that.
If I didn't, then I wouldn't have them as FB friends.

notacooldad · 17/07/2022 17:39

I bet they would care a great deal more if you actually spoke to them! That’s a far better way of communicating good news. More personal and you can add in grad ceremony etc.

This!

Yes, it takes a little more effort but it's so much more personal and meaningful imo
Ringing relations from two sides of the family who live in different time zones is tricky at the best if times.
A photo and sentence is sufficient for a quick share. All the family do it so even though some of us my go fir a couple of months without chatting we are all up to date with good news stuff rather than having the ' oh, I didnt know Amy had finished uni, know one said' convos!!
Anyway it's nice to see the memories two, five, ten years now, they always make me smile.
Anyway it works for us and long may good news continue and be shared!

poetryandwine · 17/07/2022 17:41

It is lovely when people care, and I also follow the milestones of my close friends DC.

But @pinklavenders is correct that in terms of protecting your data, privacy settings only protect from the public, not from FB itself to say nothing of hackers. And FB users should not think of themselves as its customers. Mark Z knows that his customers are his advertisers.

I have just spent a little while trying to identify the origin of the phrases ‘if a service is free, you are the product’, and similar. It seems to have been said about telly adverts first, then resurrected by several people simultaneously a few years ago. I am sure you can guess what company they were referring to.

Threetulips · 17/07/2022 17:43

I care. I love hearing my friends and families news and seeing their hotel rooms and new puppies, and who’s now a free reader, or graduate ….

If you aren’t told personably they aren’t real close.

bruffin · 17/07/2022 17:45

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2022 14:33

I’ve just noticed a letter in The Times yesterday. In response to increasing MH issues at Cambridge University and the pressure students feel under to do well because of the expectations of others, he quotes his mother’s response when he graduated: “No, I’m not proud, but I’m pleased for him”. In those few words is the dignified response. Facebook has changed how people respond to success. Do all these family members really care? Or previous friends at the school gate? Probably not.

The fact you think people dont care says more about you than it does about them. I care about my nieces and nephews and their little children, i like to hear about my friends children and their successes.
My DD graduated last year and gets her graduation ceremony this week. I'm immensely proud of her. She took a bit of a meandering route to get there , but ended up with a first from a RG university which is top in the country for that course. She is gainfully employed in the career of her choice.

DockOTheBay · 17/07/2022 17:45

People seem to think that being proud about something is also putting down people who haven't done/got the same.

Bought your first house = insensitive to those who can't afford to buy or looking down on those who rent.
Pregnancy announcement = insensitive on infertile friends
Breastfed baby for 6 months = implying that other mother's are "lesser" for not doing so.
Going on holiday = showing off and unfair on those who can't afford to go
Child did we at uni = looking down on those who didn't do as well.

You can't do anything without offending someone these days.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2022 17:47

TeenDivided · 14/07/2022 20:39

If people can't be happy your DC graduated then they shouldn't be friends with you on Facebook.

This!

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2022 17:53

@notacooldad
If they mean a lot to you, of course you can manage a quick phone call. Good news isn’t just what you talk about is it? Also many don’t have relatives in different time zones.

I would also genuinely laugh if DDs primary friends parents sought me out to boast. Although I do remember one from baby group stopped me in the street fairly recently (“Oh hello, Tizer isn’t it?) with the sole purpose of telling me her DD was a doctor. And what was junior Tizer doing she wanted to know? I was very tempted to lie and say something with a black humour vibe. This was a woman who would pick and choose who she invited to baby group events and had never been remotely interested in DD for over 25 years. God save us from these people!

2pinkginsplease · 17/07/2022 18:08

lightisnotwhite · 17/07/2022 17:29

@2pinkginsplease Why can’t parents just celebrate their kids without others trying to bring them down.
Well realise you boasting about them on Facebook comes from your insecurity as a parent. You’re proud because you’re relieved they’ve actually matched or exceeded your expectations of them. No one is bringing the kids down, it’s the parents who are the issue

I don’t have any insecurities as a parent. I know I’ve done an amazing job with our children who are now adults themselves. We have guided and supported them to be the amazing young adults they are.

so I’ll continue to be proud of my children, maybe it’s other parents insecurities that play a part in being jealous of the achievements of their friends children.

pinklavenders · 17/07/2022 18:18

My DD graduated last year and gets her graduation ceremony this week. I'm immensely proud of her. She took a bit of a meandering route to get there , but ended up with a first from a RG university which is top in the country for that course. She is gainfully employed in the career of her choice.

Well done to your dd. You must be very pleased l!

The thread isn't about being proud and pleased, but about sharing this information to 100s of Facebook 'Friends'.

notacooldad · 17/07/2022 18:34

The thread isn't about being proud and pleased, but about sharing this information to 100s of Facebook 'Friends'

But not everyone who posts something that they are proud of has 100s of Facebook friends. And often those that do have 100s of friends have different categories of 'friends'
so that not everyone is seeing everything that is posted.
My mum doesnt see stuff that I post just for the eyes of my close friends for example.

Kite22 · 17/07/2022 18:37

Threetulips · 17/07/2022 17:43

I care. I love hearing my friends and families news and seeing their hotel rooms and new puppies, and who’s now a free reader, or graduate ….

If you aren’t told personably they aren’t real close.

But you don't have to be "Real (ly) close" to be interested in someone and how they are getting on.

I have all sorts of people I have a close enough relationship with, that I am interested in what is happening in their lives, or their dcs lives, that I don't chat to on the phone or in person on a weekly basis.
It is nice to keep in touch with people and great that we have so many more options than we did 20 or 30 years ago.

RampantIvy · 17/07/2022 18:46

I'm with @Kite22. It seems that some posters aren't able to comprehend that not everyone lives near all of their friends and family. I don't have family WhatsApp groups or many friends WhatsApp groups, and sending an email is a little too formal.

The number of people I know who have shown an interest in DD's progress at university is wide and varied, so posting on Facebook killed all the birds with one stone.

bruffin · 17/07/2022 18:52

pinklavenders · 17/07/2022 18:18

My DD graduated last year and gets her graduation ceremony this week. I'm immensely proud of her. She took a bit of a meandering route to get there , but ended up with a first from a RG university which is top in the country for that course. She is gainfully employed in the career of her choice.

Well done to your dd. You must be very pleased l!

The thread isn't about being proud and pleased, but about sharing this information to 100s of Facebook 'Friends'.

I might put a photo up next week on facebook and share with friends and family depending on if i get a decent photo or not. But hopefully it wont offend anyone!

RampantIvy · 17/07/2022 19:07

@pinklavenders FYI my Facebook "friends" are friends or family in real life.

TizerorFizz · 17/07/2022 20:26

All this discussion about degrees really begs the question of what else can be posted. It’s funny how high earnings cannot. A first from uni can but why is this ok but other news isn’t? What use is the first if it’s not to get higher earnings? That’s what doing well really means and a first is often seen as the first step to a stellar career. If it’s not, why is the first worth reporting?. You could just say “DC has graduated. Job lined up”.

5zeds · 17/07/2022 20:51

What use is the first if it’s not to get higher earnings? seriously? 😮. You do understand education is not just a vehicle to get a job don’t you????

I think this thread really highlights the huge gulf their is between different people. I honestly don’t understand why WhatsApp or an email is “ok” but FB is “boasting” Confused. I don’t understand why your FB interactions mean “you are not real close”. Why and how would you have made FB connections with people you weren’t friends with?

MeridianGrey · 17/07/2022 21:03

The posts I hate are “my beautiful daughter “ with a photoshopped picture of a girl pouting like a duck. Even if it was a photo of a natural beauty why would you brag about that? Makes more sense to me to post a proud post about someone who has worked hard for three years studying at an advanced level.

thing47 · 17/07/2022 22:14

Some posters seem unable to grasp how and why other people use social media for this sort of news, either because they don't use it that way themselves or because they don't feel the need to do so. And that's fine, each to their own.

Doing so isn't automatically wrong or boastful, though, just because you personally may happen to disagree with it. I definitely care what my nieces and nephews have done/are doing at university and beyond, and I'm not fussed which medium they use to keep me up to date with their news.

Wouldloveanother · 17/07/2022 22:17

MeridianGrey · 17/07/2022 21:03

The posts I hate are “my beautiful daughter “ with a photoshopped picture of a girl pouting like a duck. Even if it was a photo of a natural beauty why would you brag about that? Makes more sense to me to post a proud post about someone who has worked hard for three years studying at an advanced level.

I don’t know, being intelligent is also a natural gift, hard work can only get you so far. For some people they way they look is their ‘strong point’ and I have no problem with them celebrating it.

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