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Original poster

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

220 replies

CornflakeMum · 14/07/2022 20:27

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit Hmm as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 15/07/2022 19:16

Guineapiggies · 15/07/2022 18:41

No sour grapes at all. My children are very high achievers academically and with sports too. Yes, I often tell them I am proud of them and share some things with close family and close friends face to face (if they ask). I just feel no need to shout it from the rooftops on FB. I just find it a bit vicarious and distasteful but each to their own.

DD isn't, which makes her recent academic success more special.

Like @MajorCarolDanvers I only have genuine friends and family on Facebook, all of whom know about DD's challenges, so I don't feel guilty about "shouting from the rooftops" about her.

I know my audience and am sensitive enough to know when to be more circumspect. I have no-one on Facebook who would resent DD's achievements.

5zeds · 15/07/2022 20:08

I can’t imagine anyone being so mean about people celebrating the good stuff with their friends/family.

Guineapiggies · 15/07/2022 20:41

It does depend on the circumstance.I guess I just see the achievement as something personal to the DC and I would derive no gratification at all from putting it on Facebook - quite the opposite in fact as I would be worried if it might make someone feel bad. For example my DC are all at Oxbridge. I know a number of my FB friends' DC tried and didn't get in at the same time. They are nice people and would never feel a grudge against me nor my DC but how insensitive would it have been had I have put their offers on FB when their own DC were reeling from not getting in. A face to face conversation was much more appropriate.

5zeds · 15/07/2022 21:27

🤣😂seriously? I have never felt it was inappropriate when my friends post about their children’s successes. We’re not in competition. I would be far more reticent about sharing bad news. I love the pictures of graduations and birthdays and children climbing/sailing/competing. It lets me feel they are all still close though many of my friends live far away and I haven’t seen for years. I’m less keen on the inspirational quotes but I know the people posting them feel connected to them.

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 23:14

It's simply not true that a First doesn't matter for job prospects. Sure, it's not the deciding factor, but DS was told when he applied for internships that they only interviewed students who had achieved at that equivalent level so far, as a means of whittling down the thousands of applications they received!

Well, I would agree with you in regards to job prospects - I think most people would, but this thread isn't about getting a job, it is about friends or relatives sharing a happy day on FB. When I see that, I am please for the young person - I am not employing them, I am sharing their happiness at their achievement, not at some sort of National ranking.

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 23:22

You can be proud, you can even tell friends in person how proud you are, but bragging on FB is horrible imo.

Why though ?

If I want to tell my siblings, and cousins, and Aunts and Uncles, and the same on my dh's side, an also his parents, and then my friends who have watched my dc grow up, and even those that have only really known them through me, or known them for a few years, that my dc has completed their degree and we had a lovely day celebrating that, then I'd have to print out dozens of photos, and write dozens of letters and post them all out

OR
In a couple of minutes, I can post a few pictures on FB and all those people will be able to see. No-one gets left out. It isn't a chore for me to write all those letters. Nobody has to wait until I have time to do so. It doesn't cost me ££ in printing photo, in buying stamps etc.

People on FB are my friends (or relatives). In my world, friends are generally pleased for you when something nice is happening to, or in your family. I am chuffed to see photos of my friends dc getting married or graduating, or riding a two wheeled bike for the first time, or eating their first ice-cream, or just the family having a nice day out or a holiday. It is nice, because it is nice to know that people I love, or even people I know, are having a nice day.

Maggiethecat · 16/07/2022 00:16

@Kite22 - very practical reasons but for some they can’t see beyond it having bragging appearances.

Better to be self deprecating than proud of your achievements 😏

TizerorFizz · 16/07/2022 06:21

I don’t put anything on Facebook. It’s mostly boasting from others when I get posts and I am not sure where it all ends. Should I put it out there that my DD got a 2:1 but earns multiples more than her friend with a first? Should I post about her every success? What is it too much info? There’s academic (?) study but there’s more to life than that. I just prefer to say I’m proud if asked. But it’s not me with the brains and skill is it? It’s DD.

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/07/2022 07:48

Should I put it out there that my DD got a 2:1 but earns multiples more than her friend with a first? Should I post about her every success?

If you don't know the answer to these questions you probably aren't ready for social media.

oopsfellover · 16/07/2022 07:54

I think some people just find FB annoying / attention seeking, and that those people
should probably avoid it. I’d be pleased to see a ‘proud parent’ post from one of my friends.

FlemCandango · 16/07/2022 08:15

I have two children waiting for their exam results this August, DD GCSE and DS A levels. They have worked incredibly hard. They both have sen and needed special arrangements to sit their exams, due to Autism and DD case ADHD as well.

If DD gets the results she needs to start her A levels I will probably post on FB how well she has done and how incredibly proud I am. I feel invested in the outcome as her mum, and because I also worked hard to get her an EHCP in place. DD deserves all the praise for not giving up entirely in the last 2 years.

DS has worked very diligently and is incredibly focused on his goal to get to uni. He has done 4 a levels, STEP and needs 2 A* and an A (and level 2 in STEP) to get to his first choice uni. So if he acheives that I will be posting something because again I am incredibly proud of him.

Life is not easy for my older kids so yes if they manage to get amazing results I will post them. Bragging? Maybe, but if they won gold medals in a race that would be "different" and socially acceptable to post about so I say fuck it!

CharlotteOH · 16/07/2022 08:23

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2022 20:34

Of course it’s OK to be proud. You can be proud without boasting on Facebook.

That was my first thought, but on the other hand…

Isn’t boasting the main thing Facebook is used for? “Look at my expensive holiday” “Look at this cool gig I’m at” “Look at my posh lunch” lookatmelookatme…

I mean, no one ever posts “wow I had such a rubbish day, how is everyone”

notacooldad · 16/07/2022 08:30

Isn’t boasting the main thing Facebook is used for? “Look at my expensive holiday” “Look at this cool gig I’m at” “Look at my posh lunch” lookatmelookatme…

Not for me. It's an information and interactive site for me. I follow my favourite venues, bands,artists and record labels on fb.

I mean, no one ever posts “wow I had such a rubbish day, how is everyone”
Oh I dont know, I've had quite a few people that I've deleted because they do nothing but moan, usually cryptically so they get the 'you ok hun? 'messages.

5zeds · 16/07/2022 08:58

I mean, no one ever posts “wow I had such a rubbish day, how is everyone”
I’ve seen variations of this lots of times. Perhaps it’s the people you know just use it differently?

TizerorFizz · 16/07/2022 09:49

@MajorCarolDanvers
I do know the answer to this! However I was using it to put forward the point that people use FB to boast in one form or another. I used to receive Christmas letters which were another form of boasting: multiple successes reported. Yes, it’s informative but it’s tiresome after a while. I also don’t see why the success of your DC has to be broadcast to everyone, in whatever form that takes!

I was more than ready for Facebook when it started. I’m more then over it now. It’s all about projecting the perfect scenario snd narration about your life and family. It’s competitive and false. So I’m happy to tell no one how well DD does. I’ve inner pride with DH and that’s good enough for me. We go out for a meal to celebrate our proud parents status!

MzHz · 16/07/2022 09:51

TeenDivided · 14/07/2022 20:39

If people can't be happy your DC graduated then they shouldn't be friends with you on Facebook.

Yes this!

beachcitygirl · 16/07/2022 10:03

I will be boasting all over regency place & any jealous arses can do one

Scarletandtheblack · 16/07/2022 10:42

I love reading about my friends' children's successes. Of course there's a balance to be struck - but in general, why wouldn't you want to hear about good things happening to your friends and family?

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/07/2022 10:53

@TizerorFizz

It’s all about projecting the perfect scenario snd narration about your life and family. It’s competitive and false

For you maybe.

My Facebook is family and real friends so none of us ever do the above. I don't accept friends request form all and sundry and I don't know people who behave that way. Maybe it's an age thing.

Sorry that's not been your experience.

Fizbosshoes · 16/07/2022 11:12

I put happy and sad and funny things on fb. I post if I feel proud of my own or my kids achievements and sometimes it's things that other people might not see as an achievement at all!
I posted when my parents passed away (I know lots of MN would very much frown upon this) after close friends and family had been informed. It was easier than having to actually say the words "s/he's died" to lots of people.

Fizbosshoes · 16/07/2022 11:18

Isn’t boasting the main thing Facebook is used for? “Look at my expensive holiday” “Look at this cool gig I’m at” “Look at my posh lunch” lookatmelookatme…
I have friends that do this on fb but I like looking at their pics and seeing where they've been (even though I'm quite envious!)

I mean, no one ever posts “wow I had such a rubbish day, how is everyone”
And I've got one friend who seems to whinge quite a lot and would put multiple posts per day to say how rubbish it is!

...but most people are somewhere in between sharing highs/lows/experiences or funny things that have happened.

Lalosalamanca · 16/07/2022 11:20

Person complaining was jealous obviously.

Of course be proud. It's a normal and healthy thing.

pinklavenders · 16/07/2022 11:30

Of course it’s OK to be proud. You can be proud without boasting on Facebook.

This!!!!!

Tell your daughter in person how proud you are of her!

pinklavenders · 16/07/2022 11:35

Have you ever been on Facebook? What else do people post except things they are pleased/proud of.

That's why many of don't like or use Facebook. And that's why some of find such posts cringeworthy.

Fizbosshoes · 16/07/2022 12:54

Tell your daughter in person how proud you are of her!

It's not either/or! Its quite possible to do both, which I'm sure lots of people do. You can be proud and tell your daughter you're proud and put it on fb.
You don't have to choose - do I tell my daughter in person ....or put it on fb...? 🤔