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Original poster

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

220 replies

CornflakeMum · 14/07/2022 20:27

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit Hmm as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

OP posts:
ToastedWaffle · 14/07/2022 22:03

roarfeckingroarr · 14/07/2022 21:57

@ToastedWaffle yeah I guess. This is why I don't have Facebook. It's not that I'm not happy for people, I really am, I just think feeling the need to put it on social media really lame and cringey. I see the need for validation through likes and comments as weak. That's just me though.

All depends on the context of what and how they write. If a friend has posted what OPs friend posted, I'd share in their happiness. Empathy is natural.

If someone was bragging in a crass way I'd probably ignore it. But it doesnt sound like OPs friend was being crass. People post theirs/their childrens achievements all the time. As long as they arent being a dick about it then meh, why not congratulate them.

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2022 22:40

Have you ever been on Facebook? What else do people post except things they are pleased/proud of

Most people I know would share a few photos from the graduation ceremony or a celebratory dinner but not state the degree classification in a social media post.

There really is a difference between being quietly proud and being an insensitive show off.

RampantIvy · 14/07/2022 23:21

I am massively proud of DD who, in spite of CFS/ME, anxiety, chronic migraines and getting covid in the middle of her dissertation, achieved a first.

Friends and family all knew about her struggles and were absolutely over the moon at her success.

Hyvsvaar · 14/07/2022 23:23

The person complaining in the original post sounds very sour …so joyless

saraclara · 14/07/2022 23:38

I'm not remotely boastful in real life or on fb. But absolutely I celebrated my youngest's graduation on there. And had I been on FB when my eldest got her first, I'd absolutely have mentioned it.

Oh, and at her uni's graduation, the class wasn't mentioned, but we noticed that those with firsts got a little chat from the chancellor as well as a handshake, OP.

sellthesizzle · 14/07/2022 23:56

5zeds · 14/07/2022 21:12

My friends ALL post their good news. I love them why wouldn’t I want to say congratulations? Some of them have children who have overcome huge challenges. What miserable sod wouldn’t want to hear someone’s child had graduated?

This

Longtimenewsee · 15/07/2022 00:02

I would celebrate the fact that they passed their degree without posting their classification. No need for that bit.
Friends will just want to know that Dc is ok and thriving .. not concerned with grades
Same for gcses and A levels .. celebrate that they have achieved without divulging actual grades.

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 00:05

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2022 22:40

Have you ever been on Facebook? What else do people post except things they are pleased/proud of

Most people I know would share a few photos from the graduation ceremony or a celebratory dinner but not state the degree classification in a social media post.

There really is a difference between being quietly proud and being an insensitive show off.

This ^
I post plenty of photos from things my dc have done, including graduation, but I wouldn't include the classification.
I am delighted to see all my friends photos of their dc graduating, but again, I don't see people publishing their classification. It tends to be "Lovely day at dc's graduation today" and some photos of everyone looking smart.

Not that I wold bitch about someone doing so like the OP describes, but I do think details like that cross a bit of a line.

mids2019 · 15/07/2022 08:28

We have a culture in this country of celebrating sporting or artistic success but not necessarily academic unfortunately.

I have stopped talking about children's academic achievements as like the OP it can bring out strong reactions especially amongst parents where there isn't similar achievements.

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:42

It’s the ‘so proud…’ comments that jar. Of course you are proud - we are all proud of our kids! It makes it sound like they actually think their dc is better than others (of course lots of us do think this but generally only tell their immediate family).
I knew some one who posted that they were ‘so proud’ of their grandfather for becoming a bishop, first person replied ‘I though pride was a sin?’ 🤣🔥 . If she’d just posted the pic and written ‘grandfather’s bishop ceremony, a really moving day’ or something everyone would have just sent best wishes!

ZenNudist · 15/07/2022 08:42

I think posting a pic of your ds at graduation is reasonable and saying they got a first. In life a first is no big deal. It doesn't get you an edge in most job interviews. That's down to your personality and the rest of your cv too. No one says what degree classification they got ever. So bragging rights when you actually get it and a clap on the back are your just desserts.

I'm not a fan of people posting their dcs school reports on Facebook. That's personal and really OTT.

Graduation is a milestone and nice to celebrate. If you were my FB friend I'd like to see what your grown up child looked like.

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 08:48

^This!

Why is is OK to have a podium with the public recognition & celebration of the ‘top 3’ winners in sport?
Why is it OK to have literary prize shortlists and celebrate winners?
And yet to publicly recognise a student who achieved the highest marks among their peers is somehow crass and boastful?

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 08:51

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 08:48

^This!

Why is is OK to have a podium with the public recognition & celebration of the ‘top 3’ winners in sport?
Why is it OK to have literary prize shortlists and celebrate winners?
And yet to publicly recognise a student who achieved the highest marks among their peers is somehow crass and boastful?

Sorry - this was in response to Mids2019 post:
We have a culture in this country of celebrating sporting or artistic success but not necessarily academic unfortunately.

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:53

Wonder - because the winners and losers in sports have deliberately entered a competition that they think they’ve got a chance of winning! School isn’t a choice and learning isn’t a competition.

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:55

Also: schadenfreude!

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 08:59

@Kite22
I do think details like that cross a bit of a line.
I’m genuinely curious, as I just don’t get this mentality - what is ‘the line’ that’s been crossed?

notacooldad · 15/07/2022 09:00

Of course it’s OK to be proud. You can be proud without boasting on Facebook.
Nothing wrong with posting on fb tbh.
Sure some friends wont give a shit but people have family members who live far and away that are interested.
The lady who negatively commented is just nasty.

Personally I love seeing my friend's and their families achievements or happy news. Fb is an easy way to share good news with many people easily.
In answer to your question op, there's nowt weing with being proud of your kids!

Wouldloveanother · 15/07/2022 09:00

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2022 20:34

Of course it’s OK to be proud. You can be proud without boasting on Facebook.

What should go on Facebook then? What’s the point of it?

LittleBearPad · 15/07/2022 09:03

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:53

Wonder - because the winners and losers in sports have deliberately entered a competition that they think they’ve got a chance of winning! School isn’t a choice and learning isn’t a competition.

University is a choice and a first is an achievement to be celebrated.

LittleBearPad · 15/07/2022 09:04

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:55

Also: schadenfreude!

Why?

Oblomov22 · 15/07/2022 09:05

FB is for posting, recording stuff. I don't mind if someone posts their dd got 1st class. For ds1 when he gets his A'level results next month I won't post his actual grades. But I will post he's got his results.

burnoutbabe · 15/07/2022 09:06

My mum posted mine a year ago -as did I! (Second degree, I was happy to get a first when I got a 2.1 first time around -25 years ago)

I am sure she will post my dads whose doing a second open university degree at 75!

They do mention if you get a first class at the graduation ceremony and any prizes awarded but not whether you got 2.1/2.2 or 3rd.

whenwillthemadnessend · 15/07/2022 09:06

That seems fine to me.

But maybe she is one of those who braggs a lot and constantly posts for everything. A show off type.

Difficult to say if we don't know the persons involved.

UnimpeachableBravery · 15/07/2022 09:08

Half of mumsnet regularly gets into a snit fit about how dare people talk about their kids achievements on Facebook. It"s mean spirited and I really don't get it.

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 09:11

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:53

Wonder - because the winners and losers in sports have deliberately entered a competition that they think they’ve got a chance of winning! School isn’t a choice and learning isn’t a competition.

The decision to go to uni is a choice (although not one that all can make these days, I accept)
I think yes, it’s good to be able to celebrate the fact that a young person clearly applied themselves, worked hard and came out with a mark in the top 25% of their cohort.
Why should the student who did virtually no work and scraped a third be afforded equal praise and recognition?

And I say this as someone who got the dreaded ‘Desmond’ back in the 80s when degrees were awarded in classification order from top to bottom! I didn’t whinge or feel aggrieved - I knew I’d got what I’d deserved given my input (it was a subject I hated - wrong degree for me)