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Higher education

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Original poster

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

220 replies

CornflakeMum · 14/07/2022 20:27

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit Hmm as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

OP posts:
IHateFlies · 15/07/2022 09:18

There's absolutely nothing wrong with posting kids achievements. Miserable reactions from others is their issue.

jay55 · 15/07/2022 09:19

I don't have kids but I really want to hear the good news.
I actually hate that people don't make a big deal any more.

notacooldad · 15/07/2022 09:30

*It’s the ‘so proud…’comments that jar. Of course you are proud - we are all proud of our kids! It makes it sound like they actually think their dc is better than others (of course lots of us do think this but generally only tell their immediate family).

This is ridiculous. Not all parents are proud that there kids doing
well.
It is shocking how many put their kids achievements down or use their achievements against them, like they have deliberately slighted their parent for doing well and got ' above their station'
As for thinking their kids are better than others, again, ridiculous, they are enjoying a happy moment.

I knew some one who posted that they were ‘so proud’ of their grandfather for becoming a bishop, first person replied ‘I though pride was a sin?’ 🤣🔥 . If she’d just posted the pic and written ‘grandfather’s bishop ceremony, a really moving day’ or something everyone would have just sent best wishes!*

How rude are was that person who commented and put a downer on it though?
They are also wrong and made themselves look a duck and also you for agreeing with them

Pride is not necessarily a sin. It only becomes a sin ( if you believe in sins) when it is excessively self focussed and self elevating.
St Paul spoke of his pride in the Corinthians ( ......and I take great pride in you.......)

Do people not take pride in themselves, pride in their job, pride in their appearance?
Being proud or having pride is not necessarily a negative trait.

unwound · 15/07/2022 09:32

It’s only natural as a parent to be proud of our childrens achievements.

My DDs friends parents posted a picture of their DD graduating and stated how proud they are. I’m sure they are very proud but it was one of those moments that really reminded me that Facebook etc often just portrays what people want it too. The DD is a very difficult person, her parents told her they didn’t want her moving back home after uni, the DD originally told her parents she didn’t want them at the graduation as she felt they didn’t do anything to help her get there. Though I usually love seeing friends childrens achievements this didn’t sit right with me.

Wbeezer · 15/07/2022 09:37

There have been lots of graduation posts on my Facebook page recently, not one has mentioned the degree classification, I was taught by my parents that it is not good manners to volunteer such information, a bit like telling people what you earn or what your house is worth.
You can acknowledge pride and hard work without mentioning grades which turn it competitive with a hint of my kid is better than your kid. Phone their Gtanny6 if you want to boast!
I wouldn't put exam grades on Facebook either although might tell close friends face to face.
I would silently judge a little if someone did (depending on circumstances) but i wouldn't slag them off being their backs because that would be baf manners too!

Divebar2021 · 15/07/2022 09:49

What a bunch of miseries some of you are…. And lame ass friends too.

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 09:55

@HeddaGarbled you can also scroll by on facebook if you don't want to read

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 10:00

@HeddaGarbled why is it showing off to out the qualification , its a huge achievement to get a first
So why can we not boast at times ? What so wrong with it

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 10:02

I think too many people are jealous of others success or compare

RampantIvy · 15/07/2022 10:09

It makes it sound like they actually think their dc is better than others

No it doesn't. Stop projecting your insecurities. At DD's graduation ceremony there was no differentiation between students who were awarded a first and students who were awarded other grades.

I did post on FB. I wrote "graduation day".

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 15/07/2022 10:10

It's not these days, there are/were always people who don't like to see other people being happy/proud/whatever.

Wouldloveanother · 15/07/2022 10:12

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 10:02

I think too many people are jealous of others success or compare

I agree.

I will admit I also get jealous!! But I can also acknowledge that’s my issue and once I dig a bit I realise I am happy for them, I often just wish I had something similar to share!

tootiredtobother · 15/07/2022 10:16

im very proud of my two, and I tell them often as their lives progress, what I dont do is bleat to all and sundry about them in a show offy way. that is boasting, hate that

BlingLoving · 15/07/2022 10:21

I am constantly surprised by how difficult so many people find it to tell the difference between boasting and pride. If I saw such a post, I'd be thrilled for the family and think nothing of it. A post saying, "So proud of Johnny who just graduated and whose professors have said is the brightest mind of a generation" I'd probably roll my eyes a little.

And agree - I hadn't noticed until recently but people don't seem to have a problem with posting photos of children in dance or gymnastics or football competitions and doing well but academic success.... ooh, that's boasting. I honestly don't get it.

GoodThinkingMax · 15/07/2022 10:24

Congratulations to all your DC for just getting through the last 3 years - achieving an upper Second or a First is the cherry on top.

I had a lovely time seeing all my 3rd years having their moment on graduation this week - with some very bumpy moments (I've never been sworn at by students nor told I don't know what I'm doing until teaching through COVID) - they've all done extraordinarily well.

Celebrate away! Wine

Zilla1 · 15/07/2022 10:27

Might be worth some PPs wondering why they've conflated an internal emotion (pride) with an external action (posting on social media)? I don't think I've ever heard someone told not to be proud about their children. Have heard criticism of people usually afterwards when that pride manifests in socially-inappropriate actions.

mids2019 · 15/07/2022 10:50

It's interesting to contrast the UK view of educational succeed to the US. Americans in my opinion are unapologetic about stating the value of educational achievement

My daughter's watch a fair amount of US teen TV and a lot of the students in these programs openly aspire to get into Harvard, Yale etc. (I remember a recent Spiderman movie where all the group of young people were desperate for letters saying if they had got into MIT).

I watched one UK teen program where the girl who aspired to get into Cambridge was over anxious with a horrifically controlling super competitive mother. Apparently we are OK with this stereotyping on the BBC?

Mention if entrance into university and consequent degrees can be met with accusations if elitism in the UK so I would as gain be careful with how you frame things (sad but true)

SingingInParadise · 15/07/2022 11:20

roarfeckingroarr · 14/07/2022 21:45

Because you could just tell your daughter you're proud. You don't have to do it on Facebook.

Does it apply to all the other things you could be boasting about?
like you’ve gone away on hols
you’ve redecorated your living room
youve got a new job, just like you wanted
youve had a baby
etc…

if you want to see boasting, you can do so on everything

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/07/2022 11:22

HMSSophia · Yesterday 21:01
My DD has just been accepted by RADA and I'm proud as can be. So there :)

Yaye 😃

ToastedWaffle · 15/07/2022 11:24

I knew some one who posted that they were ‘so proud’ of their grandfather for becoming a bishop, first person replied ‘I though pride was a sin?’ 🤣🔥 . If she’d just posted the pic and written ‘grandfather’s bishop ceremony, a really moving day’ or something everyone would have just sent best wishes

Pure fucking dick move. I'd have blocked the cunt who posted that first reply. Not before I'd given them pure shit first though.

LindaEllen · 15/07/2022 11:55

It's perfectly fine to be proud. At, at the moment, the parents celebrating are from a generation where it wasn't the norm to go to university, so they're in awe of their clever offspring!

In ten years it'll be parents from the next generation, who are have degrees themselves, so it won't be as big a thing. But even so - worth being proud over.

(I have a degree, my parents don't, and they were very very proud).

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 12:38

Toasted - I imagine it was the end of the friendship! The person who posted the proud comment was (and still is) always posting very showy off pics / boasty comments, I imagine this was the last straw! What does ‘given pure shit’ mean btw?

ToastedWaffle · 15/07/2022 12:54

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 12:38

Toasted - I imagine it was the end of the friendship! The person who posted the proud comment was (and still is) always posting very showy off pics / boasty comments, I imagine this was the last straw! What does ‘given pure shit’ mean btw?

In which case, see my earlier comment re crass boasting.
Dunno, if I posted I was proud of so and so, and someone came on with the intention of trying to bring me down, I'd have probably shown them up online a bit, make them look like the dickhead they are, then block them afterwards. In reality I dont know anyone who would post such nasty comments.

GameBoy · 15/07/2022 13:11

I do find it sad that in the UK we seem not to value and celebrate academic achievement. It was academic excellence which was behind the covid vaccine development and many other scientific achievements.

DS was a geeky academic type and had to sit through years of school assemblies and sports days with other students collecting awards for football, swimming, athletics with Best Times/ School Records etc all being quoted. Yet when he gained straight 10 A*s in his GCSEs there was no recognition and one teacher even told him 'probably best not to boast about it' (he wasn't!).

ToastedWaffle · 15/07/2022 13:23

My cousin has just posted on FB that his daughter has graduated uni with a mathematics degree? Should intelligence him to stop bragging?

Of course not, he is proud of her. People have been passing on their congrats.