Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

[CornflakeMum]

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

On the WIWIKAU Facebook page there are loads of posts from proud parents whose DC have done well in their degrees, many of whom have overcome some really difficult challenges to complete their degrees. I take my hat off to these young people whether they came back from the brink of giving up to achieve a 2.2 or whether they achieved a high ranking first.

I don't think there is anything wrong with these posts.

You can be proud and tell your daughter you're proud and put it on fb.

But why post it on fb?

Because you want to? Because you want to share with wider family and friends?
Social media is basically a (completely optional) platform for sharing all kinds of stuff with others.
Some people don't use, or don't like SM but I'm not sure why it's an inappropriate thing to post if you are on fb.

There’s also the simple fact that uploading milestone or important photos to Facebook means they are kept somewhere other than my phone. I would be devastated to lose my mobile and not have a copy of, for example, DD’s christening photos. And uploading such photos without some kind of caption would just look odd.

i really don’t understand why some people are so puzzled as to why people would upload photos to Facebook - it’s a sharing platform, what else would you post on it?

Objecting to other people’s good news is part of the modern culture which ‘protects the feelings of others’ at all costs, rather than teaching them to simply deal with the fact life doesn’t always go their way and sometimes things are unfair.

Surely DC’s views on the matter should count for something? I’ve been reading quickly but I think only two or three PPs have mentioned that they would refrain from FB reporting on their DC if those DC would hate it.

Otherwise it is a personal choice. With the rare exceptions of parents whose DC have come to harm at uni and similar circs (for whom life is sadly something of a minefield anyway) no choice harms anyone. That has made this thread fascinating. I don’t think anything as straightforward as a class demarcation has become apparent, although it could be that. But I would love to know what a social scientist would make of this thread. FWIW, I loathe FB so have no skin in this game.

Couldn't agree more @RampantIvy.

Degree awards are not a zero sum game. Someone else's DD getting a First doesn't in any way lessen the chances of my DS getting a First, for example. They're not in competition so surely it's churlish not to be happy for them all?

Isn't this kind of the point of Facebook? Sharing photos of events that made you feel happy?

Of course it’s OK to be proud. You can be proud without boasting on Facebook.

This!!!!!

Tell your daughter in person how proud you are of her!
But it is a quick way of information sharing with the family that are spread across the world. You only need to do one post for all different branches of both sides of the family to find out. And it's a two way street, family members also post to keep us updated on how their kids are getting on.
Absolutely no issue or problem!

But it is a quick way of information sharing with the family that are spread across the world. You only need to do one post for all different branches of both sides of the family to find out. And it's a two way street, family members also post to keep us updated on how their kids are getting on.

Isn't an email or WhatsApp chat within the family more personal? Why post such private matters onto Facebook?

I'm not a fan of giving Facebook all this personal information... they use it to make profits for themselves.

It seems that some people have lost sight of privacy and modesty.

Personally I wouldn't dream about posting my DD's achievements on a site like Facebook. She'd also find it cringeworthy.

I am, however, very very proud of her achievements and absolutely celebrate each and every one with her.

So this thread isn't about 'being proud' but about people's motivation for posting on Facebook.

It seems that some people have lost sight of privacy and modesty.

That's why many of us don't like or use Facebook

It seems like some people don't understand how Facebook works or know how to use it properly.

Not all Facebook users are attention seeking airheads who only post "boastful" posts, photos of their dinners or trout pout selfies

I don't have many Facebook friends becasue I personally know everyone I have as a friend on Facebook. They are personal friends and family. I have my privacy settings set so that no-one else other than these people can see my posts.

Rather than send an email or a letter or ring these people with my daughter's recent achievements I posted them on Facebook instead - with her permission

Maybe if the po faced anti Facebook posters educated themselves on how they can use social media sensibly and safely they would be less judgemental about those of us who know how to.

But Pinklavenders, putting up achievements in a WhatsApp chat or a massive email aren't so different to putting things on FB though, are they? You're still announcing to a group, albeit probably smaller, your child's achievements. And fwiw, I keep my FB settings strictly private and don't have loads of FB friends so it's not exactly 'public'.

Anyway I totally refute that it's about boasting. I enjoy reading about my friends' achievements and think it's rather odd to characterise doing so as 'lacking in modesty'.

But you are making huge assumptions about peoples reasons for posting on Facebook.

@RampantIvy , I don’t know whether you were referring to me. Most of my friends use FB and I make no judgments about people who do so.

It is the company (now Meta) that I loathe and so decline to support. I have reluctantly accepted that I can’t live without WhatsApp (owned by Meta) as doing so meant I was putting too many people to extra trouble.

When I was a kid in the 1980s we used to receive a round Robin letter at Christmas from a couple of families telling us about their holidays, accomplishments, children's achievements etc that year (I think they're known as Janet and Roy letters on MN) in a way I think they are pretty similar to Facebook but telling you all their news in one go.
I have seen posts I think are a bit braggy , (possibly some people might think mine are) but you can engage with as little or as much as you want.

Isn't an email or WhatsApp chat within the family more personal? Why post such private matters onto Facebook?
Most of our family are on fb?
Works for us.
I'm not friends with a load of randomers anyway so it's not like all and sundry see my posts.
Incidentally I have never posted much anything about my kids anyway except for a few holiday pics when we met up with family from New Zealand and had loads of great comments from out relatives on Canda.
I love seeing positive posts from my friends and it's great seeing all the graduation pictures of them recently.

Now this is boastful.

I agree with this.

@pinklavenders maybe you don't understand how FB works ?
Most of us have privacy settings.
Then we are 'FB Friends' with family and friends.
So, by putting my dc's graduation photos on FB, I am sharing with family and friends.
I wouldn't upload a picture of her here, or on WIWIKAU, where there are thousands upon thousands of strangers. But I am happy to share with my friends, who I know are happy to see / hear our news in just the same way that I am delighted to see / hear about my friends dc / my Godchildren / my nieces and nephews.

Recent posters have lost sight of the original question. No one’s objecting to sharing photos. The objection is to sharing that the daughter got a First.

Recent posters have lost sight of the original question. No one’s objecting to sharing photos. The objection is to sharing that the daughter got a First
Still nothing wrong with that, same as being proud that their kid has passed their driving test. Sure, so does most other teenagers but it's a personal achievement for the individual concerned.

I'd rather see face book posts of good news that can make us smile rather than cryptic comments that attract the "you ok hun?" comments followed by the predictable "I'll DM you hun"
I hope my friends continue to do their little brags about nice things and I will continue to like them or send a ❤

I wouldn't upload a picture of her here, or on WIWIKAU, where there are thousands upon thousands of strangers. But I am happy to share with my friends, who I know are happy to see / hear our news in just the same way that I am delighted to see / hear about my friends dc / my Godchildren / my nieces and nephews.

Exactly. Me neither. I'm surprised at the number of people who do put pictures of their DC on WIWIKAU.

Nothing wrong with being proud of DC or dgc. When I graduated all classifications went up on wall outside Chairs office. Everyone crowded around and it was posted in class order. Only about 3 percent got a first, 18 percent a 2:1 and in those days a 2:2 was a respectable classification.

The thread title is misleading.

"Are we not allowed to be proud of our children these days?" Of course you are!

What people are objecting to is the lack of modesty and privacy by posting personal details on Facebook/Meta.

Good manners have always been a thing not a modern trend. Good manners has always been about other peoples feelings.

My Facebook is full of families enjoying the graduations. None of them put classifications although some hinted they had done very well. Just nice family shots.

Also none of them felt the need to put the whole “journey” of overcoming mental health, anxiety etc. Why is it not enough to just celebrate getting a degree?

How would those people feel if I posted “So proud of my happy well adjusted son. Three years at Uni and no hint of anxiety, mental health issues or eating disorders” ? I mean that’s good news too and why shouldn’t I be proud of him.