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Original poster

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

220 replies

CornflakeMum · 14/07/2022 20:27

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit Hmm as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

OP posts:
ToastedWaffle · 15/07/2022 13:23

I tell him* damn fat thumbs

saraclara · 15/07/2022 13:36

My daughter called me at the end of my working day (the kids had gone) to tell me she'd got a first. I was so excited for her that my colleague in the next classroom heard me. And yes I told her and ended up telling everyone else too!

I think they recognised that I was proud, and they were kind enough to, at the very least, give the impression that they were happy for her and understood my happiness too.

I taught in a special school, and I loved to pass on news to parents of meaningful achievements of their kids. And I revelled in their excitement too. That's nothing like hearing a first spoken word or witnessing a first Makaton signed request. Or that a kid finally managed to cope with sitting in the dining hall.

Everyone should feel able to share a family member's success, whatever it is.

thing47 · 15/07/2022 15:22

DD2 has her Masters graduation next week (undergrad one never happened cos of Covid).

Despite having a lifelong chronic medical condition and going to a not very good secondary modern, she got a distinction (which is the Masters equivalent of a first). I don't really use Facebook, but am I going to tell my friends and family? Damn fucking straight I am.

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 16:08

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 08:59

@Kite22
I do think details like that cross a bit of a line.
I’m genuinely curious, as I just don’t get this mentality - what is ‘the line’ that’s been crossed?

For me, I think it is more of a 'measure' which then makes it in to more of a 'comparing' thing which edges it to the boastful.
I am of an age where lots of my friends are currently posting photos of things like graduation photos. I am delighted to see all of these young people (many of whom I have known since they were small, or even since they were born) graduating (or 'passing out' in the case of the military). Nobody then starts going into the miniature of Well, my ds got a 2:1, what did yours get ? as that isn't what life is about for me. I want to celebrate the lad that got a 3rd as much as the lad that got a first. They have all completed a stage in their life and are celebrating with their family.
Same as I am thrilled for them when they pass their driving test - I am delighted for them. It doesn't matter to me how many "faults" they got - the important thing we are celebrating is that they can now drive on their own.
I am chuffed for dc who got the A-level grades to go to a University of their choice - I don't need to know that Jane got AAA and Mary got BCD, the news is "They have got what they need to go to University of....".

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 16:14

Sittininafield · 15/07/2022 08:42

It’s the ‘so proud…’ comments that jar. Of course you are proud - we are all proud of our kids! It makes it sound like they actually think their dc is better than others (of course lots of us do think this but generally only tell their immediate family).
I knew some one who posted that they were ‘so proud’ of their grandfather for becoming a bishop, first person replied ‘I though pride was a sin?’ 🤣🔥 . If she’d just posted the pic and written ‘grandfather’s bishop ceremony, a really moving day’ or something everyone would have just sent best wishes!

It makes it sound like they actually think their dc is better than othersI can't agree with this.
I can be immensely proud of an achievement, whilst still knowing that others are faster, more academic, can swim further, score more goals, gain more GCSEs, draw better, cook better, sew better, or whatever else you are looking at.

As for the comments about the GF becoming a Bishop - how sad. Why would anyone want to be so nasty about someone achieving something like that ? Confused What a sad and bitter person they must be. Any normal, pleasant person would have sent congratulations on the achievement, or, if they couldn't bring themselves to do that, would have not commented.

Kite22 · 15/07/2022 16:17

There have been lots of graduation posts on my Facebook page recently, not one has mentioned the degree classification, I was taught by my parents that it is not good manners to volunteer such information, a bit like telling people what you earn or what your house is worth.

Exactly

Franca123 · 15/07/2022 16:18

It's really cringe to post something like that on Facebook. If someone is interested in your child's academic career, they can enquire.

Guineapiggies · 15/07/2022 16:28

You know when they start with "Proud Mummy moment..."that it should be🤐

WonderWine · 15/07/2022 16:29

@Kite22

Thanks for replying!
That's interesting, but it's the opposite of how I feel (which just goes to show why some people consider it 'boasting' and others not, perhaps).

If someone achieves at the 'top' of their game then I think it deserves congratulation and special attention. In my mind they are the 'medal winners' - the ones who have demonstrated grit, hard work, determination, personal organisation - however you want to describe it.
A third class degree really isn't something to celebrate (unless there are special extenuating circumstances etc). Universities prefer not to fail anyone these days, so it would be hard NOT to get at least a third!

It's simply not true that a First doesn't matter for job prospects. Sure, it's not the deciding factor, but DS was told when he applied for internships that they only interviewed students who had achieved at that equivalent level so far, as a means of whittling down the thousands of applications they received!

I'd never ask someone what classification/ grades they or their child got though. The rule seems to be that if it's a First it will be mentioned, and if it isn't then it must've been a 2:1 or lower.

Guineapiggies · 15/07/2022 16:32

I got a First from a top university many years ago and I am pretty sure that my parents told no-one apart from very close family. I only told people myself if they specifically asked. It was a bigger accomplishment back then but still not something to boast about.

GameBoy · 15/07/2022 16:44

I am only connected to a relatively small number of friends and family on Facebook (not a public profile) so I think I'd be upset if I shared my happiness at one of my children's major achievements and then discovered someone was bad-mouthing me about it!
Time to re-evaluate friendships!

notacooldad · 15/07/2022 17:15

It's really cringe to post something like that on Facebook. If someone is interested in your child's academic career, they can enquire
I disagree. My husband's nieces and nephews are in different countries and all different ages, same with my friend's children. I can't keep up with them all individually but I love seeing how well they are doing.

People who go on about 'cringe' just remind me of Hyacinth Bucket, as if things are below them. If you don't like seeing that on FB either come off it or just keep scrolling if you can't be happy that your friend is happy!

Threetulips · 15/07/2022 17:29

Because you could just tell your daughter you're proud. You don't have to do it on Facebook

And I would add, if they are a real friend then they would call you with the good news and not just expect you to see it on FB - surely the personal interaction is what counts?

LouisCatorze · 15/07/2022 17:39

It's a thing to celebrate with family and close friends, not friends of friends I'd say, otherwise it just comes across a bit like a boast, or as competitive parenting (which is very much more a thing now than it used to be). I'm sure most young people would rather keep their results to themselves beyond the select few.

FriedTomatoe · 15/07/2022 17:40

There is a certain type of person in this world that find other people's achievements upsetting. It might be insecurity. If my children ever got a first I would be chuffed and super proud. I wouldn't put it on FB because my kids would hate it but each to their own. In saying that, I think academic achievements are overrated - my eldest has the strongest social conscience of anyone I know and is not afraid to be himself; my youngest is really resourceful and determined. They might not go to uni but I know they'll both be happy in life and will enjoy whatever they do.

50mg · 15/07/2022 17:43

You can be proud, you can even tell friends in person how proud you are, but bragging on FB is horrible imo.

You need to choose your audience for this kind of news, f2f you wouldn't brag with someone if you knew their DD had dropped out after a terrible time with MH issues, for example, but that's what you do when you share it on line.

notacooldad · 15/07/2022 18:06

You can be proud, you can even tell friends in person how proud you are, but bragging on FB is horrible imo
Why though?
In my case I would be telling immediate family and close friends who live in Europe, Australia and Canada, in the same way they tell me about things they are happy and proud about. It's just personal news sharing. It's not like I've gone to the daily mail to get an article published. The info is for my family and friends.
I'm glad I haven't got family and friends like some if the bunch on here that describe a fb post as cringe and horrible. I'm amazed no one has ' shuddered' yet or thought it was vile!🤣

5zeds · 15/07/2022 18:11

It's a thing to celebrate with family and close friends, not friends of friends I'd say
I only have family and friends on FB Confused

Musmerian · 15/07/2022 18:13

@HMSSophia - that’s amazing! Much harder to get into statistically than Oxbridge. Good luck to her.

RampantIvy · 15/07/2022 18:20

Gosh, so much sour grapes on this thread 😕
Congratulations to all DC who have done well in their degrees or whatever else they have achieved In life.

Loads of people asked me to let them know how DD had done in her degree especially as she had so many hurdles to overcome.

So I am so very very proud of her achieving a first, and everyone else has been genuinely happy for her.

Maggiethecat · 15/07/2022 18:33

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 10:02

I think too many people are jealous of others success or compare

I think you're right.

I have a friend who is delighted to hear the news of how my DC are doing and another who seems deflated if I tell her that DC has done well. I know she struggles with fact that one of her DC has found school challenging so I try to avoid mentioning achievements of any sort.

ladygindiva · 15/07/2022 18:38

I love hearing when friends and family DC graduate / get great exam results / win something. Whether on FB or whatever. But then I'm not a jealous type of person.

Guineapiggies · 15/07/2022 18:41

No sour grapes at all. My children are very high achievers academically and with sports too. Yes, I often tell them I am proud of them and share some things with close family and close friends face to face (if they ask). I just feel no need to shout it from the rooftops on FB. I just find it a bit vicarious and distasteful but each to their own.

Maggiethecat · 15/07/2022 18:43

FriedTomatoe · 15/07/2022 17:40

There is a certain type of person in this world that find other people's achievements upsetting. It might be insecurity. If my children ever got a first I would be chuffed and super proud. I wouldn't put it on FB because my kids would hate it but each to their own. In saying that, I think academic achievements are overrated - my eldest has the strongest social conscience of anyone I know and is not afraid to be himself; my youngest is really resourceful and determined. They might not go to uni but I know they'll both be happy in life and will enjoy whatever they do.

This

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/07/2022 18:54

50mg · 15/07/2022 17:43

You can be proud, you can even tell friends in person how proud you are, but bragging on FB is horrible imo.

You need to choose your audience for this kind of news, f2f you wouldn't brag with someone if you knew their DD had dropped out after a terrible time with MH issues, for example, but that's what you do when you share it on line.

I only have family and real friends on Facebook and I love to see photos of their kids achievements and I share mine

Anyone who who behaves like the woman in the OP is not a real friend and is a bit of a dick.