Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids these days?

[CornflakeMum]

Would appreciate some other points of view on this...

Was out with some other mum friends this afternoon and we were catching up about various people we haven't seen for a while. One of the women started slagging off someone who wasn't there saying "did you see that she posted a picture on facebook at her daughter's graduation, making a big thing about the fact her daughter got a First Class Degree? Who bloody cares?"

I was a bit as I saw the post and thought it was OK - not over the top, just "So proud to celebrate X's graduation - First Class Honours in XYZ at Y uni..." that sort of thing.

What's wrong with that exactly? I know there are a higher % of Firsts awarded these days but it's still a wonderful achievement. Also anyone graduating this year has had to navigate two years of uni with the crappy covid situation, so all credit to them.

Are we not allowed to be proud of our kids' achievements these days?

It's a conversation starter. Someone whose child is about to turn 17 will say 'that's great, which instructor did you use?' When I bump into someone in the street they will tell me they are having problems booking a test for their DC and ask if we used one of those cancellation apps. A friend with young children who lives a few miles away will msg me to ask if my DC can now do babysitting as they can drive themselves home etc...

It's just all part of keeping touch with family and friends now we don't bump into people at the school gate or in the supermarket.

It's not sharing on the internet though in the sense of anyone and everyone gets your announcement.

As many posters have said repeatedly, it's sharing to a private group of friends and family members, who are generally happy to hear of good fortune happening to someone they care about.

And clearly you don't get it - fine, I assume you're not on FB, but why judge people who do want to share news in this way?

I’ve just noticed a letter in The Times yesterday. In response to increasing MH issues at Cambridge University and the pressure students feel under to do well because of the expectations of others, he quotes his mother’s response when he graduated: “No, I’m not proud, but I’m pleased for him”. In those few words is the dignified response. Facebook has changed how people respond to success. Do all these family members really care? Or previous friends at the school gate? Probably not.

“Do all these family members really care? Or previous friends at the school gate? Probably not.”

I would think that most people would care and be pleased to know if their grandchild, niece, nephew, very good pal from school etc had graduated and done well.

There might be good reasons for this, though @pinklavenders In DD2's case for example, her brother and 2 cousins to whom she is very close all currently work abroad. So an in-person meeting might be many, many months away.

Is it ok to post that dc has graduated, by way of a significant milestone? But just not mention the first or whatever else has distinguished the achievement?

Would it be ok to mention that dc had graduated from Oxbridge, Harvard, the Sorbonne or some other prestigious institution? Or would the mention of that kind of exceptionalism be considered boastful?

I care. I love hearing my friends and families news and seeing their hotel rooms and new puppies, and who’s now a free reader, or graduate, and who’s going on a year out, and who’s husband has broken his leg or has cooked a five layered chocolate cake….I love it all. I miss them all and wish I could see them more BECAUSE they are my friends and family.

People just have different views on these topics - that's all - neither side if right nor wrong, just different. I would think it s abit weird to be proud of how pretty a daughter looked but not if she passed difficult exams most people fail for which she worked very hard. (I don't post things on facebook or other social media)

There might be good reasons for this, though @pinklavenders In DD2's case for example, her brother and 2 cousins to whom she is very close all currently work abroad. So an in-person meeting might be many, many months away.

My family lives abroad too. We FaceTime and phone regularly so everyone in the family is up to date!

We don't need social media for this.

Its very strange that people feel so vitriolic that others chose to use a social media platform in different ways.

Do all these family members really care? Or previous friends at the school gate? Probably not.”
Well iut if our family group my mum and dad are made up when my lads do something good, my sister and brother get in touch with both lads after I've said something positive. My nan used to love seeing the updates.
So yes family members do care.

I care when my friends kids achieve their goals. It may not be out of the ordinary, in many people's opinion but it is their milestone after all.

Dont you care what the younger generation in your extended family achieve or do well at?

I’m not sure how that makes your friend fake, she’s sympathising with you but is also allowed to be pleased with her own child’s achievements,

And how do you know that my ds doesn’t either. It could have been his 10th test for all you know or it could have been his first.

Why can’t parents just celebrate their kids without others trying to bring them down.

I use Facebook as a diary for special occasions, milestones, fun days out, hard days etc. I love to see what happened in my memories to look back on.

I use Facebook as a diary for special occasions, milestones, fun days out, hard days etc. I love to see what happened in my memories to look back on.

You trust Facebook with all your personal data and photos?

I know that's not the point of this thread, but I'm obviously much more risk averse and concerned about my privacy.

who would be interested in seeing photos of kids birthday parties and peppa pig world?

But it is encouraged on MN

@notacooldad
I bet they would care a great deal more if you actually spoke to them! That’s a far better way of communicating good news. More personal and you can add in grad ceremony etc.

@Maggiethecat The Sorbonne isn’t in the world top 50 of universities. When DD considered a semester there 10 years ago, it was not in the top 100. It’s really not Harvard, Oxford or Cambridge that are 3 of the top 5.

You sound absolutely LOVELY, and I want to be your friend!! 😃

My Facebook privacy is as tight as it can be. I have minimal friends on it, only family and close friends. I have less than 50 people on it. Everyone on it is someone I speak to regularly in real life.

I think it’s the opposite. Men are generally good at showing off and not delivering the goods.

I love meeting someone who has genuinely done something but doesn’t show off. Chatting to them you’re like “ what , you work where ?” “Oh so you you’ve met …” Bloody hell are you that Brian, the one who knows about the universe”. And yep women do it really well and it’s pretty cool.

@TizerorFizz - replace the Sorbonne with whatever is considered top ranked.

My Facebook privacy is as tight as it can be. I have minimal friends on it, only family and close friends. I have less than 50 people on it.

It's not the 50 people you're sharing everything with, it's Facebook/Meta. They have the right to use and make profit from your data and photos.

I bet they would care a great deal more if you actually spoke to them! That’s a far better way of communicating good news. More personal and you can add in grad ceremony etc.

This!

Yes, it takes a little more effort but it's so much more personal and meaningful imo.

@2pinkginsplease Why can’t parents just celebrate their kids without others trying to bring them down.
Well realise you boasting about them on Facebook comes from your insecurity as a parent. You’re proud because you’re relieved they’ve actually matched or exceeded your expectations of them. No one is bringing the kids down, it’s the parents who are the issue

I would if those kids matters to me. Mumsnet is so cold and bad at social connections sometimes

This.

I am not sure @pinklavenders why it upsets you so much that other people choose to keep in touch with their family and friends in a different way from the way you choose to keep in touch with family and friends