Lecturer's child at open day for second time

[Igloo71]

I went with DS to our local uni's open day over the summer. The head of department had their child there (with, I assumed, dad helping out in the background - the little girl was running back and forth to a man who seemed to be a parent). She was interrupting throughout the event, but no issues at all, I assumed it was an emergency childcare situation. DS and I laughed about it afterwards and we both had completely forgotten about it until this morning.

He's now at the offer holder event and the child is there again. He's texting me to say it's completely embarrassing as she is talking to them about her department and the child is interrupting constantly, every 5 minutes at least. She is stopping her talk to speak with the child and my DS is just embarrassed on her behalf.

DS is adamant he will never go to this uni now when it had once been his top choice. I'm left wondering if this is the norm at uni's? I've got no idea if DS should be more flexible with his outlook, he's no idea what it's like being a working mum. But equally, she's got possible childcare on site from the uni students.

This isn't a Russell Group uni, but definitely a highly regarded uni and his offer is relatively high (ABB). What do we think?

Absolutely not normal, and the lecturer's colleagues are probably mortified and/or furious (if they're aware). Unfortunately, the management of academics can be a grey and contentious area making it difficult for someone to step in unless they're the lecturer's direct manager.

The only time I have ever known a colleague bring in their child for an Open Day it was a teenager who enjoyed spending the day looking at the music studios and facilities.

Thank you @notaladyinred Definitely not a teenager who would be more self aware and self sufficient. This is a pre-schooler.

Well open days are on Saturdays - a hard day to find childcare for if you don’t have a partner who is not working that day. Also laughing at the idea of asking my students to provide childcare for me at a weekend. Aside from the quality of the care 19 year olds (likely hungover) could provide, I would view that as more unprofessional than bringing my child along.

It's pretty odd but I assume this open day was at a day/time outside the lectures contracted teaching time.

Your sons reaction seems a little extreme tbh, but theres lots of choice out there he should go with his gut.

Thanks @ASimpleLobsterHat honestly, I get your point. The only reason I'm kind of questioning it myself was that the dad appeared to be at the open day last time.
@LivingDeadGirlUK That's a good point about outside of contract time - so lecturers attend open days/offer holder days out of good will?

Working as an academic is extremely un-family friendly, with many events and work taking place outside standard childcare hours. I think your son's reaction was a bit extreme TBH.

over £9000 per year, we are not wealthy and I'm a single parent. I want to make sure my DS gets good value for money. Does that make him selfish? I guess it does, but he's a consumer so maybe that gives him a right to?

Believe me, I will be feeding back your points to DS. They are all helpful. I didn't go to uni so I'm not sure if this is the norm, so keep comments coming. Thanks.

We are under no obligation to do open days. It’s on top of our normal workload (unless you are the admissions tutor). If I gave up my Saturday for no benefit to me I might also bring my child rather than have to arrange and pay for childcare. Also wtf about asking a student to do it? That would be completely inappropriate.

I think your DS's reaction is extreme. The uni was his top choice for a reason and this seems an odd thing to change that opinion on.

I don't think it was terribly professional for the child to be there but it's difficult to make a judgement without knowing the full circumstances.

@Igloo71

over £9000 per year, we are not wealthy and I'm a single parent. I want to make sure my DS gets good value for money. Does that make him selfish? I guess it does, but he's a consumer so maybe that gives him a right to?

He's not a consumer ffs so quit that attitude. You don't hand over your £9k x 3 and get a degree handed to you at the end.

That said yes it was unprofessional. But academics don't get paid for open days. So I'd see it as a positive that this staff member was willing to give up her free time esp given she had no child care.

I think both ABU.

She is being unprofessional for this to happen twice. Is there realy no colleague who can entertain the child in another room for the duration of the talk, even if she absolutely had no choice but to bring them to work? If there was ever a need for a bit of screen time and a snack, this seems like it.

However your son disregarding his first choice uni on this basis is way, way over the top.

It's not that professional and your son has to feel comfortable with the university he chooses.
However attending Open Days on weekends are on top of everything else university staff do during the week and in the evenings. At my university many staff are married to staff in other departments, so they might both have to work the Open Day. It's an important part of our work but certainly many people are working there out of good will.

It's not ideal is it? You could understand an emergency lack of child care sort of situation but twice? Lots of working people have to sort childcare on Saturdays!

He's being very extreme. It's not ideal, but it doesn't mean it's a shit uni, or that the child is there day to day.

Maybe he should be a bit understanding about other people's circumstances not being ideal all the time.

Often lecturers orderedrequested to do multiple of these events on Saturdays. No time back in lieu.

Alright @DrMarple calm down. How would we know? This was exactly why I posted. I'm shocked actually that lecturers attend out of good will and it's not in their contract. Seems unfair and a nightmare waiting to happen if none turn up!
Your WTF comment seems OTT to me. I know for a fact that students do paid jobs for lecturers at this uni, eg dog walking. Not the same I know, but equally holding a position of trust.

I think your son’s reaction is extreme and lacks empathy tbh

Very weird - he will never see this child again and it’s likely he’ll have very little contact with this lecturer as he will have other commitments

I deliver HE courses in an FE setting. We have open days on Saturdays and this would simply not be allowed. I think your son is right - I would be questioning the lecturers commitment to the job, anticipate future issues and consider studying elsewhere. I think he is being quite astute in his thinking.

He'll possibly be asked for his feedback and that'd be an opportunity to mention it, if he likes.

If this is your 'local' uni then perhaps he'd do better moving further away?

Your son's reaction is ridiculous. It is a weekend. The child will not be there for classes. If that is enough to put him off his top choice he needs to think about why he is going to university. Absolutely nothing about the course content or delivery has changed. Perhaps he feels only childless women should be allowed to work?

I agree, your son definitely should go with his gut feeling. It's just that prior to attending a Saturday open day where a child was there this was his first choice. I just think he should bear in mind that the child won't be there during his classes or working week. This lecturer has made head of department despite having small children which in academia is not easy so I don't think it is a sign of a poor quality department.

It's not the norm IME but I agree with others that it must be difficult to find Saturday childcare. We don't know if the child has additional needs that mean weekend childcare is even harder to source.

I wouldn't cross this uni off the list if this is the only issue tbh - assuming the lecturer doesn't bring their child to seminars in the week? I wonder if he could find out (maybe ask some of the current students?). If it is otherwise a top choice then this is not really a major issue IMI.

Side note: @ASimpleLobsterHat I heart your name :D (It were the fennel!)

Weekends and holidays are personal time which she has kindly given up to support work open days.

Your DS is not paying that and is unlikely to ever pay it back unless a high earner.
I'm a lecturer and I work part time. I still have to go to offer days and I don't get the time back. Once we got funding to put one DC in childcare (DH was taking toddler DC2 to swimming IIRC and therefore couldn't mind both). I asked a second time and was told the first time, and any TOIL, were a figment of my imagination. My DCs are too young to take along but the marketing person is a single parent and takes their teenage DCs.
Basically, get real.