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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Lecturer's child at open day for second time

599 replies

Igloo71 · 05/03/2022 11:57

I went with DS to our local uni's open day over the summer. The head of department had their child there (with, I assumed, dad helping out in the background - the little girl was running back and forth to a man who seemed to be a parent). She was interrupting throughout the event, but no issues at all, I assumed it was an emergency childcare situation. DS and I laughed about it afterwards and we both had completely forgotten about it until this morning.

He's now at the offer holder event and the child is there again. He's texting me to say it's completely embarrassing as she is talking to them about her department and the child is interrupting constantly, every 5 minutes at least. She is stopping her talk to speak with the child and my DS is just embarrassed on her behalf.

DS is adamant he will never go to this uni now when it had once been his top choice. I'm left wondering if this is the norm at uni's? I've got no idea if DS should be more flexible with his outlook, he's no idea what it's like being a working mum. But equally, she's got possible childcare on site from the uni students.

This isn't a Russell Group uni, but definitely a highly regarded uni and his offer is relatively high (ABB). What do we think?

OP posts:
RonCarlos · 05/03/2022 12:20

I would be questioning the lecturers commitment to the job

Yes, well of course this is what used to happen when women in academia had families. Maybe this university is more family friendly.

Saltyquiche · 05/03/2022 12:20

He’s a bit daft if this puts him off the uni. If he’s got proper concerns, that’s different

grapewines · 05/03/2022 12:21

This lecturer has made head of department despite having small children which in academia is not easy

And this. It's no reflection on the quality of her work or research.

Original poster
Igloo71 · 05/03/2022 12:24

thanks all, yes, I think he might be overreacting from what some of you have said now. I guess his only context is school, rather than the working world. And my experience is within my own job where I'd be forced to take time off rather than take my child to work. This is standard with a lot of employers, so I guess some of you might not realise this.

Every sympathy that you are forced to give up your time for this - truly shocked actually.

OP posts:
Liveandkicking · 05/03/2022 12:25

@grapewines

He's being very extreme. It's not ideal, but it doesn't mean it's a shit uni, or that the child is there day to day.

Maybe he should be a bit understanding about other people's circumstances not being ideal all the time.

This. Her child is probably is nursery during the week when lectures are so I’d imagine this is a rare thing. Your son’s reaction sounds very extreme.
grapewines · 05/03/2022 12:27

Every sympathy that you are forced to give up your time for this - truly shocked actually.

I'm not even surprised. Was clearly in academia too long.

custardbear · 05/03/2022 12:27

@RonCarlos

I would be questioning the lecturers commitment to the job

Yes, well of course this is what used to happen when women in academia had families. Maybe this university is more family friendly.

Universities usually follow a charter regarding families and working parents. We give up weekends regularly to support open days. Perhaps this child was not given enough boundaries in this day, but think your son is cutting off his nose to spite his face! The academic wouldn't have their child during lectures, and if it's the best uni for that topic then he's a fool for being so short sighted
MangshorJhol · 05/03/2022 12:27

Open Days are not contracted. People do them out of the goodwill. Most departments often have to beg people to do it.

SpinsForGin · 05/03/2022 12:28

so lecturers attend open days/offer holder days out of good will?

Very much so and this is on top of working over and above our working hours during the week.
If it's anything like my university then we are seeing an increasingly higher number of Saturday events which we are expected to attend with no time off in lieu.

However, it's not great to have a child constantly interrupting so I understand that but I imagine the academic has been out in a very difficult situation.

GCAcademic · 05/03/2022 12:31

I would be questioning the lecturers commitment to the job,

She is working on a Saturday. Which she will not be paid extra for, nor afforded time off in lieu.

If that’s your idea of a lack of commitment to your job, I wouldn’t much fancy working for you.

I am an academic who is a HoD and this is the first Saturday in nine weeks that I’m actually at home rather than servicing an open day. At least I don’t have to worry about childcare; like many academics, I decided this was not a job that is compatible with having children.

Original poster
Igloo71 · 05/03/2022 12:32

To give context to my DS's reaction. When I say we're not wealthy, I really mean that. He is looking to protect me and the tiny bit of money we live on per month. I'd hope those in academia appreciate that not all students are mega rich and student finance isn't going to cover it all. I scrape by working for a charity in a very low paid job. It is out of guilt with a touch of ambition and wanting to succeed that his view is this, not out of any overly privileged position which some of you are assuming.

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 05/03/2022 12:32

@Igloo71

I went with DS to our local uni's open day over the summer. The head of department had their child there (with, I assumed, dad helping out in the background - the little girl was running back and forth to a man who seemed to be a parent). She was interrupting throughout the event, but no issues at all, I assumed it was an emergency childcare situation. DS and I laughed about it afterwards and we both had completely forgotten about it until this morning.

He's now at the offer holder event and the child is there again. He's texting me to say it's completely embarrassing as she is talking to them about her department and the child is interrupting constantly, every 5 minutes at least. She is stopping her talk to speak with the child and my DS is just embarrassed on her behalf.

DS is adamant he will never go to this uni now when it had once been his top choice. I'm left wondering if this is the norm at uni's? I've got no idea if DS should be more flexible with his outlook, he's no idea what it's like being a working mum. But equally, she's got possible childcare on site from the uni students.

This isn't a Russell Group uni, but definitely a highly regarded uni and his offer is relatively high (ABB). What do we think?

I think that's a crap reason to disregard the institution.

This is a Saturday, childcare may not be available. You've no idea of the background, the father maybe widowed, single parent for example.

Judge it on the academics is my advice.

CliffsofMohair · 05/03/2022 12:32

Not to mention ongoing strike so lecturer may have been the only person willing to do this.

Findingthelight1 · 05/03/2022 12:32

my experience is within my own job where I'd be forced to take time off rather than take my child to work

I suspect this lecturer would have much rather taken a Saturday off. But instead she's giving up her weekend, unpaid, to attend open days - and who knows how many of them. The two events you've been at may well have been the only ones she didn't manage to get childcare for.

I would encourage your son to think a bit more broadly about different lives, different commitments, different circumstances.

If anything, this would make me want to attend the university more, as - as a pp said - the fact this woman has made head of department with small children is rare, and commendable. I think we can all agree taking children to work is not ideal and should be avoided where at all possible, but given we have no idea of her private circumstances, and are 99% sure she was working her weekend for free, I think we can cut her some slack.

SpinsForGin · 05/03/2022 12:32

This lecturer has made head of department despite having small children which in academia is not easy

100% this.

And saying you should just take time off if you don't have childcare .... well that might work in most sectors but can be quite challenging in academia. There might not be anyone else who knows the subject well enough to talk about it at an open day or offer holder event. It could be a choice between having nobody there to represent that subject or her bringing her child with her.

Original poster
Igloo71 · 05/03/2022 12:34

@Findingthelight1
If anything, this would make me want to attend the university more, as - as a pp said - the fact this woman has made head of department with small children is rare, and commendable. I think we can all agree taking children to work is not ideal and should be avoided where at all possible, but given we have no idea of her private circumstances, and are 99% sure she was working her weekend for free, I think we can cut her some slack.

That's helpful actually and sits well with our own personal circumstances. I will mention this point to him.

OP posts:
titchy · 05/03/2022 12:34

@Igloo71

To give context to my DS's reaction. When I say we're not wealthy, I really mean that. He is looking to protect me and the tiny bit of money we live on per month. I'd hope those in academia appreciate that not all students are mega rich and student finance isn't going to cover it all. I scrape by working for a charity in a very low paid job. It is out of guilt with a touch of ambition and wanting to succeed that his view is this, not out of any overly privileged position which some of you are assuming.
He'll be getting full loans surely if you're a low income household. Why does he think he has to spend your money wisely - you won't need to give him any Confused
RishiRich · 05/03/2022 12:34

That sounds very disorganised. I'd be put off too.

toughenup · 05/03/2022 12:35

Ffs, your son is a student not a consumer!

ditalini · 05/03/2022 12:36

She may even be doing it to prove a point if she's been roped into attending at short notice yet again and her institution has made no allowances for her personal life and committments - yet again.

Your ds can do whatever he likes though (unlike the woman giving up her Saturday for him) .

lovelyweathertoday · 05/03/2022 12:38

Open Days should either be occasional events or factored into pay and conditions, if they are actually weekly.

Either way, working whilst looking after a young child means that both work and childcare is done badly.

senua · 05/03/2022 12:38

It's a bit concerning. You'd think that a Head of Department would either find childcare or find someone else to do the presentation. Is there really no person in the whole wide world that she could call on?Confused You can understand it happening once but not twice; she obviously didn't learn from last time.

Can your DS speak to current students and ask if this sort of thing is a common occurrence and, if so, does it affect their studies (not necessarily lectures or tutorials but the general conduct of the department).

SpinsForGin · 05/03/2022 12:38

@ditalini

She may even be doing it to prove a point if she's been roped into attending at short notice yet again and her institution has made no allowances for her personal life and committments - yet again.

Your ds can do whatever he likes though (unlike the woman giving up her Saturday for him) .

This was actually my thought too.

We're being pushed and pushed and the expectations on academics are completely unreasonable at the moment so I can see someone trying to make a point in this way.

TristesseDurera · 05/03/2022 12:39

@Igloo71

To give context to my DS's reaction. When I say we're not wealthy, I really mean that. He is looking to protect me and the tiny bit of money we live on per month. I'd hope those in academia appreciate that not all students are mega rich and student finance isn't going to cover it all. I scrape by working for a charity in a very low paid job. It is out of guilt with a touch of ambition and wanting to succeed that his view is this, not out of any overly privileged position which some of you are assuming.
He doesn't sound overly privileged. He sounds entitled, arrogant and contemptuous towards his potential lecturers. He also seems to have bought into a consumerist mindset.
Chemenger · 05/03/2022 12:39

The staffing of out of hours open days will be more difficult for some departments at the moment due to the ongoing industrial action. Saturday wouldn’t be a strike day but staff working to contract would refuse to attend, I’m sure. In some departments that would be a large majority of the teaching staff. The head of department would feel more obligated to attend, I think.

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