Preparing for Uni in 2015 continues...

[Chillywhippet]

New thread

Old one here with loads of info

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2408327-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015

My dd had a phone call from a very drunk stranded flat mate last night (they all swapped phone numbers). The girl in question was completely plastered and told them she was alone with a stranger & could they come and rescue her!

DD & another flat mate walked half a mile last night and found the girl. Luckily the boy she was with had looked after her and got her to phone friends but she might not be so lucky again.

Might be an idea to talk to your dc's about personal safety.

Vodka, she's doing biomedical science.

Back from dropping dd off. She was very tearful when we left but she has already whatsapped to say she was in a pub with her college family having lunch and having lots of fun.

Her room is lovely and she had sorted it all and made it very homely by the time we left. Her college parents were lovely and very welcoming so feel quite happy knowing she has them looking out for her. Very strange coming back home without her!

Hope all the drop-offs have gone this weekend.

Poor DS has had a really awful week. I knew when I didn't hear much from him something was wrong so rang him yesterday morning, he was upset and said he couldn't talk and would e-mail. 15 mins later e-mail arrives and I started to worry.

Firstly girlfriend dumped him, second the lectures were not good except one and he was feeling pretty shit. Two female flatmates were worried about him so contact the Residential Advisers for their halls.

Unknown to them, a separate incident had taken place where a different student (I don't know if he had the same first name as DS) had been asked to leave the Halls for reasons unknown. The on-duty adviser put two and two together and got more than 5, decided DS was this person (without checking any details) and proceeded to tell these two young women that DS wasn't allowed in the Halls, he had a restraining order against him and should he return they were to get in touch straight away. He then allowed them to return to the flat very scared. That evening DS returned oblivious to any of this only for the Halls Security to come into his room (without knocking) and start pushing him and his stuff around telling him he wasn't supposed to be there and had to leave.

The police then came who confirmed that DS was NOT this person and tore a strip of the security team. Residential Advisers apologised profusely to both DS and his flatmates for the terrible mistake . The next morning more staff and the Manager appeared to again apologise and confirm that my some was safe and entitled to be there and they were investigating what happened and why.

I have spoken to the Manager of the Halls and Residential Adviser Team, apparently there has been a meeting between the staff and Security to go over what happened and make sure it never happens again. But the damage has been done, DS was already feeling low and they made him feel like shit, they terrified his flatmates who now feel awful for going to the Advisers in the first place.

They have assured me that they are checking on DS - he didn't want to come home and we are going down next weekend - and have given him the details of the counsellors and support team but I am absolutely furious.

That is awful August.

Goodness August that's terrible I hope your DS is ok.

We have reached Wetherby were we are staying tonight. This was the nearest we could get to Durham as every hotel for miles around was booked up.

Bloody hell August. I'm so sorry for your ds.

Could I suggest that he gets an apology and an explanation in writing rather than just hand wringing visits from managers? It's very easy for them to downplay this if he accepts a verbal apology.

If however he should decide to take a break from his course at any point due to stress caused by this it would be shitty for him to have to pay full accommodation fees. Or if he wants his course tutors to give him some dispensation for late essays or whatever, he might find that a letter would be useful as evidence.

If it was me I'd be demanding some money back

As for the rest of his shitty week, I think he may not be alone. I posted a bit earlier about ds feeling quite disappointed in his lectures etc and there seems to be a lot first week break ups going on. I'd be very tempted to reassure him that he mustn't judge 'uni' on the first week. I think a bit of a post Freshers week crash might be very common.

Good luck to him and you.

I am sure it's perhaps the least difficult time to break up from a bf as there is so much to keep you occupied.

Hope everyone who starts this weekend gets off to a good start.

I am hearing from DD daily and she is coming home for a visit next weekend. ?? we've face timed at least three times. I've seen her less some weeks when she is at home! But I'm not complaining!

august oh no what an awful start.

I think lots do feel a slump after freshers, they all go so hyped up that is going to be fantastic, amazing etc, when in reality it's life just in a different city. Expectations are so high there is bound to be a bit of a reality check.

Amazes me that so many relationships don't even last the week!

Thanks everyone. I was expecting the break up but I don't think he was, I think it is better to happen now than in a few months time and I'm sure he'll get over that.

Haff yes I will be asking for it in writing for both DS and me, I think they are hoping a verbal apology will be enough as the woman I spoke to yesterday (after getting DS to confirm with her that she could talk to me) said he seemed better yesterday and just a bit embarrassed, why should he be embarrassed?

I was so worried last night when he didn't reply to my message but he has messaged a couple of times today and he had gone out last night. Hopefully things can only pick up from now on

August, that is awful. Your poor son and you AND his flatmates who were trying to do the right thing. I too would be requesting something in writing; that should NEVER have happened.

Hope everyone's moving in day has gone well, seems ages ago since DS went and it's only a fortnight

He did say he's hoping to come home at the end of the month, but I don't know if he's looked at train times yet.

August that's terrible, agree with others about the written apology, should he need to refer to it.

Does seem to add complications starting Uni already in a relationship. At least splitting this early on while a lots happening will mean missed out on less.

DD has BF quite close by, and doesn't adapt to change very easily. Can't help thinking she would suddenly become very homesick if they broke up,

August that is shocking. I hope your ds is ok.

to figment and august Hope things go well for all those who moved in today. I drove up the M11 this morning from London to Cambridge and beyond - forgot to look out for those cars with 18-year-olds in the back and the boots piled high with bedding!

I"m surprised to hear of the early break-ups, though I think sooner is better than later. DD is planning to visit her boyfriend the weekend after next. The cheapest route she could find involves coming all the way back to London and out again, and arriving at 1.30am. I wish I didn't know about it. She has an hour between trains in London so I may go and meet her. I dont really expect the relationship to survive the separation, but think it may take them a while to face the facts. Painful.

We rather bravely agreed with DD that we won't see her till half term, when we will come to visit, and then not again until she comes home at Christmas. The idea is to avoid unsettling her and potentially making homesickness worse. However, she is now saying that she'd like to come home at half-term (and get some decent food), and it would be lovely to see her. I'm not missing her as badly as in the first couple of days, though, and she's phoned a few times and texted often.

DD was safely delivered to Durham today. Timing wise her relationship ending couldn't have come at a worse time. We arrived home after an 8 hour round trip to a text stating that she'd spilt up with BF!

We couldn't face the drive there and back in one day GypsyFlOss so have stayed over night on the way and then me and DH have a couple of nights booked in a hotel in Whitby. Not sure what it will feel like to actually have an empty nest but am looking forward to the fish and chips.

Goodness gypsy that must get the prize for the fastest break up!

You never know muffin re boyfriend separation what will be will be. I do think a boyfriend at home has advantages, the split in time at uni \ time at home is roughly equal and you have more free time usually when you are at home.

Just catching up with all the drop offs, break ups and life events.
figment

August - poor DS and you. What an absolute mess up. Good for him staying put and going out.

DD came home Thursday as it is her BF's birthday. Lovely to see her. She said it felt just completely fine being at home which is nice. She said her room here feels "huge and tidy and clean". She's found she doesn't have enough of some clothes now that the washing isn't being done every couple of days

She's really impressed by the quality of the teaching. Things are taught in lectures (huge), then seminars (medium), then workshops (small), by which time she understands. She has some dyslexic problems but most of the lecturers automatically accommodate this rather than her having to ask (eg all lecture slides online, handouts on cream paper etc).

Hoping things improve for all those having a difficult time for whatever reason.
Feeling slightly envious of all those whose dcs are home for visits already. Had a wobble earlier when I was sorting out dd's room (she is swooping with ds1) and found a box with lots of her baby things in, first clothes, shoes etc...

Aw Decor did you catch this link earlier in this thread?

caribbeanwriters.tumblr.com/post/23651627610/flight-of-the-firstborn-peggy-carr

MrsB it is strange coming home without them. Sounds like your DD will settle in well though.

August how bloody awful for DS and you. Hope everything settles down ok for him x

Decor we wouldn't be seeing DS at all until Xmas if it wasn't for the fact we are going to a wedding in Oct half term very near to his uni and we have offered to take him out.

I haven't had a thing from DS in a week. I whatsapped him last night to say his brother (and me and DH) were in A&E due to DS2 being bloody foolish doing tricks on his trials bike on top of a hay bale and falling off, planting his face straight into the ground and being knocked out. He replied at some ungodly hour to say. "Umm that doesn't sound good". That's it, nothing else.

Brotherly love PUG My two have had no communication since DS1 left. I did gently point out to DS2 he could really easily send a text instead of waiting for his brother to text him first... Still waiting though

Have done drop-off. Other students, staff etc helpful and friendly. Room looked good - view of small courtyard with lawn. Buffet lunch for parents - at which I met fellow Mumsnetter!

It's very odd leaving a child/young person to start their new life - and to come home alone. But tomorrow I'll be less knackered, and shall start getting on with my own life.

Hope everyone carries on adjusting.

How did you discover you were both mumsnetters Marianne? Glad the drop off went well.

Have had several messages from dd saying what a great time she is having already although lots of them are planning on going to bed fairly early once their bar quiz is done as they are all exhausted. They also have a very full timetable tomorrow.

She has taken a signed photo of Colin Firth as Mr Darcy with her and has since discovered that 4 other girls on her corridor are obsessed with Pride & Prejudice. I can rest easy now as she is definitely in the right place